Chapter Seven
This is what I needed. The numbness.
Bullet is wrong when he said I needed to face my pain. Why do that when I can make it go away?
I take another sip from my cup of whatever the guy handed me and start to sway with the music.
Maybe I’ll jump in the pool later. It’s a warm day, and the water looks enticing. Especially with the hot heat of whatever guy this is dancing with me.
I let the man pull me closer to him. I vaguely recognize him. I’ve seen him before, whether it was at school or another party like this. He doesn’t matter, though.
None of them do.
All that matters is making it all go away.
“Do you like my house? I can give you a tour,” the guy whispers in my ear.
I’ve known he wanted to fuck me since he pulled me close. I can feel his tiny cock hard against my leg. Even as fucked up as I am, I won’t let him touch me like that.
I should just to spite my dad, but I would only be hurting myself.
I’ve saved my virginity like my dad told me too. Mom was a little bit more lax about it. All she wanted me to do was not regret the decision to lose it.
Right now, it would be a regret. I don’t even know this guy’s name, and I am way too fucked up to be present in the moment.
So I pretend I didn’t hear him and spin in his arms.
I hear him grunt as he humps my ass right there for everyone to see. I don’t even care as I let my head fall back on his shoulder, looking up at the clear blue sky.
I miss the days when someone cared where I was and who I was with.
Two years ago, my father would have busted into this party and dragged me out, then given me a lecture about the dangers of drinking and dancing with strange boys.
My mom would sit beside him looking stern, but when he was done, she would hand me a condom and tell me to be safe and call her if I ever needed a ride, no questions asked.
I bet no one even knows I’m missing right now.
Not even Bullet. Why else would he have left the prospect to watch over me?
I expected him to be there this morning.
I was going to do what he asked and get my life together, but the problem is that when there is no one left to care about you, what does it matter if your life is together or not?
I’ve given up. I don’t want this life anymore.
Maybe I should move away. Start over somewhere new. Then no one will remember who I was before all of this. No one will look at me with pity or tell me I need to get better.
Maybe this is just who I am now.
“Come on, baby. My room isn’t far. We can take this to the next level,” the man whispers into my ear, his hand coming up to grope my breast.
I should care. I should slap him away. I don’t, because what does any of it matter?
So I nod slightly. It’s all he needs. He starts to lead me through the party. I trail behind him, not even paying attention to anyone around us. Then he stops abruptly.
“Out of the way, man,” he tells someone.
The numbness flees my body when I hear his voice.
“Get your hands off of her.”
I look up and it’s like my heart kick starts again. He’s here. He came for me.
“Listen, I don’t know what you had with her, but she’s with me now. Isn’t that right, baby?” the man asks me, but I can’t take my eyes off of him.
Bullet.
My Jacob.
He came for me.
I’m still angry at him, but he is here right now, and that is all I can process. Not that the dimwit still holding my hand can see that.
“I’m giving you one final warning. Get your hands off of her and disappear before I make you.” Bullet’s tone is gravelly and low.
He’s not one to be messed with.
“This is my house. I think you need to leave. You weren’t invited, and you aren’t welcome,” the man says, puffing out his chest.
Wrong move, my guy.
Bullet steps up to him, grabbing his arm before pulling it away from my body. I can feel the slight bruise forming from where the guy was holding me, but I step back away from them both.
Bullet looks at me for a moment, dropping the guy as he steps toward me.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I don’t get to answer. The fucker I was dancing with gets brave and sucker punches Bullet. It is going to take more than a sucker punch to bring him down. Bullet turns and lands one good punch to the guy’s temple. He collapses like a sack of potatoes.
I shouldn’t find that as hot as it is, but I do.
I went from being numb to burning for Bullet. Why is he the only one who can make me feel? The only one I want to be better for? He has wormed his way under my skin and refuses to leave. Even when I don’t want him to, he stays tethered to me, bringing me back every time I lose the will to go on.
“We are leaving, Harlee. Now,” he growls at me.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He frowns as he cups my face, looking into my eyes. I hate the disappointment I see there.
“Let’s get you home, Angel,” he whispers.
Then he grabs my hand and pulls me through the party. Not one person stops us on the way.
No one even bats an eye at the man we left lying on the ground behind us.
The ride back to Harlee’s place is a tense one. She’s still holding onto me like she always does, but we both know something changed tonight.
She was a complete mess at that party. When I found her, she was letting some asshole lead her through the house. I saw the gleam in his eye. He thought he was getting lucky.
If I had been ten minutes later, she would have been bent over, being fucked by him, and I’d be in jail for murder. As it is, I might get a charge for assault.
Worth it, though. She will always be worth it.
I refuse to let her keep putting herself in danger.
She’s acting out like a child. I thought she did it because her father wasn’t paying her any attention, but he’s gone now.
She won’t keep acting this way. If she wants to try, I’ll chain her to my bed and keep her inside until she comes to her senses.
When we pull up to her place, she jumps off as if she is the one angry. Like she is the one who has the right to be upset right now.
I’ve handled her with kid gloves for two fucking years, but they are coming off now. She needs to get her shit together or else she is going to ruin her life.
I let her storm into the house, taking my time to follow her. When I step inside, I find her in the living room.
“You went through our things. That is such a gross abuse of your position right now, Bullet. We deserve our privacy,” she spits at me.
“I did what needed to be done. When Honk comes home, there can’t be any trace of alcohol in this house. It will be part of his recovery, or do you not give a fuck about your father anymore?”
She glares at me. “Maybe I don’t. What does it even matter to you? Why did you come get me? Even better, how the fuck did you find me?”
“You think I don’t know where you are at all times?
You would be sorely mistaken. I get that you have had a rough two years, and I have let you do whatever you needed to in order to get through that, but this is your wake-up call.
You can’t keep acting like this.” I fold my arms over my chest and stand tall.
“I’ll act however I want. Last I checked, I am a full-grown adult now. I can vote and go off to war. So what I do is none of your business. Stop treating me like a child.”
I snort. “I’ll stop treating you like one when you stop acting like one.
Man, I love your parents, but they did you a disservice.
They never taught you how to process when shit goes sideways.
You’ve never had to deal with a truly bad thing in your entire life, and it shows.
Your mother died. It was fucking tragic.
” As I speak, she gets angrier and angrier.
“We have all mourned it, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to throw your life away.
She would be so fucking disappointed in you right now.
Running around at parties where you barely know anyone?
Taking drinks and drugs and letting yourself get led around a party by some asshole who only wants to use you as a toy, then toss you aside?
Do you think your mother would have wanted that for you?
I sure as fuck know Eleanor would have stepped in far sooner than I have. ”
“Don’t you ever talk about my mother again. You didn’t know her the way I did. She would have encouraged me to go out and live my life the way I wanted. Not treat me the way you are treating me.”
I soften a little at her words. “You’re right.
She would want you to live the life you want, but be honest with yourself, even if you can’t be with me.
Is this the life you want to live? Being fucked by random guys at a party while you are so drunk you can’t even remember it?
Is that what you really want? If it is, then fine.
I’ll let you live your life, but I don’t think that is what you want at all. ”
It’s a bold-faced lie. I won’t let her live that life. If she wanted to go find a nice guy to marry, I would stand by and let it happen, but I won’t let her be used by men at parties for their pleasure. I have lines, and that’s a hard one.
The room is silent as she takes in my words. I can see the anger start to leave her as her body deflates.
“You don’t understand, Jacob. You can’t because you have never lost both of the most important people in your life in one night. I’m doing the best I can, so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t judge me for it.”
I step toward her, but she holds up her hand. All I want to do is pull her into my arms.
“You’re right. I don’t understand, but you can’t let it consume you. There is a way through the pain if you would let someone help.”
She sighs. “I’m going to therapy. I think you ask too much. Thank you for the ride home, but I’m exhausted. I’m going to take a nap.”
She walks down the hallway, leaving me standing in the living room. When I hear her door slam shut, I finally let myself sag. I am doing everything I can to be the rock she needs. Even if it means her waves crash against me over and over until she is a million pieces on the floor.
The thing about breaking is that it means you can be put back together.
I hope she knows I love puzzles, and she will be the best one to date.
If only she would let me.