Chapter Twelve
I can feel him staring at me from across the couch. It’s getting harder and harder to ignore the way he looks at me. To say things have been awkward between us since our run-in at the bookstore would be an understatement.
Something between us changed that day, only I’m not sure what. I knew loving Bullet was a lost cause, but that didn’t change the way I felt about him, or really how I feel about him now. I just never expected to get a front row seat to watch him move on with somebody else. It hurts.
Friends. We’re supposed to be just friends, but I’ve never had a friend look at me the way he does.
When did that happen? In the haze that I’ve lived in for the past two years, he stopped looking at me like a child and started looking at me as something more. Or it seems that way.
Maybe I’m imagining it all. It wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe I should bring this up to my therapist.
Bullet shifts and stares directly at me, not even pretending to watch what’s playing on the TV.
“You’re staring,” I say quietly.
“So what if I am?”
“How do you think your new girlfriend would feel about that?” I ask bitterly.
Bullet sucks in a breath. “Harlee—”
“I’m just saying I don’t think she would appreciate you looking at another girl the way you’re looking at me if I was her,” I say, cutting him off.
I want him to deny it. I want him to tell me that he’s not seeing her. I want him to tell me that I’m the only one he’s interested in, but I know it won’t happen. I’ve caught him texting her when he doesn’t think I’m looking.
It stings. It fucking stings.
It’s only been a couple days of this shit, and I don’t know how much more I could take. Maybe if my parents had another kid, I would be better at sharing.
I should leave. I should pack up my car and grab my first check from Midnight and take off. It’s not like he’ll notice. It’s not like any of them will notice.
My phone vibrates on the coffee table next to me, and I look over and see Skyla’s name flash across the screen. Reaching over, I decline her call.
A small part of me feels bad for ignoring her, but I know it’s for the best. I know if I were to answer her call, I’d be tempted to start partying again.
I can’t. I can’t fall down that rabbit hole again. Not when I’m finally starting to think clearly for the first time in I don’t know how long.
My phone vibrates again, and I see her name flash across the screen.
Goddammit. Why can’t she get a hint? Why can’t any of them realize that I’m ignoring them? That I want nothing to do with them? Once again, I decline her call, and when she tries for the third time, I grab my phone and put “do not disturb” on.
Then I go into my settings and make it so the important people can still get a hold of me. Like Bullet, Tara, Midnight, and the rest of the club.
“Why are you smiling like that?” Bullet asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Now if only I could mute him.
“Should I be worried? I don’t remember the last time I saw you smile like that,” he teases.
“Fuck you,” I say making him laugh.
“No, seriously, what are you doing?”
I bite my lip as I contemplate telling him the truth. In the past, I never would have hesitated to tell him what I was up to, but things have changed. We’ve changed.
“Come on, Harlee, you can tell me anything, you know that.”
“If you must know, I just turned on ‘do not disturb’ so everyone who’s a bad influence can’t get a hold of me, but the important people still can.”
Shock crosses his face before he can catch it.
“Wait, really?”
“Yeah, it was time,” I say as I put my phone back down and look back up at the TV.
We’re both quiet for a moment.
“I’m proud of you.”
Four words. Four words that mean more to me than he will ever know. I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve heard them from someone whose opinion means something to me.
“It was nothing.”
“No, it was definitely something. You’re turning your life around, Harlee, and it’s not going unnoticed. I see it. The guys see it. The girls see it. We all see it.”
Yeah, but will my father? I think to myself.
Just thinking about my father makes my heart ache.
I still haven’t talked to him since he’s been gone.
The only thing that helps is knowing that he’s not talking to any of the brothers either.
It’s not just me he’s ignoring. Then again, Tara did tell me that while he’s going through rehab, they keep contact on the outside to a minimum.
On the coffee table, Bullet’s phone starts to vibrate. Both of us stare at it, like whoever’s calling is about to change things once again between us.
Is it her? Is he going to leave me to go meet up with her? Is she going to get the good night kiss that I’ve dreamed of for years? Or worse, is she going to invite him for a booty call?
My stomach rolls, and I fight the urge to be sick just thinking about it.
Bullet reaches forward and grabs his phone. I hold my breath as I wait for him to tell me if he’s leaving or not.
He clears his throat. “That was Reaper. He needs me to come in for club business.”
“Oh…”
“His message says I should head out once the prospect gets here.”
I shake my head. “He doesn’t have to send anyone. I can stay by myself.”
His jaw clenches. “We’ve already discussed this, Harlee. You aren’t staying alone until shit with William is taken care of or your dad comes back.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “You’ve said a lot of things, Jacob. That doesn’t make them true.”
“Harlee…”
I shake my head. “Just go. I can be by myself for fifteen minutes until the prospect shows up.”
Bullet stares off at the TV. I hold my breath as I wait for him to decide what he’s going to do. Is he going to leave me alone or is he going to stay?
After a few moments he gets up and turns toward me.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?”
“I’ll be fine. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve been left alone,” I say, making him wince.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him run his hand through his hair slightly.
“You’ll call me if you need me?”
“Yeah, sure,” I lie.
“I’ll see you later.”
He turns and stomps out of the room, and only after the front door closes do I relax.
Shutting my eyes, I shake my head.
Is it wrong that I just want him to pick me? Is it wrong that I want him to say fuck the club and load up his bike for us to take off into the night? I want him so badly, and it’s starting to eat at me.
Friends. All we can be is friends. The word tastes bitter on my tongue.
You know what? Fuck Jacob and his friendship. Fuck the MC, my dad, and everyone who’s standing in our way.
I’m sick of waiting on something that’s never going to happen. I can’t stay here and watch him fall in love with somebody else. Not when he should be with me, period.
It’s time to leave. I need to get out of here before it’s too late.
As I ride toward the clubhouse, I can’t get the girl I just left behind out of my mind. Tonight, Harlee seemed angrier than she has been lately. It’s like a switch has been flipped inside of her.
I should have never agreed to play these games. Before she saw me at the bookstore, everything was fine. We were in a good place and things were looking up, and now everything has changed.
I should back out. Tell Reaper I can’t do this. As soon as the thought enters my mind, I push it away. I need to do this. I’m the only one who can. I can’t walk away while my brothers need me. Harlee is just going to have to wait a while.
Hopefully, it’s not too late to fix things after I’m done.
A biker ahead waves me down. I slow down, coming to a stop on the side of the road. When I see it’s the prospect heading right toward me, worry hits me.
“What’s wrong?” I demand.
“I just thought I should give you a heads-up that shit is crazy at the clubhouse.”
“What’s going on?”
“We were notified that we were about to be raided, and the cops are on their way,” he says, making my stomach fill with dread.
“Why? What do they think they have?”
“Intel says they think we’re holding somebody.”
“But we’re not,” I say.
“I know that, and you know that, but they don’t,” he says, shaking his head.
“How long until they arrive?”
“I heard sirens when I pulled out, so they’re probably already there.”
“Motherfucker,” I growl under my breath.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I know it’s Reaper asking where the hell I am without even having to look at it. I look back at the prospect. “Thanks for the heads-up.”
“It’s not a big deal. I’ll stay with your girl until you can get back.”
My girl. I wish she were my girl. Maybe someday, when this is all over, after her dad’s sober and gives us his blessing.
I shake my head, pushing that thought away. I don’t have time to sit here and think about the future right now.
“Later, man.” I start my bike back up and take off down the road. A few minutes later when I arrive at the clubhouse, the place is swimming with cops.
“Hey, man. Are you sure you want to go in there?” the newest prospect that just started last week asks.
“Yeah, Reaper is expecting me,” I tell him.
He nods. “Have fun.”
After passing through the gate, I park and get off my bike. I walk over to Wrath and Colt. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, you know, William is trying to flex his weight,” Wrath sneers.
Colt sighs. “We don’t know if it was him for sure who called us in.”
Wrath and I look at him in disbelief.
Colt tosses up his hands. “He’s not our only enemy.”
“Yeah, but he’s the only one with the right people on payroll who are dumb enough to come out here and raid us,” Wrath says.
“Where is Reaper?” I ask.
“Dealing with the pigs,” Wrath tells me.
The sound of tires approaching has us all turning and looking down the driveway.
“The lawyer’s here,” Colt says, referring to the lawyer we keep on retainer.
“About goddamn time,” Wrath mutters.
We watch as our lawyer walks into the clubhouse with an air of confidence.
“He really is a cocky motherfucker, isn’t he?” I ask, making Colt and Wrath laugh.
“Yeah, but he’s damn good at his job,” Colt says.
For the next two hours, we stand around watching cops come in and out until finally they take off, giving up on whatever they were hoping to find. Once their taillights fade into the distance, we all head inside.
“Church,” Reaper says.
We all head into the chapel and take our seats. The only nonmember in the room is our lawyer.
“Well, that was fun,” Kicks says.
Ignoring him, Reaper turns and looks at the lawyer. “Do we have to worry about them coming back?”
Our lawyer shakes his head. “No, at least not right now. They didn’t find anything while they were here, so you should be okay. When I leave here, I’m going to drop papers about police harassment. They had no probable cause to come here today. It was nothing more than a fishing expedition.”
“The warrant said that it was based off an anonymous call,” Reaper says.
“Anonymous call, my ass. This has William all over it,” Wrath grunts.
“Always two steps ahead,” Colt says lightly.
“Look, you guys are safe from them coming back tonight, but this won’t actually end until he’s taken care of,” the lawyer tells us.
“Thanks, man. I appreciate you coming out here on such short notice,” Reaper tells him.
The lawyer smirks as he stands, buttoning his suit jacket. “That’s why you pay me. I’ll see you guys later.”
No one makes a sound until the lawyer’s out of the clubhouse.
“What do we do now?” Pinky asks.
Reaper sighs, exhaustion getting to him. He looks over at Trigger. “Have you found out anything about the girl yet?”
As soon as I got her number, I handed the burner phone over to Trigger, and he’s been texting her on my behalf ever since. Something I wish I could have told Harlee earlier, but the less she knows, the better.
He shakes his head. “Not yet. I’m working on it.”
“We don’t have much time. We have to go on a run soon, which means we’re going to be shorthanded around here. We can’t afford for him to hit while some of us are away,” Reaper says.
“Sounds like it’s time for you to ask her on a date,” Colt says.
It’s just the idea of going out with her makes me feel nauseous. I don’t want to go out with her. I don’t want to play games with her. This is fucked up. It needs to be done, though.
“I’ll start hinting at a date,” Trigger says.
“Geez kid, do you have to look like somebody killed your dog? You can’t really be that upset about having to take a pretty girl out,” Pinky says.
I bite my tongue. He wouldn’t want to be going out with another woman if he were in my shoes.
“All right, it’s late. Everyone, get out of here. We’ll reconvene tomorrow,” Reaper says.
As most of the brothers exit the room, I stay in my seat thinking about what comes next.