17. Briar
brIAR
Roman tells me fragments of his past for hours after we dry ourselves from the shower and lie in bed.
Obviously I think he leaves out a lot of the finer details, but it makes me see him differently.
With more sympathy. Not that it excuses the terrible things he’s done, but I can understand why he acts the way he does.
From what I gather, he’s done horrible things to stay in the Dark Forces. It sounds like he didn’t have much of a choice. He didn’t explain much about what the boot camp entailed, but it’s clear that it’s a series of trials that only few survive.
No one should have to endure what he’s been through.
“Your turn,” he murmurs as he glides his finger down the scar on my forearm. “Who did this to you?” Roman’s brows knit with sorrow, and his eyes shift back to my face.
I swallow the knot in my throat. “My ex.”
His eyes darken, and he flexes his jaw. “What?”
I look away and nod. “He… He tried to kill me.” A pathetic, anxious laugh slips from my lips. “He got so close that he actually thought he did, and unknowingly buried me alive.”
Roman’s face twists painfully. He opens his mouth a few times to say something but shuts it each time before he shakes his head and pulls me close to his chest, embracing me in a hug that I’ve needed for months.
We stay like this for a few moments before I pull back and gaze at him. We’re laying facing one another with sleepy expressions.
I touch his forehead and murmur, “There’s truly metal mesh here? You can’t see anything except the scar. It just feels like flesh.” It’s hard to believe, and if I hadn’t seen the metal in his shoulder wound firsthand, I probably wouldn’t believe him.
His eyes are half open, as weary as mine are.
“Yeah, it’s as thin as a few sheets of paper and is malleable like chain mail. When struck, it interlocks and seizes up, which allows it to stop the weapon. Cool, huh?” Roman’s smirk is sadder than I think he realizes.
My lips press together, and I try to keep the emotion out of my voice. “Is that why you couldn’t move after being shot at the lake? Your shoulder seized?” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “No, it’s not supposed to immobilize me like that. But like all experiments, there are flaws and weak points. Mine happens to be my shoulder.”
“It’s awful,” I say, my heart aching.
His body stiffens at my words, and he stares at me as if I’ve just stabbed him. He recovers quickly, blinking away the split second that his mask was down.
“I didn’t mean—” I try to explain, but he cuts me off.
“And so was sex.” He glares at me and sits up, letting the blankets pool around his waist.
He knows what to say to be an asshole. I shouldn’t care what he says, because deep down I want to believe that he’s only doing it to protect himself, but that was pretty cruel.
I slide out of bed in nothing but my bra and panties and reach for my sweatpants. “Fuck you, Roman.”
His hand is around mine before I can pull my pants up.
I shoot him a death glare, but his eyes are apologetic.
“I didn’t mean that.”
My chest constricts at his admission. “Then why the fuck would you say it?”
He pauses and shakes his head. “I don’t know. Just…” His face twists and he forces his gaze to his hand, still gripping mine. “Just please don’t go.” His voice is still raspy from our escape on the lake last night. And I’m too tired to deal with any of this.
“Fine, but I’m going to bed.” I crawl back into the sheets. He pulls me against his chest, and damn it if that doesn’t make my heart flutter. I can’t help the smile that spreads over my lips as warmth dances between us. It’s been so long since I’ve been held this way.
I close my eyes and pretend it’s anyone but Roman holding me, but the funny thing is, no one I imagine in his place makes my chest feel heavy like he does.
Gale and Taylor set up a few glass bottles about fifty feet away from where me and John are standing.
They seem to think it’s imperative that I learn how to protect myself in case we get separated.
The squad must’ve had a serious conversation last night once Roman snuck out of my bed.
They haven’t questioned me too much, which makes me think that they know a lot more than they’re letting on.
Could they already know about the flash drive?
My stomach drops. Maybe I should just come clean and tell them.
I slept like the dead, so I actually feel great today. Minus the house being infested by men. They ate all the food and drank all the coffee I had. Bensen promised they’d get more tonight.
The thought makes me grin. It’s only been a day, but I haven’t been plagued by the urgency to leave and keep running from my past. In a weird way, it’s like having them tell me that they’re in this fucked-up underground operation makes my misfortunes not seem as bad.
Not that I should be comparing our circumstances, but I can’t help it.
I know the likelihood of Callum finding out I’m not actually dead is slim to none, but worry is a seed that doesn’t tend to stop growing. So I’m glad they are teaching me some self-defense, it makes me feel a little surer in my ability to protect myself.
“What are you smiling about?” Roman asks stiffly. His arms have been crossed tightly since we got out of the car. Bensen drove us to one of the huge fields outside of town, and no matter what direction you look, all you can see are tall stalks of corn shifting in the wind.
Apparently their auto shop is around here somewhere. John promised that we’ll stop by after this because they need to check in with their general or something. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in seeing their headquarters.
“Nothing,” I say, with an implying tone. Roman being a grump only makes my smile wider. I can’t help but find his broody persistence amusing.
John unlatches his gun from his hip and sets it in my hand.
“It’s fully loaded, Briar.” He’s been so awkward with me after he saw our little show yesterday.
I give him an uneasy look, but he ignores it.
“We don’t keep our safety on because we need to be able to act fast out here.
” He angles my arm so I point the weapon at the ground. “So that means don’t point it at us.”
I roll my eyes. “I wasn’t going to point it at anyone.” I’m so used to talking with my hands, I accidentally point it at Roman.
His expression goes completely focused, and he kicks the gun out of my hand in half a second. “Ow! What the fuck?” I cry and clasp my hand.
John lets out a long breath and checks my hand while I glare at Roman.
“What did he just fucking tell you, Briar?” he shouts a few inches from my face, and it scares me. My body reacts, and I flinch, tears prickling my eyes. “Jesus Christ, of course you’re going to cry about it.”
“Hey, fuck off. Respectfully, you don’t need to be a complete dick to her, Lieutenant.” John shoves Roman’s chest, so he has to take a few steps away. I bite down on my cheek as hard as I can to get the tears in my eyes to go away.
Why is he being an asshole again?
Roman glowers at both of us and ruffles his hair aggressively. “I bet you thought I’d be nice to you after I fucked the shit out of you, huh? Whoreton.” He sneers at me before stomping away, and I lunge to chase after him so I can slap him across the face.
John hooks his arm around my stomach before I get more than a foot away. “Trust me, he’s not worth the energy.” I hate that John sees my lower lip trembling with rage and shock. He tilts his lovely head to the side, and a few blond strands of hair fall over his brow. “You all right?”
I fist both hands at my sides and give him one short nod. I can’t bear to talk right now; if I try, the knot in my throat will only become more tears.
“For the record, you’re not a whore,” he adds, setting his hand at the small of my back and guiding me to our mock shooting range.
“Whoreton,” I mimic Roman’s stupid voice, and it makes John snort with a laugh.
“Sorry, you’re not a Whoreton.” He cackles and shakes his head at how stupid that word is. Very clever, Roman. Standing ovation.
“I know I’m not. So why does he keep calling me one?” I glance over my shoulder and hope Roman’s long gone by now. But of course he’s leaned up against the car, a cigarette between his lips and staring at me.
I give him a smug look before flipping him off and turning back around.
John pats my head gently. “You know, Briar, I’d say it’s because he probably has fucking mommy issues.” He can’t even get through the sentence without laughing, and it pulls a few laughs out of me too.
“That’s not funny,” I try to say without the giggles, but it’s impossible.
“It’s not. But just look at how angry he is.” We both make a pfft laugh as we simultaneously glance at him, indicating we’re talking shit. Roman’s jaw ticks, and he snaps his cigarette between his fingers before he can even light it.
It takes us a few minutes to stop laughing over it, but I feel much better after.
“I fucked up yesterday, I guess,” I mumble, accepting the gun again from John and making sure to not point it at anyone this time. “Moment of weakness, I suppose.”
John chuckles. “We’re all adults here, and we all have needs. Roman’s fucking hot, I get it.” He elbows me playfully. He makes it sound so casual, and perhaps it really is that simple.
Taylor and Gale come trotting back over to us with curious expressions.
“Where’s the lieutenant?” Gale inquires.
“Taking a time-out, I’m afraid,” John says sarcastically. The two of them laugh.
“That didn’t take long, did it?” Taylor smiles at me and plops a headset over my ears. He points at the mic that’s attached before he puts a headset on himself too. “Thornton, you read me? Over.”
At least it’s hard to stay in a down mood around their group. A small mercy.
“Copy that. Over.” A big smile curls my lips because I feel so ridiculous.