Chapter 22 #2
The bleeding stops instantly. The powder must be a coagulant of some sort. The design that remains is an ivy vine, wrapping around the original scar. It looks like a tattoo almost.
“There.” He grins almost to himself, but his eyes flash up to mine. “Much better, don’t you think?”
I nod absently as I let my fingers softly touch his raised skin. “Do you come out here often to do this?” The image in my head of him out here alone, carving himself up at night hits deeper than I thought possible.
Roman shrugs. “Not always here. I have a few other places,” he says casually.
I can’t tear my gaze from the scar below his eye, VI. He was just a young man when he gave himself that. His story about it was haunting. A history of self-loathing that’s led to this. I wonder if he’ll ever stop. He’s not mine to fix, I remind myself.
“Did you really lead your squad to their deaths when you served?” He gives me a short nod. “Did you do it on purpose?”
Roman’s expression flattens, but he presses his lips together and gives another short nod. “It’s what got me thrown into the underground, remember?”
Even though he’s admitting to me he’s done something heinous, I have a hard time believing it. He kept it brief the other night, yet he has no trouble talking about other things. Is it because he fucked up? I want to know everything there is to know about him.
“Do you regret it?”
He turns his head toward me and we share a silent moment.
“No. They were bad people. I know it doesn’t excuse my actions, but they were killing innocent civilians, and I couldn’t let them do it anymore.
I don’t regret it.” There’s guilt in his gaze, though.
Roman’s guilt looks like storms building behind his eyes and lightning swelling in his veins.
“But?”
“You don’t miss a thing…but now that I’m in the Dark Forces, I find that I’ve become the very man I hate.
” His eyes linger on my arm, where my scar lies underneath.
There’s no way I can live the rest of my life without knowing what he’d make of my scar.
So, against my better judgment, I shrug off my jacket and pull my shirt over my head, offering him my arm.
“An asshole?” I muse.
He chuckles as he cleans off the edge of his blade on his jeans before using his lighter again to sterilize it. He dips it in the powder and smooths his hand over my skin.
I look away and tense my muscles for the pain to come.
“Someone who hurts innocent people.” His voice rolls down my arm and makes me shiver.
The cut of his blade comes next. I whimper and fist my hands against my thighs.
“I lost the part of myself that cared a long time ago. People became things in my way or objects that I needed to discard. Emotionless beings that are only out to fulfill their own needs over empathy for others. I lost my humanity. I would follow an order over anything.” His voice tenses at the last part, and his hands pause briefly before resuming.
Focus on the sound of his voice. I take a deep breath and try to ignore the pain that flares over my skin in slow, agonizing lines.
“That’s a terribly miserable way to view the world,” I murmur.
“It’s a place built on lies, Briar. That’s why I find you so interesting.
You have every reason to be angry with everything, and yet you let the world move through you like water through a screen.
” He taps the powder over my arm and rubs it in.
I hiss at the sharp sting and then let out a breath of relief once it’s done.
“It’s because I’m tired,” I say weakly. “So fucking tired. Anger requires so much, I’d rather enjoy what little I have…and survive another day.”
Roman blinks at me like he wasn’t expecting that reply. His eyes dip to my lips before he inhales and refocuses on my arm. He uses his undershirt to wipe the blood from my elbow and stares at my arm with a bit of pride flashing over his gaze.
“There. Your story has been rewritten.” Roman sits back and watches my reaction. It’s just him, and yet it feels like I’m standing in front of a crowd of people.
Tell him your name isn’t Briar. Now would be the time to come clean, but my lips won’t part, my voice won’t come.
I swallow and look down at my arm. A small gasp escapes me.
He made it look like the ivy vines on his arm. The old scar looks like a branch, and the vines wrap around it as if to swallow it whole. I blink down at it in awe.
“Now I will only ever think of you and this moment,” I say sheepishly, granting him a small grin.
“Exactly. You’re a part of the squad now, Squirt,” he teases. He sets his hand on my knee, and my pulse quickens at the warmth that spreads from his hand.
I roll my eyes at him. “Uh-huh… If my code name is Squirt, I’ll resign now.
” He laughs. But I wonder what we’re supposed to do now with Sub-Rosa attacking…
and with Callum being back in town. “Where do we go from here? What if they attack again?” My stomach curls at the very thought of that.
There’s not really much sense in running anymore.
It didn’t go so great last time, and I have no doubt Roman would just track me down easily again.
I need to get back to the farm and find that flash drive at the very least. If it will help the guys, then it’s important to me too.
Roman puts his knife and powder container back into his pocket and stares up at the view as the moon crests over the treetops.
“We have to get to them first, don’t you think?
” His jaw feathers with whatever thoughts are floating through his head right now.
“Who was that guy earlier anyway?” His voice lowers, and he lets his heavy gaze shift to me.
I know Roman’s not stupid. He likely saw the whole scene with me and Callum unfold and instantly knew something was off. I rub my hands together and try to think of where to even start. I sigh and lift my arm to my new scar. “His story has already been rewritten.”
Roman’s brow furrows, and he lets out a long breath and nods with understanding, even though he looks like he wants to ask more questions about him. “Fair enough.”
“Any chance we can go to my farm and look around for a flash drive? I meant to tell you guys at the house yesterday, but I was just so overwhelmed that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I think it’s valuable for the information it holds.”
Roman gives me an understanding look. I was expecting him to look a little surprised that I know of a flash drive, but he doesn’t.
Did he already know? “I’m glad you told me.
I actually sort of knew about it and was going to root through your farm today after the shooting practice, but one thing led to the next.
” That’s an understatement. “We can go there, but it might be dangerous. They know you’ve been staying there, so it’s not as safe as the auto shop. ”
“Do you know what’s on it?”
He shrugs. “I think I have an idea. Remember Sub-Rosa and their gate we discussed? Well, our main goal is to infiltrate so that we can put a stop to it.”
“And the sooner you guys have what you need, the better, right? Then you can take out whoever you need to deal with to eradicate this underworld outpost in Bane Falls?” I want his word that this isn’t going to be for nothing.
Roman stands and shakes his jacket before zipping it up, his back facing me.
“Yeah. And then you can have a nice, quiet life somewhere, Squirt.” He sounds distant. And I have to admit that the idea of living somewhere quiet without troublesome boys like them sounds a bit boring. I refuse to invest too much thought into that feeling in this moment.
“Well then, let’s go.” I brush by him and head toward his motorcycle, glancing over my shoulder and shooting him a playful smile. “Can we stop by the grocery store first?”