Chapter 41 Briar
brIAR
A sharp knock comes at the door, and a very tired looking Taylor pokes his head in.
“The general is back.”
Roman groans and props himself up with one arm. “Be out in a sec.” Taylor shuts the door, and Roman glances down at me with sleepy eyes. “Ready?” He brushes my hair from my face and presses a kiss to my cheek.
“Nope.” I kiss him right back, and he offers a sad smile.
Everyone is waiting in the garage portion of the shop. Gale and Taylor are sitting on the sofa while Bensen leans against the wall beside it. Nolan stands in the center of the room in the same attire he wore last night.
I’m a little shocked to see him so put together. I half expected him to be dead or beat to shit. The guy with the cane looked more than capable.
He regards us with a slight head nod and waits until Roman returns with two chairs from the meeting room for me and him to sit on.
“Well? Did you get your dark cities like you wanted?” Roman asks in an annoyed tone.
Nolan grins and nods. “Yes, in a way, I did.” His voice is cold and smooth, a familiar sound that both makes me shudder and curious.
Have we met before? I think about it but come up blank.
“Roman, my time as the general has been reaching its expiration date. I’m sure you’ve noticed, as has Captain Bridger, I’m fucking tired.
Too tired to steal the youth from recruits and tired of playing all these senseless games with our corrupt system. The Forces are a young man’s campaign.”
The general’s eyes find me, and they make me still.
“You always reminded me of her, of Private Gallows,” Nolan says, sounding nostalgic. It makes me uncomfortable since I have no idea who this Gallows person is. “Your resilience in the face of cruel men and their bad manners. Maybe it’s why I chose you to begin with.” He lets out a long breath.
What does that mean? Chose me? I don’t think I’ve met this man before. I look at the others and find them all staring at me with knitted brows. They know something that I don’t.
“What is he talking about?” I ask Roman.
He squeezes my hand and looks at me tenderly. “You’re like me, Briar. You’re…” He lets his words trail off and swallows thickly a few times. Pain lingers in his gaze, and he won’t look me in the eyes.
“Project Lethe,” Nolan answers for him.
Lethe? Why does that word make the back of my neck prickle. It’s almost as if my body and subconscious mind know more than I do.
My eyes widen and I shake my head, confused at what this psychopath is getting at. “What does that mean?”
Nolan walks up to me and tilts my jaw with his cold hand until I meet his eyes.
“It means that you’ve been in the Dark Forces’ care for many years, Briar.
We’ve fed you stories and fake memories as if they were sweet dreams. A life you never truly had.
And yet, you of all the other candidates, remained whole during the process.
Your humanity stayed intact, and you always leaned on love. The perfect sleeper.”
That…can’t be true. My memories aren’t artificial, I remember my parents so vividly—my jaw flexes when I try to picture their faces. It’s like a hazy photograph of strangers. Faces blurred, and I can’t pull any specific features from them.
I look at Roman. “He’s lying… That’s not true.”
Roman’s brows pinch, and his eyes linger on my neck. “Tell me where you were when you were on the run from Callum. It was months ago, right? Where did you go after Seattle but before you came here?” He gently rubs his thumb over the back of my hand with empathetic eyes.
I open my mouth to reply but come up blank. I blink a few times. Where did I go… I was on the move. Wait, no. I was… I was…
“You don’t know, do you? You only remember driving into town.” Nolan’s voice skates across my nerves, sending chills over my arms and a pit in my stomach.
“But… I remember my father, he passed away.” I sound like I’m not sure, because the more I think about it the fuzzier everything is. Is that why I feel nothing when it comes to the death of them? But that would make me…
Lethe. I hear the name clearly in the recesses of my mind.
“And your entire family, too, isn’t that right? Do you remember any of them? What job did you have in Seattle before meeting Callum?” the general asks as he walks slowly back to the center of the room.
I’m quiet. So is everyone else.
“Oh my God.” I swallow the dread in my throat. Because I can’t remember. “Who…am I?” I stare down at my hands, studying the scars in a new light. Many of them I have no recollection of how I got them. My throat tightens, and tears brim in my eyes.
Roman runs his hand through my hair. “You’re Briar Thornton.”
I blink and look up at him. I don’t feel like anyone else except me. Even if my memories are fake, it doesn’t rob the warmth of them. The diner with my dad and gardening with my mom… Even if it’s fake, like an altered scar, it’s a story that let me keep my heart.
“Briar Thornton isn’t real,” I choke the words out with a teary smile.
Roman offers a gentle smile that warms my soul. “Neither is Roman Syxx.”
He pulls me in and wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace. We really are man-made monsters.
Nolan pulls five black dog tags with DF engraved on them from his pocket and holds them out toward us. “Lieutenant Roman Syxx. I am hereby announcing my retirement from the Dark Forces, and your promotion into the role of the commanding general.”
Roman’s eyes widen, and he stands abruptly from his chair. The metal clanks loudly against the floor. “What? No, you said we’d get our freedom. Not put me into another position.” He doesn’t sound angry, more shocked.
“You may walk free, if it’s what you truly want. What do I care? I’m done, but Roman, the Dark Forces are evolving—just as the world around us is. With you as the commanding general of the new branch, think of the possibilities.”
Bensen pushes off the wall and walks to stand beside Roman. “New branch?”
“A new Under base.” Nolan sounds perfectly diabolical.
Roman’s eyes widen with realization. “That’s why you wanted the gate here? For a new boot camp base?” Roman says scathingly and throws his hands in the air. “We lost two soldiers out here, for what?!” he shouts, and his voice is only amplified by the room.
Nolan keeps his expression flat. “That’s right. A new one where I know things will be done differently, under different conditions, and who better to lead it than you?”
Roman freezes. His arms are trembling, and his fists are curled tightly at his sides.
Gale and Taylor stand and join us. “Does Captain Bridger know about this?” Gale asks suspiciously.
“Who do you think gave the operation a go from the moment I started to arrange you boys being sent out here? Arnold was our scout, and he got too close—he wanted the secrets for himself so he could get out. But all he did was prolong the inevitable and get himself killed.” Nolan taps his cigar, and a big chunk of ash falls to the cement.
“It wasn’t easy to convince my old friend to let us use his town.
But we came to an agreement: Bane Falls will be our link between worlds.
The soldiers here will be trained differently than that of the Under Trials, and you’ll work with the underworld rather than against them. ”
Old friend? He’s talking about Callum’s boss. How do they know one another? My mind whirls with how deep Nolan is weaved into such sinister things in this world. Work with them? But…they do bad things.
I look at Roman and the squad—I guess they do bad things too.
“Why did you do this? Why didn’t you just retire, general? We lost so much…” Taylor asks with a broken voice.
Nolan’s eyes don’t give even an ounce of pity. “Because I didn’t lose a goddamn thing. I got what I wanted: I finally put the Dark Forces’ foot in the door of the underworld and put some of my worst regrets to rest.”
Roman’s jaw flexes with fury, and he steps toward Nolan. “Your legacy will only be your lies, general.”
Nolan laughs and hands Roman the dog tags. They each have a skull with DF engraved on them. “Your new rankings and clearances have been recorded on these. Captain Bridger will be sending men to help establish the new base in a month’s time.”
“Our new rankings and clearances?” Bensen asks.
“That’s right. You can leave the perimeter around Bane Falls freely now,” Nolan explains with a wry smirk.
“My legacy is all of you. Whether you like it or not. Dead or alive. I crafted all of you from the criminals you came to me as. Don’t forget what you all are.
The heinous things you did to find yourselves down in the dark to begin with.
I set up this world for you, and whether or not you take it is up to you.
But I know you, Roman, and I know Briar and all of Icarus.
You are all made to thrive in the dark.”
Roman’s eyes are wide, and he’s at a loss for words. Nolan pats Roman’s arm and looks at each of us before he turns and heads for the exit.
“One of their men is waiting at the burned-down farm when you’re ready.” Nolan stops at the door and looks back at all of us. “General Syxx, I wish you a long and successful campaign.” He gives Roman a cruel grin and a slight nod.
Then he leaves, and we’re left standing in silence.
“What the fuck just happened?” Taylor says as he throws his hat on the ground.
“Give me a second, guys.” Roman threads his fingers through mine and pulls me back downstairs and locks the door to his room.
I sit on the edge of his bed and look up at him expectantly.
“Briar… Are you okay?” he asks and kneels in front of me. I know what he’s asking me, and honestly I’m not so sure if I am or not.
I’m human, but everything about me and who I am is fake. How many times have they reset me? Can I get my memories back someday? My lips firm, and I stare at the ground. Do I even want them back? There’s no telling how that could affect me.
But when I look into Roman’s perfect hazel eyes, then to all the scratches and wounds over his face, the bandage over his forehead and neck, the scars he’s given himself and the ones he hasn’t, I realize something.
We never asked for these things—the pain, the hurt, the trauma—but we still found each other. We’re still here. Altered, but maybe that’s why we long for each other, why we seem to have an underlying bond.
I’m still me…whatever that really means in the grand scheme of things. Would I have known who I really was even if I didn’t have my memories manipulated? Would I know any more about who I am at my core than I already do now?
I know that I love Roman and that he loves me. I’m not sure much else really matters more than that.
Roman lost his humanity when he knew every bit of his haunted past.
I kept my humanity when mine was stolen away.
A wounded smile creeps across my lips, and I cup Roman’s face in my hands.
“Yeah, I think I am.”
His gaze tells me that he’s not sure I’m telling the truth and that he’ll be bugging me more about it later, but he nods.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know about any of it until earlier yesterday.
I didn’t know what Nolan did to you.” He bites his lip and shakes his head as if it’s his fault this was my fate.
“But a sick part of me is happy that we ended up this way. I love you exactly as you are.” His smile tugs at my heartstrings.
“The only difference is that you knew what he was making you into and I didn’t,” I say gently.
“You carry a much heavier weight.” I wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a tight hug.
“I love you, Roman. I don’t want my memories to be anything but you and what we make ourselves from here on out. ”
He makes a lovely humming sound. “You feed the possessive heart I have for you, Squirt.” He holds me close and whispers, “I know this sounds so fucked up, but I think I want this, Briar. I want to be the new general… Maybe I can be better than Nolan ever was.” Roman doesn’t sound like he wants to do right by anyone.
I pull back and look into his grim eyes. I find anger and hope dancing across his gaze. A malicious mind that only cares about his few comrades and me.
“Better at creating man-made monsters?” I whisper.
There was darkness in Roman from the very first night we met. That darkness always called to me. I see it now, swallowing his conscience whole and tempting him with the same power Nolan had.
Roman’s eyes heat at my question, and he leans in to steal a kiss. His answer is concise, pupils dilating for a twisted future he’s already picturing for us. “Yes.”
What will be left of Bane Falls once our darkness takes root?