Chapter 16 - Kelsey
I’ve been training with Mira for a week now, and I’m already getting a better understanding and much deeper control over the magic inside me.
She keeps telling me it’s part of me, and reminds me that I own it, just as I own the rest of my body.
But it feels far too big to own. It's too ancient and too mysterious to be me.
I climb into the Jeep next to Miles, who has attended every single one of my training sessions so far. I’m struggling to figure out whether he’s doing it to keep an eye on me or to actually support me.
Things between us are amazing, though, and, as risky as it is, I want to believe he’s doing it because he cares about me.
Especially after he claimed me as his own.
Kala hasn’t stopped prancing since that night. She’s inexplicably happy despite my logic constantly warning me to hold back and not be so naive about the situation.
It’s difficult not to feel.
Miles drives down the familiar track towards the forest, but before we reach the turn off, he takes a different turn off, heading out of the compound.
“Miles, Mira is waiting for me at the arena,” I say in a mild panic.
“Don’t worry. I have something else planned for today. He reaches out and touches my thigh in reassurance. But instead of reassurance, I feel desire.
Mira knows about it,” he says calmly.
“I need to train, Miles. I have to get this right,” I argue.
“I know, but you also need to trust me. I have something much better in store for you today,” he grins, keeping it a secret and clearly savoring the moment.
We drive for thirty minutes, all along the border of our pack territory, and then out into a vast open landscape. All I can see for miles is snow. Snow that has fallen over scattered trees and rocks that jut out, creating little bits and pieces of contrast in the stark white stretch of land.
Still, we go further until Miles finally stops in a field. The glare almost hurts my eyes, and it takes me a moment to adjust to it.
There is absolutely nothing here, though, and I turn to look at him in confusion.
“What is going on?” I ask.
“We’re here,” he says cheerfully, climbing out of the car. His leather combat boots crunch on the ground.
I push my door open and slide out as he arrives at my side of the car and takes my hand to lead me further into the field.
“But where is here? And why are we here?” I ask, still not understanding. My breath comes out in a wisp of steam as it hits the cold air around me. Crisp and fresh, the air settles on my cheeks and makes me feel alive.
Miles pulls me further into the field, encouraging me to look around. “This is a new piece of pack territory,” he informs me.
“Oh. I see,” I say, finally getting it. He brought me here to show me that the pack is expanding. “That’s a good thing. More land is always good,” I nod.
“Yes, but this land was bought for a very specific reason. You see, there is literally nothing around us. No one for miles and miles. You could set off a bomb in this field, and it would take forever for anyone to see the smoke, if they did at all…”
“OK…?” I mutter, scrunching my nose in renewed confusion. “So, the pack can shift here in privacy?” I ask.
“Yes, well, we could do anything here in privacy,” he chuckles, with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes that heats my skin as images of his body pinning me down flash through my mind.
“Uh, but…” he stammers, trying to refocus, “this field isn’t for the whole pack. It took me a while to find the perfect piece of land and to get Jace to purchase it for me. This is your field, Kelsey. No one else is allowed to come here. No one else even knows about it.”
“What?” I blurt out, even more confused than before. “Why did you get me a field?”
He chuckles. “Let’s call it the Frustration Field. It’s a space for you to let go. Let go of everything inside you. Let go of your anger, your fears, your negative thoughts, or your positive ones. Let go of everything and fully feel it all.”
“A Frustration Field…” I murmur quietly, processing the concept.
The idea of letting go is new to me. I’ve only experienced briefly enticing hints of it when Miles encouraged me to scream out my anger towards my bullies. A whole field, though? This is insane.
“So…” he gestures for me to let loose, and I laugh.
“It’s not that easy,” I tell him.
“Actually, it is, Kels. Be you. No one is watching except me, and I love it when you let go. Be you and see what you are really capable of. There is no risk here. There are no mistakes in this space. Do you understand? What have you got to lose?”
I bite my lower lip and take a deep breath. Ok. Ok, I can do this. There really is no one around here to judge me or make any snide comments. It’s just me and the soil. It’s me and the earth, the sun, the sky, and the moon, still high above the horizon despite the day already beginning.
You can do this.
I sense Kala stir in excitement. She lets out a low whine and shakes herself to disperse the anxiety.
Miles backs away and gives me space. He stands, leaning against the car, his arms folded over his chest and an eager smile on his gorgeous face. This man cares about you, Kelsey. He wouldn’t have done this for you if he didn’t care. A smile flickers over my face.
I close my eyes and wait for the heat to build in my bones.
Starting in my chest, heating my ribs. It spreads like energy through my limbs, down my arms and my legs, from my body into the soil beneath my feet.
It soaks into the snow and spreads easily through it.
I find that the ground conducts my power perfectly.
It pulls it out and feeds it back into me like a loop, building in power and strength the longer I wait.
I’ve never waited too long, though; I’ve always been so aware of Mira standing right next to me and how I didn’t want to hurt her or disappoint anyone who was watching.
For the first time, I wait longer.
I wait, and the static beneath my feet becomes sharp and insistent.
The magic bites at my skin like electricity.
It tingles across my entire body like needles.
At first, it’s painful, but then I listen to it.
I let myself feel it. I stop worrying about whether I’ll hurt or disappoint someone.
I stop worrying about making a mistake and looking silly.
Opening my eyes, I watch the colors embracing me.
They knot and thread around me. My vision is pink and blurred by the magic.
I wait, and I feel everything.
I feel something inside me cracking open. A sliver of gold light begins to pierce into the pink. It blends and merges. It glows and wraps smoky tendrils around my legs and arms.
I wait until the energy is so wildly massive that I literally can’t hold onto it for another second.
Then I let it go. Spreading my fingers wide, I lift my face to the sky and scream. My lungs burn, but I can’t stop.
The sound is deafening. It’s so loud it doesn’t sound like anything at all and just becomes pressure on my ears…on my entire body. It feels like it will crush me. Like it will push me right into the soil and bury me.
But suddenly I’m weightless. Everything around me becomes a particle of energy that I understand. The trees are static currents of electricity. The ground is moving and shifting.
The air itself can carry me anywhere I want to go.
Silence.
Absolute, total, aching silence.
My body drops onto the ground again, and I yelp in fright, landing hard.
It takes me a second to catch my breath and take in the scene around me.
There is no snow anywhere.
I’ve cleared it from the ground as far as my eyes can see. It was blown high into the air and is now slowly drifting back to Earth as renewed flakes. Tiny pieces of pure white ice in the air.
I gasp when I see everything.
The earth is flooded with new green growth. Tiny shrubs and small leafy vines.
My jaw drops open, and I turn to see Miles looking like he can’t believe what he’s seeing either.
Then he rushes forward and lifts me in his arms.
“That was fucking insane!” He shouts so loud I wince in fright. But then I’m laughing.
He’s laughing and spinning me.
“That was insane!” He shouts again, excited and happy for me.
My hands are shaking with remnants of magic still tickling through me.
He sets me on my feet and cups his hand around my jaw to look into my eyes.
“They’re glowing pink and gold,” he whispers. “It’s stunning.”
“My eyes?” I gasp.
“Your eyes. Your hair was glowing earlier, too. In fact, you were glowing,” he chuckles quietly as he traces the pad of his thumb over my lips and his eyes pierce into me with desire and need.
My lip’s part, and Miles kisses me.
The kiss is dangerous when I’m in this heightened state. As soon as our lips touch, I can feel just how dangerous it is, and I pull away, fighting for breath.
“I don’t know what will happen,” I explain, looking at my hands as static sparks between my fingers.
He smiles. “It’s ok. We’ll figure this all out together in time. There is no rush.” He kisses me on my forehead. “Do you want to try again?” He asks.
I nod, grinning. “Fuck yeah, I want to try again,” I answer.
He starts walking back to the car, but stops when I call his name.
“Thank you,” I say.
“For what?” He asks, turning to look at me.
“For this,” I spread my arms and gestured to the field. “Why did you do this for me?” I ask, my heart clenching with hope, knowing he did this because he cares about me.
He smiles tightly. “The more you practice, the better witch you will become and the more impressed the elders will be. You will be an asset for the pack that no one else can match,” he tells me.
My heart sinks.
He wants to impress the elders.
This is still about his image and what people think of him. This is still about putting on a show for the pack.
This has nothing to do with him feeling a damn thing for me.
Inside, I feel a warning. A ticking bomb of hurt.
A spiking shard of pain cuts into the magic, staining it dark maroon.
“Actually, I’m exhausted after that first try,” I smile tightly. “Maybe I should rest and go home. We can come back tomorrow or something,” I tell him, trying to hide the quiver in my voice and how my throat closes as tears threaten to spill from my eyes.
“Oh, sure, yes, of course. Come on, we’ll go get you something to eat,” he smiles, tugging the Jeep door open for me as I walk towards him.