Chapter 6 - Jasmine
My wolf whimpered, torn. It wanted to protect itself, but it also wanted to obey the alpha’s command. I forced myself to stay where I was and continued to glare at him, even though I felt all wobbly inside from the tension.
I wasn’t one of those women who was confident in my plus-sized body.
In my head, I used words like ‘curvy’ or ‘plus-sized,’ since the word ‘fat’ had been thrown at me so often as an insult.
Some women could take that and turn it around, make it their word.
I tried to. I used it out loud simply to try to make other people think it would hurt less if they called me by it.
That didn’t change how much I didn’t want people to actually look at me. This dress showed off all my flaws. It hugged my body so tightly that everyone could see my rolls, and with the necklace I’d been given to wear, I felt my double chin more than usual.
I never shifted in front of other people. The last thing I wanted was to shift in front of Renz, to show that even my wolf form was large. I’d never had much stamina, and I couldn’t see a ‘run in the forest’ with Renz, of all people, as pleasant.
“Disobeying an alpha?” Renz smirked at me as he brushed my hair off my neck. I shivered at his touch. “Hmmm. I suppose the question is, should I threaten or bribe you?”
“Neither will get you what you want,” I replied boldly.
Renz chuckled, then lowered his hand. “Alright. How about this. If you do this with me, I promise I’ll punch Owen in the face at any time of your choosing.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “You will not.”
“I will. Any time, any place. Just say the word, and bam.” Renz punched one hand into the flat of his other palm. “No limits, either. But if you don’t do this with me, then I will…” He paused, as though searching for the perfect torment.
My stomach cramped as I thought of all the things he could do.
“I will take you back to the house and make you watch a movie of my choice with me,” he finished, his grin widening.
I blinked. “What movie?”
“That’s the punishment part. You won’t know until we’re sitting there, and you have to watch the whole thing.”
I bit my lip, surprised at the ‘threat.’ Was he actually trying to be nice?
Or was this one of those things where someone pretended to like you only to go back and laugh at you with their friends?
“The movie really does make a difference, though,” I said slowly.
“Cause the extended Lord of the Rings edition is different from something like Scream.”
“No slasher flicks,” he promised.
Nervous energy tingled through me as I took a deep breath.
Was I really doing this? I finally nodded and closed my eyes to shift.
It felt good to stretch my legs and shake my coat.
I peeked up to judge Renz’s expression, but he had already shifted to wolf form.
He wagged his tail and trotted into the forest.
I followed after him, cautious at first. But soon I realized Renz was keeping pace with me. When I slowed to inspect something, he stopped and waited patiently. While he might have talked about running, it seemed more like a leisurely stroll.
Since I’d long felt nervous about going into the woods alone, this was the first time in years that I’d entered the forest. I wanted to explore everything.
The trees around Tyrell were mostly the kind that lost their leaves in the fall.
I forgot what they were called, though I was pretty sure that we had a lot of maples, birches and one that started with a T.
They were tall and further apart than I’d realized.
The ground was covered in lots of brush, grasses, and flowers.
I let my nose take the lead, following trails from woodland creatures that led me to small burrows or new nests.
It wasn’t silent, either. The noises of small insects waking up from their winter hibernation filled the air, along with the occasional call from a bird or the blowing of a deer. I absorbed it all, my tail swishing back and forth in something that came close to wagging.
This was magnificent. I was so caught up with how lovely the forest was that I forgot to be nervous about Renz. When I finally remembered that he was here, too, and that he might not appreciate being ignored, I turned toward him.
His tongue hung from his mouth in a wolfish smile, tail held high and wagging. He spanked the earth in a play bow, inviting me to wrestle. I blinked in surprise. Was he really asking me to? Or was this something else?
How long do I stay suspicious of them? I asked myself, cautiously returning the bow. We’re married now. My heat won’t hold off forever. I don’t want to have sex when I’m scared of them.
And to stop being scared, I had to take risks. Let them prove themselves, even if it meant they could hurt me. It was like with Owen. The more he saw that I wasn’t up to nothing good, the more he’d start trusting me. I had to give them space to prove they weren’t going to hurt me.
Renz jumped at me, batting me gently with his paws.
I responded by spinning and mouthing his shoulder, though I broke away and backed off soon enough.
His tail kept wagging, and he came back, bumping his head into my chest. Then he spun onto his back, shocking me, and nipped at my leg.
I jumped away, and he rolled over again, lightning-quick, and came back at me.
This time, he licked my face and threw one leg over my back.
He was being so gentle, even with the wrestling.
I could feel the strength of his muscles and the way he controlled himself.
It was like he knew exactly how far he could push without actually hurting me.
Slowly, he coaxed me into more earnest play.
We ended up chasing each other, zipping through the trees in ways that made me bark with laughter.
When he flopped over to his side and shifted to his human form, I trotted up to him and just stared. Normally, I didn’t let myself look at the alphas so openly, but here it felt…safe.
His dark blond hair was tousled, his dark blue eyes sparkling. Even in his wedding attire, I could see the tattoos on his hands and glimpses of others on his neck. His full lips curved into a smile, emphasizing his strong jaw.
Warmth spread through me as I looked at him.
He really was handsome. Too handsome for the likes of me, which those women who had confronted me had been quick to point out.
And yet, now that it was the two of us, he wasn’t scowling like he had been at the wedding.
He looked relaxed, happy even. It made my heart beat faster.
“See?” he said as he opened his arms. “It’s not that bad, is it?”
I shook my ruff, scolding myself for ogling, then shifted to human form. “What’s not that bad?”
“Taking your wolf form around me.”
I sank onto the ground and wrinkled my nose at him.
“Admit it. You got yourself all worked up for nothing,” he teased. “You owe me an apology. Maybe I should demand that you punch Owen in the face every time I want. Except then you might break your hand, he’s so thick-headed. So I’ll stick with an admission that I was right and you were wrong.”
“And what makes you think that you were right?” I challenged automatically.
He lifted one eyebrow at me. “We’re here, aren’t we?”
“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard for me,” I shot back, enjoying this back and forth.
My earlier anger at his assumptions had cooled, especially considering how he’d behaved here in the forest. It gave me hope, the same way Killian and Jace had.
The three of them didn’t hide their feelings entirely, but they seemed willing to change how things went from here on out.
If only it were as easy with Owen. He was the one I was most worried about. He’d been the first one to start tormenting me, he’d been the last to stop, and he was the one who hated me the most.
I shook my head slightly, trying to push aside the thought of him. “I’ll be the judge of what is hard. And it will take a few months at least before I decide whether I can actually trust you.”
“Months.”
I nodded as I lay on the forest floor, adjusting myself to avoid the poking twigs. The starry sky above was lovely, the deep, dark velvet making me wish I were an artist. It would be amazing to put this on paper.
“I’m not sure we have months, Jasmine.” Renz rolled to his stomach and gazed down at me, propped up on his elbows.
“Now that the wedding ceremony has happened, your heat will be triggered sooner rather than later. From what I heard about Burgess, their omega went into heat less than a month after the wedding.”
My stomach swooped at his words. Less than a month? That wasn’t enough to change how they saw me, or how I saw them. Yes, I had glimmers of hope right now, but did I really want to lose my virginity to my bullies?
I looked away quickly to make sure he couldn’t read my thoughts in my eyes. “That’s a very good point. I hadn’t considered it.”
Renz made a noise, and I tensed, certain he was going to start scolding me for my lack of faith or something. Just like he had when I admitted my insecurities about my body. As though I needed to be told I was insecure…
“For what it’s worth, and I know that it’s not worth much yet, I am sorry,” he said.
I pushed myself to sitting, searching the darkness for his face. “What?”
“I’m sorry. For earlier, what I said. About your feelings.
And before that. I didn’t really mean to say that we were going to keep bullying you.
I…recognize now that it is what we used to do.
I can’t even think of why, except you were an omega, and Owen…
it didn’t sit right with me. Even then. I don’t know, maybe that makes it even worse that I went along with it,” he murmured, almost to himself now.
“Maybe.”
Renz sighed. “In any case, I hope your heat won’t come for a while. Give us a chance to adjust and actually figure out where we are with each other. The Goddess couldn’t have told us to marry if there was no chance of happiness, right?”
A lump rose in my throat. I had to focus on my breathing, tightly controlling it, to avoid letting him realize how emotional those words made me.
Should I tell him that I was a virgin? I wasn’t sure.
It would be a good idea to tell them before it came time for sex, right?
So they understood they shouldn’t expect much from my performance.
I closed my eyes, picturing it. The four of them touching me.
Kissing me. Pressed in tight around me. Before, the images left me uncertain and frightened.
Now, heat pooled in my lower belly. Something inside of me swelled. I wanted hands on my body. I wanted their lips on me. I wanted to learn how to have sex, to give and take pleasure.
The desires were so unexpected that they left me unsettled. I got to my feet. “We should go back. They’ll be wondering where we are.”
“Let them wonder,” Renz protested.
I shook my head. “I’m going back. And remember your promise. You’ll punch him in the face any time I ask.”
Not that I was going to ask. I didn’t think punching anyone would solve any problems.
We started back, in human form rather than wolf.
It was more difficult to navigate the forest in this form, but I didn’t want to shift again. Not when I heard that scents were so much stronger in wolf form. Right now, I was sure he couldn’t smell my brief arousal. But what if he could in wolf form?
We had just reached the edge of the forest when the other three came running through the brush. All were in their wolf form, but they shifted upon seeing us. All three scowled deeply at us, but none looked as furious as Owen.
My heart sank as all the relaxation I’d gained from playing disappeared.
“Where have you been?” Jace demanded. “Do you know how it looks when one of the alphas and the bride both disappear from our wedding?”
“The wedding was over. It was just the party that nobody was partying at,” Renz said with a casual shrug.
“For once, can you not treat this so casually?” Jace pinched the bridge of his nose.
I wrapped my arms around myself. This white dress that had been made so hastily for me was covered in forest debris. The back was probably stained from when I lay on the ground. At the time, it hadn’t bothered me. Now, I watched, worried that they were going to turn the scolding on me.
“What? We had the wedding. Neither Jasmine nor I wanted to stick around, so we went out for a bonding experience,” Renz continued. “I’d say that our relationship with her is more important than putting on a facade that the pack can see right through.”
“And whose idea was it?” Owen asked. He folded his arms over his chest and glowered at me.
Renz shuffled forward slightly, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me. “Mine. The Alpha Fuckers cornered her when she left for a breath of air, and—”
“So, you were the first to leave the party?” Owen accused.
As I shrank back from him, Killian gripped Renz’s shoulder. I thought he should be holding onto Owen, but maybe he didn’t want to get slugged.
“We should be putting on a united front,” Killian said.
“And you,” Owen pointed at me, “should be acting like an alpha mate. You don’t go running off all the time. How do you think that makes us look? Do you have any idea what sort of problems you’ve caused us tonight?”
Renz put an arm around me and tugged me closer to him. “Lay off, Owen. She was with me.”
Owen glared at me, clearly not caring. Heat burned in my cheeks, and I dropped my gaze to the ground. The feelings of rebellion that had allowed me to snap back at Renz were gone. The satisfaction and peace I’d found in the forest fizzled away.
There was no way this was going to work. Not when Owen hated me this much.