Chapter 21
EVERLEE – DON’T SAY BUNDLE OF NERVES
“What the fuck?” Lizzy slams her hands on the table and looks at me.
“Quiet.” I try to shush her in the very crowded restaurant. It’s really my fault for meeting her in public places when I give her the lowdown on what’s going on.
“You can orgasm from your butt?”
My face forms into what I suspect is a cross between what a clown and a mime look like when acting surprised.
“Apparently. When I tell you it was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had, it was like…
” I try to come up with words, but end up just shaking my head a bunch of times looking like a bobble-head doll on the dash of a car.
“Well, he is a chef.”
“What?” I ask, confused, missing the connection.
“He likes to toss that salad,” she says in a deep voice before throwing her head back, laughing so hard.
“Fucking help me.” I slam my hand to my face, trying to hide it from anyone who could have heard her and also from shame that I missed the salad connection.
“Sorry. Continue. I can tell you’re in that nerdy girl mode where you researched all day to share this stuff with me, and I’m ruining it. Please tell me how I may, too, make an o face from butt play.”
“So yes, I did search it up this morning, and there’s another spot in your ass,” I clarify. “Like the g-spot, but it’s called the a-spot.”
“For ass? Let me hit that ass spot,” she says in a deep voice, pointing her finger down, like she’s rapping, then quickly corrects, “Sorry.” She zips her lips and throws away the imaginary key.
“Why do I bother telling you these things, or even being seen with you in public?”
She scrunches her nose. “What? Fine. Fine. I’m serious now.” She wipes her hand over her face like that’s going to fix her. “But it is kind of your fault. You’re literally teeing them up for me.”
I shake my head, laughing, and then smile, knowing that the next surprise will leave her completely speechless.
I’ve been teeing them up, and while she could humiliate me, I don’t care.
She’s my bitch and I love her with all I have.
“Your clit has legs,” I say simply, then sit back and wait.
I’d equate it to taking the pin out of a grenade and dropping it to see what happens.
“Shut the fuck up!” She spits her food out. “That bitch better not get up and walk away. I like her just where she is.”
Smiling, I continue, “That reaches to the ass, where they culminate into a…” I start speaking slower because I know this next part is her favorite.
She picks up on what I’m doing and shakes her head. “Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say it.”
“Bundle…”
“Everlee. Don’t.”
“Of…”
“I’ll leave!” she threatens, palms pressed to the table.
“Nerves.”
She throws her arms in the air, making a show of standing up. “Son of a bitch! You said it. I told you not to say it. Bundle of nerves? Really? You know I hate that.” She clenches and shakes like she’s been doused in cold water.
“I thought it was only when reading it in books.” I deepened my voice and speak with a French accent, “He pressed gently on her bundle of nerves, sending her into a spiraling climax, while her bountiful breasts bounced beautifully.”
She starts dry heaving at the table.
“You’re being dramatic.”
“I know.” She smiles, taking another bite of food.
“So some ass play.” She sighs. “You think Tony would go for it?”
“Ass him.” A smile spreads across my face.
“Ass him? You’re proud of yourself for that, aren’t you?”
“So proud.”
My phone dings.
“Is it them?”
I glance at it quickly. “No.”
“Work?”
“No. So last night they were all about me, right? So I may have reached out to all my smutty social media groups and told them what happened, and asked for recs on one girl servicing four guys, but not through penii sex. Something deeper, I guess.”
“Are you about to try some more sexual origami shit?”
I laugh. “No. Just trying to figure it out. I have two hands and one mouth.”
“This is why I say you should never fuck more than three guys at a time.”
“Is that what you say?”
“Well, I’ve said it… once. Just now. But what are you? A fucking timekeeper?” She scribbles in her hand. “Let me note exactly when I said this. Date. Time.” She holds her finger in the air. “Wind speed.”
“Shut up.” I glance at my phone. “One person said, one in each hand and two in the mouth.”
“Isn’t that like a saying or something? A cock in each hand is worth two in the mouth?”
“You mean a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?”
“Tomato, tomato.”
I don’t know why I tell her that, because she’s a visual person and of course she opens her mouth wide like she’s imagining taking two dicks at once.
In the middle of a restaurant.
“You better do some mouth yoga,” she says, dropping her hands, proud of her assessment.
“Is that a thing?”
“Fuck if I know. It should be.” She looks across the table. “So, do they have any recs?”
“You know they do. These women are like the Illuminati of clitorises.”
“Ah. Cliterati. I get it now. Why not Illumirises?”
My brow furrows. “That sounds more like an energy drink instead of a group of highly read women.” I bat my hand through the air. “Plus, I already have like twenty recs.”
“Sounds like you’ll be busy tonight.” She chuckles, “In more ways than four.” She pats herself on the back. “That’s what I have to say to you now. No longer can I say more ways than one… because you’re a fucking overachiever.”
“I love you and you will always be my one.”
Her head falls to the side as she clutches her chest. “Boo boo.”
I glance at my watch, a sharp reminder that I need to get back to work and prep for my next meeting.
“How much time do you have?”
“A few minutes.”
She bends down and starts digging through her purse. “Here.” She hands me a thick envelope. “Open it.”
I’m confused. We typically don’t get each other Easter cards. Is that even a thing? I’m getting sidetracked. I open the card and it explodes as paper butterflies spring into the air, causing me to scream and nearly topple backwards.
“Will you be my maid of honor?” she squeals, ignoring the mess all over me and the table.
I smile and grab her hands. “It would be my honor.”
She claps her hands gleefully.
“But did you need to do this?” I ask, picking at the small flecks of confetti.
“No. But I just love them!”
I wipe as much of the confetti from the table into my hand as possible, dumping it onto my plate.
Fortunately, most of it ended up on the table and me, but I still hate leaving a mess.
Ignoring the looks from others in the restaurant, I walk to the front counter and ask for a broom.
The lady behind the register gives me a weird look, so I explain what happened, and she just smiles and tells me she’ll get it, and gives me a cookie for offering. So win-win.
Lizzy is gathering up our things when I get back to the table. “No broom?”
“No. She appreciated the offer, but said she’ll get it.”
“So, are you seeing them tonight?”
“I don’t know. I know they eat at Bo’s tonight. So I’m not sure. We have to talk about our future tomorrow. They said to really think about it. Like what it will mean living with them. Kids, marriage, family trips, and so on.”
“That’s tough. Maybe you should find some poly support groups and see what they do,” she says without a hint of humor.
“That’s a good idea.”
My phone dings again.
“Hey.” She grabs my arm before walking in the opposite direction from me.
“What’s up?”
“Did you post in your smutty groups anonymously?”
“No. Why?”
“Did you see if anyone you know was in there first?”
“Fuck. No. But… you don’t think. Shit.” My mind is trying to figure out who I would know that could be in there. “Maybe I could change my name on my profile.”
“Then people would still know.”
“Yeah, but only those who I’m friends with.”
She bobbles her head from side to side.
“Damn it, Lizzy. Now you have me freaked out.”
“Sorry.”
“I’m going to delete the post.”
“After you take some screenshots.”
“Of course.” I give her a hug, then pull my phone out of my purse and quickly delete my posts after taking a few screenshots. Amateur hour.