Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
AMALIA (PRESENT)
God, he’s relentless.
One thing about him definitely hadn’t changed over the years and it was his sheer determination to get what he wanted once he’d set his mind to it.
I’d used to love that about him, but now I resented it.
I’d been trying to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, Noah’s face flashed in my mind, torturing me just a little more. And it didn’t help when his voice drifted to my ears again as he stood on the other side of the closed door.
After a fleeting pause, he finally relented, his steps drifting farther away from the door. The sound of fabric rustling briefly filled the air until it was quiet again.
I waited with bated breath, listening for signs of him coming back, but he didn’t.
A wave of conflicting emotions washed over me as a burning fire lanced my chest. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply. I’d done my best not to react when the words “Omar Barrera’s my father” left his lips, but his earlier confession still made my stomach churn and my head feel light.
At first, I’d thought I must have misheard for a second time in one night because surely the man I’d fallen in love with all those years ago didn’t lie to me.
Surely the man I loved— had loved, I reminded myself—didn’t hide from me who he was even after he’d spent weeks learning everything about me, after I’d revealed all my scars to him, something I’d never done before.
I had shattered the walls I’d built around me my entire life to let him in and in return I’d been a fool and fallen head over heels with a lie, not even seeing it when I’d literally been trained to detect them.
With the truth now displayed in front of me, pieces of past conversations we’d had about his family were finally falling into place.
He’d been guarded when topics of our families were brought up, but he’d always spoken freely of his mother and how close they were. But I did remember how he’d immediately grown quieter at the mention of his father.
I’d never thought much of it because I’d had my own fair share of terrible parents. I might speak freely about how much I’d considered mine’s existence irrelevant after they’d abandoned us, but not everyone was ready to share their story.
The only time he’d ever given me insights into his relationship with his father had been when I’d asked him about the large scar nestled at the base of his neck. When he’d told me that it had been a birthday gift from his father, I hadn’t pried and knew he’d share about his past when or if he was ever ready to do so.
The funny thing was, I didn’t care about him being Barrera’s son. No one chose the family they were born into. I knew that better than anyone.
I would have never cared about that.
What I was furious about was the fact that he’d hid it from me, lied to me about it, and then left me behind like a discarded piece of clothing you forget under your bed instead of trusting me to stay.
To be there for him and accept all of him.
Was I that untrustworthy that he’d thought he couldn’t be honest?
I wanted to be indifferent to him. I wanted to keep living in the world I’d built where he didn’t exist, but it never had been that simple. He was my first everything. My first true love, my first taste of true and intoxicating happiness.
I’d been content with my life before him. I’d known what I wanted to do with my career, loved being by myself, and had a pretty great relationship with my siblings. But I’d be lying if I said life hadn’t felt lonely.
I’d thought I was happy, but when I met him, happiness gained a new definition. I didn’t just fall in love with him. I fell in love with the person I’d become when I was with him.
I had been happy.
And all of it had been taken from me when he’d left.
I’d felt betrayed. I still felt that way.
And to learn that the betrayal ran even deeper made the wounds I’d worked so hard to conceal resurface like they’d been freshly inflicted. Especially when after being silent for ten years, he had the nerve not to let me out of his sight, like I couldn’t take care of myself.
That made the anger burn even brighter.
But despite it, I kept facing one problem.
No matter how much I hated him, and God was I so angry with him,
I still fucking loved him. I felt so stupid for letting the hollow look in his eyes get to me. The one that told me something was off, that he wasn’t the same man I’d spent time discovering ten years ago. I felt like a fool for letting it affect me as much as it did.
My emotions felt at an impasse because they constantly tugged in different directions. A part of me wanted to cling to the anger and resentment and wished he’d never bulldozed his way into my life while another part wanted to have him back.
?Vaya tontería ? 1 !
I needed to keep my focus on the task at hand, not sift through how my emotions were at odds.
The moment Nassim told me I had to leave, I knew things were bad, but I didn’t expect them to be this bad. I’d been undercover for the last five years and I was good . My mask had never faltered, no matter how hard it was and how many times I’d wanted to give up at the beginning.
I’d learned to compartmentalize except when it came to the kids Barrera stole from their parents. I’d helped a few escape, but I’d always been more than prudent.
I knew no one had ever suspected my real identity and I’d always been careful of my surroundings, but I hadn’t noticed my picture being taken last month.
At first sight, the conversation depicted in that photograph wasn’t incriminating. The picture showed me with one of the cartel’s distributors, but Barrera had never been made aware of the meeting.
He might not suspect that I was undercover, but if he’d sent a request for a hit on the dark web instead of asking me to do it, it meant he at least suspected I might be double-crossing him, putting me in a much worse position than if I’d been compromised.
Nassim’s and my original plan was to overthrow Barrera right from under him instead of staging a coup because we knew it would be difficult since we’d never be able to gather enough people to go against all of his.
So instead, over the past year, I’d met with key figures in the cartel and worked out deals to sway them on our side. Some were much easier to convince than others, but after some long and pricey negotiations, I’d been able to get most of them on board.
What I’d been doing was risky and put me in a precarious position because any of them could easily turn around and expose me to Barrera, but everyone I’d spoken to came to the same conclusion.
Change in power was needed.
Barrera had grown more reckless over the years and started taking a bigger cut than he’d used to. In this world, money talked and if you could offer a better deal, one would be stupid not to take it.
We were offering them a better profit margin, protection, and respect.
Something only a fool would say no to.
And I had enough blackmail against each and every one of them if needed.
I’d still had a few more people to meet with, but with the short time frame we were put up against, we wouldn’t be able to turn everyone before Nassim took over.
We still had to discuss what the next steps were, but I decided to push the thought to the back of my brain and try to get some sleep before the long days we were about to face.
It felt like I’d barely just closed my eyes to get some sleep when a loud voice roused me awake. I pinched the bridge of my nose as the merchant outside yelled about carrots and zucchinis being discounted over and over again as he passed under the window above the bed where I was lying.
With my eyes still closed, I patted the sheets next to me for my burner to look at the time. Once my palm closed around the phone, I barely peeled one eye open and flipped it open, noting that it was just a little past 8:00 a.m.
I let out a groan and dropped the phone back on the bed. I tried to fall back asleep but after a few tosses and turns, I placed my palms over my face and let out another frustrated groan.
I was fucking exhausted and wanted to sleep, but it was too late. I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. I ran my hands over my face and sat up in bed, throwing my legs over the edge of the bed.
My stomach grumbled, reminding me I hadn’t eaten in almost twenty-four hours. I retrieved my pants from where I’d discarded them on the floor and swiftly tugged them back on.
I reached back for the burner and quickly fired a nondescript text message to Nassim to arrange a meeting time. Once he replied he would meet us at the large market in town around ten, I rose to my feet and made my way out of the bedroom, stopping by the bedroom closet to grab a djellaba ? 2 and a pair of belgha ? 3 from it.
Pausing before opening it, I listened for signs of Noah being awake. My own self seemed to be conspiring against me, so the more I avoided him, the better.
When I didn’t hear any movement on the other side, I cautiously turned the door handle and slipped out of the bedroom, doing my best to keep quiet. I turned and glanced in Noah’s direction, stopping short.
My breath hitched in my throat because for the first time in almost a decade, I had a full—almost—view of his body. Noah was sprawled shirtless on one of the low sofas, the strong planes of his body on full display.
He had one arm shielding his face while the other rested where the plaid orange sheet I’d left for him earlier this morning, the fabric pooling dangerously low around his waist.
Despite my efforts to tear my gaze away, he was hard to ignore. My gaze unwarrantedly traced over his golden-brown skin, lingering on the chain necklace that I hadn’t noticed before, one that he used to always wear. It rested low on his neck, the bottom brushing against his collarbone.
Unbidden flashbacks of how his skin used to feel under my fingertips and how much I’d loved looping my finger around the chain to bring him closer suddenly assaulted my mind.
I felt the sound of my heartbeat in my ears, the cadence increasing with each passing second.
“Not that I mind, pretty girl,” a hoarse voice said, immediately snapping me out of the trance. “But are you gonna keep staring at me like that or is there something I can help you with?”
My skin blazed from the fact that he’d caught me, but I quickly gathered myself. I jerked my head up to find he was still in the same position, unmoving.
I scoffed. “I wasn’t. Don’t flatter yourself,” I countered, obviously lying.
He suddenly sat up and leaned back, propping himself on one of his hands. The movement sent the linen pooling even lower around his waist, revealing the deep cut leading underneath what I could still, to my disgruntlement, vividly picture.
Joder ? 4 , I cursed silently in my mind as his eyes met mine.
He let out a knowing laugh and stood, stepping around the low table to walk toward me, grasping the linen with one hand so that it wouldn’t drag on the floor. It did nothing to hide what it was attempting to conceal, but I didn’t let my gaze falter from his.
I knew he was taunting me, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
“Where are your clothes?” I asked as he stood closer, slightly craning my neck as he towered over me.
“Outside, drying,” he replied, further closing the distance between us with another step. “Though there isn’t much left to wear.”
I didn’t move. “There should be spare clothes your size in the bedroom closet. Make sure you’re wearing something by the time I get back,” I told him, turning away and heading toward the front door.
Before I could take more than a few steps, his free hand wrapped around my wrist to stop me. “Where are you going?” he asked, his voice tinged with concern.
I jerked my hand away from his grasp, meeting his alarmed expression with a roll of my eyes. “Relax, I’m just grabbing breakfast from the hanout ? 5 right around the corner.”
“I’m coming with you,” he announced, striding over to the bedroom and disappearing inside.
“No need, it’s not far,” I insisted and walked toward the front door, slipping the loose-fitting outer robe and shoes on. I then grabbed the keys hanging on a small hook next to the front door.
“I don’t care,” he countered firmly as I turned the keys inside the lock and unfastened the latch underneath to unlock the door.
I heard him call out my name as I pulled the door open, but I was already out the door before he could follow behind.
1 ? This is such nonsense.
2 ? Long, loose-fitting unisex outer garment with full-sleeves.
3 ? Heeless slippers made from leather.
4 ? Fuck.
5 ? Name for small corner stores in Morocco.