Epilogue
EPILOGUE
NOAH
FOUR YEARS LATER
Holy fucking shit.
I was on the verge of becoming a father.
Me. A father.
I was elated and terrified all at the same time.
My father’s cruelty had left scars that had always made me scared at the idea of having kids of my own.
Although I’d cared for Jamal for many years and he was family, being a father felt like stepping into uncharted territory that I didn’t know if I could live up to.
Our experiences, good and bad, shaped us whether we wanted them to or not. But over the last four years and particularly these past nine months, my perspective had shifted and I’d come to realize that I could do it. That I could be the father I’d always longed for.
I was aware that I’d inevitably make mistakes along the way, but I knew I’d never be my father. The scars from my childhood hadn’t magically disappeared, but I’d made a vow to myself that I’d fight every day.
To show up on both good and bad days because I wanted to keep fighting. My wife and soon-to-be-born daughter made me want to keep fighting.
Watching Amalia’s pregnancy evolve had been one of the most beautiful and humbling experiences. My love for my wife already had no bounds, but every day, I kept falling more and more in love with her.
Her strength. Her resilience.
The encompassing peace having her in my life gave me.
She made me a better person. She made me want to be a better person.
Now, she never shied away from putting me in my place when I was wrong or when I was self-sabotaging but she gave me the space to heal at my own pace.
Despite all of my demons, she loved me because of who I was, not in spite of it.
I’d known the moment I’d laid eyes on her that I was in trouble and I wouldn’t change it.
She was the best kind of trouble and no matter how cheesy it sounded, I was truly the luckiest man on earth that I got to experience her love and have her by my side.
And I couldn’t wait for our daughter to experience it too.
Nurses had been bustling around and doing an amazing job, but my attention had been solely focused on Amalia this whole time.
She’d been in labor for the last sixteen hours and pushing for the last two. I hated how much pain she was going through. Every strangled cry and twist of pain crossing her face tightened the knot in my chest even further.
I wanted to do something, anything, but there was nothing I could do but stand next to her and support my wife with whatever she needed me.
Especially after she threatened to kill me if I left or passed out on her. And I knew her promises weren’t empty because I’d seen her literally end people before.
I’d rather not be another one of her victims.
Amalia let out another loud scream, squeezing my hand even more tightly than the other times, and in the next moment, Dr. Alonso announced, “You have a beautiful and healthy baby girl.”
The first cries of our baby filled the air and turned my attention to where they lifted her up and nothing could have prepared me for this moment.
Nothing.
A well of emotions washed over me as I watched the team place our baby skin-to-skin on Amalia’s chest as they cleaned her from the other side of where I stood.
My breathtaking wife had tears falling down her cheeks and I quickly brushed them away as I placed my forehead against her.
“You’re fucking incredible,” I said, kissing her temple and letting my lips linger for a moment before I pulled back.
I pushed her hair out of her face, brushing the strands behind her ear, as I watched her mesmerized by our daughter.
“I really am,” Amalia said between sobs, brushing her thumb back and forth over our daughter’s chubby cheek. She looked down at her with the most beautiful smile on her face. “You’ve been in my vagina forever, but I love you so much.”
She dropped her head back on her pillow in relief. “Holy shit, fuck sorry. I don’t know, can she understand me already,” she continued, laughing and crying at the same time.
“I think you’re safe,” I replied with a laugh before pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.
The staff kept working, briefly taking our daughter away to assess her and do everything they needed to, while the doctor finished helping Amalia.
I stood watching the bustle as I replayed in my mind everything that had just happened.
I was a dad. To a beautiful girl. Both she and my wife were okay, healthy.
Safe.
I hadn’t realized I’d been standing frozen in place, tears freely falling down my cheeks, until Amalia’s voice broke through whatever fog had kept me under.
“Baby, come here,” she said softly.
When my gaze met hers, she was gesturing for me to join her on the bed.
“Oh, I don’t want to hurt you or her,” I replied, looking between her and our daughter that she was holding in her arms, wrapped in a blanket with a hat covering her head.
Amalia raised a brow. “I just gave birth, so anything I say goes,” she said, reaching for my hand and pulling me closer.
I laughed. “That’s not a rule, and I already do anything you tell me to, pretty girl,” I noted, gently joining them on the bed and draping one arm around Amalia’s shoulders.
“She’s perfect,” I breathed as I stared at her in awe, an overwhelming love washing over me. She was so small, so delicate and just so beautiful. And she was mine. Just like the woman lying next to me.
I turned my attention to my wife, finding her gaze already on me with that beautifully soft smile of hers. Her green eyes shone with tears as I brought my face closer to hers.
“ You’re perfect,” I murmured against her lips before giving her a tender kiss.
When I pulled away, Amalia asked, “Have you thought of any names?”
We’d been debating between two names but wanted to wait until she was born before settling on one. The moment I’d laid eyes on our daughter, I instantly knew which one was meant for her, but I wanted to see what Amalia thought first.
“What do you think?” I brushed a finger over our precious daughter’s face, memorizing her features, while I waited for her response.
“Ameena,” she began, reaching with her free hand to brush my hair back as I looked at her. Her smile warmed as she said her next words. “Ameena Camila Brown.”
My brain could barely register that we’d settled on the same name when I’d heard her say my mother’s name.
My heart swelled with even more emotion and a tear escaped my eye. Amalia tenderly wiped it away.
“I love it and I love you,” I rasped before leaning in to kiss her once more.
“I love you too,” she replied softly when we pulled away to direct our attention to Ameena.
A quiet hum cloaked the room as we just held each other.
All my life, I’d felt as though I’d been navigating through the dark, too broken to ever dream about a life where happiness was possible because it always seemed so out of reach.
But despite all of the burdens I’d carried in my life, it led me right here.
Exactly where I’d always been meant to be.