Chapter 43
SAGE
By Christmas break, we’ve all found a new normal that makes sense to each of us.
Beckham and I take turns staying with Vinny in his empty house. Sometimes Kai will join, and sometimes it’ll be all four of us jammed into Vinny’s queen-sized bed at once.
It’s always comfortable, though.
Some nights I spend screaming and crying in pleasure, and other nights we simply exist in the same place together and enjoy the contentment we’ve seemed to find within each other.
Gran doesn’t question when I spend nights out. I think she’s just happy I’ve found a slice of happiness in this town after all, especially after everything I’ve gone through.
The first Monday of break, I’m in line at the DMV, officially changing my driver’s license from California to Georgia, as well as updating my last name to Blackmore.
I’ve been spending more time outside since the grass turned crisp with frost. I’ve even been going to the cemetery and sitting at the edge of some of the old Blackmore graves, talking out loud to my ancestors.
I don’t know why.
Maybe it makes me feel a bit closer to them and this town and the name I’m now carrying around like a badge of honor.
Sage Blackmore has a nice ring to it, and the more I say it out loud to the graveyard filled with the ghosts of my family, the more it sounds right.
The more I realize that deep down, I’ve been a Blackmore all along, even when I was in California, living out some dream as the perfect girl from the perfect family.
I’ve always had this piece of me; I just needed to come here, to Blackmore, to set her free.
Once I’ve finished up at the DMV, I get into my car and drive the five minutes across town to Kaiden’s, where the guys are all waiting for me.
I collide with Kaiden first, and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his body.
I’ll never get completely used to Kaiden showing affection—he’ll always be the mean one, the dark one, the devil—but my God, when his arms embrace me, and my senses are filled with that familiar smoky, manly smell of him, I feel more whole than I ever have.
“My girl,” he groans into my neck, quiet enough that no one else hears him, and my lips tip up in a smile.
Pulling back, I look into those night eyes and smile up at him. “My king.”
He kisses me hard, his fingers digging into my back as he pulls me against his body. When he takes his lips from mine, he grins with mischief. “I want to swallow you fucking whole.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Dare you to.”
He hums between his lips, his chiseled jaw growing tight. “Tonight, you’re all mine. Got it?”
I feel the words climbing my throat, but Beckham comes up behind me and speaks before I can. “Sorry, she has plans.”
Kaiden’s hands tighten in my shirt, and he grits his teeth.
He hasn’t completely conquered his jealousy, and I’m not sure I want him to. It gives me butterflies the size of monsters, and his possessive hands make it all worth it in the darkness of my bedroom when he’s pulling “I’m yours” from my mouth like he has me under a spell.
Beckham pulls me from Kai, kisses my mouth, then smiles at me. “Let me see it, then.”
I can feel Kai watching me still, even as I take my wallet from my purse and show Beckham my new ID—the one with my Blackmore address and name on it.
I know all three boys were anxious to see me officially become a Blackmore resident, even when I really don’t have any interest in going back to California at this point anyway.
Beckham grins at me. “Sage Grace Blackmore of Blackmore, Georgia. Do we get special treatment since we’re dating the town princess?”
I roll my eyes, putting my ID back in my wallet and smacking Beckham’s hands away from my body. “Ha-ha.”
“So…what are you doing tonight?” Kaiden asks, turning the conversation backwards, making me giggle. His face is a mask of boredom, when I know it’s killing him that he can’t have me for himself tonight, even as he bangs on his chest and yells like a caveman.
“Movie night at Vinny’s. You wanna come?” I say, twisting some hair around a finger playfully.
“No,” he growls under his breath, and I laugh.
“Yes, you do.” I smile, lifting onto my tiptoes and kissing his cheek before I breeze through the garage to sit with Vinny.
Kaiden’s the first one to fall asleep at Vinny’s later that night, curled around a pillow in bed while the rest of us stay up, eating junk food and watching some Christmas rom-com.
It’s easy with the Hallows Boys. They’ve felt like family since the moment we started this, and I’m comfortable with them.
It just cements the fact that I’m supposed to be here.
I was meant to come to Blackmore, find them, and discover my real self.
A girl who carries her head high and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, someone who thrives under the shadows and moonlight.
It feels like years ago I was the girl who was chasing perfection, but the Sage I am here doesn’t need to be perfect—she just needs to be real.
And with Kaiden, Vinny, and Beckham, I’m the purest form of myself I’ve ever been.
I can’t say I don’t still struggle; I’ll always have skeletons in my closet that keep me up some nights, and I still feel the loss of my parents and the life I once lived, but it’s all a little bit easier with the Hallows Boys on my side.
I still have days when I want to hunt down more answers about my parents, uncle, and what happened when they lived in Blackmore, but maybe I’m better off not knowing.
Maybe the stories I was so desperate to hear aren’t worth the nightmares they’ll turn into.
Maybe I’m not meant to know what happened all those years ago, and part of me has accepted that.
Beckham and Vinny fall asleep within minutes of the movie ending, and I’m left to cuddle up and breathe them in until I can finally let myself get taken under by sleep as well.
I hold my eyes open a little longer, listening to the three of them breathing around me, my fingers tracing down the soft skin of Kai’s chest in the darkness.
When he starts to stir, I roll over and do the same thing to Beckham, letting my fingers brush his bare chest. His face is illuminated by the moon through the window, and I can see the light freckles on his pale skin as he breathes softly through sleep.
A smile touches my lips, and that’s the image I fall asleep to—my soft Hallows boy, sleeping soundly, safe away from the things that haunt him when he’s awake.
A shout pulls me from sleep, and I gasp as I sit up in the darkness.
Beckham’s digging his fingers into my side, his face morphed into agony as small shouts slip from between his lips. Wrapping my hands around his neck, I kiss his mouth three times before I whisper against his skin, quiet enough that I won’t wake up Kaiden and Vinny.
“Beckham, Beckham, Beckham. Wake up, baby. It’s okay.”
I wish this was the first time I’ve had to pull Beckham from his nightmares, but it’s almost a nightly occurrence these days. He’s tortured by demons inside his dreams, and it breaks my fucking heart every time.
I don’t know if Kaiden and Vinny know. If they do, they haven’t said anything about it. I haven’t said anything either, keeping Beckham’s secrets just between us.
“Beckham, wake up.” I grip his jaw with my fingers, and finally he opens his eyes.
He sighs, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me against his body. “Hey, Savage. I was having a nightmare.”
I nod into his chest. “Yeah.”
Sighing again, he rubs his nose against my shoulder before he pulls from my grip. “I’m gonna have a smoke, you coming?”
“Yeah,” I whisper again, kissing his mouth before we silently crawl from under the blankets, careful not to disturb Vinny and Kaiden.
It’s freezing outside, so we both grab a blanket from the couch as we pass, then we step out onto the porch and sit down on the floor against the wall, not bothering to turn on the light.
Beckham lights two cigarettes, handing me one before sucking the filter on his.
I don’t regularly smoke, only in the middle of the night with Beckham when he’s had a nightmare. It’s become our ritual. Something to send his nighttime demons back to hell, maybe.
After a few minutes and a quarter of our cigarettes, I lift my leg and put it over Beckham’s. “Tell me about your nightmare, B.”
Beckham runs a hand through his curly hair, taking a big hit off his cigarette before he begins.
“I was running through the cemetery, and I could hear Vinny screaming, but I couldn’t find where his voice was coming from.
I just kept running and running and running, searching for him.
” Beckham takes a puff from his cigarette, blowing out the smoke as he shuffles a little closer to me.
“When I finally found him, he was in the Hallows Crypt, except it wasn’t him screaming anymore, it was you, and him and Kai and I were hurting you, like it was the Hallows Games again, except it wasn’t like what really happened. We were trying to kill you.”
I take a breath, waiting for him to continue as silence falls over us. When he finally speaks again, he looks into my eyes.
“Then Vinny’s dad came in, and I had to kill him, or Kai said he would kill you.
” Beckham’s hand tightens into a fist, and he sucks on his cigarette for longer this time.
When he blows the smoke out, he continues, the pain in his voice making my chest ache.
“I had to kill him again and again and again, and then…I had to kill you anyway.”
“Beckham…” I breathe, scooting so close to him that I can feel his body shaking in fear. “I’m right here. I know you’d never hurt me.”
He stubs out his cigarette, then he slides both hands into his hair. “I feel like I’m going fucking crazy, Sage. I can’t live with this shit anymore.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Beckham,” I tell him gently, putting my face against his. “You saved Vinny, and if that’s wrong, then I don’t want to be right.”
Silence washes over us, and I can hear birds and bugs in the distant winter night. When Beckham’s hands wrap around me, I sigh in relief.
“How do you live with it, Sage?” he asks, and I look at him with confusion in my gaze. “The knowledge we sprung on you about your family, your parents, the Games. How are you okay with being with us when we represent everything bad in your life?”
I shake my head slowly, looking at him through the darkness.
For a moment, I just think over his words, then I press a kiss to his lips before I answer.
“Do I wish that the Hallows Games didn’t exist?
Yeah, sure. But without them, I probably wouldn’t have been born, and I certainly wouldn’t be here with you right now.
I found my home with you three, and even though I had to go through so much to get here, I’m glad this is where I found my salvation. With you, and Vinny, and Kaiden.”
Beckham looks at me for a moment, then he gives me a sad smile. “Kai told us we need to start scouting for the next generation. We should’ve already chosen them by now.”
A cold shiver runs through my spine, and I blow out a breath. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” he says, trying to read how I feel as he searches my eyes. I decide not to leave him guessing and just open my mind.
I sigh. “I don’t want there to be another generation. I want the Games to end. I want my family’s tradition to die with us. It makes me sick to think about this continuing in the name of Blackmore.”
“Can I tell you the truth, Savage?” Beckham says, making small circles on my skin with his fingers.
“I want to end the Games with us too. I don’t want to keep risking the darkness and destruction the Games bring with them.
What if the next generation is like your father and uncle?
What if someone else gets hurt? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. ”
“So end it,” I breathe. “Once and for all.”