Chapter Twenty
Night
Drusilla fixes her gaze on Varic as we silently approach my chambers, only breaking her study once she bows to me before she turns to enter through the opening doors.
Varic seems not to notice her existence as his own attention roves over each of the Guards holding the doors open, then over to me as we near the threshold.
I hold my breath the moment Varic enters the space for the first time as my new Lead Guard, matching my cadence as we walk in to begin this new era of uncertainty, side by side and for as long as we both shall live.
Despite this distinct awareness, I cannot help but scan the room in search of any sign that Hendry might be here somewhere, simply waiting for us to return so he can command us around or engage in his favorite pastime of making Fray squirm.
Varic stares at me as I come to a halt, overcome with a heaviness settling in the center of my chest—this thing we recognize as grief being such a strange experience.
Lars and Varic flank me on the way to the closet, and a different sort of heat blooms beneath my skin the closer we move to the place where my attendant will strip me naked in the same room as my new Lead Guard—a situation which may have less of an effect, had I not regularly fantasized about the same, only with he and I being the only ones present.
Varic averts his eyes, staring at the opposite wall, yet his ears burn crimson the second Drusilla releases the first of the buttons running down my back. His fingers course through his hair before he sways in place, wrapping his arms around himself and adding a dose of levity to the situation.
Drusilla grips the front of the dress and pulls it down as gooseflesh prickles everywhere the chilled air touches.
I cross my arms while she steps away and then climbs on top of the tufted footstool to hold a black silk nightgown over my head.
I help to draw it down my body, eyes widening once it becomes apparent the garment does not need to unfurl any further, because my attendant has selected a short design I was unaware existed.
Its hem lies across my upper thigh, leaving me more exposed than I am used to, having only ever worn floor-length nightgowns before this.
My brow knits in frustration with the Emperor for commissioning this to be made in the first place, with the fabric so thin it obscures nothing, providing me with none of the warmth required to survive the cold in this stone Palace.
Drusilla gestures for me to raise my arms, where she guides the wide sleeves of an equally short robe, before tying a bow in the front. A satisfied smile draws her thin lips outward as she steps back in assessment, apparently proud of her ability to bring me discomfort.
Now that the nighttime routine is complete, I shuffle toward the bed, in need of the warmth from the covers.
Hinges squeak, and I come to a halt until all five locks slide into place, securing the six of us in the cavernous space now that Drusilla has left us, until the healers arrive to imbue my Guards with enough energy and alertness to protect me overnight.
A loud yawn escapes me as I shakily reach for the blankets, then gasp when a warm hand halts my movement, reaching around my back to take hold of the bedclothes.
“Here, let me,” Varic says, rolling the covers down enough so I can climb in while I pull in a deep breath of his warm spice scent, steeling my nerves for what I cannot seem to avoid as I turn to meet the most impossibly bright brown eyes.
Our bodies are drawn together like magnets as the center of his chest presses up against my shoulder.
I absorb his warmth and unabashedly stare at the way the leather strains over his form.
Varic lets out a laugh, and a small smile tugs on my cheeks when I notice his own turned up in a smirk.
I fight the pull to lean in, to face him fully and melt into his chest—an urge I must resist with the healers due to arrive at any moment, and the Emperor’s tendency to barge in whenever he chooses.
“Thank you.” My voice comes out much softer than his.
Varic’s grin deepens, and he releases a breath, rustling the hair over my shoulder now that it has been let down from its typical tightly pinned style.
“I’ve always preferred your hair like this.” He reaches up to hook a tendril in the crook of his finger before tugging it playfully. “Free. Like you should be.”
He tilts his chin and looks up at me through that thick line of lashes—
Then something snaps—and not that Godsdamned tether tying us together—something much more sensible, urging me to climb onto the mattress, shifting the nightgown to keep from exposing myself as I lie back and pull the covers up to my chin.
Varic stares down at me, and I swear I can hear him thinking.
“What is it, Varic?” I ask as if it is just he and I sharing this space without four other beings, all of whom hold their breath to ensure they hear every word of what comes next.
His eyes drift to the Guards he leads, before returning to me as he bends over to whisper, “This is going to take some getting used to, after finding a way to sleep next to each other for months when we first met, to now having to train myself not to expect the same.”
His admission halts my breath as the flush on my chest rises, flaring outward, feeling as if he has imbued me with something—some feeling—but its color isn’t one I recognize immediately.
Most likely just another instance of my magic conjuring emotions I’ve siphoned from others in the past. Something I would expect one to feel in a moment like this.
Varic releases a breath and adds, “Because now that I see you all curled up in bed, I am finding it unspeakably difficult to stand here while everything in me is screaming with the need to climb in beside you.”
Fray’s chuckle severs our tension, ringing out from his chest where he stands by the window.
Varic straightens his spine, and I very nearly toss the covers from my lap with the scorching heat of his attention searing my skin.
“Gods,” Fray says. “I knew it. We are so beyond fucked.” He claps his hand over his mouth, as if his thin fingers can do anything to shut him up any more than the threat of death does.
Every muscle in my back screams for me to rest as I bolt upright to correct him.
“Fray,” Varic says, as I swivel to gawk at him. “Please.”
Fray’s abdomen clenches beneath his leathers, and I shake my head.
“Yes, Fray. Please explain how an expulsion like this is either helpful or supportive?” Cirrin asks, and Fray’s face falls before shifting to an apologetic expression as he makes eye contact with my healer.
“It’s not,” Fray admits.
“Thank you,” I say, mostly to Cirrin, as I drop back on the pillow.
“It’s just that—” Fray begins, and Varic tosses him a look, yet he merely holds his hands up in defense to carry on with his message.
“Since you two are incapable of hiding your connection, we should discuss how the Emperor will not tolerate any sort of overt affection, as he already admonishes us anytime we treat her with kindness in his presence. Our purpose is to keep her safe—”
Varic’s ears burn a brighter red. “Tasch’s safety is my top priority.”
“Of course it is,” Fray says. “Which is why you need to get your behavior under control in front of others. Neither of you can seem to hide your feelings, meaning the rest of us”—he points around the room at my other Guards—“have needed to be on high alert every time you were summoned to the Palace, helping her avoid being in your presence as much as possible, to try to hide the fact from His Majesty’s notice that neither of you can keep your damned eyes off of each other.
However, now that you are her Lead Guard, this thing between you two will be impossible to hide, meaning we need to plan accordingly, because there will be consequences. ”
Each of my Guards nod in agreement, including Varic, increasing the heat felt in my cheeks.
“Look,” Lars begins, glancing at his leader before his attention shifts to me.
“I do not care to know what you two do as long as it doesn’t endanger her.
So, if you can try to restrain yourselves around others and save whatever it is you need to do for when we have relative privacy in her quarters, I support it—”
“Dragons, give me patience,” Malin swears, pressing the pad of his thumb and pointer finger to the bridge of his nose. “Not everyone is as consistently aroused as you are, Lars.”
Lars’ expression shifts with a mischievous grin, “Wouldn’t you—”
“Thank you all for expressing your concerns.” I gesture broadly. “As for me and Varic, it seems we have maintained that strange connection forged upon our initial meeting.”
The soles of Varic’s boots shuffle beneath him, and my chest constricts when a rope of rejection flees from his body to find solace in my own, wrapping itself around my heart and squeezing relentlessly with the terror that courses through his veins.
“And we will do our best to hide how we react in each other’s presence,” I say, and Varic nods, though his eyes remain fixed on the floor as I pull on the sense of worthiness he instilled in me years prior, then thread it through the rope to bind his feeling of rejection into a new form of hope.
Our connection thrums with Varic sending me the ever-changing emotions in his chest—gratitude, fear, confusion, weariness, trust—then I wait until he seems calm enough for me to change the subject. Needing to know something which has not been safe to ask about until now.
“Where is the item which you so stealthily confiscated from my being?”
He crosses his arms over his chest before leaning on the bedpost to face me. I flare my nostrils up at him in annoyance at just how rapidly his cocksure attitude is capable of making a reappearance.
“Don’t worry, I made sure it’s safe.”
“I would love to believe—”
“No one would ever think to guess where it is being kept, and even if they did, they would never attempt to procure it for fear of being burnt to a crisp, or dismembered by a set of enormous jaws I certainly would not want to find myself crushed within.” His voice is measured as I try to pull in a breath.
“When would you have—” I pause, eyes widening. “Your meeting with the Elders.”
Varic nods so subtly it’s almost imperceptible, with the warm glow of the fire being the only light cast over him. I mirror his gesture in understanding, agreeing with his assessment that no one would attempt to find a Godsdamned book hidden in a possessive Dragon’s hoard.