Chapter Forty-Five #2
The Emperor huffs and looks at the crowd awaiting his guidance and settles back in his throne while Varic practically vibrates next to me.
A tendril of curiosity coils from me to learn what is bothering him, when my nostrils flare with his audacity to ward against me.
Forcing out a breath, I retract my magic, prompting Varic to lock eyes with me when I refuse to try to push past the figurative wall he’s erected. Not with my magic as weak as it is.
Time stands still, and I become lost in the depths of his irises. The heavy thrum pounding in my ears is the only reminder of our need to stop staring at one another and remain aware of our surroundings.
My pulse picks up in pace, indicating our shared gaze is lasting longer than it should, with my own heart screaming at me to shift my attention. To stop looking. To look away. Anything but bring more awareness to our shared connection.
Yet no matter how hard I try—no matter the strain—I am incapable of extracting myself from him. I am entrapped, unable to even make myself blink, proving how powerless I become when I’m anywhere near him. Utterly incapable of severing this strange connection between us.
Luckily, Varic does not seem to suffer from this same weakness, his eyes drifting shut as he turns away from me, facing forward as expected. A perfect soldier, capable of shutting off his emotions and pretending.
“Interesting.” The Emperor’s attention has shifted to study myself and Varic, piercing gray eyes roving from one of us to the other, only to land on me expectantly.
I swallow against the knot forming, hoping it does not enter my voice. “Your Majesty?”
“The dynamic between you two.” His eyes flick from Varic, then to me again, chilling the blood in my veins when he adds, “I suspected something must have transpired when I sent you to manage his rehabilitation. Now I see my suspicion was founded.” A sinister smile overtakes him as he turns to face the crowd, the weight of his words still hanging over us.
“Should I assign Raki to ensure neither of you act on this infatuation?” His Majesty asks without shifting his gaze from the line of citizens waiting to speak with him.
I stare ahead, attempting to maintain a facade of reverence as Varic’s emotions surpass all his wards can contain, with waves of concern propelling from him while I shake with the need to pretend his feelings do not affect me.
Wishing I possessed the ability to act as if I agree with His Majesty, so that this might go in the direction we need.
As it is, the Emperor’s expression curves upward with my magic absorbing the satisfaction and vengeance roiling within him.
“I want to trust you, Imperial Lead Guard Varic. However, I cannot ignore the way you stare at my little witch, proving why you were so eager to take the Guardian’s vow was due to your affection, rather than your loyalty to the Dragons and our glorious Empire. ”
“Would you not admire the witch responsible for saving your life, Your Majesty?”
The Emperor’s brows rise, compressing the deep-set lines above them.
“Imperial Grand Witch Tasch has immeasurable power, combined with unending patience.” I press my lips together in disagreement.
“Her absolute and utter refusal to give up on me ensured I found a purpose to continue living. If you notice me looking upon her with admiration, Your Eminence, it is because I credit her for being the reason I live.”
His Majesty’s nostrils flare as he stares at my Lead Guard.
“You have observed well, Your Majesty,” Varic commends him.
“I do often find myself lost in unending gratitude for the way she repaired a broken sorcerer who was claimed to be unsalvageable by every other witch who failed where she succeeded.” Varic’s voice becomes hoarse as he peers down in deference.
My heart and mind swim with this confirmation of my suspicion, that his feelings for me are based in this false sense of fealty, where his affection emanates from gratitude mixed with a warped sense of loyalty.
With the ache of knowing that every protective and caring action has been to pay a debt he thinks he owes me.
Yet if I assumed this all along, then why does its confirmation feel like my heart is breaking? And since we can never act on any real affection, why does it feel as if my heart is shattering with the confirmation of what I’ve long understood?
“And I can promise that Your Majesty will continue observing my looking upon her with admiration, as I am unable to hide the reverence I feel for all she has done, and all she will do. And since you have celebrated her accomplishments so publicly, do you not expect the rest of us to do the same?”
Ivo scoffs, casting his brown eyes over to Varic and me in mock assessment as His Majesty raises a hand to silence him.
Varic should not have said this. There is nothing in me or my actions to be revered, and no one would consider his role in serving the Empire as my Lead Guard to be any form of salvation. Rather, it is a specific type of imprisonment few would seek or accept if appointed.
Yet, no matter how I disagree with his estimation of me and my so-called accomplishments, tears threaten along my lashes as the Emperor’s eyes narrow in contrast to his emotional state, proving he has gladly absorbed every compliment Varic has just paid him.
“It is your recognition of her value to our Empire that has led me to revere her, as your opinion and estimation are the most important, Your Eminence.” Varic’s tone is just high enough I can detect the deception in it while His Majesty smiles, his words shifting the Emperor’s mood nearly as well as my magic is able.
His Majesty tilts his chin. “Regardless, know you are being watched.”
“Of course, Your Majesty. I expect nothing less, as highly as you value Ta—"
Malin’s magic rushes over to tap Varic on the shoulder as he very nearly fucked up by referring to me without my title.
The Emperor narrows his eyes at Varic as he clears his throat. “I apologize, Your Majesty; it seems I am in need of some water. What I meant to say was: I expect nothing less with as highly as you value Imperial Grand Witch Tasch, Your Majesty.”
The Emperor responds with a dismissive gesture while surprising us all as he rises to stand, having barely attended to the citizens.
“That will be all for today.” His Majesty’s voice booms over the crowd as Raki swings its tail, seeming to stare right at me, though it’s impossible to tell.
Chill mist imbues me with energy, coming from both sides of my body, as Varic and Cirrin spare what they can so I might use my magic to manipulate the citizens to keep them from displaying their disappointment.
Danor stops to turn back and stare pointedly at Varic just long enough for us to notice before obediently storming off stage with the Emperor.
I pull in a deep breath in his absence and focus on sending threads of satisfaction into the chests of every citizen who traveled far and wide for an opportunity to speak with His Majesty, preventing them from appropriately reacting to their ruler’s abandonment as he leaves them to return home to determine their own solutions without resources.