Chapter 4 #2
Ace’s jaw flexed. “Let’s just say I stayed with the aircraft until I was over deep enough water that it would sink. No tech recovery for anyone hostile.”
Her eyes widened. “And then?”
“I ejected.”
Her heart stuttered. “You landed in the water?”
“Yeah.”
She watched him more carefully now. The casual tone didn’t match the tightness in his shoulders, the shadow behind his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“This is all covered by privilege, since I can’t talk about it. I’ve definitely said too much.”
Yet he trusted her. She felt that as a woman and not a doctor. Even so, she bit back a wince. “So you’re talking to me as your doctor. I understand.”
“No. I wouldn’t tell my doctor any of this. But I need privilege.”
Okay. That was fair and a definite gray area, but she wasn’t letting go of this sense of trust she’d just found between them. She’d deal with that information later. “If you survived and won, why is it eating you up so much?”
Ace shrugged, but the movement carried weight. “I lost a friend. A good one. Two weeks before that.” His eyes drifted, unfocused for a second. “His mission was less dangerous than mine, and he should’ve survived.”
Oh. Now she hurt for him. This wasn’t her area of expertise. “Survivor’s guilt?”
“And nightmares.”
Something inside her softened. Without thinking, she shifted closer on the sofa and tugged the blanket aside in silent invitation.
Ace hesitated only half a beat before moving.
The couch dipped under his weight as he slid in beside her, bringing warmth and that masculine scent that always scrambled her thoughts.
He didn’t touch her, not exactly, but his shoulder pressed lightly against hers.
Solid. Steady. Entirely distracting. “That’s all I can tell you,” he said, turning his head to face her.
She didn’t feel like a doctor with him. Never had. This was a bad gray area. “Is there anyone you can talk to?”
“I just did.”
Her lips twitched despite herself. “Not exactly true.”
Ace’s mouth curved faintly.
She drew a slow breath. “Okay. I’m not your doctor.” A pause. “I mean, I am your doctor, but I really think you should see someone who specializes in PTSD. You had a lot going on even before the crash. It probably all coalesced into that day.”
“Probably,” he said agreeably. Then he turned his head, fixing her with that direct, unreadable stare. “Your turn.”
She sighed. “Fine.” She tucked the blanket more securely around her legs, though now it covered both of them. The contact with him was maddeningly pleasant. Dangerous territory. “Obviously, you know I dated Kyle. I was a doctor in D.C. I didn’t really love the city.”
Ace glanced at her. “Did you grow up in D.C.?”
“No.” She shook her head “I grew up in a small town in Maine.”
“You still have family there?”
Her smile faded. “No. It was just my mom and me.” The loss of her mother still hurt. “She passed about eight years ago. Car wreck.”
I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“Yeah.” She remembered her mom every day. “Me too. I’m still in touch with friends from school, but I don’t have any family.” The words came out quieter now, edged with an emotion she didn’t usually let show. She glanced sideways at him. “I kind of envy you and your brothers.”
Ace huffed softly.
“When I first met you guys, there was distance between you,” she continued. “Not so much now.” A pause. “I’ve wished more than once I’d had a sibling.”
“I wish you did, too. My brothers are everything to me.”
She liked that. A lot. The room settled into a softer silence. The late Alaskan light filtered through the curtains, pale and endless. “Anyway, I started dating Kyle, and things were good for a few months and then turned bad.”
It was subtle, but Ace’s body went still beside her.
She needed to find better words. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Did he hit you?”
“No.” She exhaled. “It was more gradual than that. He didn’t exactly put me down. He just… had me doubting myself. Constantly. I can’t even explain how he did it.”
Ace’s jaw flexed.
“Gaslighting is such a stupid term, but that’s how it felt. I started having panic attacks,” she said.
The admission hung there, rawer than intended. Saying it aloud still made her feel vaguely foolish. Exposed.
“He grabbed me a couple times,” she added quietly. “Pushed me. Called me names once. Maybe twice.” She stared at the floor. “I had panic attacks and was doubting myself so much by then that I left.”
Ace’s eyelids dropped to half mast, making him look dangerous. “Are you still having panic attacks?”
“No. I do seek counseling once in a while, and I haven’t had one lately.”
He was a good listener. “Did you think the violence with Kyle would escalate?”
“Yes. I did.” She twisted the blanket between restless fingers. “I found him compelling at first, and then dating him started to feel dangerous.”
Ace watched her closely.
“I’ve got a scientific mind,” she said softly. “But a lot of that was instinct.”
Ace studied her. “Sounds like your instincts proved themselves.” Then he grinned. Slow. Wolfish. Entirely Ace. “I can take him out if you want.”
She choked on a startled laugh. “Excuse me?”
He grinned wider, eyes glinting. “Seriously. People get lost in the Alaskan wilderness all the time.”
Her pulse skipped.
“Just give me the word.”
She stared at him and wasn’t entirely sure he was joking. “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t think so.” They’d shared too much, and intimacy wound around them. She couldn’t let this happen, so she moved the blanket aside and stood, walking toward the door.
The room suddenly felt smaller with him in it. He was too big for the furniture, too big for the space, his presence pressing against her senses in a way that made it hard to think straight. Even so, the temptation to ask him to stay, just so she could sleep without dreams, rose fast and fierce.
That would be too much to ask. Plus, if he stayed, she knew they wouldn’t be sleeping. It wouldn’t be possible.
“It’s still early.” Her fingers curled around the doorknob. “You’ve got time to head back to the bar and pick up a tourist for the night.” She turned.
He was already there.
She yelped, her heart slamming into her ribs.
Ace didn’t move. “Sorry,” he said. “You okay?”
She pressed a hand to her chest. “You move too quietly.”
A slow grin tugged at his mouth. “You’re sure skittish.”
“I’m not skittish.”
His eyes held hers, unreadable, knowing. “Given what you told me? I don’t blame you.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Ace.”
“Good.” He lifted a hand, knuckle sliding lightly beneath her chin.
Everything inside her dropped. Her heart, her breath, even her knees. Well, they more trembled than dropped, but still. The guy definitely affected her body.
He tilted her face up, the touch gentle but impossibly intimate. Heat rushed through her. She could feel him, all of him, standing close enough that the air between them barely existed.
“One kiss,” Ace murmured.
Her gaze fell helplessly to his mouth. His lips were firm and full, and that slight cut along the bottom left only made him look more like a bad boy than ever. “You already got punched in the mouth today,” she whispered.
“I know.” His tone roughened. “Why don’t you make it better?”
Temptation caught her, and she tried to stay in control. “I don’t think so.”
Neither of them moved.
The moment stretched, thick and electric. The past, the fear, the caution all tangled inside her, fighting against something warmer, something reckless and long denied.
She was suddenly so tired of being careful and afraid. Tired of going to bed at eight on a Friday night. Before she could overthink it, she rose onto her tiptoes and pressed the gentlest kiss she could against the fresh cut on his lip. Soft, brief, barely there. Then she dropped back down.
His eyes flared. There was no other word for it. The green brightened, sharp and vivid, wildness flashing through them.
Her breath left her completely. That tiny brush of contact sent a jolt through her body, heat and electricity racing under her skin.
Ace stared at her for several long seconds. Then, slowly, he opened the door. “I kiss you next time,” he said quietly. With that, he stepped outside. “Lock this behind me.”
May stood frozen for half a heartbeat before pushing the door shut and locking it. Only then did she sag back against the wood, pulse thundering, lips tingling, thoughts spinning.
What had she just done?