Chapter 39
Helen’s knuckles turn white as she clenches the paper.
I fight the urge to swallow and lick my lips as her eyes dart over the words.
Her eyes narrow, but she doesn’t look up.
Not once. Not even when she reaches the last paragraph.
Her eyes just stay on the paper, and it makes me more than a little anxious.
I’ve seen Helen at her worst. When she was white-hot furious with me, when she was able to skin a man alive for disrespecting a woman’s body, the aftermath of her husband cheating on her with the pool boy.
I’ve seen her during all these stages and never, not once, was she quiet. What the hell does it mean?
“Is this real?”
Her tone is ice cold and razor sharp. Her jaw rolls and her breathing is rapid.
Fuck. This is it. The defining moment of my career.
I can still say it is a joke and that I need more time.
It would put me in a bad light with her but might save my job.
Yet, the thought of it alone makes my stomach churn.
To dismiss Elena the same way she had dismissed me when Salisar first confronted her.
I couldn’t do that to her. Especially not after she spoke to her Chief about our relationship yesterday. She chose me, and I choose her.
“Very much so,” I say and slightly raise my chin.
I’ve done all I could do in light of these events. The article has a disclaimer for full transparency and the station has been briefed. The only thing I should have done differently was to tell Helen sooner. But that is not something I can fix anymore.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” she hisses. “You of all people?”
I shrug, and her eyes finally flick up toward mine. They aren’t blazing, as I had expected them to be, but calculating. As if she has already accepted the fact for what it is and now wants to make the best of it.
“You slept with your subject?” she snarls.
I shake my head. “It wasn’t like that. We—”
“How long?”
“A month and a half maybe? Or two… it’s hard to tell, really.”
She scoffs. “Hard to tell?”
“Yes, Helen. It’s hard to tell. This wasn’t just something that happened from one day to the other. It grew.”
Her eyes narrow and she presses her lips together. A deep frown appears between her eyebrows, making her look older than she is. When she speaks again, it is in a slow, dragged-out tone that puts me on my toes immediately.
“You mean to say that you fell in love?”
“Yes, I suppose that’s what I am saying. It’s all disclosed in the article, and the Chief is informed. I was as transparent as I could be.”
She scoffs as she slams the article down on her desk.
“And you are willing to give up your career for this woman? To face ethical scrutiny from every single publisher in the country? All for a woman that you met only three months ago?” she yells as she cocks her head.
“Well, when you put it like that…” I squirm, “…it sounds like a rash decision. But it is nothing like that.”
“If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck…”
I shake my head—clenching my hands into fists now. It’s not like I don’t understand where she is coming from. Anyone would understand what this looks like, and I would be the last to deny it if it was. But it’s not, and I can’t stand that she tries to dismiss Elena like that.
“We bonded over some very intense experiences, Helen. Things normal people can only dream of, in their nightmares! That does something to people. We were always bound to grow close, and I think you might have known that. After all, that’s why you chose her, isn’t it?”
I go quiet for a beat and study her face.
Her ice queen mask falters, if only for a second.
It’s all I need to know that I am right.
She had set me up to fail. It was never her intention to hire me again.
She just needed a good series to boost her sales.
After the last one, I would be disposable to her.
That’s why she was so hard on the first draft.
Sure, it lacked spirit and conviction, but she tore it down for her own reasons.
A jolt of relief rushes through my body, and it nearly makes me gasp for air.
I almost gave up what I have with Elena for a shot at this crappy job—to work under a woman whose goal it is to throw me under the bus. Fucking bitch.
“You don’t have to print the article, if you are no longer interested.
” I shrug, with more nonchalance than I really feel.
“That’s the upside of writing something as a freelancer.
If you don’t take it, I know EU Today, Femtastic, and SeVen Nation Magazine will also be interested.
Especially since articles like this tend to draw a lot of attention. ”
Helen slightly dips her chin as she bores her eyes into mine.
She is studying me, seeing if I am bluffing or not, and I let her.
The truth is, I no longer care. I should not have cared in the first place.
This position has me bending over backwards for a salary that only just covers my cost of living.
Why would I willingly choose to be chewed up and spit out day after day, if I can maintain my freedom and write articles that I care about?
Sure, freelancing is hard in this business, and I really want to build my career, but I have options.
Even though Woman at the Front is exactly the type of content I want to create, it is not worth my sanity. And definitely not my happiness.
Helen slowly shakes her head, her knuckles still white. She glances at the paper and pictures laid out on her desk.
“I should report you to the board… and never work with you again. You know this.” She bares her teeth. “But no. We’ll print it. It’s… it’s too good.”
Her nostrils flare as she lets out the words. I feel the corners of my lips tug up at this small victory, and I have to suppress the urge to roll my shoulders back. There is no need to humiliate her. Especially not after she admitted something like that, even if it was under duress.
“Good. That concludes our three articles then. I’ll expect the rest of our agreed payment by the end of the month.”
I stretch myself to my full height and run my hands along my pants. When I turn toward the exit, Helen rises from her chair too.
“Wait. You’re leaving?”
I turn to her, an eyebrow lifted. “Did we have more to discuss?”
“Yes, your contract?” she ushers the words carefully, gazing at my reaction.
Is she expecting me to beg for this job so that she can turn me down?
“What about it?”
She scoffs. “We had a deal, Maya. I don’t go back on that.”
I startle for a moment. “Even… after?”
She sighs. “Even after. You wrote me three perfectly fine articles. Yes, the last one is… different. It is still good. You know what I look for, and you always deliver. Even when I don’t expect you to.” Her gaze drops for a second. “So, let’s discuss your terms.”
My head reels. Just minutes ago I thought this was the moment my future would change because I wrote about Elena and me.
Now I have it in my hands and get to set the terms?
I look at Helen. Really look at her. Her chin is lifted and her eyes seem to be filled with disdain, but there is something else there too. Shame?
“Do you remember Carmen Farro?” I ask quietly.
Her eyes widen slightly and she swallows uncomfortably.
“How could I not?”
“What do you think about when she crosses your mind?”
Helen sinks back in her seat, her gaze still on mine.
She runs her hand through her short platinum hair and then closes her eyes while softly shaking her head.
I don’t rush her, but I don’t fill the quiet between us either.
The editor finally lets out a huff of air and lifts her eyes.
All the coldness has drained from her face and has been replaced with something I can only name as sorrow.
“I handled things terribly wrong with her, and with you. I saw the headlines and…” she trails off while shaking her head again.
“I never should have put her in the position where she had to come out. I… I am deeply ashamed of that. And I lashed out at you, because I knew that what I was doing was wrong.”
Her confession startles me and I stagger back toward the chair. I let myself sink into it again, and search her face. Is she messing with you?
“Why didn’t you just tell me? We could have worked it out.”
That earns me a cold and cruel laugh. “Oh, Maya. You were too proud to reach out to me, and I… my pride got in my way.” She drops her gaze and briefly bites her lip. “But I want us to try again, if you are willing. I’ll even look past your… indiscretions,” she half jokes while quirking an eyebrow.
I chuckle and find myself nodding. But is that what you really want?
You would still be underpaid and yelled at.
No. No… I don’t just want to work for Woman at the Front—I want it to be mine.
And not just this magazine. I want my own.
The realization hits me square in the chest and I need to blink a few times before I dare to admit it again.
Why have I not thought about this sooner?
If you did, you wouldn’t have met El. I feel my lips tug up and I shake softly to myself.
“I am relieved you’re telling me now, Helen. It… it changes everything.”
I offer her a warm smile. She frowns slightly and tips her head, expecting more to follow.
“But…”
“But I want more. No, I need more.”
“Yeah, we can discuss your salary. I am surprised you only…”
I shake firmly, raising my hand to cut her off.
“It’s not about the money. Well, not just that. Helen, writing these kinds of articles brings me so much joy. I want to be in editorial control of that. To share my views with the world, not just in my articles, but with everything.”
She stays silent for a moment, as if she is weighing my words. Then a slow smirk crosses her face. I am so taken aback that I fall back into the chair again.
“It really took you all this time to figure that out?” she lets out a low chuckle.
“Wh…what do you mean?”
“Maya, other than me, nobody has as much passion for the job as you do. You have always been meant for more.” Her cheeks turn slightly pink. “And I’ve always known that.”
I nearly choke on my breath and stare at her in shock. She shrugs once, apologetic.
“If you ever needed a sign to just do it,” she says softly, “this is it.”
“Wow, I…I don’t even know where to begin.”
“You will figure it out. Your pay will be in your account by the end of the month, as agreed. You are welcome to freelance for me as long as you want. I would be a fool to turn you away. Just…” she looks me in the eye. “Don’t freelance for us for too long.”
I can’t help but chuckle at that and nod. When she extends her hand, I grab it without hesitation. I never expected this meeting to turn out the way it did. It really couldn’t have gone any better.
When I walk out of the glass building, I turn my face toward the sun. My soul hums and my heart sings. This is the moment where the rest of my life begins. A life where I am starting a brand-new magazine, where my voice is heard, where I get to go home to Elena. I would not change it for the world.