Chapter 43
Every breath felt heavy—as if the air itself had remembered its strength, and it pushed down on my chest. Kamran’s saltwater scent still clung to my nose; I inhaled it with every breath. It made my mouth dry and parched, but when I licked my lips, they tasted of iron.
His blood.
I spat as I fell to the ground on all fours.
My head hung over my red—they were so red—hands, and my arms began to shake.
I crawled to the water to wash off the stains.
Blood slipped off my fingers in red threads that eventually disappeared into nothing.
Leaning back onto my heels, I held my freshly washed hands up into the sunlight.
I could still feel the warm stickiness on my arms and sari, and the bobbing white lotuses were freckled in blood.
Nothing was clean.
I tried to stand, to leave, but a spasming pain made my back muscles clench, and I fell to the ground with a cry.
The door to the stepwell slammed open. Nikith stood there, looking first at me and then staring at Kamran’s body in disbelief. “What have you done?”
Thevan appeared behind him. “Rani! Are you hurt? Move, you fool!”
Nikith came down the steps, floating as though he moved in a dream, which Thevan had no patience for.
Midway down the stairs, my general jumped off the open side of the stairwell and rushed to me, hopping over Kamran’s corpse as if it were nothing.
His foot splashed in a pool of blood, but he moved on without any concern for the man it had come from.
Thevan was at my side before I could blink, taking one of my hands in his as he put his other arm around me. “Are you hurt?”
I gestured to the red splatters on my face and sari. “It’s all his. I . . . I killed him.”
For the first time, Thevan turned to look at the body in front of me and really saw it.
His eyes went from the corpse to Nikith, who had frozen two-thirds of the way down the stairs.
Tears ran down his hollowed cheeks as he stared at Kamran.
He hadn’t taken his eyes off the body, not even to see if I—his sister-in-law and rani—was okay.
Why would he care so much about a man he barely knew?
“Is this why you came to argue about the tradesmen and their ships? To distract me?” Thevan demanded, not realizing that his hand was tightening around mine. I didn’t mind, though. It made it easier to ignore the pain building up again in my back and the ache that clenched my heart.
Nikith brought his hands up to his face. “He came to talk . . . he came in peace . . . and you killed him.”
“You knew!” Thevan was standing now. “You set this up. You told him where to find her!”
His words ricocheted around the stepwell. My heart dropped as they faded out. Nikith hadn’t denied Thevan’s accusation.
“They will ruin us,” Nikith whispered.
He collapsed onto the stairs but lost his balance, and he tumbled off the open edge.
Nikith flailed as he fell, and his arm let out a sickening crack when he landed on the platform below.
Thevan rushed to my brother-in-law’s side, but instead of helping him up, he stomped on his arm.
Nikith screamed, and his voice echoed up the stepwell as he lay on the ground with his arm pointing in three different directions.
Thevan didn’t even look at Nikith. He made a ring with his thumb and index finger and blew a piercing whistle that cut through Nikith’s cry. Two soldiers appeared at the top of the stepwell, with another following soon after.
“Avinash!” Thevan beckoned to the second man, who pushed his way to the front after the soldiers descended the steps. He and Thevan exchanged salutes. “You’re with me.”
Avinash stepped behind Thevan as my general spoke to the others.
“The rani wants to make sure that her beloved brother-in-law has the time and space he needs to rest.” Thevan made the word “beloved” sound like a sharpened blade. “Make sure that nobody goes anywhere near his room. He must remain completely undisturbed, no matter how strongly he feels otherwise.”
The soldiers nodded their understanding and saluted before leading Nikith away, deliberately ignoring the body lying nearby.
“Avinash, you and I will have an endurance challenge,” Thevan said. “We’re going to dig a deep hole, make a deposit, and fill it again. We will leave now to avoid attracting too much attention. I’m in no mood for extra company.”
Avinash saluted, questioning nothing—not even burying the body without any rites. “I’ll find a bag.”
He saluted and turned to leave, but before he could climb the stairs, my back spasmed again.
I screamed and curled over my belly, which was hard as a rock.
This time the pain did not subside. It stayed with me, extending around to the front of my stomach and squeezing me as if I were a lemon refusing to give its last drop of juice.
I clenched my teeth, certain that I would crack them but convinced I would hardly feel it.
Finally, it let up, and I opened my teary eyes. Thevan was next to me, ready with one arm behind my back and one hooked under my knees.
“Has it passed?” he asked.
I could only nod as tears slid down my cheeks.
“We need to get you to Tara,” he said. “Your little one is coming.”
“It’s too soon,” I protested. “Tara and Nallini agreed that the baby wouldn’t come until the next moon. I must have been sitting wrong, that’s all.”
“You’ve been in pain ever since we came here this morning.” He lifted me up in one fluid motion. He jutted his chin toward Kamran’s corpse. “Avinash, I leave this to you and trust your discretion. Find Parushi. She’ll help.”
I didn’t have the strength to argue as he lifted me and bounded up the stairs.
It was easier to breathe in his arms than it was when I was sitting on the ground, anyway.
His muscled chest was tight, and I could feel its contours as I leaned into him and pressed myself close, trusting in his strength.
His arms tightened around me, and I nestled my head in the crook where his neck met his shoulders to make sure I wouldn’t fall.
I told myself I would have done the same no matter who was carrying me.
But it was him.
I regretted asking the young man by the entrance to summon Tara from the moment he turned and ran away with his arms flailing frantically, as if flapping them could somehow carry him to the infirmary even faster.
Even though I’d tried to sound calm, my pain became annoyingly evident.
He’d stood there, in wide-eyed silence, until I reminded him that he should go. Quickly.
And that was when his arms began to flip like a beached fish.
Thevan rubbed his jawline against my forehead but said nothing as he carried me to my quarters.
It didn’t stop the rumors from flying. An increasingly large throng of people followed us, and I could hear their rumbling murmurs.
I tried to pretend all was well, that it didn’t feel like my spine would shatter, but the looks of worry I received made it clear my feigned smile was failing.
The doors to my quarters were a welcome sight. Finally, some privacy. If I was going to be in this much pain, the least I could ask for was a little space of my own.
But a knot of five servants descended upon us from the moment Thevan opened the door.
Their expressions went from ready attentiveness to fear before I even had the chance to blink.
They immediately surrounded us and yelled conflicting commands to each other, each one wringing their shaking fingers as they stared.
Without thinking, I looked for Chaaya. She would know what to do—how to calm these women and guide them with purpose. But she wasn’t here.
Tears rimmed my eyes, and Thevan’s eyes widened with alarm as he misread my grief.
“Close the door,” he said. “We need to get her to her bed. The master healer is on her way.”
That seemed to get their attention. The gossip that had followed us dulled, and I didn’t need to turn back to know that my chambers were finally my own, shut off from the rest of the fort. Two servants followed Thevan as he carried me to my bedchamber, but he stopped short of the threshold.
“Put me down,” I said.
He hesitated, curling his fingers around me, not wanting to let me go but also knowing he was not allowed to set foot inside.
“I’ll be fine,” I said, and I squeezed his shoulder.
He didn’t loosen his grip.
“This is for me to do.” I signaled to the two servants. “Just make sure Tara gets here quickly.”
Having a new purpose seemed to finally convince Thevan to lower me down, and the two servants came to my sides and took my hands.
Nothing I could say would wipe the worry off my general’s face, but he had the good sense to stay silent and salute before hurriedly marching out of the room to find Tara.
The doors were closed behind him as I was led into my bedchamber. The vast room was not nearly as opulent as my room in Aru’s palace, but it felt more comfortable than any of the ornate Banghervari pillows ever could.
I moved toward my bed, longing to lie on something, anything, but one of the servants pulled my hand back.
“Forgive me, Rani,” she said. The woman was small, almost a whole head shorter than me, and her full, blushing cheeks betrayed her youth. “But you shouldn’t lie down. You should stay on your feet and rock if you need to. That’s what my amma always did.”
The door slammed open, and another woman hurried in holding a pouch. She held it against my back, and warmth filled me. It helped my muscles unwind—not completely, but at least they weren’t clenched so tight anymore.
“What is that?” I asked.
“Uncooked rice that has been heated,” the woman replied softly. She shifted the pack to another part of my back, and I felt those muscles relax as well. “When my sister was giving birth, my amma used this.”