27
J ust be brave, Reese. Be brave.
Sinking down, down, down, I hold breath in my lungs. Let my arms lift in the water. Let the gentle current carry me for a few seconds. Silence. Absolute silence.
And then it’s like a bomb explodes in the water. My eyes fly open.
Big hands on my waist.
Then, I’m forcibly dragged to the surface.
I cough, sputtering on water. “Ford,” I gasp. He’s in the lake with me, fully clothed, his shaggy hair matted to his face.
“What the fuck, Reese?” Hand on my bicep, he shakes me. Anger darkens his handsome features. Tenses all those sinewy muscles. “What the hell are you doing?”
I meet his intense gaze with one of my own. “Midnight swim.”
But his ever-tightening grip tells me I haven’t convinced him. “Bullshit.”
“Don’t worry about me.”
“Worry about you?” he shouts, hot fury in his eyes. “It’s all I’ve done since you fucking got here.”
“I’ll go then.” My heart hammers. Wrenching my arm from his grasp, I swim awkwardly for the shore, tripping over my feet.
From behind me, comes the sharp blast of his swear. “Like hell you’re leaving.”
He catches my wrist, and I flinch. Without my bangles, I feel exposed—vulnerable. He’s touching my scars. Scars I’ve tried to hide for the last month.
I fight against his grip. “Let me go.”
Ford turns me toward him, bringing the scarred part of my arm to his heart. “You can run away from your entire world, Birdie Girl, but you can’t run away from me.”
“Don’t, Ford.” He’s being too sweet. I hate it. I can’t have it.
“You’re sad,” he states.
“We’re all sad, Ford. Some of us just want to do something about it more than others.”
Alarm widens his eyes. “Is that why you’re here? To do something?” When I stay stubbornly silent, he growls, “Tell me, Reese.”
I loosen his grasp and start to move forward. “Why do you care?”
Water ripples as he follows me. “You might have gone your whole life without people in your corner but not anymore.”
I spin around. “And why is that?”
Standing in knee-deep water, we glare at each other.
“Because you have me,” he says gruffly. “Do you hear me, Reese? You have me.”
“I don’t have you.” My eyes well with tears. “You don’t have to pretend just because you’re fucking me.”
Ford stalks toward me, his expression fiercer than I’ve ever seen. “Never say that again. I don’t need to fuck you to care about you. I know what it feels like to be lost.” His voice sounds tortured. “I see you, Bluebird. Every version of you. Broken. Whole. Angry. Sad. I see you.”
A sob escapes my mouth. All I’ve ever wanted is for someone to see me. Someone to get it.
He gently takes my wrist in his hand again. “Tell me what happened.” His voice breaks. “Baby, just tell me before I lose my shit.”
His pleading gaze makes my chest ache.
Steadying myself, I lick my lips and say, “I don’t like my past.” My voice wobbles out in a whisper. “I hate it. I feel ashamed. I don’t want you to think the worst of me. I didn’t want you to know.”
He keeps me in his grasp, his gaze still locked on mine. “Know what?”
“When I was sixteen, I…I tried to kill myself.” I swallow down the bile threatening to rise in my throat.
Ford’s eyes close.
My heartbeat skips. “It’s because of the horses.” Memory assails me. “It was on the set of my movie. On the shoot, I couldn’t stay on the horse. I had no training. We trained day after day after day, and I was so tired. I couldn’t finish the scene. I needed a break. But Gavin…he…” I’m shivering so hard it feels like it’s the dead of winter. “He wouldn’t let me take a break. He duct-taped my hands to the saddle.”
A shocked breath hisses out of Ford’s mouth. “Motherfucker.” He fights for control of his emotions, The only telltale sign of anger, the pulsing muscle in his jaw.
“He made me stay up there until I finished the scene.” I swallow again. “Twelve hours. I couldn’t walk when I got off.”
“Reese. Reese .” He pulls me closer, deeper into his body. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I close my eyes, powering through the pain.
“That was the day I realized it wouldn’t get easier. That my life would never be mine. It would always be Gavin’s. So I…I wrote goodbye on the bathroom mirror in red lipstick. And then I got into a bathtub and…”
I exhale, unable to finish.
Ford eyes search mine, his expression filled with raw emotion.
I take a breath and continue. Might as well get the worst out now. “Gavin found me. He put me in Muirwood, a mental health facility. He told the papers it was rehab to cover it all up. For weeks, I was out of it and didn’t know what I was doing.” A brittle laugh pops out of me. “I was sick and confused but I signed that fucking contract, because he saved my life. So, I owed him, right?”
“That’s not a fucking manager,” Ford says, looking like he’s going to be sick. “That’s a fucking monster. Christ, baby.”
“Ever since Muirwood, I’ve felt like I have a dark hole. It’s not always there, but it hovers—and it hurts.” I’m breathing so hard it feels like my heart will fly away from my chest. “That’s why I came out here. Where I was…it was bad for me. I could feel it coming back again.”
“And now?” He swallows. “Do you feel it here?” His breath holds, and I see his worry, his fear.
That I’ll do it again.
A shudder wracks my frame. “No. I don’t.” Tears slide down my cheeks in a salty stream. “I don’t feel it here. I still get sad sometimes, but I haven’t…I haven’t wanted to end things since that day. But that’s why I want my life. Mine .”
A strangled sob leaves my mouth.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me,” I whisper, my breath hitching. “I worked through it, and it was so hard, but I did it. I didn’t want you to think less of me.”
Suddenly, years of shame and feeling unwanted swoop in. Embarrassment has me ripping my hand from Fords. Has me moving to the shore. I have to get out. Get away. From my panic, away from my shame.
I stumble when I reach the bank. But I can’t hold myself up any longer. I sink to my knees and weep, digging my fingers in the sandy red earth.
Strong arms surround me. Ford cradles me to his chest.
I bury my face in his neck, trembling as I cry. “Am I broken, Ford? Am I a wreck?”
“No, baby.” His deep voice soothes my soul. “Absolutely not.”
I grip his shirt, like I can burrow into his body. “I try so hard to be good.”
He strokes my hair, makes rough sounds of comfort. “Nah, baby. You try so hard to be bad. I see you, Reese. I see your sadness and your beauty. I don’t want to break it. I want to hang onto it. I’ll sit with you in it. As long as it takes.”
Lifting my head, I meet his gaze. “You will?” I whisper.
“I will, Bluebird,” he whispers back. “I promise.”
Back in the chalet, Ford towers over me as he strips me down. His big hands remove my dress, until I’m shivering and naked, and only one thing remains.
Us.
I step into him. Chill bumps cover my clammy skin and yet, I burn.
He drinks in my body, his hands gripping my hips. “I want you warm, Birdie.”
I nuzzle my nose against his warm chest. Inhale his scent of lake water, pine, and man. “Then make me warm, Country Boy.”
His breathing hitches its rhythm. “Baby.”
“Ford.” My hands go to his wet shirt. “I need you.”
If he rejects me…I couldn’t bear it.
“Never,” he growls as if hearing my thoughts. His strong, steady drawl eclipses my worry. His eyes have a wild primal look to them. “Never. You’re mine, you hear me?”
Mine.
His words decimate me.
He looks as stunned as I do, but then like a rein’s snapped, he hauls me against his muscled body and kisses me.
The world stops. Inside, I burn. Feverish and warm.
A guttural groan rises in Ford’s chest, and he presses me against him, kissing me so frantically our mouths almost lose contact.
He’s rock-hard.
Heat thrums through the bedroom, engulfing my senses.
My hands tangle in his hair. Tearing at his shirt, I cling to him like I’ll die if he lets me go. I need him. Inside of me. All over me. Closer.
Ford chuckles. “Easy, baby, easy. We got all night. I want to show you something.”
He spins me to face the mirror on my vanity. Makes me see myself, see my body. I whimper as Ford spreads my legs. His calloused fingertips hold my jaw, forcing my gaze to the mirror.
“Look at you,” he murmurs, commanding. “Look at you . So fucking beautiful.”
I shake my head, emotions drowning me like a flood. All I see is my wild hair and my tear-filled eyes. My scarred wrists.
“Baby, you think you’re not worth it, but you are.” His shallow breath warms my temple. “Say it.”
My lips trembles as I squirm. “I can’t.”
“You’re worth it, Reese.” Eyes locked on me, his chest heaves rhythmically up and down. “You’re worth me. You’re worth yourself.”
“Stop,” I whisper. I feel more vulnerable than I’ve ever allowed myself to be.
“Say it,” he demands.
“I’m broken,” I choke out.
“Never.” His long fingers dip into an open palette of gold eye shadow. He lifts my wrists and streaks the gold across my scars.
“See yourself,” he says, his voice hoarse. His eyes travel down my wrists, mesmerized. “As beautiful as I see you.”
Tears in my eyes, I watch as he paints my body. Streaking my scars, my skin, my breasts with slashes of gold.
“You’re like the wild, baby. You’re always gonna burn, but you come back better than ever.”
His fingers slip inside of me.
Oh, God.
My head lolls against his chest. I’m already wet, slick against his hand.
Gaze heated, he says, “Drip for me, baby. That’s right.”
Something eager and brave opens inside of me and warms my stomach. Someone else knows about my past. It’s not a secret anymore. I did that. I feel purged and strong.
“I’m worth it,” I gasp out.
“Good girl.”
Ford’s relentless. Looking me in the eye through the mirror, his fingers pump inside of me, fucking me like a cock. I can feel myself clenching around him.
“Ford,” I cry out, bucking.
His voice strangles. “You’re gold, Reese. You’re beautiful. You’re mine.”
A feverish warmth fills me. My breath comes in sharp bursts. Close. So close.
“Do it,” Ford growls against my neck. “Come for me.”
“Yes, yes,” I gasp.
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Where I want to be.
Here with Ford.
This ranch.
This life.
Mine.
My hips twist and I scream. Warmth drips down the inside of my thighs. Ford holds me against him, forearm bracketed across my chest as I buck in his arms. When I’m exhausted, limp and flush, I collapse against him.
Ford gathers me into his arms and we melt onto the mattress. Burning, bare bodies.
Slowly, he sinks inside of me. His amber eyes hold mine, steady and strong.
Our breaths grow shallow, desire deepening in my stomach. All summer we’ve snuck around and fucked, but this is different. I can see his face. The way his eyes darken. The hard bob of his Adam’s apple.
It means more. Means everything.
The ache in my stomach deepens, connecting us. Ford slides his hands under my ass, lifting me slightly as he thrusts deeper into me.
“It’s never been like this with anyone but you,” he rasps against my neck.
“Yes,” I say, sex clenching. I scrape my nails down his back, nip at his shoulder. “Never.”
He captures my mouth on a strangled moan. His kisses turn possessive, frantic. I can barely get air, but I relish it.
“So fucking tight,” he murmurs, pressing my knees closer to my shoulders. “Bluebird, you’re a goddamn dream.”
I moan, lost in him. We move against each other like tides. He pumps in and out slowly, torturing me.
“Ford.” I arch my back off the bed. “It’s perfect.”
“Fuck,” he grits out. “You’re perfect.”
I throw my head back and whimper.
“Need those eyes open, Birdie. On me.” His stern command draws me back.
“Yes,” I gasp. “Yes.”
Our gazes lock. Ravenous desire explodes between us.
Ford’s languid rhythm changes. He pumps harder. Faster. Fucks me like he’s starving. His hips roll against mine as I writhe beneath him. His animalistic hunger, his primal eyes, they take me over. Possess me. I want nothing else. No one else.
His eyes never leave my face as he melds me to his body. He doesn’t just make me feel like gold, he makes me believe I am.
I slide my hands over his muscled back and grip the curve of his ass.
“ Reese .” He rasps my name like a prayer, pushing me over the edge.
We climax together, hips rolling, breaths panting. I wrap myself around him, burrowing into his tall body. We shake together, our heartbeats syncing.
When our bodies calm, he rolls off me and cleans me up. Dresses me. I don’t fight him. I let him take care of me.
Back in bed, I curl up on his chest. Our breaths pulse. Our hearts beat as one. We lay there and talk into the night. We talk about Georgia, our hometowns, the struggles of fame. He tells me about climbing his mountain, the rush he gets. Vintage cars are his weakness, mine is jewelry and high heels.
I tell him about my phone call with Geneva.
“What do you think?” I ask, lifting myself up to look at him.
“I think it sounds like a damn good opportunity.”
“I think so, too.” I trace my fingers over his bronze skin. “It’s hard to know if I’m making another mistake.”
“It’s not a mistake,” he says. “Whatever happened in the past shouldn’t stop you from making plans in the future.”
“Pretty wise for a cowboy.”
He wiggles his brows. “Learn from your elders, baby.”
“I’m so glad I found you,” I murmur, lying back down in his arms. “If only for a summer.”
His entire body tenses.
“Thank you.” His voice is rough. “For telling me.”
“I thought hiding it would have been easier.”
“You don’t have to hide yourself, Reese.” His fingertips stroke through my hair. “Not from me.”
“For so many years, I thought I owed Gavin—”
“You don’t owe anyone anything. That’s your money, baby. Your body, your voice.”
“I know.” My voice shakes. “He took advantage of me.”
“He did.” Ford hugs me to him. “You’re not leaving the ranch. You’re safe here.”
“Are you sure that I shouldn’t go?” I bite my lip, remembering the awful scene in the pasture. “What about your brothers?”
He shoots me a look infused with regret, anger. “I’ll handle them. They never should have talked to you like that.”
“What if…” I swallow before voicing my unsaid fear. “What if Gavin tells the world what I did? Everyone thinks it was rehab.” Another fear pops into my head. “He threatened to put me back in Muirwood. What if he really forces me to go back?”
Ford’s face is dark, dangerous. “Another man touches you, Reese, and you’re going to see how fast I can bury a body.”
“Ford—”
“Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.”
I smile at we . All summer he’s been by my side. The man I needed. A hero.
A cowboy.
A diabolical grin tips his lips. “Besides, we have better things to do.”
I shiver as he flips onto his hands, sliding down my body.
We fuck again, an exploration of hunger we never knew we had. Then we sleep until dark turns to day and the sun comes up over the horizon.