Six
Ameila
I turn onto Main Street and check the time. I start to panic at how close I’m cutting it to when I’m supposed to meet everyone for dinner. I got caught up at work going over some contracts before tomorrow, and I had to drop Penny off at home because as much as I would love to bring her everywhere, I can’t bring her to the diner where we’re all meeting. My phone rings, and when I look at my screen, I see it’s Pam.
“I’m so sorry I’m running late. I lost track of time and had to drop Penny off, and I had to feed her and turn on her favorite show. I’m close though,” I blurt out before she can even get a word in.
“Take a breath, bitch. That’s why I’m calling. Something happened with Sam’s moving truck, so he and I won’t be able to make it, and since we were Luna’s ride, she won’t be there either,” she says casually.
“Oh, well, I can just go home, then. Maybe get caught up on some reading I’ve been wanting to do,” I say, ignoring the fact that I know she missed one person’s name in our group.
Nerves flutter in my stomach, not because this is a date, but because it feels like a setup.
She’s setting me up on a date.
I refuse to think it’s a date, but other than business meetings, I haven’t been out socially with just a man in five years.
“No can do. We tried to cancel with Luke, but he’s already there. You have to go because if you don’t, that would be rude. He did help you on his last day off before starting his new job.”
“Pamela . . .” I growl into the phone.
My anxiety rises as I start spiraling. Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, I feel my skin start to crawl, and anxious thoughts start to bombard my head.
Coincidentally, I talked to my therapist about Luke this morning.
She says I should embrace it and be happy that I’m actually attracted to someone again. That the walls I’ve built are ready to come down, if only I’m brave enough to let them and allow myself to be truly happy with myself and someone else. I hate how honest she is, but that’s why she’s a great therapist for me. She calls me out on my bullshit almost as much as Pam does, and like a grown adult, I roll my eyes at her because I am happy.
I don’t know why people keep saying that to me .
I’ve grown so much in the four years I’ve been seeing her. I’ve learned a lot about myself and who I want to be and what I want in a relationship. A relationship I’m nowhere near ready for, no matter how drool-worthy of a male specimen he is, or even how nice he is, or how genuine he was about learning what I do.
A breath of air feels stuck in my chest as it starts to tighten.
“ Amelia ! You need to take a breath and stop overthinking,” Pam says as I pull up to a red light.
Shaking my thoughts from my head, I realize I zoned out for the rest of the drive as I see the Atomic Diner just past the light. Pam is lucky I’m craving one of their burgers, which will be the excuse I use to not murder Pam in her sleep.
“I’m fine. Well, I’m not fine yet, but I know what you’re doing, and the only reason I’m going is because Luke is already there, and I promised dinner for helping,” I say firmly and turn into the parking lot and find a spot.
“It’ll be okay, I promise. Call me when you’re leaving, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, you whore,” she says, laughing.
“You’re a bitch,” I say and end the call, setting my phone down.
Taking a deep breath, I scan the parking lot.
I can do this—socialize with someone I don’t really know. I’m an adult and can do hard things because I’m strong and likable.
My breath catches when I see him get out of his truck.
Goddamn, he’s good looking.
Maybe I can’t do this.
Much like yesterday, he’s wearing fitted, well-worn jeans, but instead of a T-shirt, today he has on a button-down shirt with his sleeves rolled up. My breathing picks up for a different reason as I realize I’m not ready for this at all.
I know when he spots me because a smile takes over his face as he walks up to my window.
“Are you a Jurassic Park fan?” he asks, and I just look at him and blink.
How can he know that?
“You have a tan Jeep with the Jurassic Park plate in the front, and your sunglasses are Jurassic Park themed,” he points out.
Finally, my brain catches up. “Oh, yeah, it’s one of my favorite movies. If a 1992 model wasn’t mostly rusted, I would have gone true to the original model, but I like the four-door option because of Penny.” I realize I’m rambling as I open my door and get out. I close my door and turn to look up at him. “I guess it’s just us. Pam just called and told me something happened with Sam’s moving truck.”
“Yeah, Sam let me know as I pulled in,” he says with a knowing smirk. “After you.” He gestures with his hand to the door.
I feel his hand lightly on my back, and as a reflex, I stiffen.
I’m not ready for this. I suck in social situations, and I have to keep telling myself that this is not a date, even if it’s starting to feel like one.
This is not a date.
The worst part about anxiety is that I’m not mad about the situation I’ve found myself in. I know I need to just suck it up.
I feel his breath next to my ear as he opens the door.
“Breathe, Amelia, it’s going to be okay,” he says, and I instantly take a deep breath.
“Atta girl,” he says, and for some reason, instead of pissing me off that he can calm me down so quickly, I relax.
We walk up to the hostess stand and see that it’s Abby. An easy smile takes over my face. She’s one of my favorite people in this town. From the first time I walked in here, she made me feel so welcome.
“Hey, Am! How are you doing today?”
“Great! Thanks! How’s everything going?”
“Good! Staying busy. Is it just the two of you today?”
“Yeah,” I confirm.
“Would you like a table or a booth?” she asks.
I look at Luke because I don’t care, but I know some people do.
He looks down at me, then back to Abby and says, “We can take a booth.”
“Perfect!” she says in her customer service voice, and I wonder how she’s always this on at work, no matter what’s going on around her.
“You can follow me just this way.” She grabs two menus and shows us to our booth.
As we follow her, Luke’s hand goes back to my lower back, and I fail at holding back the shiver I get from his touch.
“Here you go,” she says. “Antonella will be your server and will be here for your drink orders soon.”
“Thank you,” I reply as I put my phone face down on the table with my sunglasses on top.
“How was your first shift?” I ask, bouncing my leg up and down as my anxiety starts to creep in again, and I try to keep my hands from fidgeting.
“Actually, it was good. We had a couple of calls, but it was a slow enough day that we were able to get a feel for the firehouse and the people we work with on our shift. It’s also nice that we’re only doing twelve-hour shifts here. The twenty-four hours on and forty-eight hours off are exhausting and catch up to you after a few years. What about you? How was work today?” he asks.
“Busy. I’m in talks with the contractor I work with to add on to the farm, and I had a meeting with a couple of the local farms in the area. I was also able to set everything up for our Wednesday deliveries to some of the local restaurants,” I say excitedly.
I might be busy and my days may be full of meetings, but the fact that I’m working with local farmers to start a co-op and work directly with restaurants, families, and local grocery stores makes me proud of the work I’m doing.
This is also a comfortable topic. It’s personal but not directly about me, and I can talk about this all day.
“That sounds exciting. Did you always plan to start small and grow, or did you think you were going to build a big farm and then grow into it?”
My response is easy because this was something I thought long and hard about once my grant was approved. “If you would have asked me when I first started planning, I would have said I wanted to build big and grow into it. However, when it came down to it, I didn’t want to overwhelm myself with a lot of empty space. After I moved to town, I met with a contractor who thankfully saw my vision, and between the two of us, we designed the first building a specific way so we can add on at least three more times.” I pause and take a deep breath. “Actually, I’m excited to think that I’m going to be adding on sooner than I originally anticipated. Luckily, the local business owners were so excited about fresh, local produce and fish they could get at a decent price and that I was willing to try different methods to grow various things to fit their needs. Sorry, I’m rambling,” I say quickly, thinking he doesn’t really care about how my business is doing. I start nervously looking around the diner.
“No, don’t apologize. It’s refreshing to hear someone excited about what they do. Is this something you’ve always been interested in?” he asks as our server walks up to our table.
“Hi! I’m Antonella! Sorry about your wait. What can I get you to drink?” our server asks and looks at me. “Oh! Hi, Amelia. I didn’t realize it was you! How are you doing?”
“I’m good, Ant! How are you?”
“I’m doing great, thanks!” she says, and we give her our orders.
“This’ll be out in a jiffy.”
“Thanks,” I say as she walks away.
“So, what brought you to Griffin’s Den?” Luke asks.
Shit, I don’t know how to answer that.
Info dumping that I had a shitty ex-boyfriend and I picked a grant that would get me the farthest away from him is an instinct I have to fight. Regardless of what I said to Pam, this is very much like a first date, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I wasn’t expecting it to be so easy to talk to him.
Tapping my fingers on my leg as I gather my thoughts, I respond with the abridged version.
“Well, I was living in Washington, DC, for school and then work and realized quickly that the big-city life just wasn’t for me. It was around the same time my ex and I broke up, and it just kind of all fell into place, even though it was unexpected. The grant is what brought me to New Mexico, but after some research, I knew Griffin’s Den was where I was meant to be. COVID, in an odd way, helped me because construction had just finished as everything started to close down, so I was able to get everything set up, grow some crops, and establish some fish by the time I could start marketing in person,” I say honestly. “What about you? What made you want to come here?”
Holding eye contact, he doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I don’t know how to feel with his attention fully on me.
Finally, he breaks his silence. “I love what I do and was lucky that I knew pretty quickly that I wanted to be a firefighter. Kind of like you, I realized I was burned out on the big-city life, and it didn’t help that the firehouse we worked at was going to shit. I didn’t want to work with people who I didn’t trust to have my back. Sam told me about the job openings, and we jumped at the opportunity to interview. He took the lieutenant position, and I took one that will be shadowing one of the local fire investigators, which is awesome because I’m passionate about the fire investigation side of things. It’s not something I could pursue easily in Boston. So it was an easy choice, even though moving across the country was a pain in the ass.”
“Agreed. Moving sucks, and I was glad to find my house when I did. As a fire investigator, would you do more desk work versus front-line work?” I ask, and before he can answer, our food comes out.
“Here’s your food. Let me know if you need anything else,” Antonella says and walks away.
My stomach rumbles as I pick up my napkin. I moan as I take the first bite because, as usual, it’s perfect. A chuckle from across the table reminds me I’m not alone, and my face turns red.
“It’s nice to be out with a woman who appreciates food,” he says. “To answer your question, I’ll do both. It’s a small enough department that I could be both a fire investigator and work the fires as well.”
I nod because I understand wanting to do all aspects of the job you enjoy.
We make small talk while we eat, and I find myself relaxing enough to realize we have a lot in common. I’m actually enjoying myself, and I’m secretly glad that Pam, Sam, and Luna backed out—for real or on purpose—even though I’ll go to my grave with that information. Soon we’re both done eating, and Antonella is back with the check. I’m hit with sadness that our evening is coming to an end.
“Thanks, Antonella. As always, the food was amazing,” I say as I go to grab the check. Luke reaches for the check with his card in hand. “Absolutely not. This was supposed to be for you helping me with the farmers’ market this past weekend. It’s my treat.”
“You don’t have to pay for me, Amelia. It’s our first date. I helped this weekend because I wanted to, not so you had to owe me something. How about you get the ice cream after this?” he says, and I just look at him, trying to decide whether I should push back or not.
“Date? This isn’t a date. Our friends backed out on us, so yes, I can pay for dinner since you helped me. Also, what if I was full and wanted to go home and didn’t want to get ice cream?” I say, moving my hand to let him take the check, but give him my best I’m not happy but I don’t want to make a scene glare.
“Then I would let you go home but ask when I could see you again,” he says casually with a half smile.
After we slide out of the booth, I look up at him. “Fine. Ice cream sounds great, and I know just the place on the way back to Joe and Ann’s place, but for the record, this isn’t a date.” I stop and think about what I just said and how it sounded, and I quickly add when he chuckles, “I didn’t mean I was going back to your cabin with you because I’m not, but it’s on the way for you to go back alone . . .”
“I knew what you meant,” he says and then leans down, and I feel his breath by my ear. “When you’re ready, you’ll always be welcome to come home with me, willingly,” he whispers, and I shiver at the effect this man has on my body.
I do my best to seem unaffected as we walk to the hostess stand so Luke can pay for dinner before walking out of the diner.
It’s been five years since I’ve been even kind of attracted to someone who wasn’t a book boyfriend, and I’m not sure how to handle all these feelings coursing through my body.
“Where is this ice cream place?” he says.
“It’s called The Cow’s Shake,” I say and rattle off an address that he puts in his phone.
“I’ll see you there in less than fifteen minutes,” he says as he opens my car door.
After I hop in and get situated, he closes the door and leans in through the open window. I wonder if he’s going to kiss me, and my breath catches.
I think I want him to kiss me.
My eyes start to close as he gets closer, and I lean in, but instead of kissing my lips, he kisses my cheek.
He straightens and smirks before tapping the door twice. “Buckle up, and I’ll be right behind you.”
I watch him as he walks away, and I’m stunned. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Just. Happened.
I turn the Jeep on and pull out of the parking lot, and he’s right behind me in his truck, as promised. The closer we get to the ice cream place, the more I freak out.
This isn’t a date. I’m far too busy to date, so I don’t even know why I’m even kind of entertaining this idea. In theory, I talk a big game in therapy, knocking my walls down to let people in, but am I really ready for it?
My phone chimes with a text notification, and I have my car read it. When it announces that it’s from Pam, I laugh because I’m sure she’s checked my location.
Pam: Are you heading to get ice cream?
Make sure to get the dairy-free stuff this time
Don’t want any accidents
I pull in and park before texting back
Me: Stop being a stalker. I’ll do what I want
I know my limits with ice cream. It’ll be fine
I unplug my phone and turn my car off, seeing that Luke has parked next to me and is getting out. I take a moment to look up at the sky. While it might not rain, I should probably put the two front sections of my top back on the Jeep. So I reach into the back seat and grab them.
“Need help?”
“Actually, no, it’s pretty quick. These panels are way easier than the soft tops or the back panel. Thanks though,” I say as I snap them into place and hop out.
“What kind of ice cream do you get?” He asks as we walk up to the door.
“Depends on how I’m feeling, but tonight I’m going to get the raspberry ice cream. They have the best fresh ice cream here, so you can’t go wrong with anything you get,” I tell him like a walking advertisement.
“Perfect, I love ice cream.”
We order at the counter, and when they’re ready, I pay. We sit down and eat our ice cream in silence. I have roughly twenty minutes once I finish before I know if I’m going to shit myself or not. Because yes, I, Amelia Rose, am lactose intolerant. While I normally have no issue with the risk I’m taking, it dawns on me that I don’t really know Luke, and I realize I didn’t think this through very well.
“You good? You kind of spaced out for a second. I’m not boring you already, am I?” he says with a chuckle.
“Nope, I was just thinking about the time and how I’ll have to let Penny out soon,” I say, hoping I sound convincing because while it’s not really a lie, it isn’t the whole truth either.
“She’s such a great dog. You’ve done well with training her.”
My chest swells with pride. “She is such a good dog, but I can’t take all the credit. She mostly came to me that way. I just worked hard with a trainer to keep growing her confidence.” I smile as I think about how I instantly knew I was going to foster fail that dog.
That’s when I feel it. My stomach starts to cramp, and I use a napkin to pretend to wipe my face as I cover a grimace.
“Well, I won’t keep you longer so you don’t go home to any accidents,” he says and grabs our garbage.
I’m not worried about her having an accident at this point but myself. I mentally smack my forehead.
He walks me to my Jeep, and I say, “I had a great time tonight. Sorry you got stuck with just me instead of the whole group.”
“I’m not sorry one bit. It’s been a great non-date, and hopefully you’ll maybe let me take you on a real date soon?” He gets closer and brings his hand to my chin to make me look into his eyes.
My pulse starts to race.
He stares into my eyes, and it’s like he can see into my soul.
And that scares me.
“I’m going to kiss you goodbye to end our non-date now. If you don’t want this, you need to tell me now.”
“Uhhh, okay.” I wonder if I sound as breathless as I feel, but that’s all the permission he needs.
He slides his hand from my chin to behind my ear and moves closer, stopping millimeters from my lips, forcing me to close the distance. For a moment, I realize it’s not like romance books when they talk about feeling a spark with someone.
No, this kiss makes my stomach dip like I’m on a roller coaster.
I gasp at that feeling. He takes advantage and pushes his tongue inside. His kiss is full of want but also promises. I groan and fist his shirt to pull him closer. I might not have had an urge for this in the last five years, but this kiss reignited something in me.
Just as it gets borderline not PG anymore, my stomach cramps again, and I pull away, breathless.
“Knew you would taste so sweet,” he says softly as he looks at me again, and I must look panicked. “Are you okay?”
“Yup, perfect!” I say as my stomach continues to cramp. I try to school my features and check my watch. I should have left five minutes ago.
“Tell me I can see you again?” he asks, and for the first time tonight, he looks nervous.
“Uh, yeah, maybe, but the next couple of weeks are busy, but I’ll text you,” I rush out as I climb into my Jeep and start it up.
“Cool, text me when you get home.” He pauses and looks at me thoughtfully again. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look flushed.”
“Yeah, everything is great! I’ll text you when I get home.” I shut my door, and without thinking, I give in to the impulse and roll my window down. I shock not only myself but him when I lean out and kiss him quickly. “I really had a great night, thanks again.” I lean back in the Jeep, and the look on his face is priceless.
He smirks and backs away. “See you soon, Amelia.”
Rolling my window up, I pull out of there.
I feel the sweat on my brow as the cramps hit harder this time, and I call Pam.
“Well, you took longer than I thought you would after eating ice cream. What made you think that was a good idea?” she says instead of a greeting, and I can hear her laughing.
“Fuck off. You don’t know what I chose to eat, but I need you to talk to me because I very much think I might not make it home,” I say through clenched teeth.
“I know damn right you got your raspberry ice cream. Keep acting like I don’t know you, but if it makes you feel better, as long as you don’t hit any lights, you should be good.” She tries to reassure me. “How was dinner? Tell me about it so that I can distract you.”
“It was shockingly good. We have a lot in common. I still don’t want to date, but I did say I would think about going out with him again, so we shall see.” I stop talking to breathe through the cramps going through my body, and Pam laughs.
“This isn’t funny. I’m dying . My stomach hurts so bad. I’ve made it so long without shitting myself, and I swear to all that is holy, if I shit myself now, I’ll be so mad.” I take a deep breath when my street comes into view.
“Maybe next time you go on a date, you’ll find something better to do than eat ice cream, or you’ll listen to me when I say to get dairy-free. At least you didn’t drive together. Could you imagine that conversation as to why you aren’t talking much and breathing like you’re in labor?” She snorts, thinking she’s hilarious.
“God, I hate you so much right now. But you know my weakness is their raspberry ice cream. Even though dairy hates me. It’s just so good,” I say. “Holy shit, my street has never seemed so long. I’m not going to make it.”
“If you shit yourself in your car, we’ll have to find an out-of-county service to come and clean it. Could you imagine? Maybe I’ll start looking up some options right now,” she says.
I don’t acknowledge her as I turn into my driveway, throw the Jeep in park, and run up to the door. Fumbling with my door code, I finally get in and push past Penny. I’ve never been happier to see my bathroom.
Ten minutes later, I realize I don’t remember turning my car off or hanging up with Pam. I let Penny out to go potty and walk back out to the Jeep, and it is, in fact, still on with the door open, and Pam is still connected, even though she isn’t talking.
Gathering everything in the car, I say, “I’m alive and well, but I barely made it.”
She’s laughing so hard that she can barely say between breaths, “I can’t believe you forgot about me and the car. I can still hear the car running.”
“It was an emergency!” I yell into the phone. “I’m hanging up now. I’ll call you tomorrow. Just so you know, I hate you.”
“Byeeeee, love you,” she says, and I disconnect as I turn off the Jeep.
Penny walks up to me as I finish grabbing my stuff, and we walk back to the house.
Before I go in after Penny, I freeze with my hand on the door handle and have the strangest urge to look over my shoulder, which is weird because, of course, there’s nothing there. I walk into the house and shake my head as I remember to text Luke because if I don’t do it now, I’ll forget.
Me: I’m home safe and sound.
Thanks again for a great night.
Luke: I was getting worried. I’m glad you’re home safe.
It was my pleasure. Sleep well, Amelia, and I’ll see you soon. :)
I smirk at my phone as I plug it in, and then I undress. Penny jumps into bed, and once I lie down with the biggest smile on my face, ready to face the rest of the week, regardless of how busy it is, I think I just might be ready to maybe try this dating thing again.