Chapter 9
Sarah
London
Sarah had arranged to meet Amy at a wine bar in Borough Market, roughly equidistant to where each of them lived.
Even on an Autumn Monday with a wild, stormy night outside it was busy, and when Sarah arrived she could see that Amy was already there, halfway through a glass of wine, and had got them a pair of seats in a booth off to one side.
Sufficiently private to have a conversation, but not so much as to miss out on the bustle of the rest of the bar, it was the sort of table that felt cocooned from the world and a cosy respite from the rain pouring down outside.
Amy looked up as Sarah walked over and stood to greet her with a smile, giving her a hug before they both sat down across the table from each other. Sarah put her umbrella to one side to dry.
They sat looking at each other for a few moments, Sarah unsure quite what to say and sure that Amy felt the same, tentative smiles on both their lips.
She felt her pulse quicken to be sat opposite Amy after everything that had happened…
almost as if it couldn't be real after James walking in on them not much more than forty-eight hours before.
It didn’t help Sarah’s unaccustomed nerves that evening that Amy looked as good as ever, dressed down in jeans and a dark blue hoody, her brown hair tied back loosely.
Sarah couldn’t tell whether it was a genuinely low effort casual look or something that Amy had spent ages on, but really it didn’t matter.
Probably a bit of both. Either way Amy looked good.
Sarah had managed to go home briefly before going to the bar and change from her work clothes into more casual jeans and a top, a bit more dressed up than Amy.
She’d also at the last minute taken a quick shower and put on her best lingerie, very much in hope rather than expectation.
She didn’t have a clue where the evening was going but best to be prepared.
“So…” Sarah joked, thinking she'd break the ice. “Been up to much?”
There was a pause of a second or two where Sarah had the sinking feeling that she shouldn’t have said that, and that she’d just trivialised whatever had happened in Amy’s life since Sarah left her flat on Saturday afternoon.
Then Amy pursed her lips and Sarah cursed herself for not saying something more sensitive. “You could say so, yes. Get yourself a drink first. Then I'll tell you all about it.”
Sarah ordered a glass of wine, Amy ordering a second glass for herself too, and they made slightly awkward small talk for the couple of minutes they took to arrive.
“You took today off did you say?” Sarah asked as their wine arrived.
“I don’t use all my holiday as it is, and I figured if I can’t use some now then when can I? I’m going to take the next two days as well, and I fly to LA on Thursday.”
“You’re still going to go? I mean, you could delay. We’d all understand.” I don’t want you to spend that time with Luisa, I want you to spend it with me ran through Sarah’s head, but she knew not to say it.
“The project genuinely needs me there… and I think not far off three weeks away from here will do me good.”
“It makes sense. We appreciate you doing it.”
Amy looked into Sarah’s eyes for a few moments. “Look, am I talking to work Sarah my mentor here, or social Sarah my lunch companion from Saturday? That sounded like work Sarah just now and I need to know. It really changes the conversation we're about to have.”
Sarah was taken aback but realised that Amy was right. She had just talked to Amy as her boss, not as her friend. And that wasn’t the dynamic that Sarah was after at all.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been in work mode all day. That came out wrong. You’re talking to your friend Sarah from now on, I promise.”
“Good.” Amy visibly relaxed to hear it. “That’s what I’d hoped. That’s the version I want to talk to.”
Sarah took a sip of her wine. “So, how have things been? Are you ok?”
A look passed across Amy’s face, and for a moment Sarah thought that there might be tears, but Amy took a deep breath, looking away and back at Sarah again, and it passed.
“I’m ok, I think. A lot has happened since Saturday.”
“I’ve got all evening to listen, and if you don’t want to talk about it then there’s no need.”
“Oh, I definitely want to talk about it. I’m just not sure where to start!” Amy smiled awkwardly. “It’s… tricky.”
“You can start anywhere and we’ll go from there.”
“Ok… I really don’t know where to start. Let’s start with you. What did you do after you left my flat on Saturday?”
“Immediately after, not a lot… I spent some time gathering my thoughts, went home for a bit. Look, my Saturday isn’t important. Were you ok after I left?”
“Yes, I was fine. But look, did you still go out on Saturday night?”
Sarah looked away. “That isn’t important.”
Amy replied with a hint of frustration in her voice, “It is to me. What were you doing? You never told me.”
“I’d rather not say.”
“I’d rather you did. Humour me. It’s been a hell of a last few days.”
“I did nothing on Saturday night. Sunday I met up with a friend.”
“And… what did you do with that friend?”
Sarah stared at Amy for a few moments. “You’re really going to make me say?”
“No… I can guess. Another mentee?”
Sarah shook her head. "Not quite."
"You slept with whoever it was?"
Sarah nodded, reluctantly.
"At your place?"
“No,” Sarah replied, “a hotel. My place didn’t feel right after what we’d done there on Wednesday.” What on earth has Amy done to me, Sarah thought, it’s like she’s some kind of walking truth serum. This is none of her business.
“Look,” Amy said. “You weren’t the only one.
I met a woman at the bar of a nightclub on Saturday night and I had sex with her ten minutes later.
” Sarah started at that, shocked. She realised that she was feeling insanely jealous at the thought of it.
Sarah wanted to be the one spending Saturday night with Amy, not some random woman.
“But this is why we need to talk,” Amy continued.
“Because there was something real between us on Saturday afternoon and even on the Wednesday before. I felt it and I know you did too.” Sarah nodded in agreement.
“But then we both went and slept with someone else over the weekend. That’s fucked up.
There’s a side to you that I think is brilliant, and a side to you that I think is less so. I don’t know which I’ll get.”
“But,” Sarah interjected, “I wanted to see you on Saturday night and Sunday night, I only didn’t contact you because it felt inappropriate.”
“That’s my point though,” Amy replied. “I wanted nothing more than to see you and I knew that I mustn’t. But both of our back up plans can’t be to go and fuck someone else, can they?” She took another sip of her wine. “Look, I need to pop to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a minute.”
Sarah watched Amy walk across the bar to the bathrooms, unable to stop herself admiring Amy’s figure in her tight jeans as she went despite the way the conversation had gone so far.
As she sat there, Amy’s comments started to resonate. What had she been thinking making a booty call to Camila when she knew she shouldn’t see Amy? It was fucked up, just as Amy had said. She didn’t regret her Sunday, but she did regret that her instinct had taken her in that direction.
A waiter came by, and Sarah ordered a bottle of the wine that Amy was drinking, along with a couple of clean glasses.
She could see that either this night was going to involve a lot more talking, and therefore wine, or be quick, in which case she’d have a good go at drowning her sorrows instead.
So also therefore wine. Either way most of it would get drunk.
Amy came back just as the bottle arrived. “Planning a long night?” she asked, smiling.
Sarah smiled back. “You were right, I’d not thought it through but what you said just now hit home. I’d like us to talk it all through properly, if you’d like that too, and I reckon that’s going to take us a while.”
Amy sat back down. “Right answer. I should have asked earlier, and I’m sorry I didn’t, are you ok? I imagine you didn’t want James walking in on us either?”
“I’m fine. I mean I’ve never had that happen to me before.”
“Never? Really?” Amy replied with a raised eyebrow, teasing slightly.
“Genuinely. It’s always at my place and I’m careful. I don’t know what made me ignore caution on Saturday.” She smiled at Amy. “Well… I do know, but…” She trailed off, unsure what to say.
“I’m glad you’re ok. It was unexpected on several fronts on Saturday.”
“Yes, definitely.” They sat looking at each other in silence for a few seconds, then Sarah continued, “I’ve got to ask, and I hope you don’t mind but I feel like this is relevant, how are things between you and James?”
Amy sighed. “We’re over. I mean, officially we’re taking a break for six months, but I told him that I’m a lesbian and I don’t think we come back from that. We’re going through the motions.”
“Really, a lesbian? That definitive? Not bisexual or something like that?”
Amy shrugged. "Probably bisexual will cover it in the long run.
But lesbian feels cleaner for now. I'll worry about labels another time." She hesitated. “Honestly, when I finally said it to him it was a huge weight off my shoulders, and when I told my two best friends on Saturday night it felt good. Really good. It felt good to tell you just now, too. I mean, I’m not telling everyone but coming out feels good. It feels right. I’ve been the Amy that society expected me to be for years, now I can start to be the Amy that I want to be.”
Sarah smiled. “I’m happy for you. Do you want to tell me about the rest of your weekend?”
“It might take a while, a lot happened.”
“Lucky we need to drink this bottle of wine then.”
***
Amy and Sarah talked for the next hour about what had been a very eventful last forty-eight hours for Amy.