CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Blair
The stars dotted the sky in all their twinkling glory, reminding me of shining diamonds.
I didn’t take my gaze off them the whole way to the hotel, where Lana and Mom’s fundraiser took place a week later.
A glass of champagne sat in the holder by my side in the limousine my mother had rented for me, but I’d barely touched it, a hollow feeling permeating my stomach.
A red Oscar de la Renta dress curved in waves around my legs, the tips of my custom-made gold shoes peeking out from under them.
A matching gold bracelet adorned my wrist.
This week had been a blend of brands canceling their contracts with me, massive online outrage in the form of comments on my TikTok and Instagram, where people called me a junkie and hypocrite, and more articles repeating what the original article said.
My social media following had taken quite a hit, and I had to keep my phone on Airplane Mode so I wouldn’t receive any more calls from the reporters who were thirsty for a comment or interview from me.
Mom had made me attend various charity events and released a carefully crafted statement to the media outlets that denied the drug-usage claims, trying to clean my image. I felt indifferent the whole time.
I should be more worried that my reputation was seriously damaged, but part of me rejoiced at this because maybe I wouldn’t have to keep pretending to be perfectly nice. I could do more things I wanted. I could enjoy a bit of wrong.
The limousine stopped, and the driver got out to open the door for me.
I stepped out, accepting the driver’s proffered hand, and looked up at the grandiose building spanning in front of me.
It was a mesh of gilded decor and dazzling lights that clashed against the dark sky, softening it up.
It was the makeup that prettied up my world and a perfect place to raise more money for the rich because tonight’s fundraiser was partly about getting more advanced security for the gated communities of South Gate.
I’d laughed out loud when Mom mentioned that. These people didn’t even try to pretend they cared about the actual problems.
My high heels clicked on the front steps as I made my way to the entrance, where the quiet sounds of violins greeted me in the lobby. A fountain gurgled at the center, the water’s surface reflecting the chandeliers hanging above.
Men threw glances at me as I passed them on my way to the elevators, with some openly checking me out, which emphasized the fact that I was unaccompanied, unlike other female attendees.
I’d considered calling some of the family acquaintances to escort me, but just the thought that I had to put up with any of them for the whole night irked me.
There was no one I’d want to keep me company tonight.
Zach’s face formed in my mind, and I almost lost my footing, my heart stuttering in my chest.
I hadn’t seen Zach after that night in his room because I was rarely home, and whenever I was, I avoided him.
I’d made yet another mistake when I slept with him then, but despite the regret festering inside me, a big part of me wanted to comfort him.
I just couldn’t forget how tormented he looked during that nightmare, how far gone he was as his fingers tightened around my neck, his eyes containing bleak emptiness, just like they did the night of that party.
He hadn’t just had a nightmare—he lived it—and I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like waking up to every day of that.
Furthermore, I couldn’t stop thinking about him or dreaming about him almost every night. While it was true that I’d given in to him again because I wanted to help him, I couldn’t delude myself into thinking that was the only reason.
I wanted him—the moment I saw him in pain that night only reinforced that—and no matter how hard I tried to hate him, I couldn’t. My feelings were getting more complicated, resembling what I felt for him before.
Which wouldn’t do. I wanted something he would never give. Not that it mattered now after everything he’d done to me. He destroyed the chances of that the second he appeared at my house, and the moment I forgot that was the moment I lost.
As though my thinking had invited him, Zach stood by the elevators, looking at his phone, and I halted, my heart catching.
He wore a black tuxedo, and his hair was styled back, making the scar on his face fully visible to everyone for the first time.
I didn’t know what surprised me more—him exposing the scar or the fact that he wore what obviously looked like thousands of dollars’ worth of clothes.
He had to have rented it, but for some reason, I wasn’t so sure about that.
Either way, it fit him so well, and I tried hard not to stare at him but failed miserably. He looked too damn sexy.
His eyes flicked up to me just then, and all the air left my lungs.
His gaze widened, then slid down my body, slowing at every curve, and I could practically feel him touching me.
My whole body heated as our eyes locked, and I thought back to how he looked at me before he took me in his room.
Something imploded in my chest, keeping me spellbound.
Someone passed in front of me, hiding Zach from my sight briefly, and I snapped out of it, cursing into my chin. I removed the distance between us in brisk steps, ignoring the curious gazes of the passersby in the foyer.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ll be your companion tonight.”
What? He couldn’t be. Only those who pledged a substantial amount of money could enter the fundraiser.
“No, you won’t.”
“Yes, I will.” He gave me another once-over, and my pulse skipped as a frown knitted his brows, almost as if he couldn’t help it.
“What’s your game now?”
“There’s no game, Blair. And you can stop being so tense. I won’t do anything to you.” He wound my arm around his and ushered me toward one of the elevators.
I frowned, trying to ignore how my body buzzed just at the simplest contact from him. “Sure, you won’t. Then why are you here?”
“You’ll see.”
I shook my head. “You really shouldn’t be here.”
“Neither should you, but here you are. You have to protect your family’s and your reputation no matter the cost.”
“You already know why I do it.”
He called the elevator. “Doesn’t make it any more justifiable.”
I had nothing to say to that, shame rearing its head inside me.
The elevator doors opened, and Zach drew me inside. No one else entered, and my pulse jumped when the doors slid shut. The fundraiser was held on the top floor. That was fifteen floors of being confined to this small, enclosed space with Zach.
I pressed the button for the last floor and glanced at him. He looked even more handsome this close, especially with his face fully shown, and my chest throbbed as my eyes skimmed over his scar. My fingers twitched with the urge to touch it.
“You’re showing your scar. Why?”
He tensed, and his eyes slashed into mine. “Does it matter? Are you afraid to be seen with someone who’s scarred? Afraid it will mess up your mother’s relentless PR campaign?”
My stomach twisted. Could that be why he was showing his scar?
“Not at all. I only asked about it because this is the first time you chose to show it.”
He arched his brow. “You sure about that? It makes me look pretty ugly.”
I glared at him. “Yes, I’m sure.” I looked away, tightening my fingers around my clutch. “And you’re wrong.”
“About what?”
“That you’re ugly with that scar. On the contrary. I’m sure every woman here won’t be able to take her gaze off you.”
He didn’t reply, and I looked at him.
His frown had disappeared, and he was now watching me with an intensity that created flutters deep in my belly.
He took a step closer to me. My pulse sped up.
“Zach? What are—”
“Do you see only my scar when you look at me?”
I sucked in a breath. His gaze never let go of mine.
“What?”
“Is this scar all there is to me?”
His voice brimmed with self-deprecation, and I froze up, my heart shattering. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that he would feel this way about it. How insecure did his scar make him feel? How many hours had he spent contemplating it, contemplating his looks?
A memory suddenly unfolded in front of my eyes. Zach didn’t look at himself at all when we had sex in front of my mirror. He only looked at me and where our bodies connected. Even now, his gaze didn’t stray toward the elevator mirror even once.
I curled my hands. “Of course it’s not. I don’t even see it when I look at you.” And when I did happen to see it, I only wanted to treat it with care, to show him he was not worth any less because of it. Just like I wanted to do now.
“You want to tell me you don’t care about physical appearance at all, all of a sudden? You used to mock me for far less. Or is it that you see this new face and body and are falling for it just like other girls?”
“I mocked you for far less to hurt you. And I obviously liked your appearance enough to crush on you, so what you’re saying doesn’t hit the target. I’m more interested in what’s inside a person.”
He took another step toward me, and I had to step back, grabbing the railing behind me with both hands as I pressed myself against it. I could barely breathe.
“And who am I? Since you don’t only look at the surface?”
My chest throbbed again. It felt like he was testing me, like everything depended on my next answer.
“You’re lonely. At one point, you wanted to conquer the world, show it you had a place in it. But I took that away from you. You hurt me to fulfill your purpose, but you’re not really happy. And I took that away from you as well.”
His eyes devoured me, halting my breathing. He took the last step separating us and caged me with his hands on the railing.
“Zach, don’t. Someone might enter.”
“Do you think about me? About my cock sliding deep into your tight pussy?”