CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Zach
I flexed my fingers around my glass, threatening to break it as I watched Blair’s retreating back, her hands wiping her tears from her face. She’d seen Lana’s fate was going to be her own, and instead of reveling in her pain, I felt a strange weight in my stomach.
What the fuck?
This night was supposed to be all about getting back at Lana Devereux, but my mind had been mostly on Blair and how different she’d been lately. She was sweet. Intoxicating. Fucking compassionate. Too irresistible in that sexy red dress. I hadn’t thought about my revenge on her even once tonight.
Hell, all I could think about this entire last week was her, that night with her in my room imprinted on my mind.
I kept seeing her crying, her pain as deep as my own.
I kept hearing her say how sorry she was, wanting to help me.
And when I wasn’t obsessing over that, I replayed the videos I’d grabbed from her laptop and jerked off furiously to the fantasy of her.
I downed my glass, feeling a wave of self-loathing.
So Blair wasn’t as bad as her parents and these people, who were now rushing out of the ballroom as if it contained the plague.
So what? It didn’t change anything. She gave me this fucking scar and a whole lot of traumas that would follow me for the rest of my life.
She put me through excruciating pain and horror, turning me into this shell of the guy I was.
She instilled in me self-hatred, self-doubt, and self-disgust. I was a wreck because of her.
And I was here to get justice, not get twisted around her little finger all over again.
Let her cry all she wanted. I hoped she choked on her tears.
“Is this scar all there is to me?”
“Of course it’s not. I don’t even see it when I look at you.”
“I would look only at those who reminded me of you, and when I fucked them, I . . . I imagined it was you who was fucking me in their place.”
I slammed the glass down on the table. Fuck! Just . . . fuck.
I moved after Blair before I could even think about it, reaching her right as she stopped by the elevators.
“Wait.” I tugged her around.
Her brows shot up, then lowered in a frown. “What, Zach? What now?”
“I’m taking you home.”
She glowered at me. “No, you’re not. I have a ride. My mother has rented the limo for the whole night.”
“Dismiss them.”
“You can’t just demand that. I—”
“I can, and I just did.”
She let out an exasperated sigh. “Why are you doing this? What do you want?”
“Nothing, so can you chill?” I headed to the nearest elevator and into the crowd of people going down too, snaking my arm around her waist to keep her next to me.
She grumbled something under her breath and tried to step aside, but I kept my firm grasp on her, leveling the people around us with a gaze until they stopped staring at us.
The whole time my body buzzed, feeling every inch of her pressed against me.
I released her only once we were outside, and she made a quick call to the limo driver to let him know his services were no longer needed. My silver Mercedes sat parked in the parking lot across the street, and I watched her frown as I unlocked the car.
Yeah, baby, I also own that car.
I owned so much more than she could ever guess.
“Get in.”
She pursed her lips, but she went inside, and I moved around to the driver’s side.
“You’re loaded,” she said as I dropped into my seat.
“Yes.”
I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. She was close enough for me to feel her perfume, and I took a deep inhale of it, covering my face behind the back of my hand to hide the action.
“How?”
“I own a tech startup.”
Her brows rose. “A startup?” She pursed her lips, and I could practically see cogs turning in her head. “A successful startup, judging by the clothes and vehicles. You didn’t rent that suit.”
My lips twitched with a smile. Bingo. “It’s growing quickly, yeah.”
She folded her arms over her chest, twisting her mouth.
I wondered what she was thinking, if she could see just how much power I had.
If she would put two and two together and realize I could get anything I wanted, starting with the video I blackmailed her with, which I’d obtained with a few easy clicks.
I wasn’t joking when I said I’d hacked into the system to enter the event tonight.
I could’ve done so much more, but I’d held my cards close to my chest because I’d wanted her to underestimate me.
It was why I’d made sure to hide all the traces of my current life.
I’d wanted her to think I was the same poor kid from the other side of the tracks she could trample all over.
It only made it sweeter every time she learned I could get whatever I wanted, and she was utterly powerless.
“How did it happen?” she asked.
The bridge near the trailer park flashed in front of my eyes. The rushing water. The birds shooting across the dark sky. Gray, black, gray.
I swallowed hard, tightening my hands around the steering wheel. “A long story.”
“I see.” She turned her face away from me, fixing her gaze on the streets flashing by.
I took the chance to study her. Her creamy skin was almost translucent under the streetlights, and her hair curled in tiny waves around her neck, tempting me to touch it.
I’d lied when I told her the new hairstyle didn’t suit her.
She was even more beautiful with it. Her makeup was subdued, save for the red lipstick covering her sexy lips, which held my gaze for a second too long.
I returned my attention ahead of me and tried not to think for the rest of the ride how close I’d been to kissing those lips tonight.
She’d tempted me the whole time with her words, her looks, her mannerisms, and knowing she’d searched for me in other guys appealed to something dark and twisted in me, giving me satisfaction like no other.
She’d been mine all along.
I parked near the short private road leading to her gate.
“We’re here.”
She gave me a curious look as she unbuckled her seat belt. “You’re not going inside?”
“I’ll come back later. I don’t want your parents to ask questions about the car.”
Her brows rose. “You don’t want them to ask questions about your car, yet you took a big gamble when you showed up tonight with your scar exposed. Why? Why did you risk it?”
“Because you’re all obsessed with perfection. I figured my scar would be like an insult to all of you.”
“Except that I told you I’m not that way.”
Yeah, she did. However, she also said something else. “Yet you asked me if I wanted a reconstructive surgery to leave you alone.”
She winced, her gaze falling to her lap. “I’m sorry for that. That was an awful thing to say.”
Her words unraveled something in me, and I told myself not to let them matter. “But you did. You wanted to hurt me. Nothing new there.”
Her eyes snapped up to mine. “I didn’t. I . . . I didn’t mean to imply anything by that. I swear. Your scar doesn’t change who you are.”
I snorted. Yeah, right. This world revolved around looks. No one wanted to see something so ugly, so misshapen. So . . . so disgusting.
“Sure, it doesn’t. Even I can’t stand it. I can’t even look at it.”
Pain flooded her eyes. “Zach.” She leaned toward me. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s how I feel, Blair.”
“You shouldn’t.” She took a deep breath, shaking her head. “You shouldn’t feel this way because there’s nothing wrong with you.” She leaned even closer to me. “You’re beautiful.”
My eyes widened at her. I didn’t believe her. There was no way she considered me beautiful.
But the part of me I thought had died wanted to believe it so much. Too much.
“What?”
“Yes, Zach. You’re beautiful, and you’re so much more than your scar. You have so much to give to the world.”
So much to give to the world? “You mean the same world that looks at me like I’m a monster?”
Her face scrunched up, and she jolted toward me, grasping the back of my seat. “Don’t pay attention to them. All those people judging you don’t matter. Only the people who accept you for who you are do. They’re the ones worth fighting for.”
Pain pierced my chest, coming from a dark place that harbored the demons ruling over me.
How many times did I lie on the floor with bloody fists staring off into nothing because I didn’t want to live in this changed reality?
How many mirrors did I break, unable to see my reflection?
Bloodied them all over with my battered knuckles, hitting them repeatedly, wanting the pain to stop.
Poison coursed through me, reminding me it didn’t matter if someone accepted me or not because I couldn’t accept myself.
I wanted to bring time back. I wanted my old face back.
I didn’t want to be this freak who didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere.
Tears pricked my eyes, and I stared into hers, needing her to understand, needing her to know just how damaged I was. “It’s easy for you to say that, but if you knew how much I hated myself, how hideous I looked to myself, you . . . you—”
She gasped, and I saw her own eyes get teary as they shifted between mine.
She slid her hand over to my arm. “Don’t, please. Don’t say that. You’re not hideous. You are not.”
I breathed hard, my gaze going to her hand holding me. The hand that had touched my fucking scar. She hadn’t been disgusted by it. No, she’d looked at it like it was the most beautiful shit ever.
I looked back at her face. Everything she was saying was messing with my mind, and I wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to fuck her until she was ruined for all other men.
“Did you want it to happen? Did you want me to catch fire?”
“Never. I never wanted that. I swear.”
Her words echoed in my mind, and the more I fought them, the louder they were, chipping away at my conviction that she was a monster. I hadn’t wanted to believe her, but I did, and I didn’t know if I hated myself or her more for that.
I clenched my hands around the steering wheel, keeping my eyes firmly in front of me. “You can leave now.”
I heard her sigh, but she didn’t say anything. Her sweet floral fragrance wafted over to me as she shifted to take off her seat belt, and I had to clench my hands around the steering wheel so I wouldn’t grab her and have my way with her.
She stepped outside, but she didn’t close the door immediately. I saw her lean down to look at me out of the corner of my eye, and I looked back at her.
Her eyes turned the most pleading I’d ever seen them, their green shining in the night. “You’re not just your scar. You’re so much more. Never forget that.”
My heart clenched so hard all of a sudden, that it left me short of breath. I could only stare at her as she turned and left, remaining in the same position even long after she was gone.
What the hell was she doing to me?
She was both poison and medicine.
“Fuck!”
Keep your eye on the goal, Zach. You’re done with Aurora Sanford and Lana Devereux. Your victory is so close.
I stepped on the gas and drove away, feeling colder and colder.
Yes, my victory was so close.
And for the first time, I didn’t feel happy about it at all.