Chapter 4 #2
“Until the right person comes along.”
“Yep.” I flipped imaginary hair over my shoulder. “And when he does, I hope he’s in shape because I’m gonna turn him out.”
Luke’s blush darkened. “I’m sure you will.”
Before we could move on to another topic or slip into dreadful silence, our food arrived.
And we’d ordered each other the exact same thing.
I stared at my plate, then at him, and then we busted into laughter loud enough people at other tables craned their necks, being nosey.
“Why did you order me this?” I said as I blotted the tears at my eyes.
“I dunno, it seemed like something a younger person would want.”
“I got you that because I was sure you’d be the type to order something that required a knife and fork at a burger joint, of all places.”
He chuckled and draped his napkin over his lap. “You’re right. I was eyeing the steak.”
“Oh no.” I placed my hand on his bicep and jolted at the shock of firmness under my fingers.
In a suit, Luke cut a trim and tight figure, but his reasoning for not wanting to get married wasn’t the only secret he kept.
“Uh.” I cleared my throat and removed my hand slowly.
“If you hate it, don’t eat it. I’d offer to swap you, but … ”
“It’s fine. I think I’ll like it.” He eyed the burger from several angles. “I might need a shower afterward, but I’ll like it.”
“The messier, the better.”
“In all things or only food?” he asked.
“Depends,” I said with a shrug.
We snickered, then left our conversation to the mmms and yums as we ate. The burger was really good, but not worth the money. When the bill came, I offered to split it, but Luke insisted, so I let him pay. Truly, it was out of my budget, so I was glad he had.
We stayed at the table talking for another hour that flew by in a flash. The diners thinned, and before I was ready to end it, Luke glanced at his phone.
“I didn’t realize we’d been sitting here so long.”
“Me either,” I said, glancing at my phone as well.
This was going better than I’d ever hoped, and the worry returned. Would he want to kiss me? I could say no and bail, but should I come clean first? Luke was a nice guy. He didn’t deserve lies or to wonder why I’d ghosted him. But fuck, he was gonna hate me.
So many times tonight, I’d forgotten I was playing Ashley.
I’d been myself, nothing fake except the lie Luke already believed, and now that it was nearing the end and we’d laughed so much, I started to regret this whole thing.
Me and my dumb ideas. This was the worst, and I was the worst for doing this to him.
“Hey. You good?” Luke asked with lowering brows.
“Yeah. Um, yeah, I’m good. Sorry. I just … A text sort of put me in a mood.”
“Was it my mother? Just ignore her.”
I snickered. “No. She hasn’t hunted me down yet.”
Luke tossed his napkin on the table and stood. “Where are you parked?” he asked as he offered me his hand.
I took it and stood. “Near the back.”
“Same.”
He kept a hold on me as we made our way outside. In heels, he had about an inch on me, so six feet, two inches, maybe. Mmm, I liked tall guys.
Stop right there, Ash. This ends now.
Luke pointed at a black Range Rover a few spaces from us. “That’s me.”
I waved in the general direction of my old Civic and said, “Me.”
Luke glanced that way, then reached for my other hand so we faced each other. “I’ll be honest, I actually had more fun than I thought I would tonight.”
His words said more than his expression gave away. He’d broken out of the reserved mask from the event, but it had crept back into place somewhere between our last laugh and now.
“Me too.” I shouldn’t worry about the mask. I’d had a big one on all night. “I need to—”
“Did you want to—” he said at the same time, and we broke off, lightly chuckling.
“You first,” I said quickly, because what I had to say should be shouted from a distance—as I drove off.
“Uh, I’m …” Luke licked his lips, teasing my imagination and making my brain work overtime on how I could save this moment instead of destroying it. “I’m not really …”
“Would it help if we weren’t holdin’ hands?”
He dropped mine as if I’d asked him to, then rubbed one over his mouth. “No. No, I’m not sure that’d help.”
“Hey.” I cupped his bicep, hating how deliciously it tensed under my fingers, and rubbed slowly up and down. “You don’t have to give up any secrets, remember? This can end right here if you want. I had a great time. I really did, and that’s all it has to be.”
“Why are you so … easy?”
I arched a brow, and he snorted.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“We’ve had this conversation,” I said through a laugh.
“Yes, yes. I just meant, you’re easy to be around. I don’t know when I’ve laughed so much with anyone.”
“Well, thank you. I feel the same. You’re not stuffy at all.” And because I couldn’t let it get so serious, I added, “I barely noticed when you had to take your teeth out at dinner.”
Luke stared a moment, then dropped his head back. “Ah, you little shit.”
“Yes, I’m that too.”
“Is that what will end this? Am I too old for you?”
I rolled my eyes. “You know I’m only playin’. I’d honestly forgotten we weren’t the same age. Or close enough, anyway.”
His smile remained for only a second longer before it slowly fell. “Ashley, we can’t … I can’t.”
“Is it because of your momma and what she wants?” I could suggest we be friends instead since it was clear we’d both had a great time, but that would mean I’d forever be Ashley to him. And to be honest with myself, I didn’t want to be his platonic friend.
He groaned. “God, if it were only that.”
I took a step away, which he didn’t like and stepped closer.
“I don’t want to force you to say something you clearly don’t want to.
So how about I take the high road”—and save myself the horror of coming clean—“and tell you this was really fun. Thank you for making this one of the best nights I’ve ever had, but I don’t think we should—”
Luke grabbed the back of my head and crashed his lips against mine, cutting off the remainder of the easy way out I was prepared to give. Shock raced down my spine, tensing my muscles, but when Luke wrapped his arm around my back and hauled me closer, I broke out of the daze and shoved him away.
We split apart, panting and staring at each other. I’d been half-hard and worried about my tight dress for most of the night, but with him surrounding me like that, he was sure to feel how much I liked it.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry,” he said, stepping closer, a hand raised to ease or soothe, but I stepped back. He dropped it immediately. “Shit. Fuck. I should’ve asked. God, I’m sorry. I thought … Jesus, I’m an idiot. I have no idea what I thought.”
“Luke, stop.”
He grabbed his hair and pulled, messing it up in a way that made him more adorable and made this so much harder. He was beating himself up for something he truly didn’t deserve.
“I swear I don’t … You’re so delightful, and … I’m not … You’re just …”
Hating how much he was dragging himself through the mud, I forced a snicker. “Come on, now. We practically got engaged earlier. I’d say we’re past the awkward conversation stage.”
He froze, short breaths puffing in front of his nose, then huffed. “How do you do that?” At my stare, he said, “I’m freaking out, acting like an idiot, and you just … make me feel better about it.”
I shrugged. “Talent.”
He nodded once, then reschooled his features into something too serious for this situation. “That was completely disrespectful of me, Ashley. I apologize for my behavior.”
That name.
Ashley.
Fuck.
It was the final stroke at midnight for me, and this Cinderella started to melt in a swirl of glitter that stuck to all the wrong places. Hell yeah, I rocked this Ashley shit, but I didn’t want to be Ashley. I didn’t want to be a girl. This had to end. Now.
I straightened my shoulders and hips and lifted my chin, taking on what I hoped was a very unladylike posture. Not that I’d been anything but myself this whole night, but I pushed as much macho as I could. Even lowered my voice with my next words.
“Stop, Luke. Before you try to say whatever it is, I need to tell you somethin’ I should’ve said hours ago.” God, don’t hit me or hate me, but really don’t hit me. “I’m a guy. My name’s Asher, not Ashley.”
He blinked.
“That’s why I pushed you away. You weren’t kissin’ who you thought.”
He lowered his brows and scanned over me once more, probably for the last time. Before he could say anything, I unclasped the choker, hoping he could see my Adam’s apple. Then I went another step and roughly tugged the dress and corset lower.
“No tits.”
“No tits,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry. I could explain, but there’s really no point. I’m … I’m just really sorry for deceiving you.”
He stepped back, and now I hated the distance. “I kissed a man.”
Fuck. “I wasn’t trying to trick you. I was trying to stop before it got there.” Really, Ash? You’re going with that? “Luke, I’m—”
“You …” He took another step. “Oh fuck,” he groaned. If I hadn’t been staring at the shock on his face, I would’ve sworn that tone belonged in porn. “I gotta …” Another step. “I’m gonna—”
I reached for him—why, I didn’t know. All my wisecracking and wisdom-fused quips were silent between my ears. I had nothing to give him to make this any better.
Luke spun on his heels, sprinted to his Range Rover, and then peeled out of the parking lot with the roar of his engine. Out of my life within seconds.
“Yep, deserved that,” I said in the direction he left.
I didn’t know how long I stood there, staring. Did I think he’d cool off and come back? With a sigh, I slumped forward, chin hitting my chest.
“The sex karma gods will punish me for this.” I glanced at the sky. “I’ll be virginal forever, won’t I?”
No one answered.