10. Just Being Him
JUST BEING HIM
“Your place is bigger than mine,” Skye said ten minutes later at his apartment.
For the life of her, she wasn’t sure why she agreed to have dinner with Ash Ridgeway.
Maybe because she had been thinking of him more lately.
And had a touch of guilt over the way she’d treated him in the past.
He was her adopted brother’s best friend. There was no reason she couldn’t at least apologize.
“I didn’t really need two bedrooms,” he said. “But it’s what was available and I had to get into the city for my job.”
“Where were you before?”
He moved into his kitchen, grabbed two plates and brought them to the table where he’d dropped his dinner.
She’d done the same, pulled out her container holding her brisket sandwich and fries, then his two black plastic boxes.
“Living on the farm in the old cabin at the end of the road.”
“There is more than one house there?”
“Yep,” he said, setting the table. “What can I get you to drink? I’ve got bottles of unsweetened iced tea, energy drinks.”
“Those are horrible for you.”
“They are, but they are full of sugar and caffeine and with how much I work, I need the hit. I’m not a huge coffee drinker. I have one in the morning to wake up and that is it.”
She shivered. “Coffee is my love language. I need it as much as it needs me.” She crossed her fingers. “We jam like peanut butter and jelly.”
“Nothing tastes as good as peanut butter and jelly,” he said.
She laughed. “I ate enough of it as a kid. Tea is fine.”
He walked back to the kitchen, her eyes on his ass.
Look away, she scolded herself. You have no business even thinking that for the guy voted most likely to date every girl in the class.
He hadn’t dated her, so that wasn’t everyone.
Probably was damn close if she remembered correctly.
He placed two bottles on the table, pulled out a chair and sat, then opened his containers.
Half a rack of ribs with a slice of cornbread, the other mac and cheese.
“Yours looks good,” he said. “I’ve had it before.”
“I almost got ribs, but I had them at my home with the family meal. My mom knows my favorites.”
Which said a lot that the woman who, after only one year in her household, had already figured out the things she liked, hated, and brought her comfort when her biological parents couldn’t have been bothered.
And if you’d asked them what any of those things were for their kids, the answer would be, “Who gives a fuck?”
“Mine too. I had dinner with all my siblings but Blaze the same day you had it with yours. I got my favorite that day.”
“What’s your favorite?”
“Asking for a story?” he asked, winking at her. “I can give you a list of a lot of my favorite things.”
There he was, being that flirt again.
Or was he just being him?
It was so hard to tell and she didn’t want to judge.
Nor did she want to come off like a bitch and elbow him out of the way like she’d done for years.
“Just being polite,” she said, picking her sandwich up and taking a bite.
“Guess,” he said, going in for his ribs.
She shouldn’t be watching his mouth open over the sticky sweet sauce, his lips closing over them, then his tongue coming out to capture a missing drop.
Oh Lord, she might be in trouble. Or maybe she was just horny.
Yeah, could be that.
It’d been soooooo long since she’d been with a man. Since she even wanted one.
She didn’t know what she wanted right now other than her body had its own ideas.
“Roast beef,” she said.
“Nope. Ham. With mashed potatoes and broccoli smothered in cheese sauce.”
“Not what I expected at all.”
He smirked at her, continued chewing, then said, “Maybe I’m not what you thought.”
“Maybe,” she muttered and bit into her sandwich.
“So, can I ask what brought you back here?”
She had to decide what she was going to share. What was the truth, what was her hope, and where she might overstep with knowledge.
She’d start with the truth.
“The company I work for decided they didn’t want to keep paying so much for office space and said we could all be remote. With no reason to go into the office, it didn’t make sense to keep paying more than triple for a place half the size.”
“You could have gone anywhere other than here. Maybe somewhere warm?”
“I had to stay in New York State. Not sure why when we’ve got contracts all over the US.”
“So you came home.”
“Sort of home. Not really home,” she whispered.
Because home was Warrensburg. Before and after the fire.
Glens Falls was just close enough.
“I feel the same. I run home easily enough all the time, but like having a bit more options in Glens Falls.”
“Which isn’t a ton compared to even Saratoga.”
“Let alone New York City,” he said.
“Tell me about it. I don’t miss it in the least.”
“Then why go there?” he asked. He put the second rib bone down and picked up his fork to dive into his mac and cheese.
“I thought it was the most opposite of where I came from. There were a lot of opportunities. I don’t know, I just needed to get away.”
But there was a part of her that couldn’t go too far either.
That wanted to be close enough if she ever wanted to come back.
Even to just visit.
“I think most people feel that.”
“You never left.”
“Nope,” he said, munching on his dinner. “I didn’t feel the urge to. Clay, he’s been all over the place in the Navy. Blaze went a little further to med school, but still stayed in New York. He was out west. Gale, the same. Stayed in New York and so did Ford for school.”
“You’ve got strong ties in this area.”
“I do. When many like to run, I dig my feet in. This place is in my blood and always will be.”
She snorted. “You’re not the guy I remember.”
“Or maybe you just didn’t give yourself a chance to find out more.”
“Could be. And speaking of that. I’m sorry.”
He frowned and opened his tea, took a long drink, his head back, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.
She needed to get a grip and picked up her drink to quench her thirst and get past the knot in her throat.
“What are you sorry for?”
“For the way I treated you years ago.”
“You’ll have to be more specific about that.”
Figures he’d put her on the spot.
“You were nice to me and I was rude back. After. You know.”
His hand came out and moved across the table. He was going to touch her. She knew it and she was going to let him.
“I’m really sorry for what happened to you. Before that, I was just having fun. Being me.”
“Not taking anything seriously. I know. Everyone said that.”
“Back then it was true.” He squeezed her hand, patted it once and then let go and went back to his dinner. “It’s not now. We all grow up. Even you. I mean, you accepted my offer to eat together and back then you would have just walked away without a word.”
She wanted to groan with how accurate those words were.
“I guess you’re right. Before that though, I think it was more about all the girls’ attention.”
“I’m not gonna lie. I was trying. Couldn’t seem to get yours though.”
She laughed, picked up her fork and put it in his mac and cheese. He grinned and stole one of her fries. “Did your ego get bent?”
He held his fingers up in a pinch then spread them as wide as they could go. “I got over it quickly enough.”
“You always did. But after, when I moved in with the Lancasters. You were trying to be nice. I just didn’t want nice. I didn’t want anything or anyone.”
“I can’t imagine what you were going through. I really can’t. Losing your parents. Being separated from your brother. That couldn’t have been easy.”
“No. But it’s not like Sean seemed to care. We weren’t that close.” And because Will noticed her there with her brother and called him a regular, she might as well add this part. “I had dinner with him at Fire Mission last week.”
“That’s who you were with?” he asked, the surprise showing on his face. “I hadn’t realized he was around here.”
“Guess he has been for a few years. I didn’t get a lot out of him. I’m still surprised he approached me, but he said he’s changed and I did see some of that.”
Ash snorted. “Where did you see him?”
“I was pumping gas. He said he noticed me at the light and then pulled in to talk. This motorcycle comes next to me and he had his helmet on and he’s just staring at me and I’m like who the hell is this.”
“Bet you didn’t show any fear at all.”
“But I felt it,” she said. “Trust me.” She shook her head. “He took his helmet off and I was stunned. I mean, he walked away from me when he graduated. Ghosted every attempt I made to reach out or stay in touch. I haven’t talked to him since the last day of school.”
Ash studied her face, but made no attempt to ask more about that part of her life. “What did you talk about this time?”
“Since he stopped me, I thought maybe he wanted to reconnect. I asked him to dinner and he offered that place. He showed up ten minutes late and I thought for sure he was going to blow me off. When he arrived he said he considered it.”
“Asshole,” he said.
“Yeah. I thought the same thing, but like I said, I think he changed. Or could be he matured. And my family doesn’t know I talked to Sean. Can I ask you to not say anything to Corbin? Not yet.”
“Sure,” he said. “As long as you’re not in trouble or something with him. If you are, I can’t keep that from anyone.”
There was that protectiveness she’d always gotten from her adopted brothers also. “I’m not. Sean and I talked. Didn’t really say a ton, but enough. I thought for sure that would be it and he wouldn’t even give me his number. I asked right away and he told me he’d think about it.”
Ash shook his head. “I’m sorry. That’s just cold. Did you two not get along or something? I never heard otherwise.”
“We didn’t really fight or anything. Not like that. We both lived in the same house and put up with the same crap. Maybe he got it worse than me. No, he definitely did. In his eyes and in mine. But... but I think he’s bitter that I ended up with the Lancasters and he was on the street.”
“He was eighteen,” he said. “Too old for foster care, right?”
“Yeah. I don’t know why Carrie and Jim wouldn’t take him, but I didn’t ask.
I just thought, maybe they would have kept us together.
At least until graduation. He didn’t even get my parents’ Social Security like I did.
There was nothing left of the house. No homeowners’ insurance, because I remember Carrie and Jim talking about that.
My parents must have let it run out. Literally, Sean had nothing.
Or he got what they might have had in their checking account.
I don’t know and didn’t think of those things either back then. ”
Ash’s head went side to side. Like he might know something and was debating on sharing.
“I’m sure they had their hands full with everyone else.”
“And me,” she said. “I get it. What aren’t you saying?”
He was stretching his neck as if the truth would slip out. “I don’t know for sure the reason or if it was even an option. Please don’t think that. But I do know that Sean and Tate had gotten into a few fights over the years.”
“I had no idea. I know Sean got suspended a few times. He got in fights, but I never heard details. If my parents were told, they didn’t share.”
“Most of the fights were at the end of the day. No one was around.”
“What aren’t you saying? Sean started it, didn’t he?”
“I only know Tate's and Corbin’s side of it,” he argued.
“And you’d believe them. So what happened?”
“Your brother normally ran his mouth some. He liked to bully other people.”
She sighed. “I’m not surprised, but I don’t believe Tate is someone who could be bullied.”
“Nope,” he said. “He’s not. And he didn’t put up with it happening.”
She nodded. “Got it. He was standing up for whoever was being bullied.”
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m positive Carrie and Jim knew. They would have struggled with you being separated from Sean, but they also had to take all the kids in the family into consideration.”
“I’m not sure why they took me then,” she said.
She never understood that.
Never could figure out why Carrie and Jim asked for her.
“Because Corbin asked,” he said quietly.
“What? I didn’t know that.”
“I’ve said too much.” He went back to eating.
She grabbed his arm. “No. You can’t drop that on me and then not say anything else. Why did Corbin ask?”
Ash lifted his eyes and held her stare. “Because I asked him if it was possible.”