Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Chesney, Age Sixteen
Lyle’s sprawled across the couch in the room above the barn, playing video games when I bound up the steps. “Where are you going?”
“Out.”
My ten-year-old brother looks unimpressed. “That’s not an answer.”
Pointing at him, I say, “It’s probably better if you don’t know, kid.”
Lyle narrows his eyes suspiciously, then grins. “Why can’t I come? I wanna see Jasper too.”
I toss a couch pillow at his head, but he catches it before it can hit him. “Because you’re too young.”
He frowns. “You let me come any other time I ask.”
“I know, but not tonight. You can come with me next time. Promise.” Grabbing my hat from the table, I place it on my head before adding, “I’ll be back before Mom and Dad get home. Stay out of trouble, kid.”
“Pretty sure that’s your job.” Little shit.
A laugh bubbles out of me. He’s not wrong, but it’s not like I’ll be gone long. And it’s not the first time I’ve left him alone for a little bit.
“I’m serious, Lyle. Stay up here or in the house, and don’t do anything you’re not supposed to.”
My little brother rolls his eyes, and I can’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, yeah. But I want ice cream when you get back.”
“Deal. Love you, buddy. I’ll be back.”
I leave before he can say anything else, but I don’t miss the smile on his face.
I’ll only be gone half an hour, max.
It’s a lie I tell myself as I’m already halfway across the far pasture.
It’s risky, the chance of getting caught probably too high to go through with it, but that’s not stopping me.
Besides, based on every other time my parents go out to dinner without us, they’re always gone for at least two hours. I’ll be good.
My heart is pounding as I race toward a spot I could easily find in my sleep.
That’s how much I’ve been there. Every inch of my skin is tingling, my body vibrating with adrenaline and excitement and anticipation.
My head feels light and dizzy, kind of like I’m drunk, even though I’m not.
Knowing where I’m going, and who I’ll see when I get there, is a whole different type of intoxication.
Warmth settles deep in my bones the closer I get. Trees sway overhead, a cool breeze rustling through them as the late summer sun lowers in the sky. Everything is golden. The creek glistens as I jog along it, the water moving lazily over smooth stones.
When I round the corner, I’m not surprised to find Jasper already here. He’s sitting on an old, fallen log near the bank, one leg stretched out and his hat pulled low. The second our eyes meet, he smiles, and every bad thing in the world disappears.
It’s ridiculous how seeing him makes me feel.
“You’re late, Jennings.”
The greeting is familiar now. It’s what he says every time we meet, even if I’m right on time. I like to think it’s because he’s as impatient to see me as I am to see him.
“By, like, two minutes,” I say.
He checks his watch—the one I know for a fact doesn’t work anymore—and clicks his tongue. “Three minutes.”
I snort. “It’s two, asshole.”
“It’s okay to admit you’re wrong.” Jasper winks, and I swear, my knees nearly buckle.
Rolling my eyes at the grin he’s flashing me, I sit beside him, close enough that our shoulders touch. I remember the panic and uncertainty I used to feel when we accidentally touched. Now, it’s electric, and feels as natural as breathing.
“How long do we have?” he asks.
I glance up at the trees. “Like an hour or so. Told Lyle I won’t be long, but he’s so focused on his game that he probably won’t notice.”
“Cool. My parents think I’m studying at Daniel’s.” The way the fading sun hits the side of his face makes my mouth dry. He’s entirely too attractive. I can’t look away.
“Nice,” I offer awkwardly. My stomach flips, and my heart feels like it’s about to beat out of my chest. Jasper and I hang out all the time, but this feels different. This is different.
“So…we’re unsupervised.”
I groan, then laugh despite myself, the sound carrying across the water. “We are.”
Jasper waggles his eyebrows, his mouth curving into a grin I feel low in my spine. “Whatcha think we should do?”
Our friendship has been a little more than platonic for a while now.
Seems like every time we’re alone, we’re making out.
But it never goes beyond that, even though I really, really want it to.
I know he does too because he brought it up the other night when we were texting before bed.
My parents go out together every Wednesday night, so tonight is the perfect chance to try, but I’ve been a ball of nerves ever since.
What if I panic and freeze? I’ve never done anything more than kissing before.
What if it doesn’t come naturally to me and I mess up?
Or what if Jasper doesn’t have fun? It’s a lot of pressure, but as I’m sitting here with him, the anxious buzz in my veins settles.
Whenever I’m with Jasper, everything feels easier.
Like I don’t need to pretend to be somebody I’m not.
Jasper nudges my shoulder. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Jennings?”
I look over, meeting his dark, steady eyes, and immediately lose the ability to form coherent thoughts. Something that’s becoming a recurring problem lately. “Nothing,” I murmur softly.
Nudging me again, he says, “Liar.”
I huff out a small laugh as his smile softens. “Maybe.”
My chest warms, the heat spreading to my stomach. Then even lower when his fingers brush mine. The silence between us feels different, heavier, and the air shifts. It thickens. We’ve been dancing around this feeling for a long time.
I don’t want to dance anymore.
Jasper turns toward me. The smile on his face disappears, replaced with something much more vulnerable. My pulse speeds up because I know where this is headed. The realization sends butterflies exploding through my stomach.
Before I can overthink it, he kisses me.
His lips are soft and gentle, and when he slips his tongue into my mouth, he tastes familiar.
My heart immediately forgets how to function.
No matter how many times we’ve done this, I don’t think I’ll ever get over the way it makes me feel.
The creek, the trees, the entire world fades away until there’s only this.
Only him.
Only the feeling of his hand trailing down my back.
Every kiss, every touch, feels better than the last. More real, like we’re slowly building something neither of us has the words for yet. And when we finally pull apart, I’m smiling so hard my face hurts.
Jasper laughs softly. “There it is.”
“What?”
“That smile.”
Heat climbs my neck and spreads across my cheeks. “Shut up.”
“It’s the same dopey, adorable one every time.”
I groan, knowing my cheeks are probably as red as they are warm.
“I like it.” Reaching into his bag behind us, Jasper pulls out a blanket. His eyes hold mine, steady and heated, as he spreads it out in front of us. I swallow thickly, everything suddenly feeling real. “Might not be the most comfortable. With the rocks and stuff, but—”
“I don’t care,” I cut in, not giving him a chance to finish. “It’s perfect.”
Jasper lowers himself onto his knees, and I do the same, wondering if his heart is beating as erratically as mine is.
Wondering if he’s just as nervous. This time, it’s me who kisses him.
I take my time running my fingers through his thick hair, across his neck, down the length of his spine, smiling against his mouth at the shiver that rolls through him.
His hands cling to me like he never wants to let go.
Every touch, every sensation, is heightened, like my body is a strip of live wire.
As daylight fades, we come alive together in a way I’ve only ever dreamed of. With nothing but the moon shining down on us, Jasper and I cross a line. We explore, and kiss, and become entangled with each other.
Nothing has ever felt so right.
Jasper’s cheeks are flushed, and he can’t look at me without smiling.
He grabs my hat and places it on my head before burying his face in my neck.
I need to get home, but I’m not ready yet.
I could sit here, in this moment, forever.
It’s easy to forget about real life, about the families we’re going home to, about why we shouldn’t be here.
Walking away from this creek is walking back to reality, and I don’t want to.
But I have to.
“I should go,” I murmur softly.
Jasper frowns. “No.”
I laugh, slipping my hand into his. “I already stayed way longer than I should’ve. My parents are going to be home soon, if they aren’t already.”
He watches me with soft eyes. It makes my chest ache.
Sliding his hand around the back of my neck, he leans in and kisses me one last time.
Going home after hanging out with Jasper always sucks, but tonight, it hurts.
I want to stay, want to live in this moment for as long as possible.
Because the world feels bright right here.
It feels endless, full of possibilities.
When we finally pull apart, neither of us moves right away.
“Go,” Jasper finally says. “Don’t need you getting caught.” The reminder sobers me slightly. I take a step backward, the distance feeling wrong already. I hate it. His smile says he feels the same. “See you tomorrow?”
I roll my eyes playfully. “Obviously.”
The answer comes easily. Of course I’ll see him tomorrow. Why wouldn’t I? Tomorrow is guaranteed, right? It always exists. At sixteen, that’s what you believe. It’s what feels certain in this big, scary world. Tomorrow.
Giving Jasper one last kiss, I turn and head home. Butterflies flutter wildly in my stomach the whole way, a stupid smile still stretched across my face. My heart is still pounding, and I feel the happiest I’ve felt in weeks. Maybe months. I’m cutting it close, but it was so worth it.
Once the trees break, I jog across the pasture, toward the ranch, completely unaware that before I make it home, everything in my life is going to change.
The boy I am right now, the one smiling, the one in love, the one thinking tomorrow is promised, won’t exist anymore.