Chapter 25 #2
My chest tightens, but I’m not sure why.
“Aw, well, it’s good to see you,” she says facetiously. “You two know what you want, or do you need a minute?”
“I know what I want.” Looking at Chesney, I raise my eyebrows. “What about you?”
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
Magnolia jots down our orders before leaving us to it.
After leaving the cabins earlier, I spent much of the afternoon going over all the ways tonight could go wrong. I’m still not convinced it won’t turn into a shitshow, but at least he seems to be in a good mood.
Magnolia returns with our burgers and a soda for Chesney.
The conversation shifts while we eat. We talk about cabin occupancy, reservation numbers, the website, and even the annual fall festival coming up.
They’re all easy and safe topics. Everything except what we should be talking about.
We’re about halfway through our meal when the conversation finally slows.
My pulse kicks up, knowing this is probably the best time to bring it up.
But then I notice the serious, far-off look in Chesney’s eyes, and I pause.
“My dad started hospice,” he eventually says. The words are spoken so quietly, I almost miss them. “I’m sure you figured something was up when I didn’t show up the last few days. That’s why.”
Everything in me stills.
“I’m sorry.” It doesn’t feel like enough, but I don’t know what to say. There’s probably nothing I could say that would make this any easier. No matter the relationship Chesney has with his father, his death is probably going to affect him a lot more than he realizes.
He nods once. “Yeah.” Silence settles over the table for a moment before he adds with a small, sad smile, “He asked me about the cabins the other day. I think he remembers more about the ranch than he does his own medication schedule.”
I smile and breathe out a small chuckle. “Sounds like your dad.”
The corner of his mouth lifts. “It sure does.” Then his expression shifts to something more serious. “He apologized.”
I frown, confused. “For what?”
Chesney’s eyes stay on the table. “For making me come home. He thinks this interrupted my life.”
My chest tightens. “Well, it kind of did. Among other things.”
He nods. “Yeah.”
I don’t say anything, giving him the space and the silence he needs to process his emotions.
He’s riddled with anxiety; I can tell by the way he keeps picking at the skin around his thumb.
Finally, he looks up, and the look in his eyes takes my breath away.
It’s like he’s that same scared sixteen-year-old boy again.
“But I don’t regret coming back.” There’s a certainty in his voice that has me believing him completely.
“That makes sense. He’s your dad, and no matter what’s happened, you love him.”
“Yeah.” Chesney works his jaw for a second. “Just wish I had more time.”
His confession is raw and honest, and it hangs heavily between us.
I wish I knew how to fix things like this.
Wish I knew the right thing to say to make him feel better.
Instead, I reach across the table before I can second guess myself and rest my hand over his.
Chesney looks down at it, then back at me, his eyes softening.
Neither of us moves nor says anything. After a minute, he turns his hand over, our fingers gently lacing together.
It feels achingly familiar, but I don’t let myself think too hard about that.
Chesney’s the first to let go, slowly bringing his hand down to his lap.
I look at him, seeing the sadness in his eyes. My chest hurts for him, for everything he’s gone through and everything yet to come. Eventually, we get back to eating. Nothing more is really said until we’re finished. But I know, and I think he does too, that we can’t put it off any longer.
He exhales slowly as he pushes the empty plate toward the middle of the table. “I’m sorry if it seems like I’ve been avoiding you since the night we had sex.”
My pulse spikes. “You mean because you practically left skid marks on the road when you left?”
Chesney chuckles. “Yeah, that. But also because I didn’t bring it up when I got back to town.”
“I’ll admit it stung a little when I found out you went to Honey Creek.” Might as well go with honesty. “But as for the other days… I knew you were dealing with your own shit at home. I’d never hold that against you.”
“Well, thank you.” He traces circles through the condensation on his water glass. “But for what it’s worth…” My pulse picks up immediately, and he must notice, because then he says, “I don’t regret it.”
He doesn’t regret it.
The four words hit me like cool rain after a drought. Something in my chest loosens, and it feels like I can breathe again. I get the feeling that’s not all he wants to say, though, so I sit up straighter and brace myself.
“But…”
He smiles sadly. “But… I also don’t know if it should become a habit.”
A knot twists in my stomach. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised, though.
“I came back here because my family needed me,” he says, meeting my gaze. “And at the end of the year…”
“You leave,” I finish when his voice trails off.
“Yeah.” The word is almost a whisper. “I leave.”
Hearing Chesney say it out loud hurts more than I expected. I’ve been in such deep denial about my feelings since he’s been back. I’ve been pretending his presence after all these years was no big deal. But it is a big deal. And now that we’ve slept together again, I can’t lie to myself anymore.
“I don’t think…” He shakes his head. “I don’t think going down this road is smart.”
There’s no malice in his tone, but it cuts me anyway.
“This road.”
Nodding, he says, “You and me.”
It’s the one thing we’ve been circling. The one thing neither of us wants to name. “We were cursed from the start, weren’t we?”
“There’s just too much going on right now,” he says. “Even if I did decide to stay… It’s a lot, and I think I just need to focus on getting through whatever time I have left with my dad and getting the dude ranch up and running.”
This is the first I’m hearing about him even considering staying in Sweet Briar. My heart clenches at the idea. It stings, but I push it aside because Chesney’s mind seems made up. And I won’t beg a second time. I can’t.
“You’re right,” I say, the words like chalk on my tongue. I swallow harshly. “No need to make that any messier than it already is.”
“Yeah. Exactly,” he offers, his voice rough. His eyes search mine, and I wish I knew what he was searching for. “We’re…business partners.”
Chesney’s right.
I hate that he’s right.
Finally, I nod, ignoring the ache in my chest. “Okay.”
His eyebrows lift. “Okay?”
“I hear you,” I say. “Business partners. I don’t want to complicate anything either.”
It’s not the answer I want, but it’s the one he deserves. Relief flickers across his face, along with something else that looks an awful lot like disappointment. Whatever it is, it’s gone in the blink of an eye. I was probably seeing things anyway.
Magnolia drops off our check after a while, and neither of us reaches for it fast enough.
“I got it,” I say, attempting to take it from Chesney.
“No, don’t worry about it,” he insists.
We go back and forth like arguing toddlers until Magnolia finally rolls her eyes.
“Split it before I make the decision for you.”
Chesney chuckles. “Wow. Bossy.”
“You’ve got no idea,” she says before walking off with both our cards.
Walking out into the cool evening air, we fall into step beside each other.
When Chesney reaches his truck, he pauses. “I meant what I said. I don’t regret what happened between us. The other night, or when we were younger.”
My heart skips a beat, then sinks a little. “I don’t either.”
His shoulders relax, and he smiles. “Okay. Good.” Opening the driver’s door, he looks back, “See you tomorrow.”
Shoving my hands into my pockets, I nod. “Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
I watch his taillights disappear down Main Street with an ache in my chest and a lump in my throat. Even though I understand where Chesney’s coming from, that doesn’t mean my heart has to like it.