10. Victor
Victor
My phone sits on my bed, speaker on, as I finish packing my suitcase and talk to my sister. My very excited sister who I’m pretty sure, even though we’re not videoing each other, can see both the cheesy happy smile mixed with panic on my face.
I’m going out of town with Jake. He’ll be here literally any minute, and I’m a fucking wreck. Not because I don’t want to go with him to this wedding, but because of what it means. This is big. Huge. And we’ve just started talking. Are we moving too fast? Or is this how it’s meant to be?
“You’re smiling again, aren’t you? Come on, Vic, switch this to a video call. Let me see him when he picks you up.”
My head is shaking before the words ever leave my mouth. “Nope, no way in hell, Nellie. For one, you wouldn’t be able to keep your mouth shut, and you’d embarrass me.”
“Me?” Her gasp radiates through the speaker. “I’d never. All I want is to see the man that has my brother tied up in knots. I have a good feeling about this.”
“You had a good feeling about every guy I dated,” I reminded her.
“Not true. I hated Michael. He was a bottom feeder. A leech. Scum. Not worthy enough to eat my dog’s shit. You finding him cheating on you was the best thing that ever happened.”
“Is my pain the best thing to ever happen?” I question her.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
Of course, I know she didn’t, but I love making her squirm. She’s right, though. He was the worst decision of my life. And trust me, I’ve made a few bad choices. Hopefully they don’t all bite me in the ass like he did. Almost five grand in debt with a credit card that I added him to really stung.
“Sure, stick to that story if you want to, Nellie.”
I let out a heavy sigh, one that doesn’t go unnoticed by my sister.
“Vic, what’s wrong?” As much as she teases me, she loves me just as much and only wants to see me happy.
“Nothing.”
“Lie to me again and I’m going to be on my way there, wooden spoon in hand to beat your ass.”
The sad part is, she totally would. I can still see Mom, chasing us around the room as kids, ready to spank us for the mischief we got into.
One of us always had some hair-brained idea that either ended with us in trouble, in the emergency room, or both.
My hand instinctively goes to the scar above my eye, the one caused when she broke a sheet of glass meant to be made into a window over my head.
I couldn’t sit for a week after Mom got done with us.
“Fine. I’m just nervous, excited, terrified,” I confess, sitting down on the edge of the bed after zipping up my suitcase.
“And those are all valid feelings, Victor. But it’s going to be okay. You’re an amazing man, and he’s lucky to have you interested in him.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my sister and you’re contractually obligated to do it.”
She bursts out laughing. “That means nothing. I’m saying it because it’s true. Have fun this weekend. Enjoy and don’t overthink anything.”
I stand up, take my suitcase off the bed, and pick up the phone, making my way to the living room. I set my luggage by the door, then make my way around the living room, making sure the windows are locked. I’ve already done it everywhere else.
Any minute Jake is going to be here and we’ll be together the whole weekend.
Even sharing the same room. He messaged me late last night making sure that it was okay.
If not he’d find another room. But I couldn’t fathom being apart from him.
But now I’m paranoid that this weekend will be the time I start snoring, or worse, what if I fart in front of him?
“Victor!!” My sister screams, getting my attention.
“What?”
“I was asking you a question and you went radio silent.”
“Sorry, I was reading a message from a client. What did you want to know?” Lie, but she’ll never know.
“Are you ready to meet his family?”
“No, I’m freaking out about it.”
I sit down on the couch, take the phone off speaker and place it to my ear. No way do I need him showing up and hearing my loud ass sister. I mean he could have 20/20 hearing. Is that a thing? If it is, I'm sure he has it.
“It’s going to be fine. They’re going to love you. Or are you more worried about how he’s going to introduce you?”
“Both. I mean we’re technically not dating. We’re just talking.”
“Oh my silly, stupid, naive brother. Nobody takes someone they’re just talking with to a family wedding. If you’re there, it’s because he wants more with you.”
I pause. Could Nellie be right? Does he already know he wants more with me? I fucking know I do with him.
Then she says, far too casually, “You’re so screwed. The two of you both have it bad for each other. I can’t wait to see who cracks first.”
“Wow, Nellie, way to be supportive. Here I thought I was your favorite person. Clearly, I’m just someone who shares the same blood that you can laugh at. I’m here for your enjoyment.”
“I’m your sister. It’s in my job description.”
I bite the inside of my cheek so hard that I can taste blood.
“What if they hate me?” I ask her softly.
“They won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. I know you and I love you. There’s no way they won’t like you. It’s physically impossible.”
“That doesn't mean shit. Your opinion isn’t theirs.”
“You're charming, sweet, caring, and wonderful. That's what I know.”
“Whatever. You know how I ramble when I’m nervous. What if I say something stupid?”
“Stop. You’re being ridiculous. Are you sure we’re even related? I never obsess over shit this much. Everything is going to be amazing and when you come back, you’ll have a new shiny boyfriend.”
This is why I love her. Why I called her. Because somehow she can take the absolute panic twisting through my chest and turn it into something I can actually relax with. My nerves aren’t completely gone, but they don’t have my stomach twisting in knots, begging for a toilet.
“What if they ask where we met?”
“Tell them.”
“What if they ask—”
“Victor!”
“What?”
“Breathe.”
I inhale deeply, then slowly blow it out.
“You’re going to be fine.”
“I hope so.”
“You like him.”
My smile comes back before I can stop it.
“Yeah.”
“You really like him.”
I stare down at my hands.
“Yeah.”
“Then stop worrying about whether everyone else is going to approve and just enjoy the fact that he wants to spend the whole weekend with you.”
That hits harder than I expect.
Because she's right. He didn’t have to invite me, but he did. I even gave him an out. But he still wants me to go. He even asked if I was comfortable sharing a room. He’s thinking of me. And it’s nice.
Before I can say anything else, I hear the doorbell ring.
“Oh shit, Nellie. He’s here. I have to go.”
“Wait!” she screams before I can hang up.
“What?”
“I want details. And pictures.”
“I’ll think about it.” I stand up and head to the door, pulling my jacket off the hook, and putting it on. The doorbell rings again.
“I’m coming,” I call out loud enough for him to hear.
“Nellie, I love you. I’ve got to go.”
“Pictures,” she says again. “If I don’t get pictures, then this weekend didn’t happen. And I want good ones. Full face. The two of you together.”
“Goodbye, Nellie.”
“Victor!”
“What? I need to go.”
“Have fun and don’t overthink. Just be present in the moment. And send me those pictures.”
I take hold of the deadbolt, unlocking the door.
“Fine.” With that I hang up, shove my phone in my pocket, place one hand on the handle and take a deep breath before opening the door.
Jake’s standing there, with a smile on his face. “You had me scared. I thought you were having second thoughts.”
“No, just a sister that doesn’t know how to get off the phone.”
“Good, ready to go?” He reaches out and takes my suitcase from me. Never has a man done that before.
“I can carry my own bag.” I laugh.
“I know. But I want to.”
I look at him with utter disbelief. This man is amazing. I step into the hallway and shut the door behind me, making sure to lock it.
We make our way to the elevator. Neither of us saying anything until we get to his truck.
“Are you ready for this? I want to warn you, sometimes my family can be a bit much.”
“Then they’ll fit in with mine.”
He opens the passenger side rear door and lifts my suitcase up, placing it on the seat beside his luggage. Then he opens my door like a true chivalrous knight.
The car ride to the hotel where the wedding is takes a few hours.
We spend the time talking. He tells me about his cousin who’s getting married.
They grew up together and basically feel like they’re siblings.
He recounts the stories of his childhood, using his hands to talk, and I have to remind him to keep one hand on the wheel.
His humorous stories fade as he shares more emotional stories with me.
“She was the first person I came out to. I was so scared of telling my parents, but I needed someone to know. To be there with me.”
“How did she react when you told her?” I ask, remembering how I came out to my sister. She laughed it off telling me she always knew. That everyone did. They were just waiting for me to be comfortable enough and ready to share with them myself.
He laughs quietly.
“She said, ‘Okay’. Then proceeded to tell me how great it was that we could talk about all the cute guys together.”
“That sounds like the perfect response.”
“It was.”
He glances at me.
“I was terrified.”
“I bet you were. I know I was when I told my family. They knew before I was even ready to tell them.”
“Lena made it easy,” he says. “She didn't make me explain myself. Didn't make it weird. She just accepted me as I am.”
I reach across the console and take his hand.
His fingers close around mine almost immediately.
Neither of us say a word. His thumb gently rubs over my fingers before he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it softly before resting it back on the console.
But he never releases his hold on me, and I don’t want him to.
He keeps driving with one hand while holding mine with the other. I glance down at our joined hands.
“This is nice.”
“Yeah,” he says.
The road stretches ahead of us, sunlight flashing through the trees as we pass. We pick our conversation back up like this was a common occurrence for us. He tells me another ridiculous family story, and then I share one of my own.
For the next couple of hours, that’s all we do as the miles disappear and we get closer to our destination.
I know that when we get there, all those overwhelming emotions will return, but right now, with his hand in mine, sitting here with Jake is all I want.