Burnout Summer

All-Hands

(UNLESS YOU’RE IN THE PILLORY)

The thing about the bigwigs running Corporate America is that they love to bury the lede. And like the yellow journalists of yesteryear, those in charge know how to sell a story by beginning with the dazzling but exaggerated details.

Any executive worth their title is well versed in disguising bullshit as gold, a Midas touch responsible for hiding below-market pay and mediocre benefits behind “perks” like Bagel Mondays and unparalleled company culture.

It’s the same gilded phenomenon used by upper management to masquerade white-collar work as a team sport.

Themed buzzwords joined the usual corporate jargon.

Every team needed to huddle, to make a game plan for next quarter, to brainstorm a new slam dunk initiative.

The C-suite suits think they’re a winning sports team, one that wears eye black and eats orange slices at halftime.

But office culture has nothing to do with pregame rituals and touchdown dances. If Corporate America has a twin, it’s prison.

Jail.

The clink.