Chapter Twenty-Five. Forbearance #2
“My private loan allows one year of payment pauses. One year to skip your monthly minimum in case of a job loss, an unplanned expense, that sort of thing. But that means if it takes you thirty years to pay the loan off, you have twelve months of a break in total. For three decades.” She hiccuped, staring at her blackbird tattoo.
“Well, when I got laid off from my first job, I had to use four months’ worth.
And in the time since, I’ve had to use more because I don’t make enough money.
If I paid my loan, I had to use credit cards to cover everything else.
But then I maxed those out, and to pay their minimums, I had to use the rest of my pauses. ”
After a sip of water, she added, “By January, I had no months left. And you know how capitalization works. Interest accrues, my principal amount increases, and my monthly loan payment skyrockets. So, now, in addition to an ever-growing student loan with no options for relief, I also have credit cards with outrageously high minimum payments.” She took a deep breath.
“When you got to DC, you mentioned that my voicemail box was full. That was no accident. I just … stopped paying my loan because I didn’t have a choice, and when April hit, they put me in default.
Got a debt collector involved. Suddenly I’m getting six phone calls a day.
Letters in the mail. They’re calling my parents, and sending me text messages, and they’re filling up my voicemail box.
After a while, I stopped deleting them. Because once I did, a new message just replaced an old one. ”
He listened intently, eyebrows furrowed. Each word tightened his face and darkened his gaze.
“All year, I’ve called them every week, begging for some type of flexibility.
A smaller payment, anything. For months, I got the same answer: there was nothing they could do.
Finally, in May—probably because they were sick of me calling—they granted two extra months of payment pauses.
They even stopped all the collections bullshit.
But at the end of the month, I’m expected to resume paying again. Because the cycle never stops.”
“That’s it?” Danny asked. “That’s no help!”
“Help? They’re not here to help. It’s a predatory system run by predatory people.
Most student loan servicers are for-profit, publicly traded companies.
They don’t give a fuck about helping kids afford college.
They care about how much interest you’re going to pay them.
” She laughed, brushing away her tears. “They’re selling my debt on the stock market for the Brads and Chads to make a buck from.
Lucky them because I’m an excellent investment.
You can count on me paying interest until the day I die. ”
“Cam—”
“It’s kinda funny, isn’t it?” she whispered, chipping at her nail polish.
“At eighteen, there’re so many things you legally can’t do.
Can’t have a drink, can’t check into some hotels, can’t even buy a fucking cigarette.
But you can sign your life away for hundreds of thousands of dollars, all cosigned with a smiley face by the same universities who claim to have your best interest at heart, even though they’re the ones raising tuition to astronomical levels every fucking year. ”
As she worked on a particularly large chunk of polish on her pinky, he grabbed her hand.
Her gaze shot to his, and he said, “It’s not funny.
It’s fucking awful. It’s a shit system that nobody in charge is incentivized to fix because money talks.
The rich kids get off scot-free and everyone else is left to suffer.
” His grip softened, his thumb tracing shapes into her palm.
“It makes me feel guilty. My parents and Beau spent so much of their hard-earned money to get me through college and usually, I didn’t care about doing more than the bare minimum in my classes.
But you … you loved school. Everything about it.
You don’t deserve this fucking loan shark baseball bat bullshit that comes after graduation. Nobody does.”
Both his hands encased hers, ten fingers soft against her skin. Some pressed into her palm, others ghosted her wrist. His hands on her body transported her right back into her bedroom, him between her thighs, his touch so intimate, so heated, so—
Fuck. A meltdown about money was more than enough. She wouldn’t add their night together to the list.
“Will you be able to make your monthly payment?” he asked gently. “With what you’ve been making at Beau’s?”
“Yeah. I won’t be able to pay as much into my card balances as I did in May and June but …
I’ve made a dent and that makes me feel good.
” When she met his concerned brown eyes, she pulled her hand away, locking hers together so she wouldn’t be tempted to touch him again.
“Seems like a stupid thing to celebrate. I’m almost twenty-six and I have no savings, no property, not even a car.
Even my phone is in my parents’ names, and I think it’s an accomplishment to pay off debt I created. ”
“It is an accomplishment. A major one.”
“Maybe, but … I just don’t see how I can pull myself out of this.”
“You’re already doing it. Every cent you’ve paid on your credit cards is forward movement. You’re getting your loans figured out. You’re adjusting your spending. You should be so fucking proud of yourself. It’s never gonna be easy, but if anyone can do it, it’s you.”
“But I can’t do this forever.” She played with the frayed edges of the sofa cushion. “In the fall, I’ll have to move into an apartment I can’t afford and return to the corporate world. It’s just another chapter of this horrible cycle. Jobs I hate. Debt I can’t pay off.”
“Then break the cycle.” He shrugged. “You’re not locked into anything because of your education.
You hate your work. You’re miserable. Don’t go back because you think you have to.
That’s why it made no sense for Drew to ask around Farley.
It’s like going from swimming with crocodiles to swimming with sharks.
I know it seems like the easiest next step, but it’s good you passed on his offer.
Now you’re free to explore any opportunity. ”
Cam nodded quickly, not correcting him. Because despite what she’d told Danny, she’d sent off her résumé. Refreshed her email daily. Asked Drew if he’d heard anything.
Ignoring the guilt bubbling in her stomach, she asked, “What else would I do?”
“Write.” When her shoulders slumped, he added, “You can do whatever you want, Cam. You wanna be a chef? Pauly can train you. You wanna be a teacher? I’ve got regulars who work at the local schools. You wanna go into remodeling? Esme’s aunt runs a—”
“That’s … here. In Elswick.”
He glanced at her, and then away. “Well, yeah. I mean … just a thought.”
It was nearly two months into her stay with Danny, and she still had no idea where she’d go when the summer ended. Job hunting had been low on her list of priorities, and without work lined up, there was no city to relocate to, let alone a home to settle in.
What if she stayed in Elswick? What if she remained in this summer fantasy with Danny, spending her free time frolicking on the beach and writing until her hand cramped?
It scared her how much she was growing to want that outcome.
“You told me you weren’t happy before but that you’re happy now,” he continued. “So … is it really such a crazy idea?”
“No, it’s not.” Because those beach fantasies were as clear as day in her head. And they weren’t practical, and they weren’t smart, but fuck if she didn’t want that long-term. “I haven’t given much thought to September but … staying here is at the top of my list.”
She was hauled into his arms for a hug, and when he let go, he said, “Look, Cam … I don’t wanna give you some cliché like money comes around if you work hard because we all know that’s bullshit.
But I do know that being happy and enjoying as much of your life as you can matters more than anything else.
Getting rid of debt is important but so is looking forward to waking up every day. ”
“What would you be doing if you hadn’t been given Beau’s? What was your original plan after your trip?”
“Early on, I had lots of ideas. Sleeping on Drew’s couch in Boston while I job hunted.
Going home and finding something local. Moving abroad and teaching English.
” He shrugged. “Ultimately, I didn’t think about it.
I wanted to enjoy the trip, then worry about what came next.
But when I got home, it wasn’t a concern anymore.
Because as soon as I learned Beau left this place to me, I knew I had to run it. ”
Danny glanced around the office, his face softening at the framed photograph of him at his college graduation, his parents and Beau by his side. Commencement was the only time she’d met his uncle, and with how hectic the day was, their introduction had been brief.
“I never saw myself in hospitality or restaurants,” he continued.
“I didn’t know I wanted this but now that I’m doing it, I love it.
It’s exactly what I needed. Meeting new people, being creative, problem-solving when shit goes up in flames—sometimes literally.
” He laughed. “It’s okay to be unsure about what you want.
Because maybe the more valuable question is, What do you need?
The Cam I know needs the opportunity to be artistic.
She needs the freedom to move on her own.
She needs routine, but she also needs to be spontaneous.
” He glanced at her sneakers and smiled.
“And I think she needs to wear shoes that won’t give her blisters. ”
Her lips quivered, and the nausea that had overloaded her stomach on the deck was replaced with butterflies. “Do you really think I could write full-time? Make a living from it?”
“I believe you can do anything you put your mind to. But you’ll never know unless you try.”
“What if I can’t afford to try?”
“You can always afford to try.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“When my dad went off to Adams, Beau stayed at home, flipping burgers at this local fast-food joint. After a few years of saving money, he found this place. It was in shambles after years of neglect, and the city wanted to condemn it. But he cut a deal and bought it. Spent two years making it habitable, all by himself. He basically rebuilt this place from scratch and now … it’s an institution.
You’ll be an institution too, Cam. I just know it. ”
“And if my books suck?”
“Most books suck.”
For the first time that day, she really smiled. “Danny!”
“It’s true. But even if it sucks, I’ll love it, and so will someone else.”
She hugged him, dropping her head to his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, Milly.”
They stayed in his office for about two hours.
Her tables were split among her amazing colleagues, and Danny convinced her to take a nap on the sofa while he worked at his desk.
Eventually, they were coaxed out of the office by the sound of the town fireworks going off.
Instead of watching from the deck with the customers and staff, Danny led her to the beach.
Sitting on the sand, they watched the sky erupt with color. There was live music coming from somewhere in the distance, cheers from every direction, and a handful of poor scared pups barking away.
But Cam was distracted. Not by the loud fireworks and not by the memories of her first panic attack.
It was him.
Danny was the color lighting up her life. And as the explosions lit up the sky, she couldn’t look away from him.