Chapter Twenty-Seven. Déjà Vu #2
Overachiever. She wanted to cackle like a hyena. Maybe Cam at seventeen. Maybe Cam at twenty-one. The only thing Cam at twenty-five and eleven months strove for was a dose of CBD gummies and snuggle time with Reggie.
“Apparently, my heart wasn’t in it,” she said. “That was the feedback I got before being escorted out.”
“And do you agree?”
“I mean, in theory, sure? I think not loving your job is a shit reason to be fired, but yeah, my heart wasn’t in it. I was … burned out. I’ve been burned out for a while.”
“And now?”
“Cory.” She laughed, halting midstride. “What’s with the twenty questions? Since when do you care?”
He stopped too, frowning. “I thought we were catching up.”
“And why would we do that?”
“Because we’re friends?”
“Are we? You didn’t invite me to your wedding.
You didn’t even tell me you were engaged.
And … I know for some people, it would be weird.
But I thought we were different. I thought we loved and respected each other enough to move past any awkwardness.
We … said we’d try. But Cory, this doesn’t feel like trying. It feels like giving up.”
He sighed and dropped his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. It was the same anxious tic he’d had at eighteen, and the movement warmed her heart. Because before anything—before any romance, before any breakup, before any tense relationship post-college—they were friends.
Two kids who’d met in their microeconomics lecture and bonded over music and movies and milkshakes from Rooster’s Row.
“That night, in Tulum, I left our hotel room crying,” she continued, “and four years later, I’ve finally realized that I wasn’t upset because I was heartbroken.
I was upset because I knew our friendship would never be the same.
That’s the Cory meant for me. A friend. And I want him back.
I want us all to be friends again, and I know it’ll never be like college, but is it so ridiculous for me to dream? ”
“It’s not ridiculous,” he said. “I want that too, Cam. I really do. I just … didn’t know how to handle this. It’s been hard for me too, you know?”
In the gentle breeze, Cory’s familiar brown gaze on hers, a scary realization took hold.
She didn’t know.
Not once had she considered what the situation was like for him. Because she was the outlier in this equation. She was the sad ex. She was the friend left behind.
She was the victim, right?
“My best friends are your best friends,” he continued.
I’m so fucking happy for them, but there’s a part of me that mourns what could’ve been with you two, Morgan whispers.
We had to decide how to tell you, Drew adds.
I was worried about telling you because I didn’t know if you still had feelings for him, Danny finishes.
Nausea clawed up her throat. When Cory announced his engagement, had their best friends been more worried about her feelings than his? Had their concern for protecting her hijacked his happy moment?
For nearly the entire summer, she’d viewed herself as roadkill, collateral damage on the journey of someone else’s life. But maybe she was the drunk driving the car, the one responsible for the distress and destruction.
“You know my history, you know my family, you know my every dream and every nightmare,” he said. “That’s a lot to bring around my future wife.”
Her eyes burned, from the salty air, from the tears threatening to spill.
Her heartbreak, her worries, her fears.
Not his.
“Tabby’s the best,” he added, not noticing her spiral. “It wouldn’t bother her, but…”
“It bothers you?”
“Yeah. A little. It’s hard reconciling how much our lives intersect. And ultimately, I did what I thought was easiest. Even if it hurt you. So, I’m—”
“No,” she begged, wiping her tears. “Don’t apologize.
If anyone should apologize, it’s me. I’ve spent the last year so focused on myself and my problems that I’ve canceled everything else out.
This is your day. Not mine. My feelings don’t matter, and I am so sorry if everyone tiptoeing around me has caused more harm than good.
” She took a deep breath. “I want us to be friends, but if having me at the wedding or anything in the future makes you or Tabby uncomfortable, I understand. You don’t owe me this. ”
“What if I did want you there?”
“You … do?”
He shrugged. “It’s like you said. I was giving up and I don’t like quitting.” He smiled softly. “We’re friends. And friends figure shit out, even when it’s hard and uncomfortable. So please. Come to the wedding.”
“Are you sure Tabby won’t mind?”
“She knows all about you, Cam. I’ve told her plenty, and with friends like Drew and Morgan who don’t understand the concept of inside voices, she’s heard everything. She’s okay with it.” He glanced in the direction they’d come from, Beau’s far off in the distance. “Would you like to meet her?”
“I’d love to. She must be pretty cool if you fell for her.”
He rolled his eyes, although his smile brightened. “She is. You two will get along.”
“I hope so. Morgan used to joke we’d have to give our stamps of approval on everyone’s future ladies.
She clearly loves Tabby, so you’re good.
Anyone who can tolerate Drew long-term is probably a keeper, so that leaves…
” She swallowed the thickness in her throat, forcing a megawatt smile.
“Danny. I guess we’ll see who he brings home. ”
Cory tilted his head, watching her. “Right.” But she knew him well enough to recognize the unspoken thoughts on his tongue. “Cam … how are you doing? Really. No bullshit.”
She dropped her head and kicked a loose bit of asphalt. “It’s been a challenging summer. Seeing how everyone is soaring while I’m … floundering.”
“You’re not floundering.” He sounded so sure of himself, and that was a trait she both loved and hated about Cory. “You’re … pivoting.”
“Pivoting,” she repeated. “That implies I know what the hell I’m doing.”
“Not knowing what you’re doing is still knowing what you’re doing.” When she rolled her eyes, he laughed and added, “No plan is still a plan.”
“Are you serious?”
“Straight up.” He resumed walking, and she raced to keep up with him. “Twenty-five is about figuring stuff out. It’s okay to be lost.”
“And were you figuring stuff out at twenty-five?” Cory was less than six months from his twenty-seventh birthday, and with a high-paying job in a big city and a wedding on the horizon, she found it hard to believe he was ever in the weeds like she was.
“Yeah, I was. I met, dated, and proposed to Tabby. I moved apartments, turned down a job offer, even declined an opportunity to do a year in the London office.”
And just like that, her guilt was back in full force. His issues were different than hers, but they were still life-changing. “Well … you’re halfway into twenty-six. How do you feel about your choices?”
“I feel good. Because if I’d gone to London, I wouldn’t be where I am right now, weeks away from marrying the woman I love. If not for that offer, I wouldn’t have negotiated a raise or more PTO at my current job.”
“I’m glad everything worked out for you, Cory.”
“Hey. Don’t do that. You’re the one who used to say everything happens for a reason. You never sounded so resigned. Even on bad days.”
“It’s hard keeping your head up when everything is going down.”
“And has everything been going down? Because I know you, and you tend to fixate on the negative.”
She winced. She was the glass-half-empty type.
“No. Not everything. I’ve rediscovered my love for writing and started working on my first book.” She bit her lip, nervous to even mention her manuscript at such an early stage. “I’m really excited about it, and when I’m ready, I’ll try to get it published.”
“Yeah? That’s awesome.”
“And being by the beach has been invigorating. I’m spending more time outside. Even the small talk with customers is great. I love being around Danny’s dog, Reggie. He reminds me how much I always wanted a pet. And … it’s been amazing spending so much time with Danny.”
“You and Danny always meshed well together.”
“You think so?”
He slowed his movements as they neared Burton Street. “Yeah. Danny’s very … type B.”
“I know.”
“I’m very type A.”
Cam pursed her lips, not understanding his meaning. “Well, yeah, but I’m type A, too.”
Cory laughed, shaking his head. “Actually, you’re not.
You’ve always been driven by what you think you’re supposed to do, not what you want to do.
For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve created unnecessary stress in your life by trying to be ambitious and competitive and, C … I just don’t think that’s you.”
“And what do you think is me?”
She might’ve hit a new low, asking her ex-boyfriend such a question.
“What you’re doing right now. Writing, in a place like this, with a guy like Danny by your side.”
“What are you implying?” she asked, hating the lilt in her voice, like she was excited by his words.
Cory opened the door to Café Tupelo, eyebrow raised. “You know what I’m implying.”
Instead of entering the air-conditioned shop, she lingered in the doorway. She stared at him, palms sweaty and heart jumping frantically in her chest. “And that … wouldn’t bother you?”
He smiled gently. “I want you happy and I can’t think of anyone who would make you happier.”
Unable to find her words, she silently joined him by the counter. After ordering three drinks, including what she recognized as Danny’s go-to, Cory turned to her. “Vanilla iced coffee with oat milk?” he asked.
She nodded, feeling oddly emotional after their catch-up. “Yeah. I can’t believe you remember.”
As Cory handed the cashier his credit card, he laughed, glancing at Cam over his shoulder. “Actually,” he said, “I didn’t. I asked Danny.”