Chapter Thirty-One. Liability
Chapter Thirty-One
LIABILITY
The morning after Danny’s tour of Europe, Cam threw herself into her shift.
She was a blur of movement, wearing a cheery mask as she zigzagged through the dining room.
The performance took every bit of energy from her, and by the time her break came around, she was sprinting from Beau’s, desperate for fresh air and quiet.
She wandered the property aimlessly, eventually finding herself at Danny’s beer shed. Dropping to the manicured grass, she pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face in her thighs.
Why did she feel so empty?
August would provide so many wonderful moments. Her birthday, her friends reuniting for Cory’s wedding, perhaps even a job offer …
But she didn’t feel excitement. Just dread.
Tears pricked at her eyes, only thwarted by Esme approaching.
“Corporate Camille,” Esme said, gently kicking Cam’s sneakers with her boot, “what’s got you so down?”
It was a loaded question. Cam watched the parking lot, tracking customers with her eyes. The teenage boy giving a toddler a piggyback ride. The stern, middle-aged bald man walking his tipsy wife to their car. The trio of twentysomethings, skipping to the stairs, ready for their oceanside lunch.
“There’s a lot on my mind,” she replied quietly.
“You know … we’re more alike than you think.” Esme sat beside her. “I also left a job I didn’t like and came to Elswick for a fresh start.”
“I didn’t leave my job. I was fired,” Cam corrected, watching the same trio take a selfie in front of the restaurant. “And this isn’t a fresh start. It’s a temporary break, one that is now ending.”
“Is this moody little scene because your break is ending? Or does it have to do with the googly eyes I keep seeing you send Danny?”
“We slept together,” she whispered, exhaling shakily. “Twice.”
“Huh. I’m not totally surprised, although I did hope my request to try the toy, not the man, would resonate.”
“Yeah, well, the vibrator got stuck and he had to help me get it out.”
Esme laughed. “That’s kinda hot. Which leads to my next question: What’s the problem? You two are close. You’re clearly compatible.”
Cam pulled at the grass, letting the blades tickle her fingertips. “When Cory and I broke up, it seriously fucked up our friend group. I ruined our last weeks of senior year, our graduation plans, our—”
“Sorry,” Esme interrupted, “but did you do something horrible, like cheat on him?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then why did you say you ruined it? Wasn’t he just as responsible?” When Cam didn’t immediately respond, Esme added, “You know it was his fault too, right?”
“I know.” But did she? Because time and time again, she blamed only herself.
“It doesn’t matter because the point is, it’s taken us nearly four years to get even close to where we used to be.
And yeah, some of that is natural because we’ve gotten older, but most of it is because the breakup created these massive rifts between us, and all I’ve ever wanted is to fix them.
” Her gaze dropped to her green-tinted hands.
“You asked what the problem is. It’s me.
I date Cory and we break up. My friends tell me things and I don’t listen.
I turn Cory’s engagement into a sob fest where I wallow in my self-pity.
I sleep with Danny—twice—consequences be damned.
There is finally a path forward for the five of us, but not if I cause another earthquake.
“It’s only ever me creating trouble, and pursuing something with Danny could be catastrophic.
It could risk everything, and I can’t do that.
I can’t lose them.” She shook her head quickly, trying to erase the thoughts, like a child with an Etch A Sketch.
“It doesn’t make sense anyways. I know what comes next for me.
I’ll take another marketing job in another city, and I’ll go on with my life.
This place, something with Danny … it was never going to be a realistic option. ”
“Right. What’s so great about these friends?” Esme asked. “You talk about them all the time.”
“They’re … my people. I was lucky enough to find them because not everyone is.
When we’re together, there’s a synergy. It’s predictable, and safe, but not boring.
We’re … complementary. Morgan’s loud. Cory’s quiet.
I’m a rule-follower. Danny’s a rule-breaker.
Drew’s … Drew.” She smiled sadly. “I spent a lot of money on a slip of paper to do a job I don’t like, and that means there’s always a voice in my head asking, Was it worth it?
And every time it appears, I think of them.
I think of when Morgan hosted movie nights with themed menus.
I think of when Drew forced us to join multiple intramural leagues.
I think of when Cory would drag us to trivia nights at local bars. I think of when Danny…”
Comforted her crying on the quad because the perfect job in LA didn’t want her. Tore through ten oppressively spicy chicken wings, brown eyes glimmering with pride. Led her through the streets of Tulum, making her laugh until every ounce of sadness disappeared.
“I get it,” Esme cut in. “In theory, at least. I’ve never had friends like that. But forget about them for a minute. What is it that you want?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want.”
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Esme snapped.
“Fine! I’m scared to admit what I want. Do you prefer that answer?”
Esme rolled her eyes. “No. I don’t.” Standing, she said, “I’m going back inside. Because if you can’t be honest with yourself, this isn’t worth my time.”
Once Esme disappeared, Cam finally let herself cry.