Chapter 34 #2
“He’s crazy,” I whisper. I don’t say the other part.
So am I. I have to be if I let him convince me vampires are real and that he’s one of them.
I run down the hallway and take the main stairs to the second floor.
I don’t know why I do. It feels right. Maybe it’s because this is where granny and my parents stayed and the smallest part of me that still remembers what it felt like to be a kid who just wanted her parents to make things right leads me there.
The floor is still and quiet, the only light comes from the windows at either end of the hallway, but even that’s precious little light.
I go right and head straight for my granny’s room.
Downstairs I hear the slam of a door. “Maris?”
Fuck. Fuck. Why didn’t I go outside? Why did I come here?
I’m such a fucking idiot. First I believe in vampires and now I’m acting like a bimbo in a horror movie.
Such a fucking idiot. I ease the door to my granny’s room shut and make a beeline for her closet.
I used to hide here when I was small and everything felt overwhelming.
“She’s just a nervous child. She’ll grow out of it.”
That’s what granny told my parents when they were worried about me.
I was a good kid. A happy kid. How could I not be with them for parents?
They were…they were the best. My eyes water and I blink back tears while I shove a box of granny’s old handbags to the side and settle behind it in the back of the closet.
There were times when I’d vanish up here and be gone for half a day. I don’t know what I did when I was here. I try to remember but it’s just blank. My granny would come find me eventually with an ice cream or a cold can of soda.
“You about ready to come on out, mermaid?”
Mermaid. Yes. That’s right. She used to call me that all the time. The foggy memories of my childhood resurrect themselves and surround me in the dark of granny’s closet. How had I forgotten she called me Mermaid when I was small? I would always come out when she called me that.
“Maris!”
I hold my breath and startle. He’s outside of granny’s room. I didn’t even hear him walk down the stairs. I listen hard for a minute and then finally hear him. He’s moving down the hallway.
I’ll just stay here until it’s safe to come out. Everything will be okay, I tell myself and ignore the glaring hole in my plan.
When is a safe time to come out when there’s a man who thinks he’s a vampire in your house?
A murderer. Fuck, he killed Father Paretti.
Pot meet kettle. I murdered Mike and then Brian but those were different.
Okay, Brian wasn’t so different since Julian’s reason was that Father Paretti “pissed him off” but still.
He drained him of his blood. Oh my god, how did he do that?
The door flies open and I scream. I kick the box of handbags at him which does absolutely nothing. Julian bats them aside as he flicks on the closet light and a second later he’s at my side. How does he move so fast? I’m shaking when he touches me.
“Why did you hide from me?”
“You’re not a vampire. You can’t be.”
“Oh, Maris…” There’s pity in his eyes, I can hear it in his voice too.
I fucking hate it when people pity me. I’ve been an orphan for as long as anyone can remember in this town.
Even before, when I was Queen Bee in Vesper Point, there was no amount of money, connections or pedigree that could erase the flicker of pity in people’s eyes when they saw me.
If I had a tough day they wrote it off because “she’s been through a lot for her age.
” They had truly pitied me like they were better.
Like they were somehow worth more than me because they had both of their parents.
This town was full of nobodies, fucking NPC kinds of people, with no aspirations or goals.
They brought no value to this world and they liked it that way and they pitied me?
How fucking dare they.
One of the most satisfying moments of taking Mike Sheep out of this world was that no one looked at me like that anymore.
Fear replaced pity. Disgust made its home in their eyes and there were no more excuses for me.
But here it is in Julian’s eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I tell him and shove him in the chest. “Stop looking at me like that.”
He catches my hands. “Like what?”
“Like you feel sorry for me. Stop it!” I shove him again. To my surprise, Julian lets me shove him back. I have a flashback of when I shoved him onto his back with a heel to his chest. He’s letting me shove him. That makes me even angrier.
I slam my hands against his chest. “You’re not a vampire!
You’re not!” Julian doesn’t say anything.
He lets me shove him back another step, so I do and then another and another until we’re not in the closet anymore.
We’re in granny’s bedroom. The familiar scent of her floral perfume wraps around me and for a second I teeter on the edge of my sanity.
Nostalgia and desperation in equal parts nearly rips me in two.
I don’t fall though. Instead, I throw myself at Julian.
“You’re not a vampire!” Julian catches me and for a second I think we’re going to go down to the floor again but we don’t.
We end up on my granny’s bed with my legs straddling his hips.
I’ve fallen down onto his chest. He’s still barechested, and so cold.
I don’t move, I can’t move. I’m listening for a heartbeat.
There’s nothing but silence beneath my ear. Oh my god. Why isn’t he breathing?
I shove myself up and pin Julian down by his throat. “You’re lying. Say you’re lying.”
“I’m not. You feel it.” He shakes his head and grabs the hand at his throat. “You’re lying to yourself, Maris. You know what I am.”
“No!” If he’s right, then the entire world is fucking wrong, and if he’s lying to me then I’m crazy. I’d rather be crazy than Julian be telling the truth. I shake my head. “No, it can’t be-you’re lying.”
Julin has to be lying.
Julian watches me from where he lays. I don’t see him breathe.
He hardly even blinks. Outside the storm rages on.
The wind picks up and rattles the windows when there’s another clap of thunder.
It echoes through the house and bounces off the walls to surround me.
It’s too loud. I almost clap my hands over my ears to block it out but there’s no use.
I can’t hear anything anyway with the thunder ringing in my ears.
Everything is so fucked. It’s beyond fucked because the thing that I’ve been telling myself isn’t there, is. Julian isn’t breathing. There’s no heartbeat beneath my hand on his chest and he’s too cold to be right.
Nothing makes sense anymore. Maybe it never did. That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to force it to fit me. If I’m going to accept this, I want to see it for myself. If I’m crazy, then I want to go all the way.
I raise my hand to my mouth and bite the side of my hand. I bite down even when my brain screams at me to knock it the fuck off. Pain blinds me and I keep biting until I break the skin. My teeth rip the side of my palm open and blood fills my mouth.
I spit out the first mouthful. “Is this what you want?” I hold my bleeding hand over Julian and watch him. “This is what you want from me, isn’t it?” I squeeze my hand hard, forcing more blood to flow. It drips down onto Julian’s chest and then his chin.
For a second nothing happens. Lightning flashes outside and the rain keeps falling.
Julian doesn’t move. We both don’t. Everything changes a second later.
I scream when fangs elongate from Julian’s teeth.
His eyes change. They’re black, pitless.
His entire face changes, it’s more angular, sharp.
He looks like a beast. My blood drips onto his lips and his tongue snakes out to lick it up.
I feel his moan of pleasure from beneath me more than I hear it because of the boom of thunder that’s just shaken the house.
Julian’s moan fills his chest and rolls up my thighs before it settles in my belly.
Arousal hits me so hard it punches the air out of me.
I clench my thighs and squeeze my hand harder.
More blood flows from my hand to his mouth.
What am I doing?
I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m driven by instinct, by the part of me that’s angry and frustrated but most of all, scared. I’m terrified that none of this is real and that Julian will vanish like every other person that I’ve loved.
Why would he stay? My own parents didn’t. They never had the chance to.
“Go on. Take it,” I tell Julian. I lower my hand to his mouth and stop just an inch away. Crimson blood rolls off my fingertips and into his mouth. I drop my hand to cover Julian’s mouth and press my palm to his lips. Julian doesn’t attack me like I think he will.
His lips part and I feel the sharp prick of his fangs.
He could rip my hand off. I know that now.
He moves, the strength that I felt earlier is there but it’s not tempered.
Not anymore. He grabs my hips and flips us so that I’m on my back.
My hand falls away from his mouth, my blood smears across his lips and chin.
“Maris, you tempt death.” Julian leans over me and his hair falls over his forehead and across his eyes. Julian pins me to the bed when I try to move. I’m shaking and my hand throbs. I didn’t think this through. Fuck.
“Then give it to me already,” I whisper back. I choke back tears. “I’m so tired.”
He shakes his head, just a jerk of his chin. “No. You’re mine. With me you will stay. Do you understand me? You will stay with me. I command it.”