Chapter 2
MOIRA
Exhaustion pulls at me as I park my car in front of the house. That’s all it is. A house. Not a home, no matter how much I’ve tried to make it one.
A snuffling sound has me flicking my eyes to the rear-view mirror and the small, sweet face reflected there.
She’s the reason I’m making hard decisions.
Decisions that I should have made years ago, before I got involved with Harry.
Before I allowed him to whittle away at my self-esteem until I was half the woman I used to be, not that I was much of one to start with.
Not when I’d been taught from childhood that it was better to be quiet and keep out of the way.
I wish I’d had this opportunity before I let him persuade me that a baby was what we needed.
I learned long ago to know better than to wish for things.
Not that I regretted Mikayla, far from it. As far as I was concerned, she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Where I wasn’t strong enough to get myself out, I was strong enough to not want my daughter to grow up in a toxic environment.
When Mikayla snuffled again, I knew she’d be waking soon. Opening my door and stepping out into the cool evening air, I knew that it wouldn’t be long until she was screaming to be fed.
Opening her door, I reach in and release the safety catch on her car seat. She’d not be able to use this for much longer, she was getting too heavy for it.
As I stand up, grasping the handle of her car seat, I feel it. That feeling that I’m being watched. I’ve felt it for years. Scanning around, I don’t see anything, but I know he’s there. I always know, and not for the reason I’m sure most would think.
Not because he scares me, quite the opposite. When he’s there, I never worry about my safety.
And my stalker is definitely male, because I’d caught a glimpse of him over a year ago when I’d gone into labour with Mikayla.
I’d woken up in the hospital and caught a glimpse of a dark-haired man watching me, and that same feeling of safety had enveloped me.
I’d been so out of it on pain killers that at first, thought I imagined it, but I knew in my heart that I hadn’t.
I’ve always known from the first moment I’d felt his watchful gaze that he was there to protect me, and I have a feeling it’s because of him that I was offered a job today. A job that I couldn’t turn down.
Not only because the money that was offered was more than I’d ever hoped to earn elsewhere, but also because it came with childcare covered for Mikayla.
Of course, the person that offered it to me wasn’t him.
No. He sent someone in his stead, but I knew it was him, and I knew of his family.
You couldn’t live where I did and not know the O’Shea family.
It wasn’t that they were a bad family as such. They never went after anyone who didn’t deserve it, but they were a tight knit bunch. Which is why when Jess O’Shea had first approached me regarding the job offer, I’d been surprised.
But I was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. The fact that she’d come to me in my hour of need should have surprised me but somehow it didn’t, not with my benevolent stalker watching my every move.
Mikayla whimpered and my attention switched to her, knowing I had to get her indoors, fed and in bed before Harry came home. I wasn’t in the mood to put up with his moaning tonight, and I didn’t have it in me to placate him and duck his slaps.
Next week I started my new job, and I’d be able to save enough money to get me and Mikayla out of this house.
She was getting older and more mobile now.
I didn’t want my baby to grow up in a home like I had, where fists and hurtful words were used regularly, where they were used so often that you became numb to it.
I didn’t want my baby to fall into the same pattern that I’d done. Leaving one abusive home for another.
I want more for her. I want her to live in a home filled with love, and where hands soothe rather than hurt. Where every word spoken isn’t used to pull you down but rather build you up.
I want her to have more than me. I want her to feel safe to be herself.
Opening our front door, I’m sad to lose the safety of his watchful gaze, but I know he’ll be there again tomorrow. When Mikayla lets out a niggly cry, I hustle to get us situated in the kitchen and get some food for her.
It’s pushing on for midnight when I finish tidying up the house after giving Mikayla her last bottle of the night. Harry hasn’t come home, and I doubt very much he will. He’s not been home much the last few weeks, and for that I’m grateful.
A knock on the door has my brow furrowing with surprise. It’s never good getting a knock after ten in the evening, it doesn't usually bode well.
When a knock sounds again, this time louder, I hurry to the door. I don’t want whoever it is to wake Mikayla after I’ve just gotten her settled down.
Lifting the curtain to the side of the door, my stomach sinks, but I’m not surprised to see two Garda standing there.
One male and a female. When you’d lived the life I had, they were a sight you got used to, even if you didn’t like it.
Which of my family are they here for this time?
Not that I’ve had anything to do with my family since I left home.
Unlocking the door, I drag it open. “Can I help you?” I ask.
They look at me and it’s the female one that asks, “Are you Moira Ryan?”
“I am,” I reply with a nod.
“We’re Reilly and Doherty from The River Garda just down aways. Here’s our warrant cards,” she holds out her card, and I glance at it.
“Do you think we could come in for a minute, Miss Ryan?” Garda Doherty asks gently.
With the way they are looking at me and the way they’re acting, I know something bad has happened.
I grip the edge of the door so tight that my fingers turn white. “Just tell me. Which of my family is it?”
They share a look. When I don’t budge out of the door, not wanting them in my house, it’s the female Reilly that speaks. “Does Harry Lynch live here?”
“He does,” I reply through tight lips, wishing that my benevolent protector was here watching me. I could do with a feeling of safety right now, because I have a feeling that whatever they were about to tell me would be changing my life.
“Are you sure we can’t do this inside?” Reilly asks.
I shake my head again. “Just tell me.”
Doherty sighs, “We’re sorry to tell you Miss Ryan that the person known as Harry Lynch was found killed this evening.”
Even though I’d long ago made my decision to leave Harry, that didn’t mean that the news didn’t hit me right in the gut and take my breath away.
Bending over, I breathe in and out, trying to make sense of what they’re saying.
They let me take the time and when I feel like I can breathe I ask, “Are you sure it’s him?”
They nod sympathetically. “We are. He had his identification on him.”
“What happened?” Even as I ask the question, I know the answer. Harry had been in deep debt with one of the local gangs, and he’d probably done something to piss them off.
They hesitate again, looking between each other.
“Tell me please, if Harry was into shit that will affect the safety of me and my daughter then I need to know.”
They share another glance. If this is the area they patrol, they know what the quality of people that live here is like. It should be no surprise to them that I’d know Harry wasn’t just a builder like he portrayed.
“It looks like it was gang related,” Reilly informs me. “Did you know he was affiliated with them?”
Shaking my head, I reply honestly, “No I didn’t.” I knew he’d owed them money, not that he’d joined them. I was incensed and not a little worried. Fecking Harry, if we’re in danger from the gangs because of him. “Am I in danger from them?”
Doherty shakes his head, “Not that we can tell, but we all know that could change on a dime. Do you have somewhere you can go for a few days?”
“No,” I reply, licking my suddenly dry lips as nausea rises along with the new worry. “No, we don’t,” I continue, “I start a new job next week, but it will take me time to save up to move.”
They nod sympathetically. Like most from here, they’d understand without me having to explain.
“I tell you what, we’ll check in on you over the next few weeks just to make sure you’re okay.” Doherty informs me. Taking out a pen, he rips a paper from his small book and writes down a number. “Here’s mine and Reilly’s numbers, call us if you’re worried about anything.”
Surprised and more than a little shocked, I take it from him. Even though they’ve been kind, it’s not like the Garda to check up on a person once they’ve given you the information.
“Thanks,” I whisper just as Mikayla lets out a cry.
“Here,” Reilly gives me an envelope. “There’s information in there for you on the next steps, and what we’ll need from you.”
“Okay,” I reply distractedly turning and looking towards the stairs as Mikayla starts to cry in earnest.
“We’ll leave you now. Call us if you need us.” Doherty tells me and I nod, closing the door on them before rushing off to tend to Mikayla.
My mind is in turmoil, and I don’t know what to do next.
I pick up Mikayla who instantly stops crying as she snuffles closer, snuggling her head into my neck. I take comfort from my baby, knowing that tomorrow is going to be a hard day.
Harry had no family, so anything that needs to be arranged will have to be done by me.