Chapter 12
MOIRA
Our talk changed everything. And the kiss …wow, the kiss. I’d never felt anything like the feelings that had flooded me when he’d kissed me.
Desire? Absolutely. Need? So much. But what sealed it for me was the overwhelming feeling of care and safety I felt when I was in his arms.
I always felt safe around him. Nothing could touch me as long as he was in my orbit.
It’s one of the reasons I hated when he was gone, not that I’d ever tell him that.
I never wanted to come across as needy, but I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit to myself at least that I felt better when he was home.
Mikayla did too, which is why she was being a little ‘mare about him leaving.
The patience and love he always showed her was why I knew I’d do whatever I had to, to be the woman that he needed me to be. Maybe I needed to speak to Jess. She’d been an O’Shea wife for nearly fifty years, surely she had tips she could give me.
I knew what most saw when they looked at me.
They saw a slightly na?ve, sunshine, happy woman but they didn’t know the real me.
Not the one who’d grown up in a home where fists were used over words.
I’d seen things that would make most cringe in horror, and I’d watched my dad beat my mam to near death before a neighbour had pulled him off her.
I’d lived through my own hell, until Butcher saved me. Now I lived the life I’d always wanted, and I’d be as happy as I could for as long as I could because I knew only too well that those moments could be fleeting.
I wanted Mikayla to live the life of an innocent and push her boundaries for as long as she could, because I’d never had that.
I wanted her to have a life of sunshine and roses.
Andy had given me the chance, but it was up to me to ensure that it wasn’t only Mikayla that benefited, but Andy too.
If ever there was a man that needed sunshine and happiness in his life, it was Andy O’Shea. And I was the one who’d provide it.
Right after I spoke to Jess O’Shea so that I could find out how to go about supporting him.
***
It was late afternoon the day after Andy left to do whatever it was he did when he left us. Jess would be in shortly as it was banking day, and I had all the cash ready for her. Usually she’d pick it up and be gone within a few minutes, but today I needed to speak to her.
Making a pot of tea, I set it on the table with a few slices of coffee cake we’d had left over and sit down to wait for her.
I don’t wait long; Jess is nothing if not efficient with her time.
Maybe that’s something she should be more aware of.
She was matriarch of one of the most feared families in the city, but that didn’t mean that someone wouldn’t try and hurt her.
Keys jingle in the lock and Jess steps through the door. She halts, her eyes widening slightly when she sees me sitting there waiting for her. Seems I’ve taken her by surprise.
“Hello, Jess,” I smile and pat the table. “I’ve made us some tea. I thought we could have a chat.”
A wide smile breaks over her face. “You’ve seen the light then?” she says, sitting daintily in the chair opposite me and drawing the cup of tea towards her.
“If you mean about Andy, then I can assure you I’ve always seen the light, but I needed time to heal and to stand on my own two feet.” I pause taking a breath before I continue.
“I know most think I am, but I’m not na?ve Jess. I’ve always known it was Andy who made things happen, just like I’ve always known it was him who watched me, who made me feel safe even when my life was going to shite.”
I lift my chin slightly, my gaze steady on hers.
“But you are right. Things have changed, and I need your help. I don’t need to know everything about Butcher because I can guess why he’s called what he is.
You can’t live in this city and not hear the rumours, especially when you grew up like I did.
What I need to know is how I can support him and be there for him.
You’ve had years as the matriarch of your family.
I trust you, and I can’t think of anyone else I’d like to learn from because you see Andy the same way I do. ”
Jess eyes me over her cup, then takes a sip before setting her cup back down on the saucer.
“And tell me Moira, how do you see my boy?”
Clasping my hands, I lean towards Jess, thinking on my reply.
“I see a man that puts everyone before himself, a man that loves hard and when he loves, he loves forever. A man that’s so loyal he’ll burn the world down for those he cares about.
But,” I hesitate before continuing, “he doesn’t see himself like that.
He thinks he’s a monster, and all I see is a saviour.
He punishes those that deserve it, and it eats away at him a little at a time.
I see a man that I love and even though neither of us have said anything, I know he loves me, but something is holding him back. ”
“Well now,” Jess smiles, “this changes everything. You really do see my boy.”
“I do.”
“Okay then, the next time he goes out of town,” she rolls her eyes. “I’ll let you know. But Moira, be warned, what you see may change the way you look at him forever. And if you go to the Garda, I’ll not be able to save you.”
“I’d never dob Andy in to the Garda, Jess,” I inform her firmly, “the only thing I want you to confirm even though I already know the answer… Is it only the bad he goes after?”
“The worst of the worst,” Jess replies with a sad smile.
“The paedophiles and rapists that get away time and time again. Those are the names that are given to The Butcher. They disappear, and society is a little safer until the next one. He’s been doing it for a long time, and it’s starting to wear on him.
You and Mikayla have made a difference, but my boy needs a break.
I think you’re strong enough to be the one to get him to make the change. ”
“I am,” I assure her. Holding my hand out, she takes it. Squeezing it gently. “Thank you, Jess, for everything you’ve done for me over the years. I appreciate you very much.”
“Ach inion, you have nothing to thank me for. You may have come to me via Andy, but you’ve become family.”
Standing, she takes the bank bag. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Understood.” Standing, I start cleaning up as Jess moves to leave.
“Moira,” I look up from my task to see Jess standing in the doorway.
“Thank you for loving my boy, he deserves it more than anyone I know. He’s punished himself for years. I’m glad he found you.”
“Me too, Jess,” I whisper, but I’m talking to myself. Jess didn’t hang around once she said her piece.
Locking up, I hurry to get Mikayla. I’m surprised to see Butcher home early. He’s across the road from ours with Sean, talking to a bunch of bikers.
Happiness flows through me at seeing him home, and I’m not the only one that’s excited to see him. Mikayla is off like a shot as soon as her feet hit the ground.
Happiness turns to terror as she runs into the road. Butcher moves fast, as do two of the bikers. I take a deep breath to calm myself before I lose it on my daughter, not that I can blame her. All I want to do is throw myself into his arms.
Sadly, I have to be an adult.