Chapter 4 #3
“I wasn’t before you,” Ethic said with a lazy smile.
“I was wild and reckless. Ambitious.” There was a whimsical tone to his reminiscing.
“When I had you, everything changed for me. I had to figure out how to protect you, and everything in the world looked like a threat. I was even a threat. I had to change and move differently for you. I knew you only had one parent, so I had to be around for you. I just wanted to be a good father.”
“You’re the best father,” Bella reassured.
Bella had always adored Ethic. Their relationship had been tested in recent years, but through every situation, she knew he would always show up for her.
There was a reassurance that came with having a father who she knew would always be there.
Bella had a confidence in her soul that not all children were fortunate to possess.
Her father was invested in her well-being.
He was committed to her protection. He was not only a disciplinarian but a shareholder in the life she was building.
He had put Bella in position mentally, emotionally, and financially to take on the world without limitation.
When he found a wife, that provided Bella with a spiritual and feminine anchor that gave her everything she needed.
She knew Ethic was the villain in a lot of stories, but in hers, he was her hero.
“Yeah, well, you made it easy,” Ethic replied. “I couldn’t ask for better kids, Bella. Y’all make my life worth living, and this little one, she’s everything I prayed for. She completes the picture, but she came at a cost. How can something so small cost so much?”
“Ma will come back to us. Her memories will come back,” Bella reassured.
Ethic nodded as a tide of emotions swelled in his chest.
“I have to tell you something, Bella,” Ethic began. The somberness in his tone was enough to make Bella brace herself. “It’s about Yolly.”
“What about Yolly?” Bella asked, her stomach tensing, anticipating his next words because she knew they were bad.
“Yolly’s in the hospital. They think she might have cancer,” Ethic informed.
“What?” Bella cried out. “Daddy, no!” An instant dread consumed Bella.
“I know, baby girl,” Ethic uttered.
“Can we go there? How is Mo? Is it bad?” Bella’s questions came one after another.
“Right now, we just need to let the doctors do their jobs. Mo is overwhelmed. She’s there with Messiah.
I’ll take you to see her after Mo has had some time to process.
For now, I need you home. I’ll need to be there with Mo.
I’m going to take everyone home in the morning, and I just need you to be my eyes and ears for a few days.
You’re the boss. Make sure Alani isn’t doing too much.
Keep Eazy distracted. Spend a little time with True.
Lily and Mara will be present. If Ms. Pat agrees, I’m going to have her come too. ”
Bella nodded. “Can I call Mo at least?” Bella asked.
“Of course.”
Bella snatched her phone from the charger and FaceTimed Morgan. When Morgan’s face popped up on her screen, Bella willed herself not to cry. Her nose burned from the stifling of emotions.
“Hey, B,” Mo answered. Morgan had always been the type to wear her heart on her sleeve. Evidence of devastation was written all over Morgan’s face. Her eyes and nose were red from crying, and Bella could see the worry in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Mo Money,” Bella said softly. “I want to come, but Daddy says to give you some time. Is she okay?”
“We don’t know anything right now, B.” Mo’s answer was void of hope. “She’s just sleeping right now.”
Bella nodded. “Okay. Tell her I love her,” Bella said. “And I love you too. I know there isn’t anything I can do, but I just wanted you to know and her to know.”
“Thanks, B. We love you too,” Morgan replied. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll text you tomorrow when we know more.”
Morgan hung up, and Bella shook her head. “Why is all of this happening at the same time? It’s like we make it through one thing, and there’s something else waiting right around the corner. Sometimes it feels like this family is cursed.”
The gut punch Bella’s words delivered to Ethic was excruciating because if there was a generational curse plaguing his family, he was responsible. The sins of the father often held consequences for the seed, and he was a living testimony of that.
“I’m sorry for every ounce of pain I’ve passed down to you,” Ethic whispered.
“Well, someone passed it to you, too, Daddy,” Bella said sadly.
“I just don’t want to keep passing it. Your mom and Grandpa Zeke passed it to you, you passed it to us, now Mo’s passing pain to the twins.
Somebody has to be the one to beat it. I don’t want to let what has happened to me become how everybody sees me. ”
“You are a brilliant girl, Bella. I have no doubt that you will be better than us all. I just hope I’m around to witness you take over the world,” Ethic admired proudly.
“Can I ask you something without you overreacting?” Bella asked.
“When do I ever overreact?” Ethic shot back.
“Umm, Daddy, be for real,” Bella retorted, giggling and giving him an “Are you serious?” stare down.
“I promise,” Ethic assured. “Talk to me.”
“I’ve been thinking about Henny. Everyday. My stomach hurts thinking about him. I can’t eat. I barely sleep. I’ve started so many letters, but I can’t seem to finish them. I think I loved him, Daddy,” Bella admitted.
Those were big emotions for his little girl. “Damn, you’re not my baby anymore,” Ethic whispered, bemused.
“Daddyyy, see!” Bella huffed.
“A’ight, a’ight,” Ethic laughed. The rarity of an easy-going smile lightened his entire aura. There was nothing more beautiful than seeing a Black man smile.
“I really want to get out in the world. I have so many plans, but it also feels wrong to give up on Henny,” Bella stated.
“But I don’t want to be like Mo, chasing boys and letting them drag me off course.
I feel stupid for being hung up over a boy that’s locked up, especially because he got himself in that situation. ”
“I’m going to try to have this conversation without the bias of being your father,” Ethic replied.
“Henny’s going in a different direction than you.
You have options. You can go fast, slow.
You can hop off on an exit, explore different stops, until you determine your destination.
Henny hit a dead end. You aren’t giving up on him, baby girl.
He just doesn’t have anywhere to go. All he can do is sit still. ”
“That’s not true, Daddy. Look at what I found,” Bella said eagerly as she reached into her nightstand and pulled out a stack of pamphlets and papers.
“These are all options for him.” Bella handed them to Ethic, and he flipped through with one hand.
“He can still be educated in there. He can still become something. If he does his time the right way, he can still…”
“Still what, baby girl?” Ethic interrupted as True stirred. She was tiny in his big hands, so small that she rested against one tattooed forearm. Ethic lifted her slightly, placing gentle kisses on her cheeks. He made a soothing sound with his lips, calming her as he inhaled her scent. True calmed.
“Still make it to the door, Daddy! He can still be a part of my life! I’m not ready for him to be that boy I used to know. He’s not my first crush. He’s not just some boy.”
“Only he is, baby girl,” Ethic sighed. He was so empathetic to this stage she was going through.
Heartbreak was the worst feeling of the human experience, and the symptoms of it were all over his daughter.
She was putting up a brave front, but he saw it clear as day.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but Henny is your first experience at love, and eventually, that always becomes just a person you used to know. ”
“You don’t get it, Daddy; that wasn’t our plan,” Bella defended. “Those programs can help us make it.”
“These are good options for Hendrix, Bella. He’s lucky to have someone like you who is even looking up the options.
He knows them, though. I’ve given them to him.
I haven’t taken my hand off him. He’s not out of sight and out of mind, but these options are his ceiling, Bella.
They’re your floor. And that’s fucked up.
It is. It’s an elitist way to think, but I didn’t roll around in the dirt for years for my daughter to settle for less.
You will have every opportunity. You will take advantage of every moment of entitlement.
You will breeze through doors because of nepotism and capitalism.
I’ve leveled those playing fields for you.
Hendrix is in a bad bind, and if he’s lucky, time will eventually unhand him, but that future is too uncertain for you to bet on.
You’re too young to bet on anybody but yourself.
I know you love him, but what have I always told you about love? ”
“To never love anyone more than I love myself.” Bella cited the lesson with ease. “And I don’t, Daddy. I swear, I don’t, but if I can get to my goals while reminding him that he is still worth something, what’s the harm in that? I can go to school. I can get my degrees. I’ll study for the bar…”
“The bar? You’ve decided to study law? What happened to biochemistry?” Ethic asked.