Chapter 14 #2
Ethic was thrown off by the unexpected inquisition, but outwardly, he didn’t show it.
He walked over to the dresser, drying his body along the way, and removed Nike hoop shorts and boxer briefs.
He reached for his favorite body oil off the dresser.
The sandalwood smelled like heaven on his dark skin, and he emulsified it between his palms before rubbing it across his washboard abs.
He was silent as his mind raced, and she watched him intently.
He could feel her doubt. Mistrust was a guest in their bedroom tonight.
He was stalling. He would use the entire damn bottle of Essential Body Love if it stopped him from having to answer her question.
He took that oil from his shoulders, crossed the mountains of his well-built chest, traveled down his arms, and over his abs.
Usually, by the time he made it to his dick, if she was watching, it would become foreplay.
She’d use that oil to stroke him until he released his stress down her throat.
Tonight, she stared at him like she didn’t know him at all.
His calm annoyed her because…
Nigga, you can grease that big-ass dick and talk at the same time.
Alani was in a big mood.
“Ezra…” The way she said his name carried a tone, and he didn’t miss it. He dressed and then stood before her, his queen, awaiting judgment. He couldn’t even pinpoint which lie he was on trial for. So many had been told since she had awakened.
“I would never lie to hurt you, baby,” he responded.
“You didn’t think the lie about Love would hurt? Why would you keep the fact that I lost not one but two babies from me?”
“I didn’t want to put too much on you, Lenika,” Ethic replied.
He hated that he felt relieved. He could explain Love.
He could justify that lie. Kenzie, however, would destroy them.
“You’re dealing with a lot already. Grief is heavy.
Adding more weight didn’t feel like the best way to care for you.
” True stirred, sending tiny cries through the air, and Ethic moved.
He was saved by the fucking bell. “I’ve got her. ”
“She’s probably hungry; give me my baby,” Alani said, a nip of irritation in her voice.
She was perturbed with him, so much so that she didn’t even want to accept his help.
The “my baby” was loud and bold. It screamed, Nigga, I’m not fucking with you right now.
Ethic reached down and picked up his doll of a daughter.
Her arrival had disrupted so much, and he had struggled with the guilt of being so convinced about having another child.
He recognized the sacrifice it took. Alani’s health had failed, and it felt like it was his fault.
“Daddy’s baby,” he whispered, his voice whimsical in a way that only a daughter could bring out of a man.
Holding True in his arms felt magical. “Daddy’s sorry,” he whispered as he kissed her cheeks, again and again.
“Thank you, God. My beautiful girl.” He closed his eyes and placed his forehead gently to True’s.
He hadn’t been able to fathom fathering her alone if Alani died, and he felt an onus over that fact.
He was beyond grateful to have his new baby girl and wife in his care.
Things were heavy, but he was determined to make everything right again.
Explaining the loss of their son tonight was unexpected, but now that she had learned of him, Ethic knew he couldn’t avoid it.
“I deserve to know about my son,” Alani snapped.
Ethic hated this memory. It was such a tender spot in his life.
Whenever he touched it, it ached for days.
Thinking of Love put him in a mood he didn’t shake easily.
He knew she wouldn’t let up on this, though.
His silence wasn’t a protest, but grief as he steadied his voice before it even had a chance to shake.
He tightened his stomach and sighed heavily.
“When we lost Love, it was hard. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt anything like that before.
Burying my son was the worst day of my life.
I’m almost positive a piece of me went in the ground with him.
I just didn’t want you to face that again.
It was difficult for us both,” Ethic explained.
He sat on the bed and leaned against the headboard.
Alani adjusted so that she leaned against him.
“Let me see my baby. She’s hungry.” He passed True to her.
“She’s ours, not yours,” Ethic said as he stared at the two of them.
Alani was angry with him, and when she was angry, the energy in the room shifted.
“You want me to get a bottle? Did you pump today?” he asked. “I know you ain’t too keen on the formula.”
“I did, but she can nurse here,” Alani responded.
He had never seen a more perfect picture than his child being nourished at the breast of this woman.
“I don’t want to be left in the dark on important things.
I lost a child. I lost two children. That matters, and even though it’s hard, I don’t want to completely forget them.
Don’t pick and choose which parts of my past are important for me. ”
Her words were daggers because he was guilty of doing exactly that.
“You’re right. I apologize. I just want you back, baby. I want you healed, and I want your mind well, and I want you to choose the life we built. It wasn’t easy. We fought for every day we spent together. I’m not easy for you to love…”
Alani adjusted her breast so that she could see True’s nose. “Don’t say that. I can’t even see that. That doesn’t even make sense. Loving you is easy,” Alani protested. “I barely remember you, and I can’t stop thinking about you.”
The revelation brought a rare smile to Ethic’s face. “You think about me, baby?”
He was flattered, and he was so masculine that the small vulnerability of flattery was adorable on him.
“From the moment I opened my eyes. I think about where you are, what you’re thinking or doing, if you’ll want me if I’m stuck in this bed for the rest of my life...”
“I’ll always want you,” Ethic interrupted.
“You could have any woman you want,” Alani said.
“Probably.” His answer was shocking because it carried a factual confidence that oddly didn’t sound arrogant at all.
She couldn’t negate the truth. He knew who he was.
Besides Alani, he couldn’t remember a time a woman had given him a hard time.
Women weren’t anomalies. He had figured them out a long time ago.
Whomever he pursued, he won. If there was a woman in the room and he wanted her, he took her home.
She was right. He always had his pick. “I have the woman I want. I chose you. You’re irreplaceable in my life, Alani.
I’m holding onto this shit for dear life because there is no wanting any other woman after you.
You’re my life, baby. I don’t want shit that don’t involve you.
If I’m withholding anything from you, it’s because I’m afraid that too much of my truth will make you leave, and if I lose you, baby…
” Ethic stopped speaking because he couldn’t fathom the thought. “I just can’t lose you.”
This nigga here, Alani thought. He spoke in a tongue of passion that had been lost. There was nothing casual about a man’s love for a woman.
It should feel exactly like this, she thought.
Love was a high stakes game, and the art of being lovers had been lost over the years by lack of commitment and casual sex.
Alani remembered the stories Nannie used to tell of men showing up at her door to court her.
Flowers and his best suit were the minimum requirements to enter the establishment.
Old-school men used to open doors, pay the full bill at dinner, and there was no expectation of 50/50 anything.
They used to dance with their women. They used to sing to their women.
They used to beg when they fucked up. Men these days have a train of thought like they are the prize and expect princess treatment themselves.
The game was perpetrated by men who were too ego-driven, arrogant, and filled with too much bravado to pour into their women.
Ethic was a classic man in the way he loved Alani.
He didn’t live behind the veil of hyper masculinity.
Some men tried so hard to prove manhood that they became anti-woman.
These niggas hated women. They cheated. They lied.
They manipulated. They assaulted. They yelled.
They used. They tore women down to the studs, leaving them stripped of any foundation that would help them stand and walk away from the mistreatment.
Those types of men disassociated from their responsibility to be gentle with a woman because they were too busy trying to be hard to impress other niggas.
Ethic only cared about one impression: the one he left her with.
Her experience of him mattered most, and for her, he would be as emotionally astute as she required.
He loved no one more than Alani Lenika Okafor.
He could spill the blood of gangsters without blinking and then come home and thaw his cold heart for her without ever disturbing her peace.
Her happiness meant everything to him. “I apologize for not telling you about our son. It didn’t seem like the right time. ”
“It will never be the right time for something like that. Please don’t keep me in the dark. I’m trusting you to gate-keep my mind, and that’s hard for me.”
Ethic was choking on lies. It didn’t matter that everyone told him his lies were just. Alani was asking him for transparency, and he had never denied her of anything. Truth, somehow, was the most expensive thing she had ever requested.
This ain’t right, he thought.
“If this ever falls apart, know that I love you,” he said. His tone was somber, and Alani shifted her focus from the baby to him.