Chapter 9
CHAPTER
NINE
King
Things have been weird since the night Sawyer helped me with inventory. Really fucking weird.
I’m not normally a big talker, and I’m definitely not someone who goes around sharing his life story with people. But there’s something about Sawyer that makes it easy to share things, even when I don’t mean to.
I didn’t mean to tell her about Jillian. I didn’t give her the full story, but bringing her up at all is out of character for me.
Kade and Asher were both around when Jillian left me, but even so, when everything went down, I kept it private. They both knew me well enough to not ask me questions that I wouldn’t answer. And especially back then, I never would’ve answered a thing about Jillian.
I told Kade a couple years ago about her not wanting to keep Ellie when we first found out, but that’s the extent of what I told him. He doesn’t know about the ultimatum she gave me. Once she left, that was it for me. I didn’t want to talk about her. I just wanted to focus on my girls and make sure they were okay. Willow wasn’t even a year old, but Ellie was four.
Even though we don’t talk about it, I’m sure there’s a part of her that remembers her mom. I just don’t know exactly what she remembers. They’ve both asked me where their mother is on separate occasions, but I’ve always been vague about her.
Ellie first asked when she was about six years old. She was in kindergarten, and a lot of the moms would come into school to volunteer. She asked me where her mom went, if she would come back, or if she’d volunteer like all the other mothers.
My heart shattered when I had to look into my little girl’s eyes and tell her no, she wouldn’t. I told her that her mom had to go away, but she loved her very much. She seemed upset but didn’t ask any other questions.
After that, I started volunteering whenever I could and hoped that it was enough. She may not have her mother, but I’d told myself I’d be the best damn dad I could be.
Willow, on the other hand, didn’t ask me about Jillian until she was seven. In Willow fashion, I picked her up from school one day and she just blurted it out, asking why she didn’t have a mom.
I ended up telling her the same thing I told Ellie. I didn’t know what else I could say. She stayed quiet for a few minutes, and then she asked if I would ever have to leave like her mom did. I promised her I never would. Ever.
She seemed satisfied enough after that and decided to tell me that a boy in her class at school didn’t have a dad, so maybe I should ask his mom to marry me. Luckily, in the next sentence, she decided she didn’t want the boy as her brother and dropped it.
Neither of them has ever asked me about their mother again. I gave them the only answer I knew how, and it seems like it’s been enough for them. At least for Willow, I really believe it has. She never knew her mom long enough to really lose her, so she doesn’t know anyone to miss.
But sometimes I wonder about Ellie because I know that even if she did have questions, she wouldn’t ask. Or if she was feeling sad about it, I’d never know. She’s a closed book when it comes to her emotions, and there are some things she won’t even let me in for.
She’s too much like me at times, which is why I can’t figure out why I told Sawyer as much as I did. I’m a closed book with mostly everyone, except apparently her.
I think back to Ellie talking to her about her music so openly and wonder what this woman has over us. Some type of magical power, apparently.
Luckily, I stopped myself before dumping the entire sordid story of how and why Jillian left. It’ll take a lot more than a night of doing inventory to get that truth out of me. Even though I ended up sharing more than I intended to, Sawyer shared practically nothing. She’s open and honest in some ways, but so evasive and secretive in others.
I can tell her family is a sore spot of conversation too. It’s the one comment she let slip. When we were talking about Jillian, she mentioned how maybe the girls are better off without a mother who couldn’t love them the way she should.
She knew that from personal experience; she admitted it in not so many words.
I wanted to ask questions, but I didn’t. I knew from the look on her face it wasn’t something she was ready to talk about. I get that. I can respect it even if I didn’t want to.
Although, it doesn’t stop me from wondering. She makes me want to know things about her—everything about her. I’ve never felt that way about a woman before, not even Jillian.
The pull between us is so strong that I couldn’t break it even if I tried. I felt it the first time I saw her at Carl’s.
Even standing there with a wet shirt, pissed as fuck at her childish behavior, there was a spark.
I thought it was just anger at first, and maybe part of it was. But I quickly realized it was more when I saw her again.
Arguing with her…it made me feel alive. More alive than I have in a long time.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy in my life. I have two amazing daughters who are my whole world. My life is full with them, my work that I love, and my friends. I’ve never felt like there was something missing.
But then that feeling, that rush of adrenaline I got when I was arguing with her at the bar, when I saw her as I was driving away, when I saw her behind the desk the first time here at Blackheart, and the other night.
When we reached down into that box and her hand landed on top of mine.
I felt it then.
Now, it’s like I crave that feeling, and it keeps leading me back to her.
I don’t know what it means. To be honest, she still pisses me off half the time, I’m not even sure I really like her. But then I’m not sure that I don’t either.
We’ve been cordial since that night, acting as a normal boss and employee would, neither of us bringing it up. I should ask her not to say anything about Jillian, especially to my girls. But I feel like she knows. Even with how unsure I am about her, I trust her in a way. I wouldn’t have told her if I didn’t.
We’ll need to have an actual discussion about it eventually, just not now.
“Hey, are you ready for this weekend?” Asher asks as he walks into the break room.
I’ve been sitting on the couch in here for the past twenty minutes, sketching while I wait for my next appointment.
“What am I supposed to be ready for?” I ask him, continuing to work on the sketch.
“Come on, King. We’ve been talking about this for over a month.” Asher huffs. “The Portland Tattoo Expo is this weekend.”
“Shit. I forgot.” I set down the sketch, looking up at Asher.
“How do you just forget?” he asks. “We talked about it a million times. You’ve got to come with us, it’ll be great exposure and networking for Blackheart. Plus, it’ll be fun.”
“What’ll be fun?” Kade asks as he walks in.
“Portland this weekend,” Asher tells him.
“Oh yeah.” He nods. “Lo got the weekend off work, she’s excited to go too.”
“Demi’s coming too. She said she got a ton of shit for our table that she apparently thinks will draw more people in,” Asher says. “We’re having dinner with my parents Friday night; you guys should come.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot they lived there. Sure.” Kade nods. “Is Dem excited?”
“Yeah, we both are.” Asher pauses. “We have some great memories together in Portland, if you know what I mean.” He smirks to himself.
“She’s my sister, I absolutely do not want to know what you mean.” Kade rolls his eyes.
“Listen, I don’t think I can go,” I chime in before Asher starts taunting Kade like he usually does.
“Why not?” Asher asks.
“I have appointments,” I say.
“You barely ever work weekends,” Kade says.
“The event is Friday afternoon and all day Saturday. I work Fridays,” I argue.
“So, reschedule,” Asher says. “You’re the owner of Blackheart Ink. You have to be there.”
“Why?” I ask. “You two can represent Blackheart just fine.”
“It’s not the same. People know you at these things, they’ll wonder where you are.” Asher looks at Kade. “Help me out.”
“I do think it would be good for you to be there. Yeah, we can manage without you, but it’ll look better for the shop if we have you there,” Kade admits.
“Look, even if I wanted to, I can’t.” I sigh. “I can’t leave the girls alone overnight, and with you two and your wives going too, I have no one to watch them.”
“What about Gabby and Kyson?” Asher asks.
“Lo asked them to come too, and they said they couldn’t,” Kade says. “Gabby’s working all weekend, and Kyson’s got some sort of art show.”
“Theo?” Asher asks, and I raise a brow at him. “Yeah, never mind.” He laughs under his breath.
“What about your parents?” Kade asks.
“They’re on a cruise until next week,” I say. “I told you; I really can’t go. There’s no one to watch them.”
“I’ll watch them.”
The three of us turn toward the door at the sound of Sawyer’s voice. She’s leaning against the door frame of the break room, arms crossed over her chest.
“How long have you been standing there?” I ask her.
“Long enough to hear the situation.” She shrugs.
“So, you were eavesdropping?” I ask.
“I believe what I’m doing is offering you a solution.” She smirks.
“Have you ever even babysat before?” I ask her.
“Yeah, actually, I have. Although your kids aren’t exactly babies.” She laughs, amused.
“Good point.” Asher nods, looking between the two of us.
“No, they’re not. But trust me, babies are easier than a teenager and a ten-year-old who has more energy than I know how to deal with on most days,” I tell her.
“It’s one night, I think I can handle Willow.” She rolls her eyes. “And as for Ellie, I was a teenage girl once. We’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, you were a teenage girl not that long ago,” I mumble under my breath.
Asher chuckles, and I look over to see Kade looking like he’s holding back his own laughter.
“Here we go with the age crap again.” She huffs. “Do you want me to watch them or not?” she asks.
“Why do you even want to spend your weekend watching them?” I ask. “I’m sure you have better things to do.”
“Actually, I don’t,” she says. “And I like your kids. Sue me.” She raises a brow.
“You’re working both days,” I say, grappling with excuses at this point.
“Between Sky, Gabe, and Trix, I’m sure they can manage the front desk for two days. It’ll be slow with the three of us gone anyway,” Kade points out.
“Plus, the girls have school Friday, so Sawyer can still work half the day until pickup,” Asher pipes in.
I stay quiet, looking at Sawyer as I think it over. Whether I want to or not, I do trust her. I wouldn’t even be considering leaving her with my girls if I didn’t. Plus, I know they both like her.
And as much as I hate networking at these conventions, I know Asher and Kade are right that it would be good for the shop if I were there.
“Listen,” Sawyer starts. “I wouldn’t have offered it if I wasn’t serious. I know that Ellie and Willow are your entire world, and I don’t take that lightly. You can trust me with them. I promise,” she says genuinely.
“I have to make sure the girls are okay with it first,” I say, hesitantly. “But if they are, I’m okay with it.” I sigh.
“Fuck yeah. We’re going to Portland.” Asher smiles. “Thanks for helping out, Sawyer.”
“No problem.” She laughs. “Oh yeah, by the way, your appointment is here,” she tells Asher, and he nods a thank you at her before walking out of the room.
“I’m glad you’re coming. It’ll be good for the shop, and it’ll be good to have you there,” Kade says.
“The girls still have to say yes,” I remind them both.
“They will. They love me,” Sawyer says confidently, a grin on her face.
Kade laughs under his breath, raising his brow at me in amusement before walking out of the room himself.
“Better get back to the front, your next appointment should be here in a few,” she says. “Plus, I have to plan the wild night me, Ellie, and Willow are gonna have while you’re gone.” She winks at me.
“Sawyer…” I warn, but she’s gone before I can say anything else.
Her laughter taunts me as she disappears down the hallway, and all I can think is, what the fuck did I just agree to?