Chapter 19
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
Sawyer
I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my life, but fucking around with King in the bathroom of the bar I was fired from is definitely one of the most fun and crazy things that I’ve done.
Was it the smartest thing or even the most sanitary thing to do? Definitely not. Was it a little petty? Sure. But was the killer orgasm combined with the look on Josh’s face totally worth it? Absolutely.
After leaving the bar, King drives us back to my apartment, and we’re barely out of the elevator inside my building before his lips are on mine again. I laugh as he tries to continue kissing me down the hallway. When I turn to unlock the door to my apartment, he moves to kiss me down my neck.
He turns me around as I press the door open, his lips finding mine again. He walks us backward into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind us without ever breaking the kiss.
“Well, it looks like I’m interrupting,” Aria says.
Surprised, I jump away from King, my hand flying to my heart. I turn to see Aria leaning against the hallway wall, laughing at my shock. I look over to King, who looks just as amused as her.
“I thought you were working tonight,” I say, knowing I’m caught.
I haven’t exactly told Aria about King yet either. It’s not that I couldn’t tell her. She doesn’t even talk to anyone from Blackheart or King’s daughters, so there’s no real reason for me to keep it from her. But part of me wasn’t ready to talk to her about it yet. I wanted to figure out how I felt about King before I admitted the words out loud.
I think I’m still figuring it out in some ways, mainly because it’s new, but I also know it’s the most I’ve ever felt for a single person in my life. He gives me butterflies every time I see him. He makes me feel confident, safe, and cherished in a way no one ever has.
He makes me feel beautiful.
I see myself being a part of his family and spend every day of my life trying to be deserving of them.
I feel wanted when I’m around him.
I’ve never been in love before, but I think this might be it.
The feeling that you can’t live without someone, that you’re a better person when you’re with them.
The pure and utter happiness that consumes you when they’re around.
It’s like I’m drowning in my feelings for him, but in the best way possible, and I’d happily let them swallow me whole. There’s no real reason I need to hide that anymore, especially from Aria.
Well, there’s no reason to hide it once King leaves.
“The shoot got canceled. Sorry to interrupt the two of you, but also not that sorry.” She raises a brow. “Good to see you, King.” She smiles at him knowingly.
The two of them met briefly at the barbecue when I first started working at Blackheart, and Aria obviously knows who he is through me, but I don’t think they’ve ever had a real conversation.
“You too, Aria.” He nods at her. “I should probably get home anyway,” King says, knowing that I need to talk to Aria now that our secret is out in the open.
“Yeah, you should.” Aria nods. “Me and Sawyer here need to have a big conversation about how long this has been going on.” She points between the two of us. “And why she’s kept it a secret from me.” She raises a brow at King.
“Claws in, A.” I roll my eyes. “It was my idea, not his. I’ll explain everything.”
“You fucking better.” Aria shakes her head dramatically. “I’ll give you two a couple minutes,” she concedes, walking down the hallway into her room.
“I’m sorry.” I turn to King.
“For what?” he asks, his brows scrunched together in confusion. “I don’t care if Aria knows about us. At this point, I’d scream it to the world that we’re together, Sawyer.”
“You would?” I ask, my heart pounding in my chest.
“Of course I would,” he says, and I can’t help the smile that forces its way onto my face.
“You know, you defended me earlier,” I say. “To Josh. You told him that he doesn’t know shit about what I’m worth. But you do.” I pause, looking up at him. “What do you think that I’m worth, Damien?” I ask.
“Everything,” he says without hesitation.
It feels like my heart skips a beat, and that last wall I had up inside of me completely shatters.
I feel tears poking at the corners of my eyes at the same time a wide smile covers my face. This feeling right here is something I didn’t even realize I’d been missing my whole life. Now, I don’t know how I ever lived without it. Everything inside of me wants to scream out to the world that I love this man.
I think I’ve been falling in love with him for a long time now. That connection started the first night we did inventory and he told me about Jillian. Then, through every small interaction we had, good and bad. The day in the strawberry fields, where we almost kissed. Getting to see him through the eyes of his daughters.
It’s been building for a while. And then the night he tattooed the Butterfly Kisses on me. The night I let myself be vulnerable with him.
That’s when I really started to realize what was happening. What had been happening without me even realizing it.
I love Damien King.
But I don’t tell him. At least not yet. Not when Aria is standing in the next room, probably eavesdropping, knowing her, and knowing that I know he has to leave. But I don’t have to say it, because he knows. Just like I know that he loves me. I can see it in the way he looks at me. The way he touches me.
It’s so natural. It’s nothing and everything at the same time.
I lift up on my tiptoes and gently press my lips to his. It’s soft and tender.
It’s full of promises that I hope we both can keep.
And it’s over too soon.
“I should go,” he says.
“Yeah.” I nod.
“Let me know how everything goes?”
“I will,” I say.
With a final kiss, he turns away and walks out the door of my apartment.
I fall back against the closed door, slumping against it, and Aria walks out barely a second after the door closes, arms crossed over her chest and a knowing grin on her face.
“I got a box of wine in the fridge,” she says. “Good time to open it?” she asks.
“I’ll get the glasses.” I sigh, forcing myself to stand from the ground.
I walk to the kitchen, passing by Aria, who grabs the boxed wine out of the fridge and pulls two wine glasses out of the cabinet. I set them down on the counter, and she starts pouring. She fills each halfway, grabbing hers and walking over to the couch with the glass in one hand and the box of wine in the other.
I lift my glass from the counter, following her over and sitting on the opposite end of the couch.
“So.” She looks at me impatiently. “Spill. How long have you been fucking your hot boss?”
“He is really hot, right?” I smirk, sipping my glass.
“Extremely.” She nods, sipping her own glass. “Now out with it.”
“It’s only been a couple weeks since anything’s actually happened,” I say. “And yeah, the sex is the best I’ve ever had. But I don’t know, A.” I sigh. “It just feels like somehow I’ve known him my entire life. Like he understands me in ways I sometimes don’t even understand myself.”
“Wow,” she says, her wine glass pausing midair, her eyes softening. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” she asks.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I think I am.”
Aria’s silent for a second, looking like she’s taking in the information. “What’s that like?” she finally asks.
Aria and I may be opposites in some ways, but when it comes to love and relationships, and just letting people close to us in general, we’re exactly the same. When you grow up the way we did, it’s harder to trust. It’s harder to open yourself up to the idea of being vulnerable with someone.
Especially for Aria.
The person who she loved most in the world, who was supposed to look after her, did nothing but exploit her for her entire life. Aria was lucky to get out from under her mother’s thumb when she did, but it wasn’t easy for her.
Even now, I sometimes wonder whether she truly loves modeling or if she simply does it because it’s what her mother primed her for, and now it’s all she knows.
But that’s not something we talk about.
We both know each other’s scars, but reopening them isn’t something we do. Unless one of us is seriously worried, which luckily hasn’t happened yet.
“It’s scary as fuck,” I finally answer her, and she laughs. “But also, kind of amazing.” I shrug.
“Yeah, that sounds like love.” She smiles at me. “Have you told him about your past? Your mom or Brent? You know, why you came here?”
“A little bit.” I nod. “You know that there’s a lot, but he knows the gist.” I pause. “I didn’t tell him about Brent threatening me or anything, though, so maybe don’t mention that if you talk to him.”
“That’s still a big deal, S. You know that I know how hard it is,” she tells me genuinely. “And I’ll definitely be talking to him. You know he has to earn my stamp of approval before you guys can be officially official.”
“I’m pretty sure he’ll pass.” I laugh at her.
“Well, considering what I overheard earlier and how happy you seem, he’s got a solid shot,” she jokes.
“I knew you were eavesdropping.” I nudge her.
“I mean, duh. Why wouldn’t I be?” She shrugs. “I do have one more question, though.”
“What is it?” I ask.
“Why the secrecy? You said it was your idea,” she says, referring to earlier.
“Well, technically his, but I was the one that needed it.” I pause. “He has two daughters.”
“Yeah, but aren’t you like obsessed with them?” she asks. “What’s the issue?”
“They’re amazing, like really fucking amazing kids.” I shake my head. “If things work out between King and me, then that means I would be a huge part of their life since their mom isn’t around. That’s fucking terrifying, A. What if I’m not good enough for them?”
“Sawyer, they’d be the luckiest kids in the world to have someone like you as a mom, stepmom, friend, whatever it is.”
“But—”
“I know what you’re thinking.” She cuts me off. “How could someone like you ever be a good role model when you had a mom like yours? But that’s exactly why you will be.” She reaches across the couch, grabbing my hand in hers. “You are not your mother, Sawyer. And you have so much to offer to those girls. Don’t run from it just because you’re scared.”
I lift my wine glass to my lips, chugging the liquid back to wash away the emotion clogging my throat. Aria has an amused look on her face when I set the glass back down on the table.
“Did you chug that so you wouldn’t cry?” She raises a brow at me.
“Yes, you bitch, and it’s still not working.” I let out a laugh that was partly a sob, a tear falling down my face.
“You’re fucking ridiculous.” She rolls her eyes, draining her own glass of wine and reaching over to pour us both more.
“But for real,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Thank you, A. I know you’re right.” I pause. “Or at least part of me does. And I’m not running, just taking baby steps.”
“I think that’s smart.” She nods. “With how fucked up the two of us are, baby steps are practically giant steps anyway,” she jokes, holding out her glass to me.
“Cheers to that.” I smile, clinking my glass against hers. “So, movie night?” I ask her after taking a sip.
“Absolutely.” She grabs the remote off the table in front of us. “Oh, wait, there is actually one more thing I need to know.”
“What?” I ask her.
“Well, you said it was the best sex of your life.” She raises a brow at me. “So, I need details. All of them. And remember, I will be living vicariously through you, so don’t skimp out on me.”
My head falls back to the couch with a loud laugh. “Deal.”
I keep my promise, telling her all the details about me and King, while she cuts me off, commenting every five seconds. She asks if he has any siblings jokingly, but I also think she’s kind of serious.
She also finally tells me more about the photographer she was hooking up with up until recently, telling me it just flamed out, but I can tell she’s lying. Something definitely happened, but I don’t push. She’ll tell me when she’s ready to talk about it.
After that, we find a new show that looks like it came out the other day and proceed to binge-watch it for the rest of the night. By the time I make my way to my room to get ready for bed, it’s nearly three a.m., but I’m not complaining. I needed the time with my best friend.
Since I’ve been here, it’s been easy to get busy and not see each other as much, especially with both of our schedules being so packed. It was nice to finally have some time together.
I shower quickly, throwing on boy shorts and an oversized T-shirt for bed. As I lay under the covers, for the first time in a long time, I feel at peace. There’s nothing to worry about. I’m just completely happy with my life right now. I’m so happy that I forget that there actually is something to worry about.
My phone rings, and in my semi-wine-drunk, happy state, I don’t even think to look at the screen before answering. “Hello?” I say into the phone.
“About time you answered.” My brother’s voice comes through the speaker, sobering me up.
The moment of bliss freezes over as everything inside of me turns to ice.
“What do you want, Brent?” I ask, my voice cold.
“You know exactly what I want, little sis,” he says smugly. “Mom still hasn’t come up with the money, and I need to get it somehow or I’m fucked.”
“Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t have sold to Mom in the first place.” I scoff. “Or even better, maybe you shouldn’t have gotten a job that could get you hurt or even killed if you don’t pay up.”
“You act like you’re so much better than me, Sawyer. We come from the same place,” he says.
“We do,” I say. “But I’m not there anymore. Good luck, Brent.” I hang up the phone before he has a chance to respond and immediately block the number.
I set the phone down, turning on my back to stare at the dark ceiling. I hate how my first thought is to think about how much money I have. If I could get him five thousand dollars. I may hate my brother, but I also don’t want him to get hurt. Jasper may be his friend, but everyone knows that money comes before friendship where we’re from.
But even if I did want to pay off my brother’s debt, I can’t. I can’t let him suck me back into that life. I won’t let him. Just like I won’t let a simple phone call ruin an otherwise pretty perfect day. Brent isn’t here, and he doesn’t know where I am. Even if he thinks he does, he won’t come here.
He can’t come here.
I just need to be more careful about who I pick up the phone for. No more getting distracted.
I push the phone call into the back of my mind, ignoring it.
If I ignore the problem enough, it will go away.
Right?