Chapter 6 #2
“It’s not like that,” she said quickly, and fuck, how had I forgotten how much her voice felt like silk. I closed my eyes and banged my head against the wall, wondering if a concussion would be enough to wipe the gnawing want from me. This need to have everything and to have it all at once.
If I’d learned anything from Neil and Annette, besides what a horrible idea it was to fuck a married couple who hated each other, it was that I liked the idea of having two partners.
I liked men and I liked women, and I really liked being able to have my cake and eat it too.
Maybe it was because I’d grown up attention starved—something probably better discussed with a therapist—but when things had been good with them… fuck, it had been so good.
“What is it like, then?” I asked, against all my better judgment.
“Can we FaceTime or something?”
Groaning, I pulled the phone away from my face and pressed the video button.
The screen flashed to life, Sophie’s gorgeous green bedroom behind her, her hair loose from the bun she’d worn the day I met her.
Unfairly enough, she looked even prettier, sitting there on her bed with a silk blouse on and the remnants of lipstick on her mouth.
“What?” I asked.
Her brows scrunched together and she huffed out a breath. “Where are you?”
“I’m in an alley behind a restaurant.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m getting dinner with my brothers, and one of them was annoying me and I needed some air.”
A soft smile flickered across her face. “I have good timing.”
“Or not. Since you’re on your way to marriage.”
“Finn,” she said my name with a gentle kind of correction that stirred something uncomfortably deep inside of me. My heart was still in my stomach, battering its way around, desperate for something that may or may not have been an escape.
“Sophie.”
A real smile, and my throat went dry.
“I am engaged,” she said, holding her left hand up and flashing a nice sized ring that would have made any woman jealous.
“Then what are we doing?”
“I’ve…we’ve…” She glanced off camera. “We have an open relationship.”
Fuck, I sure knew how to pick them.
“Open how?”
“That’s the thing. We’re still trying to figure that out.”
“Yeah, no.” I frowned and shook my head, wondering what the odds were of a freak electrical storm passing over and sending a bolt of lightning that would take me out of this miserable world once and for all. “I’ve done that before. Not looking to do it again.”
“Done what before?”
“Been a test run.”
“That’s…that’s not what I meant.”
I should have just hung up the phone. Instead I asked her, “What did you mean?”
“We’re open,” she repeated. “We’ve been open. For nearly a decade.”
“Jesus.”
“We know it works for us, there’s no testing here.
” Sophie took a deep breath, licked her lips, and I was helpless to do anything besides follow the movement of her tongue.
“The only thing is we’ve been long distance for a very long time, most of the time.
” She paused and laughed, rolling her eyes in a way that read like internal exasperation.
“This isn’t a conversation I wanted to have over the phone. ”
“They never are.”
“And maybe that’s unfair of me to say. It is a little bit of a test.”
“Sophie, I can’t.”
“We know it works, Finn,” she said again. “We’ve just not done it when we live under the same roof. It’s logistics at this point, not anything else, but I swear I wasn’t trying to do this with you right now.”
“What then?” I asked, hating how weak my voice sounded.
“I really just wanted you to text me back.” Sophie laughed under her breath. “You’re the one who cut to the chase.”
“I suppose I’m not one to beat around the bush.” I dared a look at my watch. I’d been gone long enough that Smith and Hunter must have arrived, that Marshall had to have imagined I’d gone for good.
“Neither am I,” she said. “Do you think I’m attractive, Finn?”
I sucked the inside of my cheek between my molars and bit down hard, nodding.
Obviously.
“You’re gorgeous, but I think you know that.”
In the golden glow of her bedroom, Sophie’s cheeks darkened. “Will you come over?”
“I can’t.” I gestured weakly toward nothing in particular. “Dinner and all that.”
“After.”
“I’ll be late.”
“We’ll wait up.”
This was horrible. This was irresponsible.
This was self-destructive.
“Send me your address,” I said. The way Sophie smiled at my concession was enough to take me out at the knees. “I’ve got to go.”
I hung up before she could say anything else, but the incoming text message came through before I’d gotten my phone back into my pocket.
I didn’t need to look. I knew it was from her and I knew what it would be.
Taking a deep breath, I managed to get my heart back into my chest and my sweaty palms under control.
I went back into the restaurant, and Marshall’s stare locked onto mine as soon as I reached the restaurant proper.
Both of my brothers were sitting in their usual spots, and I smacked Hunter hard against the back of his head when I reached the table.
“Finn,” Smith said my name, almost apologetically, and I ignored him.
“Sorry I’m late.”
Hunter slid out of the booth, and I scooched in against the wall, in my customary spot. Marshall—or one of them—had ordered me a fresh drink, and I made quick work of the cherry before chasing it down.
“Finn,” Marshall said next, the beginnings of an apology on his face, but I wanted none of it.
“Why is everyone acting like they’ve never said my name before?” I shot a scathing look at Hunter, the brother I was arguably the closest with. “Did you want to get it out too? Or are we good to move on with the night?”
Hunter’s dark stare searched my face, and I didn’t know if he liked what he saw because I couldn’t bear the scrutiny of it.
“We can move on,” Marshall said, again, speaking for the whole of us without ever really asking any of us if it was what we wanted.
I raised my glass, my smile more of a grimace as my three brothers and I clinked our drinks together and spent the rest of the night pretending everything between us was okay.