Chapter 33
FINN
Marshall and I made it down an entire flight of stairs before he stopped and leaned against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest.
“What?” I asked, finally daring myself to look at him.
I’d expected disapproval, judgment, but when I looked my brother head on, I found neither. There was worry, sure. Marshall was always worried about something or other. It was in his nature. But there was no disappointment, only concern.
“How long?” he asked.
“Not long,” I told him, but that felt like a lie. It had been long enough for me to fall in love with the two of them. I corrected myself, “Long enough.”
“I don’t want to know how it works—”
“Good.”
“But.”
I groaned, bracing my hands against my hips and looking up through the hollow of the stairwell. The sound of my heartbeat echoed in my ears.
“But,” he said again, tone softer. “Are you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Are they good to you?”
I nodded.
“And it’s serious?” he asked.
“Very.”
Marshall let a breath out and gestured to the next flight of stairs with a jerk of his head. I followed after him.
“I meant what I said up there, you know. Sophie is brilliant. She’s one of the best interior designers in the city.”
“I don’t know shit about it, but I’m sure she is.”
“Did you know we were working together?” Marshall asked.
“I did.”
“Were you going to tell me?”
I shrugged. “Eventually.”
“Who were you waiting out?”
“What do you mean?”
Marshall stopped again, blocking my way with his hand on the stair rail. “Were you waiting me out or them?” he clarified.
It was a knowing and loaded question, and I hated how well my brother knew me, but it was also one of the things I loved the most about him. A man like Marshall contained multitudes, able to be a thousand things for a thousand people, his well never running dry.
“Maybe both.”
“Why me?” He took his hand away and we resumed our trek downstairs. I watched the back of Marshall’s hair with every step, wondering when he’d gone so gray. “Did you think I would see you differently than I always have? Judge you?”
“You do judge, Marshall. We talked about this with Riggs and Lincoln, but no. I…maybe. I didn’t want you to think less of them for being with me.”
He stopped again, turning so abruptly I almost tripped and landed on my ass. I caught myself against the wall and my brother steadied me back to my feet.
“Is that truly what you thought would happen?”
“You have very high standards, Marshall.”
“I’m being serious.”
I made a dismissive sound in the back of my throat.
“So am I, Marshall. I can mean everything I said to you at dinner last week and still think your opinions are sometimes too strong, that you think your own way is a little too right. I can recognize how grateful I am for you and for that, and still be scared of it sometimes.”
“You’re nearly forty, Finn.”
“Do you think you become less impressive with age?” I hated the way my voice echoed off the walls, so I lowered it. “Do you think your shadow becomes any less imposing?”
I brushed past him and continued my way down the stairs.
Marshall waited, let me get a little way ahead of him before he followed behind me.
Neither of us said another word, but when I reached the lobby level my chest heaved, and I hated the way my shirt clung to my spine.
Marshall caught up to me and looked at me for what felt like the first time in years.
I hated the feel of it, so I closed my eyes while he took stock.
“All I want for any of you, any of us, is to be happy. We were all dealt a shit hand, and if we’re able to come through it and find happiness, that’s…that’s the only thing I hope.”
“I am happy,” I told him.
“With the two of them?”
“The two of them.”
“They’re getting married, Finn.”
“I’m aware,” I drawled, heat burning my cheeks.
“I don’t call it out because I care that you’re with two people. It’s not something I could do for myself—”
I cut him off with a roll of my eyes. “Don’t act like Lincoln isn’t as much a part of your life as Silas is.”
“Platonic and romantic are not the same thing. I have room for both.”
I swallowed hard, knowing he was right but feeling abrasive anyway.
“If you were with someone fresh out of a breakup, I would worry for you. If you were with someone who didn’t understand what it was like to have brothers, I would worry for you.
” Marshall grabbed my shoulder, shook me until I looked at him.
“If you were with the richest man in the world, the poorest, the smartest, the brightest…there is no circumstance where I wouldn’t worry about you. ”
I let out a breath, the anger leaving me.
“That sounds exhausting.”
“That’s part of being…it’s who I am and I wouldn’t change it.”
“I wouldn’t either,” I grumbled, and my oldest brother pulled me into a hug. I was taller than him, and his eyelashes fluttered against my cheek. I reached up and patted the top of his head like he was a child, which earned me a rougher hug before he shoved me away.
“I’m not sorry this is how I am.”
“I’m not either.” I sighed. “I didn’t keep the details from you deliberately. I knew with you working with Sophie that you’d find out eventually. I just wanted it to be mine for a while.”
“It’s yours forever. Or at least as long as you want it.” He paused, grimaced. “I have too many questions that aren’t mine to ask. If you ever want to talk about this…”
“I know where to find you.”
I shoved open the door to the lobby and immediately searched out Daniel. He was near the security desk, phone in his hand even though his attention was anywhere but. When the door creaked open and he saw me, his shoulders sagged with relief.
“I love you, Finn,” Marshall said quietly behind me. “I don’t say it often.”
“I know. I love you too.”
“Can I meet them again sometime? Properly.”
I snorted, walking away from my brother and heading for my boyfriend. Marshall had a meeting he needed to get back to, after all. “Absolutely not.”
“See you on Friday, Finn.”
I didn’t look back. I went straight for Daniel.
“Are you al—”
I cut him off with a kiss, a hard press of my mouth against his. His body went soft against mine, and he slid one hand around my waist. Daniel opened his mouth, let me taste him, then groaned when I pulled back.
“I’m fine,” I told him, and I was. “I’m more worried about Sophie.”
Daniel held up his phone and gave it a shake. “She’s fine. Just embarrassed.”
“Marshall will be easy on her, I think.”
He laughed. “Your brother really is something else.”
“Have I ever told you the Covington lore?” I gestured toward the door and Daniel nodded.
Together, we walked out onto the street.
He didn’t work far from Sophie’s office, so I’d driven to his office and we’d walked down together to surprise her.
The tacos had been from a place down the street from my building.
“You’re pretty tight-lipped about most things.”
A quick wash of shame rolled over me, and I realized Daniel was right. My internalization of most things was a defense mechanism that I would have to drop if I wanted a moment of peace in life. If I wanted a life with the two of them.
“True,” I agreed. “But of all people, you’ve seen me at my worst.”
He nodded. “You weren’t in a good way.”
“I’m better now.”
“Because of us?”
“For you.” I licked my lips. “I kept my word.”
“I know,” he said, reaching down and taking my hand.
Earlier, he’d kissed my left ring finger, something I’d watched him do with Sophie countless times.
I’d committed the press of his lips against the diamond of her ring to memory and while there was no ring around my finger and never would be, I didn’t find an ounce of jealousy inside myself.
Only gratitude that they had each other and I had them.
“Anyway. The lore?”
I snorted. “We’re half-brothers, the whole lot of us. Me and Marshall, Hunter, Smith. Oh, also Andrew. Maybe more.”
“Maybe more?”
“Our father was not discerning, at least not as far as we can tell. He was quite the ladies’ man in his middle age and after he sowed all of his seeds, he went around collecting us all.”
“How does…what?”
Daniel’s brow knit together and I didn’t blame him. The implication made no sense and once the pieces clicked together, it was remotely horrifying for someone who hadn’t grown up the way we had.
“He found our mothers, paid them all off to take us under his wing.”
“That’s—”
“It is what it is,” I interrupted him before he could say something unnerving.
Willem Covington was the opposite of a good man, but I got five good brothers out of it, maybe more, and that was worth something.
Easily worth more than what he’d paid. “He wanted a legacy; instead he ended up with three sons who prefer men and me.”
“You said five?”
We turned a corner, Daniel’s office in sight.
“I don’t know a single thing about Andrew,” I said. “I mean, I do, but not about his dating life. The four of us were raised mostly together. Andrew only found us after his mother died last year.”
Daniel dragged me to a stop, pushing my back against the wall of a building and easing us both into the small sliver of shade mid-day allowed.
“You sound so normal about this.”
I danced my fingertips across the angle of his cheek, down the curve of his jaw.
“I don’t know how to be anything other than what I am,” I told him. “My name is Finn Covington. I work in finance and I hate it. I’ve lived in Los Angeles my entire life. I like whiskey, I like the way you make nachos. I’m selfish, and I’m very much in love with you and your fiancé.”
Daniel swallowed hard and nodded.
“I’m also very much in love with you and my fiancé.”
“She’s a sight in her dress, Daniel,” I rasped, bumping the back of my head against the wall behind me.
Daniel groaned, grabbing my hips with both hands and thrusting our bodies together. I was too sensitive, too emotional from the events of the day, and there was no way for me to stifle the groan that fell out of my mouth when I felt the heat of him against my thigh.
“Did you really fuck her in it?”
“I fucked her and I fucked her well. I had to put my fingers in her mouth to keep her quiet.” I lifted my hand between us, showing him the two fingers in question.
He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.
I didn’t want him to try. I didn’t know if I was more afraid of him saying something that was true or something that wasn’t true. Before he could find the words, I brushed my knuckles across his lips. Daniel bared his teeth and bit me, softer and different than the way Sophie had.
I liked that about them…the similarities and the differences.
“Sophie is set on the courthouse, I think,” he said softly, angling his head to the side when I moved my hand across his face. “If it was something bigger, I’d ask you to stand there with me. Be my best man.”
“Admirable,” I murmured.
“Instead, though, would you witness?”
I turned my hand, took his face between my fingers and brought our mouths together. Daniel exhaled harshly against my lips, the taste of onion and cilantro still fresh on his breath. We hadn’t even had a chance to add Sophie to the mix, a shame we’d have to remedy later if she let us.
“I see you,” I whispered.
“Would you?”
“Yes.”
“It would…it would mean more I think, if it was you,” he said.
“I told you yes.”
“I want you to mean it.”
I crashed our mouths together, kissed him like we were alone in the dark, not standing in the middle of downtown LA at lunch time, both of us dressed for work, an integral part of our hearts four blocks away on the eighth floor of a high-rise.
“I love you,” I told him, pulling back for breath. “And I mean it.”