39. Harlow
Harlow
I kept my distance from Jude after I’d found out what he’d done. Really, I’d been keeping my distance from everyone in Autumn Creek too as best as I could. Facing their friendly small talk with fearful suspicion banging throughout my head wasn’t top of my to-do list.
While work was usually a welcome distraction, everything felt too close to home. The Harvest Festival wasn’t just a project anymore. But I scheduled my posts, rather than uploading them myself, and stayed away from the office. I kept myself at arm’s length until today.
I didn’t know who might have this secret hatred for me that they expressed through social media comments. It could be a co-worker or someone I had never even met. Then there was Jude. The idea of seeing him felt like experiencing our argument all over again.
On top of everything, I still hadn’t replied to Sophie about the position in Vancouver yet. She’d sent over some details—the job was just as good as it sounded. At least I’d been told I had time to respond.
Despite my worries, today wasn’t a day I could run away from.
I had responsibilities and I couldn’t let Autumn Creek down more than I already had.
I just needed to show my face at the Town Hall for one meeting.
Of course, that meant I had to see Jude, Dawn, and Nora.
All of these people who I knew, or hoped, were as lovely as they seemed, but I couldn’t help but second-guess them now. My doubts were creeping in.
I looked into the mirror of the Town Hall’s bathroom and clutched the sink.
Pull yourself together.
I let out a sharp breath and reluctantly twisted the lock on the door, before making my way to the second level of the old church building and finding the conference table.
I quickly chose my seat before anyone else got there.
My hands traced the wood grain of the tabletop and it brought back memories of almost two months ago—sitting here in this same room and how I felt on my first day at this job.
Nervous. Lost.
For a while, I had felt like I’d moved past those emotions, but today I didn’t feel too far from them today.
Slowly, people began trickling in. Nora arrived with a tray of lattes from Sweater Weather, and I took one with a small smile in return, grateful for something to distract myself with.
I sipped the drink and flipped open my binder, dragging my eyes across the page, trying and failing to focus on my notes.
There were too many mentions of Jude. My heart felt like a limp, fallen leaf anytime I read his name. He had apologized, and somewhere deep inside of me I almost enjoyed how protective he had been. He always had my back, he was by my side, putting me first. But he’d completely overstepped.
Just the sight of his name, printed in my binder, brought up too many volatile emotions. I needed time to process. No amount of kind words could hide the truth I had discovered.
What if I had passed the person leaving those comments on my way to work?
It could be anyone.
Instinctively, my eyes snapped to the door as Jude sauntered into the room, chatting with Dawn. He paused mid-sentence and his golden eyes leaped to me.
I gave him a smile, albeit a half-hearted one. It was all I could muster. After all, if that social media fiasco had damaged the festival, it would certainly mean I wouldn’t be keeping my job here.
I looked away and scribbled gibberish on the paper in front of me.
It was best to pull at the distance between us. If he thought that I didn’t want to be with him, it would soften the blow when I had to leave. Still, he took the empty seat next to me, and my skin flush with just this proximity.
Dawn clapped her hands together, bangles chiming. “All right, let’s get started.”
The festival was the last item on the agenda. And when Nora announced it, I was glad that Jude took control of the conversation.
“All our vendors are confirmed and the ticket sales to our add-on events are going very well.” He shot me a smile which I half met.
I’m happy for him and the town. Not necessarily for me. I didn’t feel like I was a part of it anymore.
“Our focus until the day of is mainly decorating and supporting businesses as they set up.”
“Sounds great! Well, no issues there,” Dawn added, looking at Jude and then at me. “I’m so glad we have had such a well-oiled team working on this project. And since the festival looks like it’s going to be a great success, we may have some further announcements coming up soon!”
My cheeks heated. She wasn’t going to talk about my potential new role, was she? Had she not heard about what I’d done?
Dawn just looked so calm and confident, while in contrast I felt like a disheveled mess. It looked like she might be about to say something when a voice interrupted her.
“Sorry, Dawn.” Thomas Callahan stood up from his seat. I wasn’t usually fond of his rants, but at least he was distracting her from whatever she might have been about to say. “I have a note about the festival,” he continued.
“Oh?” Dawn replied.
Oh.
“I don’t know if anyone else is keeping an eye on things around here, but I certainly have been.” His gaze wandered around the table, stalling on Jude and then me for a moment longer than he needed to.
I looked at Jude with questioning eyes, but his gaze was locked on Thomas.
“What Jude failed to mention is that there have been locals protesting this ostentatious event on the Autumn Creek social media channels.”
“Thomas, sit down,” Dawn hissed, as a collective gasp sounded from around the room. I swear I even heard a noise that sounded like a growl coming from Jude. “We’ll talk after this meeting.”
What’s going on? Now I had co-workers calling me out, too? I felt like I was going to be sick all over the conference table. I was going to ruin Jude’s reputation. I was upsetting Autumn Creek residents, and I was certainly not going to get a contract extension.
But as nauseous as I felt, I was frozen, unable to say anything as I sat there in shock.
Ostentatious event. Protesting. Is that what they really think?
I couldn’t access any words. Instead, I sat still, flushed with humiliation.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jude look over to Dawn. They seemed to have a whole conversation just through a few looks. Then his gaze turned to me.
Under the table, his fingers brushed against mine, and he softly said, “You don’t have to stay, I think we’re done here.”
That snapped me out of my stillness. I nodded, gathering my things and I shot Jude and Dawn a thankful look as I rushed to the door with tears brimming in my eyes. I was sure that everyone else would be clearing out in a second, but I needed to get out of here. Now.
I couldn’t linger when I felt like I was about to break.
But just as I began closing the door behind me, I noticed other people weren’t packing up. Through the glass, I could see all of their eyes on Jude as he stood up at the table.
“I do have something to bring to everyone’s attention about the festival.” His voice was slightly muffled through the door.
Is he continuing without me?
“To address the comments we’ve gotten on social media…”
He is. He really is.
Deleting my posts might have been a misstep that he apologized for, but this was a betrayal. A confirmation that I wasn’t wanted here.
I was an outsider.
If the door between me and them didn’t represent it enough, being left out of this conversation did. It was embarrassing that I’d even let myself grow this attached to Autumn Creek when I knew it could never be my home.
I turned and fled down the hall as tears began rushing down my face.