42. Harlow
Harlow
A sob shook my body, as I stared at the barn doors.
Next to me, a firefighter froze in place.
“No.” I was gasping for air as if I was still surrounded by smoke.
Wells didn’t respond as other firefighters began to swarm around him. He lay there still, beside the burning barn.
I didn’t know he was in there with me. Why was he? And why isn’t he in uniform? He lay there in just a torn jacket without a helmet in sight.
There had been so much noise inside the barn. I thought I might’ve heard some shouting, but I also thought it could’ve been my own brain making it up. I hadn’t seen anyone in the chaos until Jude appeared.
Jude.
He’d fallen to his knees beside Wells. Colt rushed over to the two of them, wordless but with a broken look in his eyes. Their gazes were stuck on the lifeless body of their best friend.
But just as the older Bramley brother reached down, Wells’ body on the grass jolted. He coughed and gulped for fresh air.
“Oh god,” I exclaimed, and the woman beside me gasped with relief.
Wells, Jude, Colt—all three of them were okay and back together again.
I was so glad to see it. I mean, okay was a strong word for Wells right now.
If I felt like my lungs were singed and my body shaken, then I could only imagine how he felt.
But at least he was breathing, and his co-workers surrounded him, checking him over.
There were a few paramedics in the field and one of them put an oxygen mask on him.
I wanted to step closer, but someone gave the woman beside me a thumbs up and she drew her attention back to me.
I inhaled a shaky breath. Probably for the best. I remembered what I had texted Jude earlier today. I’m not ready to talk to you. I want to be alone. The words stabbed into my chest as I recalled them.
Jude had saved my life and I’d burned down his barn. There was so much going on, so much to speak about. I didn’t know where we stood despite what he’d done for me. This farm meant everything to him, and look what I’d done.
I should give them all space.
My body shivered as the firefighter, Arden, who I’d met at the station, helped me walk.
Tears filled my eyes as I caught sight of the barn, or at least what was left of it.
The old red building has been reduced to charred wood and ashes.
The firefighters had gotten it under control.
I couldn’t see any more flames, but the damage was done.
Destruction had been left in the path I’d created.
“Are you feeling okay?” Arden looked at me with sympathetic grey eyes that calmed me down a little. “You need to get checked over.”
“Shouldn’t you be focusing on Wells? He’s worse than I am.”
“We can prioritize your care as well as his. It’s not one or the other, Harlow.”
I nodded slowly and we walked over to a paramedic’s car. She explained the situation to a man in a black uniform, and sat by me as he cleaned up my cuts and I tried my best to breathe steadily into an oxygen mask.
“You hid out in the bathroom?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“That was smart.”
Her approval brought a half smile to my cracked lips. “Thanks. Do you think I’m good to go then?” I just wanted to curl into a ball in my bed. I’d done too much damage here.
The paramedic chimed in. “I actually need to drive you downtown to see Doctor Wilson. Just to check you over.”
My eyes slipped back to the scene unfolding around me.
The Bramley brothers were locked in a conversation beside the ambulance that Wells was laying in as it got ready to leave.
I could see a bandage on Jude’s arm. And Kasey’s car had just pulled onto the farm, speeding down the dirt road.
Behind them sat the smoldering coals of their building.
I’d destroyed it.
I knew I shouldn’t blame myself for Wells getting hurt, but he and Jude had run into the flames after me. I felt so filled with guilt. It rolled in my stomach like I was about to puke in the unmoving car.
I didn’t want to cause any more trouble at Bramley Farm, so I nodded to the paramedic and closed the car door, without alerting the others.
I stared at the beige walls of the family doctor’s waiting room.
It was a small craftsman building that I’m sure had once been a house, a few roads away from Main Street.
I sat on a sofa, catching my breath. On any other day, I might have thought of it nostalgic, like something you’d find in a house that hadn’t changed since the early 2000s—all browns and warm tones.
But right now the cozy room was doing little to make me feel at ease.
It felt like I’d been sitting there staring, with Arden watching over at me, for hours. But in reality it had only been a few minutes by the time the doctor opened the door.
“Miss Spencer?”
We both followed him to an exam room and Arden filled the man in on what had happened. He listened, lines creasing between his brows as she explained. I stayed quiet, still not feeling like I wanted to dive into conversation. But I watched the man’s expression and his familiar tawny eyes.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Arden said eventually. “I’m glad you’re okay, Harlow.” Then she quickly looked at her phone screen. “And everything seems to be okay at the farm, too.”
“That’s good. Thank you.” I was glad that no more damage had been discovered, but I’d still done what I had done. Mistake or not, it had consequences.
Dr. Wilson continued to check me over. I had a rough throat from the smoke, but my shortness of breath hadn’t lasted too long.
It was more from the anxiety than anything else.
He’d looked at my breathing in at least three different ways, and I didn’t even know how long I’d spent blowing into different machines or taking long deep breaths as he listened.
My head was pounding a bit. But for being trapped in a burning building, I was doing well apparently.
He typed out a prescription and while writing, said, “I’m sorry that you experienced this so soon after moving here. We rarely get fires in Autumn Creek, but with all the farmland surrounding us, accidents happen.”
“Oh.” I guess he knew I was new in town. I responded slowly, still testing out my voice with my sore throat. “I-I’m sorry, I’m a little distracted. Have we met before?”
I must have seemed rude, not recognizing him. Maybe I had met him at the market or—
“No, but Margot’s my wife. And you work with—”
Everything clicked together. His warm eyes and kindness in his voice. That light golden skin and walnut coloured hair. It was so similar to hers. “You’re Dawn’s son?”
“I am,” he replied with a smile. “And I’ve heard nothing but good things about you.”
On a normal day, I might have joked in reply, Oh I’m sure. But today that just sent a bittersweet pang through me.
When I didn’t reply, Dr. Wilson added, “You’ve done a lot for us in Autumn Creek. Hopefully you’ll have a lot more good memories here to outweigh this one. But we have a great therapist down the street. I can set up a referral for you, if you’d like.”
“Oh, thank you. I just…” I paused for a second. “I don’t know if I’ll be staying.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “Well, for now, focus on rest. Don’t take on more than you need to, let other people help you out. And avoid anything that could damage your lungs. Use that inhaler, too.” He gestured to the prescription in front of me. “I’ll see you in a week for a check-up, Harlow.”
I counted the days in my head and nodded. “See you then.”
I walked out of the room on my uneasy feet. The waiting room was slightly off centre, maybe even a bit blurry.
Seven days until my check-up, eight days until the festival, nine days until I should probably be leaving.
My mind flashed back to those moments in the barn, everything around me was burning.
I hadn’t been worrying about my career, the next best rung on the ladder, or how people would perceive me.
Instead, I had been replaying happy moments from the past two months.
Cocktails at Sweater Weather, the women’s meetings we had, dancing at The Crabapple, and chatting with Dawn at the office. And Jude. So many with Jude.
Our time together had been stuck on repeat in my mind as I ran and shut the door between me and the fire.
Walking home from Thanksgiving, our picnic in the corn maze, staring at him during a candlelit dinner.
Then there was the way his golden eyes looked as he broke out into a grin.
I had felt the ghost of his hands holding me, and I begged to be able to feel them again.
I loved the life I had here, and I think I might lov—
“Do you want to sit down, honey?” The receptionist’s voice broke through my thoughts, and my spine straightened.
“Oh.” I shouldn’t think about those things now. I may feel that way but that didn’t stop what had happened and what had been said. “I’m sorry, I’m fine.”
She nodded. “Well, don’t worry. I’ve called someone to take you home.”
Home.
This place did feel like home. Coffee on the porch and watching the breeze blow gently through the apple trees. Walking up Main Street, smiling at familiar faces. Knowing my go-to order at Kaneko’s and Bianchi’s.
I love this town, I really do.
But what if the Bramleys didn’t want me back on their property? I would understand if they didn’t. I didn’t even know what the town, or my co-workers, or Jude thought about me after the comments on social media. And now there was this.
I should just find a hotel or something. Maybe that B & B would let me stay, considering the circumstances. “It’s okay, I can get myself back,” I replied.
“Oh, honey, seriously, don’t worry. That boy has been calling us for the past hour trying to get in touch with you.”
That boy?
The woman was full-on grinning at me, her smile lighting up against her warm bronze skin. “We’re all here for each other. It’s what we do here. Jude especially. No need to stress.”
I sat back down on the sofa with a quiet nod. I inhaled and exhaled, counting my breaths until my mind stopped racing.
Maybe, I thought, I should stop tearing down the walls of the life I’m just starting to build, before I even try to talk to people.
A shadow of guilt was hanging over me making me feel like I didn’t deserve the things I wanted.
But instead of isolating myself, maybe this time I should try and open up.
Running just created a dull constant pain, a feeling of loneliness that I had become used to. These sharp, biting feelings were terrifying. But I craved more than this aching inside of me. I rolled my shoulders back as I worked through my thoughts.
I didn’t know what would happen. But I did at least know that I wanted to try to give myself more than an escape.
I want a home, I want love, I want community.
I almost had that. It didn’t have to disappear. Surely it wasn’t an on and off switch, I just had to repair it all.
I looked up at the receptionist and said, “I’m just going to wait outside. Thanks so much.”
She smiled at me as I pulled open the door. Then I stepped out, sighing into the crisp air that seemed to be healing me, just a sliver, with every breath.
With this small spark of hope inside of me, I pulled out my phone and pressed on my email. Before I could overthink, I typed out a reply. It was short but thankful and polite as I told Sophie that I wouldn’t be taking Power up on their job offer.
Slowly, my shoulders began to relax and I closed my eyes, resting against the porch column.
I don’t have to throw everything away. I can face my uncomfortable emotions. I want to stay here and help, no matter what happens.
Whatever I decided to do, it wouldn’t be running.
Then a thud of footsteps startled my eyes open.
I blinked rapidly, until I saw a red Ford truck parked haphazardly on the street. There was a man with tousled brown hair rushing up the stairs, too. And then there was a pair of wild, golden eyes in front of me.