Chapter 47
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Mateo
Nothing was okay.
Not really.
There were moments where it felt okay. Like when Avery woke up next to me and tangled her fingers in my hair. Or when she kissed me on the forehead. Or when I held her and we both did our best to forget about the world outside the walls of our bedrooms.
But it wasn’t okay.
Life had a way of bringing people into it that you never knew were missing to begin with. Levi was that for us. Every time I was at Avery’s, my gaze crossed the street to the yellow door.
One morning, there’d been a car in the driveway. I’d run across the moment I saw it, only to discover someone else was staying there. And they were really fucking confused as to why a Whynot firefighter was waking them up at six in the morning.
Another afternoon, I saw a photographer shooting pictures of the town on the street.
From a distance, he’d been a tall muscled man—but the closer I got, the sooner I realized that he actually wasn’t.
I still wasn’t sure if I’d seen a ghost or if I’d made him up in my head. Either way, he hadn’t been Levi.
It’d been six weeks. That was the fucked up part. We’d been apart from Levi as long as we’d known him, and the ache was still there. This giant, awful wound was prying apart my soul.
Avery and I had always been meant to be together. I knew that now more than anything. It’d taken us two years to get here, but if there was any sort of comfort, it was knowing I was in love with my actual best friend.
I was worried about her, though. She wasn’t painting. She hadn’t gone into her studio since Levi left. I was pretty sure the broken painting was exactly where we’d left it.
Austin had tried talking to her, but she was still avoiding him. She and Dallas had talked a few times, and were on better terms. He could at least own up to the fact that he’d fucked up by being too overprotective.
A knock on my truck’s window made me press my lips into a thin line. It was like the bastard knew I was thinking about him. There was no way to completely avoid Austin, but I was still mad.
I rolled down the window for Austin and he raked his fingers through his hair. The circles under his eyes had gotten worse. He looked like shit. It didn’t make me feel better.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said plainly. “Can we?”
“Please.”
I sighed and gestured to the passenger seat of my truck. I was technically on call, but was just sitting here waiting for something to come up. I had a thousand things I needed to knock out on the department checklist, but they could all wait.
Austin went around to the passenger side and opened the door, climbing in. The moment he shut the door, he ran his palms over his denim-clad thighs.
“I fucked up,” he said. “I really fucked up.”
“Again? Or do you mean what happened recently?”
“You know I mean recently,” he said.
“It’s been six weeks, and you haven’t apologized for a single fucking thing.”
“I tried to apologize to Avery—”
“Avery isn’t the only person you hurt.”
“I know. I have my reasons for overreacting but they aren’t an excuse.
I’m sorry for what I said to you. I’m sorry for hurting you.
I’m sorry I haven’t apologized yet, but I just needed to try to make things right first. When I found out Levi left, I tried to reach out to him, but haven’t heard anything. ”
“I just . . .” I trailed off, thinking long and hard for a moment. In my head, I’d gone over this conversation a few different times. Countless times, really. There was one thing that bothered me the most. “You know I would never hurt Avery the way Kevin did.”
“I know that. But I saw the bruises and lost it,” he whispered. “I know you’re kinky. And fuck, man. I don’t want to even think about that with my little sister. I jumped to conclusions. I didn’t stop to ask. I didn’t stop to do anything other than hurt everyone, Levi included.”
My hand tightened on the steering wheel. “Have you heard from him?”
“No. I’ve called. I’ve emailed. I even messaged his damn agent. I think she blocked me, actually, after I called fifty times in a row.”
Despite everything, I chuckled. “Wouldn’t be surprised.”
Silence settled between us and I knew he was doing everything in his power to not ask me about Avery.
“She’s okay,” I said softly. “She’s still hurt. I mean, it sounds like she’s doing better with your mom at least. That’s a first.”
“Mom started therapy. She’s trying. She’s also mad at me.”
“I think everyone is.”
Austin blew out a breath. “Yeah. Rightly so. Dallas and I had to work through some stuff too. I think I’ve been running myself into the ground and I haven’t taken a single second to work on myself since Dad passed. None of this is an excuse.”
“It’s not.”
“I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry, Mateo. You’re one of my best friends—”
“Was. At least that’s what you said.”
Austin winced. “I treated you like shit. I treated Levi like shit. I don’t know how to make it up to any of you.”
I held out my hand, palm up. He hesitated for a moment and then slid his into mine. I gave him a gentle squeeze and just sat there, watching the quiet street in front of the station.
“I can’t really function without you,” he whispered.
“Ever since you came to Whynot, we’ve been friends.
And you’ve quickly become one of the only people, if not the only person, outside of my family who really knows me.
I shouldn’t have jumped to the conclusions I did.
I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I don’t have any excuses for it, Mateo. I’m sorry.”
I was quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in. I squeezed his hand and then let him go. “I forgive you.”
“What?”
“I forgive you.”
“You . . . you do? Why?”
“Yeah. I do. I can’t forgive you for Levi or Avery, but I forgive you.
” I looked over at him. “I’ve been waiting for you to come to me, because you did owe me that apology.
And you owe one to your sister and Levi too.
But the thing is, I don’t think we should have hid anything from you.
I don’t necessarily regret it, but the moment I knew I wanted forever with both of them, I should have talked to you. ”
“I wish you would have,” he said. “I think I still would have been mad. Probably would have overreacted. Kevin really fucked everything up. I think I became obsessed with keeping her safe. Especially after our dad died.”
I nodded. “I get it. I do. I don’t have a sister, but I have Maria. I have my grandmother. I have my mom and aunts. And if I ever found out something was happening to them, I would scorch the earth on their behalf.”
Austin let out a slow breath. “Yeah. Well, and to make it worse, I went into her studio. I ruined her painting. I ended up hurting her by not listening. Has she even gone back? All the classes have been cancelled. All the Whynot elderly population are up in arms. I’ve started getting hate mail.”
I fought a laugh. “Oh god.”
“Let me tell you something. Ms. Carlson is mean.”
I grinned. “She really is.”
The two of us smiled until I sighed, relaxing in my seat.
“Avery hasn’t gone back to the studio yet. She’s been sketching a lot at the park. Reading. Doing yoga. Started looking up how to design a house.”
Austin’s eyes widened. “Are you wanting to build?”
“Maybe? It’s been in our long-term talks. Just an idea for the future. I wish . . .” I trailed off, swallowing hard. “It would be big enough for three people. In case Levi comes back.”
“I’ve been really focused on my sister,” he said. “But I haven’t asked you how you are.”
“I’m . . . I’m heartbroken. It’s weird to be with someone I’ve wanted for so long while losing another person I want to be with. We’re both still healing and I don’t know how long it’ll take.”
“She’s loved you for a while,” Austin murmured.
My brows shot up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’ve known for a while that she’s had feelings for you. Avery is shit at hiding things.” Austin shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve known.”
I kind of wanted to punch the idiot. “There’s no fucking way you’ve known.”
“Yes fucking way. I’m busy, but I’m not an idiot.
I’ve known since she came back. I’ve seen the way she looks at you.
Then I kind of noticed how you looked at her, and I always wondered.
But you never made a move and it became easier for me to be the asshole older brother.
The thing is, Mateo, you deserve her. I was wrong when I said that and I didn’t mean it.
I can’t think of another person in this world that you should be with, aside from Levi. ”
He held out his hand this time and I squeezed it, holding back tears. “Thank you. I wish he were here.”
“Well . . . I have a confession.”
I scowled. “What?”
“I lied about something.”
“Ugh. What?”
“The thing is that you’ve been sitting in your truck for a really long time this morning.”
“Okay, and?”
“Well, you haven’t been watching the station. You’ve been watching the street.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Am I fired, Mr. Whynot?”
“No,” he laughed. “No. But it was convenient.”
I had no idea where he was going with this. “Spill.”
“So the thing is, I did get a hold of Levi.”
I sat up and leaned forward. “What?”
“Yeah. He sold his place.”
“He what?”
“And I picked him up from the airport and just got back to Whynot. I’ve been up since 3:00 a.m. because his damn flight landed at 6:00 a.m.”
“What?”
“And I think you should maybe go inside the fire station.”
I couldn’t breathe. I stared at him for a moment and immediately unlocked the truck. “If you’re fucking with me—”
“Mateo.” Austin gave me a soft smile. “Go get your man.”
I couldn’t believe it. I jumped out of my truck, my limbs feeling like jello as I sprinted to the station door. I shoved it open, sucking a breath as flowers covered the floor, all making a path to—
“Levi.” My voice was hoarse. Tears blurred my vision. Was I imagining things? It wouldn’t be the first time I’d imagined him standing in front of me.
“Mateo,” he whispered.
Our eyes locked, and—god—the pain in his eyes killed me, because it was the same pain I’d been carrying for weeks.
Before I knew it, I was throwing my arms around his neck and he was lifting me, holding me tight. His lips searched for mine and I kissed him until we were both breathless.
“What are you doing here?” I rasped.
“I’m here,” he said, pressing his forehead to mine. “And I’m sorry, Mateo.”
He slowly let me down, but his hands slipped into mine, holding them as he met my gaze.
“I shouldn’t have left, especially the way I did. I’m sorry. I’ve thought about you—both of you—non-stop, but I needed to work through some things.”
“It’s okay,” I said quickly.
His expression softened. “Mateo.”
My breath hitched. “It’s not okay.”
“It hasn’t been.”
“No,” I said. “It hasn’t. I’ve missed you every fucking day. And I think Avery and I have cried enough to fill up an ocean. We talk about you all the time. We needed you.”
Levi swallowed hard and nodded. “I’m here.”
“Visiting again?”
“No,” he whispered. “I’m here, Mateo. I sold my place.
I had to work through some contract stuff with my agent but she got me taken care of.
I’m officially done with the NHL. All of my stuff will be arriving in the next few days and I have no idea where I’ll even put it, but I’m here.
Texas is my home. And you and Avery will be my home, if you want me. ”
“If we want.” An ugly, snotty little laugh bubbled up. “Yeah, Levi. We want. I mean, you’ll have to see her yourself. But I want. I want this.”
“I do too. More than anything else.”
“What took you so long? Why didn’t you reach out?”
“Because I fucked up. I’ve spent the last few weeks torturing myself. I’ve dreamed about the two of you every night. Then I was afraid to reach out. So I did what I do best and started planning.”
“Did you make your little spreadsheets?”
“I did.” The corner of his mouth tugged. “There’s a column full of things I wanted to do to earn your forgiveness.”
“Oh. Is there?” I couldn’t help but smirk. “What kind of things?”
“Mostly romantic things.”
“Like flowers on the floor?”
“Yes.”
“And . . .”
“And you’ll find out if you want.” He chuckled. “When I came back, I wanted to prove to both of you that I’m in this.”
“What if . . . What if we didn’t take you back?”
He thought about it for a moment. “Well, I really hoped that wouldn’t be the case. But if it were, that doesn’t change the fact that this place is right for me.”
“Good thing that’s not the case.”
I kissed him hard, every part of me feeling light. Like I could breathe again. I slowly gave him a wild grin and he narrowed his eyes.
“Don’t you dare say it.”
“I’m going to,” I said. “I have to.”
He sighed dramatically, but I could tell he wanted to hear it.
“Why not move to Texas and fall in love with two people who love you more than anything else? And want to share a life together? And grow old together? And make love together?”
Levi’s eyes softened. “Why not?”