CHAPTER THREE
You have to remember that we were raised by women who believe more in “Goodbye Earl” than in “I can buy myself flowers”. Weaklings we ain’t.
~Text from Kierstie to Hanna~
Hanna
It’s been a couple of weeks since our first date, and I have to be honest. I think I’m falling in love with Cade.
I’m not looking at him through rose-colored glasses and seeing him as perfect, but he’s a good man who’s funny and the sexiest man I’ve been lucky enough to be around.
We’ve only seen each other once since that first date, but he had a road trip and tournament, so he wasn’t even in the same time zone till a couple of days ago.
Today he’s coming to pick me up, and I’m gonna spend the next couple of days with him, including going to his match the day after tomorrow.
See? I’m learning. It’s a match and not a game.
I also know it’s not a huddle but a scrum.
I might have spent several hours watching YouTube videos explaining rugby.
‘Course it didn’t hurt that a lot of them featured my favorite player.
Pops caught me watching it on the television the other day, and since then he’s been watching rugby nonstop to help explain things to me.
Well, that’s his excuse, but we all know he’ll watch just about any sport and get obsessed for a while.
My family all remembers the last Winter Olympics and his obsession with curling.
He even tried to get Dad to help him build a curling thing in the backyard.
Pops has always loved baseball and football—those two sports always being his constant obsessions.
Everything else is usually to fill in the time between seasons.
I have a feeling, though, if things keep going with me and Cade, that he’s gonna become a fanatical fan of rugby.
Not so much for the love of the sport, but because that’s Pops.
That’s one of the ways he shows his support.
Dad and Pops both love me and my brothers to the moon and back.
They just always show it in different ways.
Dad is more into the quiet moments and Pops into the bigger, louder ways.
It fits their personalities. Dad’s more the thinker, taking longer to speak, but when he does, I know it’s smart to listen.
Pops tends to show his love in gestures or with his time, words of wisdom less so.
I remember when I was a kid—I had to be close to nine or ten years old—I asked my grandma why, if I had a mom, a dad and a pops, did I just have her and grandpa.
I remember she stopped stringing the green beans and looked at me for a moment before she answered.
She said, “Well, you know about your dad’s parents.
They passed away before he even met your mom.
That’s when he came to live with us. His mama was a good woman, and you look a lot like her.
She would’ve loved to have gotten to know you.
Your dad’s father was not a nice man, and he didn’t treat people like he should’ve.
” I remember speaking up and asking her about Mom’s parents.
It’s one of the few times I ever remember seeing my grandma angry—like a pissed-off type of angry.
She got very serious and answered me with a statement that sits in the back of my mind all the time.
“Being related by blood to someone does not automatically grant them access to your heart or your life. Your mom’s family made grown-up choices that were not okay, and your mom chose to keep those around her who are her real family.
You can’t choose who you’re related to by DNA, but your family?
Those who you spend your life, important moments and holidays with?
Those are your genuine family. Blood has nothing to do with it.
” She was wise, and I miss her every day.
Grandpa was quiet but steady. He was more like Dad in that he didn’t speak all the time, but when he did, it was usually something worth listening to.
Back to now. I’m packing a bag as I know Cade will be here in a couple of hours.
I told him I could take the train down to him, but he wouldn’t hear of it.
Told me it was his day off and he was gonna come get me.
Said he might not be able to all the time, but for the first time, he was gonna give me a ride.
That statement might have made us both think of something else.
What? I don’t deny that the sexual tension between us since that first kiss has been off the charts.
I’m pretty sure if we hadn’t been in public the entire time last time we got together, things would’ve gone further.
However, I was not down with going further at our picnic and having some hiker or someone come across us and see parts of Cade or myself that no one needs to be seeing.
I’m hoping things move forward this time.
We’ve spent countless hours texting, calling, and video chatting that I feel like I’ve really gotten to know Cade in a real, meaningful way.
He doesn’t like any vegetables from a can except for corn or green beans, and one of his favorite snacks is green beans straight from the can.
Weird, I know. I’ve noticed when he’s deep in thought, he cracks his knuckles and keeps moving his hair out of his face.
His sister is one of his best friends. I know he feels the same about his parents.
He only took the contract with the Axemen because it got him out of a shitty situation with the corrupt owner of his last team in New York, and it allows him to leave for the national team if he’s picked.
He swears he doesn’t think he’s at the top of the list for the national team, but Zane thinks otherwise.
Apparently, the World Cup is next year, and they’ll be changing the national team over the next few months.
I know he misses having his parents closer but is determined to make the time further away worth it.
He doesn’t look at my sight issues as something to overcome. He says we all have things that require adjustments. One night while we were video chatting, it came up again. I think I apologized for his having to think about accommodations he was going to make to his place so I could see better.
He got very serious and looked at me. “Hanna. I need you to listen and really pay attention to what I’m saying.
Some people have allergies, some have physical limitations, some have developmental or psychological challenges.
Everyone's got something. It’s nothing to apologize for or think of yourself as less for.
So I’m going to buy a couple more lamps so my girlfriend is more comfortable in my home.
If that’s a big deal to you, then you’ve been dating the wrong men, sweetheart.
” What can you say to that? I think I just nodded and he changed the subject.
What I didn’t know till last week was that Cade came by this belief and his attitude naturally.
His dad is the same way. How do I know this?
Well, it turns out his mom had a leg affected by some sort of birth defect.
Cade didn’t go in-depth about it, just said it caused a limb difference.
I guess it caused her a lot of pain, so when she was not quite a teenager, they amputated that leg at the knee.
Cade said he never saw his mom as different, just his mom.
She walks with a prosthetic in public most of the time, but often uses her wheelchair at home.
Cade confessed he never thought twice about the fact that the house he grew up in had wider areas so a wheelchair could easily get through or that there were bars and a chair in one of their showers.
When I asked him if anyone ever commented about it or his mom, he shrugged his shoulders.
But his answer told me so much more beyond the words he said.
“That’s just life. I think it’s the same as a couple figuring things out and navigating what they like and don’t like.
I mean, I would never make you a meal with sweet potatoes because you said you can’t stand them, and I’m guessing you wouldn’t feed me canned peas. It’s just life.”
To some people, that might seem like he wasn’t taking things seriously, but to me it means my fading vision won’t become an issue with him in the future.
I’ve seen my family not think twice about making changes to lights in the house, but to meet someone who doesn’t make a big deal out of it means something to me.
I can’t tell you how much I hate the word special.
When doctors have thrown "special" around at every appointment you've ever attended, you would hate it too. I don’t want to be special. I just want to be me. I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb.
I just want to live my life as normally as I can.
Cade makes me feel seen, desired, and wanted, all while making me feel like things between us aren’t different because of my sight issues and the fact that I can’t drive.
He says it makes him feel normal because I’m not a rugby fan, so I didn’t know who he was before we met.
I like him for him. I mean, I can appreciate the shape and strength he has thanks to the sport.
My phone dings, and I realize I haven’t packed a fucking thing and my time is ticking away. I look at my phone, and it’s a message from my favorite brother-in-law.
Logan: You sure we were invited to the game? We can always pick you up afterward and not crash your day.
Me: You are invited. It’s not like Cade and I get to spend time together during the game. Plus his sister and her wife are gonna be there, and I’m sure they’re nice, but I’ve never met them before.
Logan: Ahhh. So you need us as a buffer AND a ride.
Me: Well, I’d take just you, but I know Asher won’t go for that.