CHAPTER FIVE #2
The waiter brings our food to our table, and as soon as we start to eat, Anders answers Carter.
“I did what I told Cade not to do. I made rugby my whole world. Sure, I thought I was being a dad and husband too, but I was rarely home, and when I was, being a husband, a partner…well, that was behind even the little I was a dad. Aimee asked me to be more, to spend more time with her and the kids. I would say I would, but then just buy them thoughtless gifts. I even brought in a nanny to help, but that’s not what she needed or wanted.
She wanted the guy she fell in love with, the man she married.
Before I knew it, our oldest was ten, and I was struggling to keep myself on the team. ”
Anders takes a couple of bites of food before he continues, knowing all three of us are nosey asses at this point and want to know what happened.
He takes a sip of water and continues where he left off.
“By that point, Aimee and the kids had moved back to the States near our families. They moved back when Ryan, my oldest, was seven. Aimee said she missed home, and that she had more help there with all the grandparents being so close. I didn’t fight her because in my mind I was going to retire in the States, and this left me to focus on rugby, assuming my family would still be there waiting for me.
When I got cut from the team and was informed my contract would not be extended, I came home.
Only by that time, it wasn’t a home I recognized.
Aimee and the kids had this whole life that I wasn’t a part of.
I didn’t have direction, and when I tried to step in and be a dad, I realized that my normal routine of swooping in and being the fun dad wasn’t going to cut it for anything long-term.
I attempted to take Aimee out for our anniversary, but she told me I was four months late, and if I couldn’t tell her which anniversary it was, then what was the point?
I was bullheaded and went to my parents, thinking that they would be on my side.
My dad, God rest his soul, looked at me and told me I needed to live with the consequences of never putting my family first.”
Zane chimes in for the first time in a while. “So I’m guessing you didn’t get your head out of your ass, or it was too late.” Anders takes the last bite of his steak and nods before he continues his story.
“I think at that time I thought I tried to change and be the dad and husband they needed and wanted, but looking back, I still wasn’t one hundred percent in.
I was trying to be there for sure, but when I was supposed to be watching my kids play on the playground or my eldest’s baseball game, I was on my phone trying to secure a contract somewhere.
It all came to a head one day at the park, when Aimee took our youngest to the bathroom.
I was supposed to watch Ryan and Kaylee while she was gone for a few minutes.
I got a call and was on the phone, so I didn’t notice that Kaylee took off, chasing after a puppy or something.
Aimee came back a few minutes later and realized Kaylee was missing.
We searched and couldn’t find her. The cops were called, and an hour and a half later she was found.
Not far away, but she’d tripped and hurt her ankle so she couldn’t walk back to us.
That night at home, Aimee looked at me like I was a stranger and told me she couldn’t keep doing this.
She told me they had learned to live without me, and me coming back occasionally, being only partially involved, was hurting her and the kids more than anything.
I remember asking her what she wanted. What she told me…
it broke me and brought everything I did or hadn’t done to light.
Aimee looked at me with unshed tears and told me that what she wanted and what she needed were two different things.
She wanted the man she married. The one she’d laughed with, the one she’d planned this family with and planned to grow old with.
I tried to tell her I was still that same guy, but she shook her head and told me that guy had disappeared long ago.
I knew in that moment that I couldn’t argue with her because, fuck if she wasn’t right.
So I asked her the question that scared me more than I realized.
I asked her what she needed. She looked at me with a sadness I knew I had caused.
She told me she needed a divorce. She needed a home that our kids would know would be the same every day.
That they would see me when I could be there for them, but that she couldn’t go on anymore.
That exact moment I was notified that I’d been offered a contract with Pendleton.
Instead of fighting for my marriage and my family and doing whatever it took to repair things, I took off, still making rugby my world.
My divorce was finalized six months after Aimee told me that’s what she needed.
I went back home for the holidays the following year.
When I went over to see my kids, my oldest, Ryan, told me they were doing fine without me, and maybe next year I should just stay gone. ”
Oh shit. I can’t imagine ever saying something like that to my dad. I don’t have kids, but I imagine that would be heartbreaking. I had to ask, though. “That was a few years back. I mean, you’ve been on the Axemen for what, four or five seasons now?”
Anders nods. “This is my fifth season. Ryan’s now nineteen and a freshman at Northwestern.
He speaks to me if I call or text him, but he doesn’t reach out.
Kaylee’s in high school and will also answer if I call or text, but never reaches out.
Last time we talked, she told me her stepdad took her to the father-daughter dance and that it didn’t even seem weird that I wasn’t there since I had never made it to one before.
Her grandpas had always taken her. My youngest, Dylan, still calls and has come out to visit with my parents but says that I’m more like the fun uncle than his dad.
Aimee remarried a couple of years ago. The guy is a good guy, and she and I can talk friendly now, but…
” I can see the years of regret and broken love in his eyes.
The next thing he says is what puts everything into perspective.
“This is why I told Evanich here to remember life is more than rugby. I’m sitting here in front of you, barely scraping by to stay on the team when I probably should’ve retired years ago.
I keep playing because I’ve got nothing else.
I threw away the love of a good woman and have never gotten to know my kids in any real way, and now they don’t want to know me.
What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I’ve got one more year on my contract after this, then I’m thinking I’m done.
I may coach, or I might buy a cabin in the woods somewhere.
All I know is that my years after this sport look nothing like I thought they would when I was your age.
So learn from my mistakes. You meet someone who makes you feel and want a future?
Don’t put them on the fucking back burner.
Don’t take for granted that you can always fix things later, because you’ll blink and realize that years have gone by and there’s nothing left to fix.
I love rugby and love that I’ve been able to make a career out of it, but looking back I would’ve listened to my older teammates who told me to go home, to skip a practice when Aimee was in labor, or one of the kids was sick.
The ones who would tell me that? They’re still married and have relationships with their kids. ”
He looks at me directly when he gives us his final word on the matter.
“I saw the smile on your face when your girl messaged you. That’s not a smile any woman can put on a man’s face.
There’s going to come a time when you have to choose, not for life, but for a moment, an hour, or a day.
She’s going to ask you for something simple—your time.
Give it to her whenever you can because a good, smart, strong woman won’t settle for being an afterthought forever and she shouldn’t fucking have to. ”
We all get up after paying the bill and leave the restaurant to head back to the hotel. Carter, who’s been in deep thought since Anders started talking, asks him a question as we walk down the block. “If you met someone now who made you smile like that…”
Anders answers so fast he doesn’t even slow his steps. “I’d retire. Hell, I’d move wherever they were. I doubt I’ll get another chance at it, but if I ever was lucky enough to, I would cherish it and know that relationship would come first, above anything else.”
Who knew dinner would be so enlightening? The need to get back to my room and call my girl is almost overwhelming. Maybe I just need to admit to myself that things between me and Hanna may be moving fast, but that every step we take just makes me believe even more that she’s the one for me.
Hanna
I’m not sure how this all happened, but the women of this family have taken the clubhouse over. Mom, Ma, and Romona decided that we all needed a girls' night. Mom spoke to Ma and Romona after a conversation she had with Mary earlier in the week and declared it long overdue.
So here we are. Every woman over the age of eighteen in this family is here. We’ve grown over the last few years with some welcome additions, so there are quite a few of us. Mom and Ma had the local Mexican place deliver taco platters along with plenty of chips, queso, and salsa.