1 | Addison
“Well, I’ll be damned. Addison. That’s a face I never thought I’d see again.”
Offering a smile, I stare at the one person I trusted growing up in this hell hole. Officer Charlie Kerry. He came to my rescue so many times, and when my mother died, he was the one I called. I never got to say goodbye to him, because the moment the phone call ended, I ran, and I have never looked back.
Back then, Charlie was young, maybe early twenties and was just starting out his career. Now, he has grown more mature, and no longer looks like a young man, but instead, a strong, rugged, masculine one. His once short dark hair is now longer, sitting messily atop his head. His eyes are the same piercing blue, and now he has a beard that gives him an edge he never had before.
He's incredibly attractive, and by adding the fact that he is a police officer to the mix, I’m certain he has no problem when it comes to the ladies.
Once, what seems like forever ago, he was the only person in the world I could trust. He helped me out more times than I can count, when my mother would overdose or someone dangerous would come to my house. He was my saving grace, and a pang of guilt grips my chest knowing I never made contact again with him after I left. I owed him, at the very least, a goodbye.
Maybe a thank you.
“You’re all grown up now, Charlie,” I say, stepping toward him.
He wraps me in a familiar hug, only now he’s bigger, bulkier and stronger. His arms settle around me, and I rest my head on his chest, breathing him in. I don’t know where I’d be without him, and I’m certain I never would have gotten out of this town if it weren’t for the way he believed in me.
Stepping back, he looks down at me. “You look good, kid. Grown up. Strong.”
Calling me kid is wildly hilarious, considering he can’t be any more than ten or so years older than me. Still, in his eyes, I guess I’ll always be the girl he took care of when nobody else did.
“I’ve changed,” I say, smiling. “I have a daughter now.”
His brows shoot up. “No way?”
Pulling out my phone, I show him a picture of Skye. He stares down, then looks at me with pride and happiness in his expression. “Well, I’ll be damned. She’s perfect, kid. Do I dare ask what kind of man you are with? Do I need to come down there?”
Laughing, I tuck my phone away. “Well, you probably wouldn’t like him, but I promise he’s good to me.”
Narrowing his eyes, Charlie crosses his arms. “Go on.”
“He’s a ... uh ... biker.”
Charlie’s brows shoot up. “Tell me you’re joking?”
“I promise you he’s protected me in ways I can’t explain. He’s a good man.”
Even if we’re not talking right now.
Charlie purses his lips, but he doesn’t argue further. I know how cops feel about bikers, so there is probably very little I can do to change his mind on the matter. I’m best just letting it go.
“So that’s where you went when you left town without even saying goodbye?”
I hold his gaze, and something unspoken rushes between us.
I know that he knows I could have saved my mother but I chose not to. He must know. Yet he made sure it never came back to haunt me.
“You know I had to leave,” I whisper. “After what happened ...”
“Your mother died of an overdose; it wasn’t on you.”
There is something in his expression that tells me he knows, and he has chosen to let the world think there was nothing that could be done to save her. Deep down, we both know I could have called for help. I didn’t. I no longer carry the guilt of that, but I don’t think I’ll ever completely forgive myself.
I offer Charlie a smile that is so eternally grateful.
He gives it back.
“Tell me what you’re doing here, kid,” he says, pulling out a cigarette as we move off the sidewalk so a couple can walk by.
“That’ll kill you, you know.”
He grins. “Something’s gotta. Now, stop avoiding. You came back for a reason. What is it?”
Biting my lip, I contemplate if I’m making the right choice here. Cade is refusing to tell me a single thing about his sister, not even her name, but I have to know. I just have to know what went down, and if she’s okay. What if she’s out there somewhere, being held prisoner, and there isn’t a single person in the world fighting for her?
I know how that feels, and I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of this.
“The guy I’m with has a sister who got caught up in some things a while ago and he hasn’t heard from her since. I’m wanting to see if I can find her.”
Charlie narrows his eyes. “What kind of things did she get caught up in?”
I give him a weary smile. “Ah, well, bad things.”
“Addison ...”
I exhale. “Look, I know that the club does things that are illegal, I’m not stupid, but I just need your help with a name, maybe a location. Please, you’re the only one I can turn to.”
He inhales the cigarette, staring at me for a long moment. “I’ll help you, but if I find anything that could lead to danger, I won’t help anymore. Promise me you won’t get hurt if we go down this road.”
“I just want to know she’s okay.”
“And if she’s not—” he exhales “—then what?”
“Then that’s Cade’s problem.”
Charlie’s brows go up. “That his name? Cade?”
I nod.
“Stupid name.”
I laugh, stepping forward and hugging him again. “I missed you, Charlie.”
“Yeah, missed you too, kid.”
I never thought I’d be able to come back here and not feel some kind of pain, but I guess I’ve healed a little more than I realized. Falling in love and having a child will do that to you. I’m grateful for the club and everything they’ve taught me. I might be pissed that Cade kept this from me, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t the very reason I get out of bed each day.
Still, I’ll make him work for my forgiveness. The sex is way too good not to.
Charlie crushes out his cigarette. “Are you going to check out your old place while you’re here?”
My smile fades.
Now that is something I’m not sure I can handle.
Do I dare go back and see the place that shaped who I am?
Or do I leave it in the past where it belongs?
~*~*~*~*~
MEMORIES FLOOD MY MIND as I stare up at the home that caused so much trauma in my life. It’s still the same run-down, overgrown, horrible place, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed. The people walking these streets are just as damaged and broken as they were when I lived here. Women with sunken eyes, dazed stares, and breaking teeth. Men with gaunt faces, skin and bones, raging personalities.
It's the very meaning of toxic.
“Addison?”
The familiar voice has a pang of remembrance running up my spine as I slowly turn to face the one person I thought would save me from this world. Billy. I could say it’s my lucky day, running into all these people, but the resentment I hold for him is still swirling around in my stomach like a violent tornado. He promised me freedom, then he took off and never looked back.
Now here he is, standing on the sidewalk, looking exactly the same as he did all those years ago with his dark blue eyes, his wild blond hair, and crooked smile. His weak persona radiates off him, and it’s something I can see so very clearly now. It’s as if I never noticed it before, but now, it’s the only thing I notice. I was so certain he would be my knight in shining armor, but it turns out he simply didn’t have it in him.
“Billy,” I say, my voice low and somewhat unimpressed. “A face I never thought I’d see again.”
He takes a step forward, his eyes wide, as if he wants to stretch his hand out. He refrains, letting his arms dangle by his sides as he takes me in, eyes roaming my body, every inch of it.
“You ... you look different.”
“I got the hell out of here, got strong, no thanks to you.”
His face falls. “I have hoped every single day since I left that I’d get the chance to see you again, to tell you how sorry I am. Now you’re here, the words simply aren’t forming.”
“Let me make it easy for you, I forgive you. There, does that help?”
My sarcasm is strong, but it’s the only thing that covers my hurt.
His eyes soften, just a touch. “What I did to you was wrong on so many levels. I was young, but more than that, I didn’t understand. Your world scared me, and I didn’t know how to handle it.”
Ignoring his speech, I cross my arms. “Yet here you are, standing in this neighborhood like you own the place.”
“Well, I guess you could say I took an interest in all of this after you left. I came back for you, Addison, but you were gone.”
That hits me like a knife to the heart, an unexpected reaction. I figured Billy was long gone, and I assumed he never looked back, but here he is, telling me he came back for me. That’s something I never thought I’d hear.
“Too little too late,” I say, my voice low.
“You look good. It would seem you saved yourself. I always knew you would.”
I snort. “Oh, is that why you left? Figured I had it in me to do it on my own? Yeah, thanks for that.”
His face tightens, pain mostly. “No, I left because I was weak. When I came back, and you were gone, it really hit me. So many women are struggling, and nobody is helping them. I should have done more; I should have taken you away. All I could think about was when you asked me if I ever spent a night on the streets. I did, you know. I spent an entire week on these streets, and when I was done, something inside me was forever changed. I knew I had to do something, so I come down here every so often and I help someone. I offer them a safe home, I help them get clean and get a job, then I set them up with a new life. So far, I’ve helped six women and they’re all still doing well.”
I’m shocked, a little proud, and a whole lot hurt.
Partly because I wish he had done that for me.
“You help them?” I manage, my voice tight.
“Yeah,” he answers, “it’s the least I can do. I know it doesn’t matter to you, Addison, but I am sorry. I’ll forever regret leaving you.”
The lump that forms in my throat is too much for me to handle.
I shouldn’t have come here.
I should have left this in the past, where it belongs.
The trauma is too strong.
“I have to go,” I say, pressing a hand to my chest as I turn.
“Addi,” Billy calls, as I race across the street.
I don’t look back.
I can’t.
This is part of my life that I closed the door on long ago.
It needs to stay shut.