Chapter 4 #3
“Varenthrall came to her room and demanded she say goodbye to Alexander when he left. She didn’t want to go.”
I know the entire room is watching me, but I refuse to look away from Dax. If I thought my explanation might sway him, I was wrong.
“So, she’s friendly with Alexander. Close with a Severed.” He may sound calm, but I know him. I can see the calculation in his eyes.
“She was terrified,” I correct, leaning forward. “He had to drag her away with him. She didn’t want to go.”
I can still see the fear in her eyes. Can still sense her desire to tell her father ‘no,’ combined with the knowledge that she has no other choice but to obey him.
She’s afraid of her father. Afraid of Alexander. That, I know for certain.
Dax closes his laptop carefully and pushes it to the side. His movements are controlled. Focused. Only once he’s sure everything is in its proper place does he refocus on me.
“You saw all that, did you?”
“You know I did,” I snarl, seriously sick of whatever game this is.
“You were close enough to smell her suppressants. Close enough to hear a conversation between her and her father. Close enough to see that she was supposedly afraid. That’s awfully close for what amounted to nothing much more than a perimeter check.”
“Dax,” Vae’s eyes are full of concern, bouncing between the two of us anxiously. “What are you trying to say, man?”
“He’s not trying to say shit,” I snap. “He’s dancing around, refusing to get to the point.”
“You had your Bond locked down the entire mission,” Dax accuses, tilting his head to the side. “You rarely do that. Only during high-stakes missions. Certainly not during a perimeter recon.”
“I—”
“Now you’re defending some random Omega you’ve never even met, despite knowing jack shit about her. An Omega who has a personal relationship with a Severed. An Omega who—for all we know—is working with her father.”
“She’s not,” I slam my fist on the table so hard that Silas’s beer bottle tips over and rolls off the side, crashing onto the floor. The room is quiet aside from my angry breaths. I give up all pretense of playing it cool.
“I know what I saw. She was terrified of her father. Terrified of the prospect of facing the Severed.”
This is exactly why I didn’t fucking tell him about my reaction to her, and the more he pokes at me, the more confident I am that I made the right decision.
We may never be ready for a Fated Mate with the way Daxen feels about Omegas. I don’t know exactly what happened that turned him against them as a designation, but this shit isn’t healthy.
I realize at this exact moment that if I have to protect Idril from my pack… I’m going to. Right now, the thought of forcing her anywhere near a paranoid Daxen sounds like the worst possible decision if I want her to eventually agree to allow us to court her.
Holy fuck. When did I decide that courting her was a foregone conclusion?
“Alright,” Gav cuts in. “Explain to me why you think she’s working with her father, Daxen.”
The tension in the room is so thick I could bathe in it.
It’s not like Dax and I don’t butt heads.
We do. He’s stubborn to a fault, and his refusal to entertain anyone else’s opinion once he comes to his own conclusions has been the root of many fights over the centuries.
Most of the time, I back down after ensuring he understands my displeasure, if only to keep the peace.
There are times I know I have to fight with him, and times it’s better just to let him hold onto his beliefs.
This is not going to be one of the times I let him have his way. Hopefully, once he realizes I’m not backing down, he’ll take me seriously. He knows by now that I only fight for the things I genuinely believe in.
If not, then he’s about to find out that he isn’t the only one in this pack who can be stubborn as fuck.
“I heard the entire conversation,” Dax answers, eyes flicking between Gav and me. “I never once heard her tell her father she wouldn’t come with him. She asked him why, but there was no argument. If the girl were afraid, she’d have put up some kind of fight.”
“Oh, for fucks sake,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. “Is that your professional opinion, Doctor? I was unaware you decided to pursue a degree in psychology.”
Dax opens his mouth to respond, but I don’t let him. “No, seriously. It’s a very unique approach to deciphering the human psyche. I’m curious, is that how you plan on diagnosing all your patients? Base shit off of nothing more than a random twenty-second conversation you overhear by accident?”
Vae tries to cover his laugh with a cough, but Dax isn’t amused.
Good.
“Forgive me for assuming you’d want to stay away from someone working for the enemy,” he replies, glaring at me. “I must have underestimated how desperately you need to get laid.”
I see red. My fangs throb, and it takes every ounce of willpower I have to keep them from dropping and baring them at my brother in rage.
I settle for bending over the table and snarling in his face.
“You fucking—”
“Enough!” Gav’s shout is accompanied by the sound of his palms meeting wood and his chair flying across the floor before crashing into the wall. The anger and command in his tone slice through the tension, forcing us both to look away from each other.
“You,” He turns his glare on Dax, nostrils flaring in anger.
“Stand. Down. Stop trying to start a fight. Until we have solid proof that the female is involved, we treat her like any other unknown. It’s fine to be wary, but accusing her of her father’s crimes without anything to back it up isn’t how we do shit here. ”
Dax’s throat works. He looks like he just swallowed a lemon. “Yeah, alright.”
“I want you to focus on finding information about the structure at the back of his property. Look into the Omega as well. I doubt she’s in any actual danger if she’s lived there unscathed for that long, but do your due diligence just in case.”
Gav straightens and addresses the rest of us.
“Ford, go pack. You’ll leave for Chicago in the morning.
I want to know everything you find about the Omega, understood?
” He doesn’t wait for Ford’s acknowledgment before turning to Vae.
“You and Caelan keep assisting Dax with his searches. It’ll be best if we have multiple eyes on this.
Silas, pick another team tonight and join them on patrol.
We’ll reassess your assignments long-term once we find out how long Ford and Evander will be gone. ”
Silas clearly doesn’t like that idea, but he knows better than to argue with Gav a second time.
“Get yourselves ready and in the right headspace while you can,” Gav orders. He scrapes agitated fingers through his shoulder-length hair and sighs. “I have a feeling this is going to get worse before it gets better.”
No one speaks as the meeting disperses. It isn’t the first time shit’s got tense in this room, and it won’t be the last. Still, there’s something about this situation that makes everything feel so much more ominous than normal.
After the meeting, I make my way to my room to grab a shower before I’m forced to stare at screens for the next few hours. Dax falls into step beside me, but doesn’t speak. That’s fine. I don’t have shit to say to him right now, either.
My luck only lasts as long as it takes to get to my room. Placing my thumb on the fingerprint scanner to unlock the door, I’ve just started to think I’ll make it in without my packmate starting shit again when he opens his mouth and proves me wrong.
“I’m just trying to look out for you,” he mutters.
I freeze, one hand wrapped around the doorknob, and bite my bottom lip to keep from detonating.
Look out for the pack. Protect the pack.
Those are his excuses every time he lets it slip that his distrust of Omegas is more deep-seated than he’ll admit. It doesn’t matter how many times Vae and I ask him why he distrusts Omegas; his response never varies. He denies and deflects, ultimately refusing to give either of us a solid answer.
He swears our Fated Mate will be different when—and if—we meet her, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s true. I don’t dare hope that Idril is who we’ve been waiting for all these years, but if she is and he still can’t get over this mistrust… What then?
“Caelan.” I must be caught up in my thoughts for too long because his voice drips with irritation. “I said—”
“I heard you, Dax,” I interrupt, refusing to turn and face him. “I just don’t fucking believe you anymore. I don’t think it’s Vae or me you’re trying to protect.”
I glance over my shoulder, taking in the nearly imperceptible shock on his face. “I’m starting to think the only one you’re protecting is yourself.”
I don’t wait for a reply, stepping into my room and kicking the door shut behind me.
I barely remember stripping off my clothes and getting into the shower, but once I’m finally alone with nothing but the hot water falling around me, I allow myself to relax.
Placing my hand on my chest, I shut my eyes and concentrate, searching for my pack Bonds. It takes no time at all to find them—they’re both dark green, shimmering, and healthy, connecting my soul to my packmates’ souls.
I don’t waste my time examining them. They aren’t what I want to see right now. I just needed to find a starting point as a reference.
I search deeper, anticipating that I’ll need to really dig. I’m surprised when I almost immediately find what I’m looking for.
There, nestled against my Fated pack Bonds, is a shallow, shimmering pool of silver light. It isn’t a Bond thread, but it is something important. Something new and ancient all at once.
Not a Mate Bond, I don’t think, but… there.
Alive and undeniable.
I can’t see my Bonds the same way I can see things around me.
It’s more like… when I close my eyes and search for my Bonds, they formulate into impressions that my mind can understand.
I know it’s because our Bonds live somewhere deep inside of us, in that place where instinct and magic intertwine.
But if you asked me to explain how it’s possible, I couldn’t. Not even after all these centuries.
I just know I can see them. Feel them. Understand them in the way I understand my own heart.
And because this is something all beings of any species with a Bond have access to, we thankfully have prior knowledge of how the different Mate Bonds manifest. Scent Match Bonds are golden, Blood Mate Bonds are burgundy, Moon Mate Bonds for wolven are light blue, and pack Bonds—a Bond of brotherhood rather than romance—are green.
I rack my brain, trying to remember if I’ve ever heard of a Bond that’s silver. I’m sure I haven’t, and what’s even more unsettling is the fact that all the Bonds—pack and Mate alike—manifest as threads. No matter the Bond. No matter the species.
But whatever this is that’s nestled safely between my soul and my pack Bonds isn’t a thread.
It’s a pool of swirling silver starlight that laps gently against my hard edges and soothes them in a way I’ve never experienced in my long life.
It’s bright, beautiful, and… Old. Ancient.
It feels older than the magic running through my veins. Older than any ancient ritual my family has performed in the last thousand years.
Everything about this adds more questions to my already long list of them.
Fates, Dax will lose his shit if I tell him about this.
He’ll snap. Accuse Idril of doing something to me or performing some kind of magic.
I know it as sure as I know my own name.
After tonight, I’m more sure than ever that I’m making the right choice hiding what I feel for her—at least until I have more proof that she isn’t working with her father.
Once I have that, as well as some answers to whatever the hell this silver pool is, I’ll come clean.
I’ll be able to answer all Dax’s questions, assuage his paranoia, and then bring her into a situation that’s healthy and safe for her. Instead of one where she’s distrusted and treated warily.
I don’t want that for her. I want her to be safe.
I want her to be happy.
I can’t provide her that happiness and safety and acceptance until I get answers. Until then, I have to try not to hate myself for leaving her alone in that house. I already feel guilty as fuck for walking away, but if she is, for some unknowable reason, my Mate…
I don’t think that I’ll ever forgive myself.