Chapter 32
Idril
Iused to wake at the slightest sound. Always alert, always on edge. I learned early on how to sidestep my Father’s physical blows and how to swallow the rest of his abuse whole—even when it came right on the heels of waking up.
I probably have my mother to thank for that.
I used to see her as weak. I never hated her for it, but there was just no way for my child’s mind to understand how she could be so warm with me, but still let my father turn our home into a place full of darkness and pain, where I was always afraid of the monster lurking around every corner.
Now, I understand.
It’s easier to keep your mouth shut and let the anger wash over you than to open it and risk drowning in the pain. Safer to pretend it isn’t raining than acknowledge the storm and get hit by lightning.
In mere days, these Alphas taught me what took me years to understand at home.
‘Be quiet. Be calm. Don’t make him angry, Idril.’
‘Keep this between us girls, okay?’
‘Be brave, but don’t let him see your courage.’
‘Hide it, my love. Do you understand? You must hide everything.’
My mother’s words echo in my mind on repeat like a horrifying lullaby I can’t turn off. ‘You must hide everything, my love.’
I always knew my father was a monster, and I quickly learned that the Alphas here could be just as cruel.
Until last night. Until Caelan.
My Mate, who is in a coma and whose only concern was finding and saving me. The stubborn idiot who refuses to take down that barrier around our Bond and let me heal him. Who is still protecting me when the only thing functioning without the help of a machine is his mind.
Whatever happened yesterday, it resulted in my soul reaching out and latching on to Caelan’s.
It didn’t feel like a dream. There was no gauzy, half-real, fog-filled memory that falls apart at the edges and slips through your fingers when you wake. This had been solid. My body was in the attic, on the cold stone floor, while his was in the medical wing, in a medically induced sleep.
And somehow, impossibly, something pulled us together, and for a few glorious minutes, I hadn’t felt so alone.
Until Lenora woke me up with a suppressant shot to the arm—and wrenched me away from my mate.
I nearly tore her throat out; an act that was so out of character for me, I’m still replaying the whole interaction hours later, attempting to make sense of what happened.
I’d been in Caelan’s arms. Then I’d been in the attic, shooting up from my pallet so fast I nearly slammed my head into Lenora’s.
She’d been crouched over me with a syringe clutched in her hand. That, combined with the throbbing in my arm, made it obvious what she’d just done.
My pulse had been thundering in my veins, a snarl building in my throat. My mind couldn’t catch up to the anger racing through me, and something inside of me stretched far too thin—and snapped.
All I knew was anger.
How dare she? How fucking dare she tear me away from the first moment of peace I’d known in years?
I’d been shaking, my breath coming out in ragged pants.
“Why?” I demanded. “Why did you just do that?”
She’d blinked, and for half a second, had seemed confused. That confusion quickly turned to shock. That I would dare question her?
I suppose I had been a little shocked, too. Not because I questioned her, but because my first instinct had been to give in to my anger. To fight back.
Lenora isn’t an Alpha. There’s no threat of a bark she could use to subdue me. No weight of a command to force me to my knees.
I hadn’t felt small at that moment. I felt larger than her—even if it was only the size of my anger.
My fury rose too quickly to pull it back, and I hadn’t wanted to.
She’d just knelt there, crouched over my injured body with that blank look on her face, like she hadn’t just ripped me away from my mate.
There was something inside of me that had been caged for too long. It had been beating against my insides for months, years maybe, begging to be let out. As she’d stared at me with that emotionless mask, I’d felt it crack open, and I’d screamed.
“Tell me why!”
My hands slammed to the hard stone floor, and a snarl ripped up my throat. It was broken and raw and angry. My chest was heaving, my hair a tangled mess around my face, strands of it escaping my braid and getting caught in my mouth as I panted.
I’d been with Caelan. He’d been holding me, and I’d felt so free… so happy. I’d been safe.
I’d been safe.
And then I was yanked back… shoved back into my body with all the force of a toddler cramming a square block in a round peg. It had been disorienting and almost violent in its intensity.
I’d opened my eyes, and I’d been back here, in this godforsaken attic.
This cell.
And she didn’t even care.
I thought she’d yell back or scold me, but she’d simply risen from her crouch, smoothed her hands down her scrubs, and tilted her head to the side like an inquisitive bird.
“You know why, Omega,” she eventually replied. Perfectly calm. Not like when Vae or Daxen called me by my designation, and it sounded like a curse.
Lenora said it as though that was all I was. Just an Omega. Another worthless girl whose feelings didn’t really matter. A girl whose whole identity was wrapped up in her designation, and nothing else signified.
Except… wasn’t that what Daxen and Vaelenor did, too? That dismissive flick of the wrist. The way their eyes seemed to pass right over me like I wasn’t actually there. Just a ghost in their castle.
Her gaze had flicked down to my hands, still resting on the floor on either side of me.
She’d grabbed her things in silence, not bothering to wait for a reply, and left.
Once again, I’d been left all alone in this cold room.
Tired, hungry, in pain, and so mad I could almost feel the anger coming off me in waves.
I’d sat there staring at the wall, and before I knew it, the moon was high in the sky. I’d lost time again.
I’d lain back down, prodding at the injury under my shirt, shocked ash the way it seemed to have shrunk in size. It’d only been a few hours, yet it felt and looked like it’d been healing for days. There was still pain, but it was an echo of the agony I’d felt earlier. It didn’t make sense. Unless…
Unless when Caelan and I were together, the magic in our Bond had somehow healed me faster. And if it had worked that way on me…
Then maybe it had worked that way on Caelan as well. The thought had a fragile smile curling on my lips, and I closed my eyes. That time, I allowed myself to fall into a dreamless sleep willingly.
Now that I’m awake again, I keep hearing my mother’s voice. That persistent warning has somehow found its way into my mind, looping over and over. ‘Hide everything, Idril. Just between us girls, right, my love?’
I groan and roll onto my back, my hand pressing gently at my stomach. It’s still tender and pulls a bit when I move, but it feels like an injury that’s four or five days old.
Hide everything. ‘Don’t say a word, sweet girl.’
Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I look up, noticing the sun has recently risen over the hills. Standing hesitantly, I tip-toe across the stone floor toward the window, pressing my hands against the panes of cold glass.
It’s beautiful here. Past the training yard and the compound, there’s nothing but forest for miles. Beautiful green pines reach high as their branches sway in the soft wind. Eventually, the flat expanse of land ends, and the forest continues up hills so tall they could be mistaken for mountains.
I press my forehead against the cool window, watching my breath fog on the glass.
My feet are bare on the stone floor, and it’s so cold I can barely stand it most mornings.
Today, though, I don’t move. I just let myself feel the cold and the sun, remembering the way Caelan’s arms felt wrapped around me.
Just like the sun. Warm and safe.
As I turn away, something catches my eye—a flash of yellow in the brush. I squint, trying to make it out.
A large black cat slinks out from the hedge line and pads purposefully toward the house. The feline pauses, then takes one slow, purposeful step. Then another. His large body gracefully folds until he’s lying in the grass, crossing his front paws like a king on a throne. His eyes never leave mine.
I don’t realize I’ve placed my fingers back on the glass until they start to tremble. I don’t blink, afraid that if I do, the image will disappear.
It’s Shade.
I recognize the eyes. The shape of the head. The small grey mark on his forehead that resembles a crown—the only part of his fur that’s not a deep, rich black that swallows the shadows.
He’s… massive.
It’s like he’s tripled in size since I last saw him. Days ago? A week? How long have I been here?
He yawns, his long tongue unfolds between enormous pointed canines that glint in the morning sun—teeth that would give even a vampire pause.
How are they so big?
How is he so big?
Shade continues to stare up at my window, tail flicking lazily. I just watch him, a smile lighting my face, tears burning my eyes. A shocked laugh full of delight bubbles up—
And jump out of my skin when someone slams a fist on the door.
“Wake up and get downstairs, Omega! Dax needs you in the library!”
Cage. It’s always Cage. His voice grates on my nerves, which are already raw and exposed after being ripped away from Caelan.
My lower lip trembles, and I bite down to keep from tearing up. Cage slams his fist on the door again, louder and more insistent.
“Coming,” I don’t bother raising my voice. He’s a vampire, and as I recently learned, possesses heightened senses. He’ll hear me easily, even through the oak door.
Like he knows I’m being pulled away, Shade stands in a single, fluid motion and turns, stalking away to vanish into the forest.
A small, hopeful smile erases my frown. Even the thought of spending the day with Daxen can’t erase the joy I feel knowing Shade’s alright.
But…how did he find me?
Don’t say a word. Do you understand, daughter?