Chapter 14
Chapter
Fourteen
HASANNAH
H e didn’t break skin.
The darkness crawling behind his eyes, deepening his normally languid voice, warned that he could, that he was a breath from would.
I dug my fingers into his shoulders to brace, the muscles bunching under my touch with the energy it took him to hold back. The man holding me was a warrior, but not all battlefields involved blood and swords.
Andrei! I didn't speak the word aloud. I couldn't form the syllables in my throat.
I kicked myself mentally, knowing my mistake. First, challenging him when he’d been riding the edge of bloodlust. Then threatening to leave him—not physically, but details. A trigger was a trigger.
Then right as he was tipping the edge into a hunter’s aggression, pleading. Making myself prey.
“Anah,” he rasped, grinding his groin against me.
His teeth loosened, replaced by a long, sensual swipe of his tongue. Warm breath bathed my neck as if to soothe the hurt.
I won't hurt you, I promise.
As I stilled in shock because those words echoed in my mind, another, more distant sentence chased them.
At least not until you ask me. And then I’ll hurt you with pleasure so good that you'll scream and beg for me to leave you be.
Little did he know, I came with pain built in. What I needed was the opposite—someone who could work around it.
But the preliminary mistake tonight had been letting him taste me, stoking his lust without giving him any true relief in return.
I had to stop forgetting these people weren’t human.
Redirect.
I let my knees buckle, collapsing against his chest. “I feel dizzy,” I gasped, and it wasn’t even a lie.
Andrei swept me up into his arms, his energy changing. “ Anah. ”
“I didn’t eat anything yet. I forgot where I left my plate. I’ll be fine, I just need to recover.”
Maybe that was laying it on a little thick, but he bought it.
Andrei spun, holding me, and walked us deeper into the room, sinking onto a couch.
I shuddered, the nerves between my legs throbbing to the cadence of his voice as Cassanian words filtered into my mind.
He nuzzled the side of my neck and I angled my head as he pressed a line of sweet, hot kisses up to my jaw, to my chin and captured my bottom lip, sucking it between his own.
I shifted in his arms, straddling him, relieved his focus was now on kissing rather than biting.
When I pulled my mouth away because humans needed to breathe, he turned his attention to my ear, licking the rim.
“Let me mark you,” he said, cupping the back of my head.
“What does that mean, mark me?”
His lips curved, a deep swollen pink from our kisses. It didn't quite look like a smile, but I also couldn't quite accuse him of snarling at me either.
“I vote for the old-fashioned method,” he said.
“What does it entail?” I was learning my lesson about specifics.
“My scent,” he purred. “All over you, on your skin. Not in your hair, that would be a bit much for the venue.”
“You're not an animal, Andrei.” I paused, uncertain of the truth of that statement. “How are you supposed to scent mark me? The only method I know of involves puppies and trees.”
Holding my gaze, he covered one of my hands with his, and lowered it down his body, his muscles flexing wherever I touched him, down, until?—
He held my palm still over him, hovering but not touching.
“Touch me,” he said.
I nodded, and he lowered my hand to the hard length confined by his pants. Confined, but not concealed.
He leaned his head back, eyes closing as I caressed him over his clothing, watching his face to adjust the pressure.
Watching his face and experiencing my own increasing arousal as power flushed under his skin, a thin slit of faceted teal peeking from under his inky lashes.
His relaxed mouth was an untold temptation and I leaned forward, kissing him. Licking and nibbling the soft satin skin. He didn't move, pliant under me, allowing me to do as I wanted.
It struck me what he meant by marking me with his scent.
“Andrei. . .that’s savage.” I almost scrambled off his lap, but his arms tightened.
The High Lord lifted his head slowly. “I told you, you hadn't even begun to see the beginning of insane yet.” His voice sounded normal except for a slight rasp at the edges. “Give me something, Anah. Give me something or the next man who so much as looks at you, I’ll tear his head off his shoulders and drop it at your feet. We did that sort of thing in the ancient days.”
Please. They did that sort of thing now. Larry could attest to that. Or rather, he couldn’t.
I sat in the lap of an unabashed predator watching me with stillness that felt closer to a swarm of red ants crawling on my skin, waiting for me to decide what would happen tonight.
A little sex, or a lot of blood.
“I'm not letting you come all over me in some kind of Fae scent ritual,” I said. “What's the other option?”
Several options flitted behind his eyes as he lowered his gaze to my neck, then fluttered back up, a question there.
“I thought the whole vampire thing was a rumor.”
I didn’t know why I’d thought it was a rumor—hello, fangs. Not all the Fae had them, but I doubted the ones who did used them for decoration. Why waste a perfectly good natural weapon?
The corner of Andrei’s mouth curled.
It's a rare inherited trait. My bloodline traces back to a branch of a Juhainan branch. It’s been mostly bred out.
I had no idea what that meant. This time, my eyes were glued to his mouth and his lips didn't move at all, but I heard him. I took a deep breath, warning myself not to panic. Now was the wrong time for panic.
“Is telepathy a part of this bonding process?”
For some. I'm a Sahakian-Casakraine. It's almost guaranteed in my bloodline. His hand, still cupping the back of my head, smoothed my hair. There's nothing to fear. Mostly.
“I'm not afraid. This is all new, that's all.”
The fierce, hungry look in his eyes gentled. “I know it is, my Anah.”
I cleared my throat. “So you want to bite me.”
“Oh, I want to do so much more than bite you. But a little bitty bite will do for now.”
Nói d?i. Little bitty, my— “I don't understand how that's supposed to be a mark. Other than the bruising.”
“My reputation somewhat precedes me. It’s known I wouldn't do it without your consent. For you to consent is a statement that you're willingly mine and I don’t have to use force to subdue you.”
That sound like a lot of fancy fast talk to convince me to let him bite me. “You keep wrapping us in these bindings and there are things you need to know that would change everything. When you do know—” I shook my head. “You’re leaving yourself no way out other than. . .my death.”
“Hasannah. I have lived for almost five hundred years. There is no hurdle you could throw at me that I couldn’t overcome.”
“Some things aren’t meant to be overcome. Some things have to be endured.”
“Then I’ll endure them with you, cygnet.” His fingers caressed my face. “Nothing but time and actions will prove it, but for now you still have my words.”
The arm around my waist shifted, and he slipped his hand under the low hem of my dress, the other tilting my head to the side. I didn’t resist.
I should tell him now. Tell him that sexual intimacy would always be difficult/intermittent at best, nonexistent at worst. Start the Phases and get this over with.
Which ones had we passed already?
Oh, yes.
Phase One: He Shows Sympathy and Understanding. √
Phase Two: He Insists He Is Not Like All the Others. √
Phase Three: (Bargaining) He Insists More Sex Makes Everything Better or It Can’t Hurt That Bad, You Must Be Exaggerating.
AKA: Gaslighting √√
To be fair, Andrei hadn’t dived into the dark second half of Three yet. He still mostly hovered between One and Two. But my Phases had yet to fail me.
“Anah?” His lips grazed my neck the same time his fingers grazed my clit.
No. I didn’t want to speed the Phases along. Mostly because this time I might be trapped in them rather than walking out.
Seven wasn’t an option, so Four through Six would be hell.
He suckled at my neck, teeth grazing my skin as his fingers worked to bring me to a peak.
I grabbed the back of his neck, holding on, my hips undulating against his fingers as I gasped, breath coming faster and faster, my vision going dark as I closed my eyes.
My hitching moans filled the air, Andrei's deep throated sound of contented encouragement vibrating against my skin.
As my body fell over the edge, sharp teeth pierced my neck, his mouth pulling at me, the sensation hypnotic, a shimmering heat from where his mouth suckled weaving down to join where his fingers continued to work me to a frenzied peak.
Someone moaned, and I collapsed in his arm, nothing left in me to hold myself up.
Andrei continued to pleasure me, continued to suckle at my neck, his body tensing against me, the sounds he made no longer contented but primal.
He pinched my clit just as his teeth dug deeper, and I fainted.
I roused moments later, more than a little flustered.
I'd fainted.
I'd fainted like some ebook heroine who'd been overwhelmed by pleasure.
Nha ??u ng?c.
Andrei attempted to appear concerned. . .if a smug, self-satisfied masculine grin meant concern.
Until I wiped the grin off his face, pushing out of his arms and to my feet. “I need a few moments to compose myself, Andrei.”
Today he’d made me come more times than I had fingers to count. I’d experienced pleasure without pain, and he hadn’t insisted on reciprocation. This was upending every pattern I counted on in order to see bad things coming, and I needed to rebalance.
He was High Fae, not a human man. The Phases were starting out so much better, but would end so much worse. But maybe, maybe I could. . .trust him? Maybe this wouldn’t end badly? He couldn’t lie, which meant he believed all the baloney he’d been telling me. But men always believed their own lies. That was part of Phase One and Two also.
“You're crazier than an Old One on a bender if you think I'm leaving you alone in here,” Andrei said, voice flat as he also stood, crossing his arms over his chest.
I wanted to know what an Old One and their version of a bender was.
“I need to catch my breath, Andrei, and when you're near me my lungs give up and run for the hills.”
The struggle on his face was plain. The man in him was pleased by the compliment, but the responsible mate still didn't want to leave me behind.
“Mathen will be watching, correct?”
His mouth thinned, then he sighed. “All right. A few minutes. But if it's longer than ten, I’m going to come look for you. Mathen will be right outside.”
“No one is going to get to me in a closed room.”
His eyes darkened. “You sweet faeling. I bet if I offered you a treat, you’d crawl into my carriage, wouldn’t you?”
“Well, Andrei, it depends on the treat. I only trick for the good stuff.”
His jaw ticked as he glared. “Ten minutes.” He spun on his heels and strode to the door, yanked it open then slammed it shut. A little childish, but all right.
My smile faded once he left, and I sat hard on the chair. I needed to do more than catch my breath, but if he'd understood how shaken I felt, he never would have left me.
Touching the throbbing bite on my neck gingerly, I sighed. I was going to have to ice it and apply plenty of foundation to conceal the bruising tomorrow. I was still hazy on the logic that led to the bite, but he’d been talking fast and distracting me with his pretty face. Maybe I should have gone for the less temporary, but messier, option.
I needed more than ten minutes.
Everything that had happened—were we only two hours into the evening?—hit me.
I’d never felt the temptation to hyperventilate before, but one homicidal High Lord, another stalky kind of Lord, a full blown lifetime committed relationship that sprang on me five days ago. . .and the showcase coming up.
Was I supposed to deal with all of this calmly? In ten minutes? Return to the party to mingle and network and show myself off?
No.
I stood and left the room, turning to walk away from the party. Walking away. I was good at that.
“Lady.”
Right on cue.
I turned to face Mathen and focused. My mother had always told me to be careful with my full-watt smile, and my mermaid voice. Rarely did I use the combo because more often than not it blew up in my face.
I used it now. “Mathen,” I said, widening my eyes and giving him my full powered smile, lowering my voice to a persuasive croon. “I need a few minutes alone. It’s safe. I’m just going to walk around the block and get some air.”
The pressure in my chest attested to the desperate need for said air. I wasn’t a child, I shouldn’t have to ask permission.
Permission to walk. Walk. Needed to walk away. I needed to escape the bars of the cage slowly closing shut around me.
Mathen stilled, gaze trained on my face. Then he shook himself, resisting. “Lady?—”
Tough one, huh? “Please.” Down another octave, smooth out any tremble in the intonation. “I’ll be right back. The District is safe and well lit. I need this for my peace of mind.”
He retreated, shaking his head again. “Lord Andreien?—”
“Would want me to be happy and well, and I need some time alone.”
I’d walk around the block in blessed solitude, then return having soaked up the fresh evening air and cleared my head of Fae male pheromones.
“ Please, Mathen.”
He nodded slowly and, holding his gaze, I stepped back then turned and walked down the hall. I found the kitchen, and a side exit and walked into the night, a gentle fog glimmering under the magic-steam powered lamps.
Quiet.
No Fae presence pressing against me.
Walking, I breathed in the night air, not thinking, just relaxing.
It had been long enough since I’d had to walk away that I’d almost forgotten how hard it was to take that first step, the one that always felt like life was over if I left that man. And how easy it was to take the fifth, sixth, seventh. . .until I was free, and realized my attachment had been another desperate illusion.
The last time, I’d finally learned my lesson. That whatever I needed to fill the hole inside me, I needed to come up with on my own. I’d be happier alone than with a string of men who used me for their purposes and gave nothing in return.
I exhaled, and smiled.
I didn’t want to go back into Andrei’s golden cage tonight.
No one could make me. Not even pain was my master.
Not even a High Fae Lord.