Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
H e tossed me on my front on the bed, pressing my body into the mattress as he draped over me, grinding his erection into the crease of my bottom.
I rested my forehead against the comforter while he nipped at my neck and shoulders, whispering in my ear,
“Would you cry no if I spread your legs and sank into you right now?”
I whimpered, arching the small of my back to rub against him, the sane part of my mind clucking its tongue because we knew we needed to put the brakes on and have The Discussion.
But let me have this fantasy for a few more minutes.
He hummed, lips satin on my cheek when I turned my head. “No, you wouldn’t. But I have the incompetence of other men to atone for. I should thank them. . .a night in my bed and I’ll have you bathing my feet with those pretty crocodile’s tears.”
When I stiffened, he chuckled.
Andrei turned me onto my back, stripping me of shirt and soaked panties. “You've had my fingers tonight, so I think for our next course—or mine, rather—I’ll plunge my tongue so deep in your pussy you’ll taste yourself for the next week when I kiss you.”
He straddled me, sliding his hands up my torso to cup my breasts, his over-bright eyes trained on my face.
“Or do you want me to fuck your mouth first? A dancer needs nutrients, Anah. Fae come is rich in trace minerals.”
Did he really say that?
My cheeks burned, my entire face. I suspected the more I blushed, the filthier he’d get. I suspected this wasn’t a fraction of the dirt that could spill out of his mouth.
“I hope you don’t kiss your sister with those lips,” I muttered.
His eyes lit with glee. “Why, Anah, what a wicked imagination you have. But no, I wouldn't kiss my sister where I kiss you .”
I choked. He didn’t miss a beat, not one.
Andrei laughed again, an electric sound winding around my spine as I watched the man whose good side I’d thought of as even-tempered, courteous, gentle and solicitous unravel.
Peel away the civilized outer wrapping to reveal the dark, pulsing core of a creature made to sink its talons into my soul and rip out the guts of every hidden desire, every twisted fantasy, every gray and rotten part of my personality I tried to banish to the recesses of my mind.
My selfishness. My willingness to shuck away everything, and everyone, to go after what I wanted. My blithe callousness toward feelings and requests I didn’t understand or thought shouldn’t apply.
My ability to lie. Repeatedly, seamlessly, without guilt or hesitation. My avoidance, which I dubbed introversion or an unwillingness to escalate conflict, was another symptom of my selfishness.
It was easier to ignore people, then toss them away if they tried to make me feel, or do, or think outside myself.
Andrei’s eyes bored into me as he pinned my wrists over my head.
“You can’t escape me, Hasannah,” he said with the a voice of a demon who’d crawled out from under my bed. “I know every part of you.”
My body trembled.
“The first step to power is to know yourself. Every foul and defiled corner of your mind and heart. Every greedy intention and wicked deed. You must uncover it all, or it can be used against you. But Anah. . .I would love you still. Your gray will never match my dark.”
He paused.
“And your light. . .your light will illuminate us all and keep the worst of the shadows at bay.”
“I can’t—Andrei, I’m just me. I can’t?—”
He lowered himself over me again. “You can. You will.”
His kiss was leisurely this time, coaxing my body to return to heat and need. When I relaxed beneath him he released my mouth, sliding down my body leaving a destruction of kisses and caresses in his wake, tasting skin and biting hard enough into flesh to leave temporary marks.
By the time he reached my thighs, they’d fallen wide open, awaiting him.
He took his time there too, with tongue and devastating touch, bringing me to peak after peak until every bone in my body forgot its purpose.
But when his cock nudged my entrance, I froze.
“Wait!” I slapped my hands on his chest. “Wait. Let me.”
Andrei stilled. I slid a hand down his body and grasped his cock.
“Let me control the entry,” I said. Missionary position wasn’t the best way to go, but. . .
He brushed his lips on my cheek. “We need to have that talk, Anah.”
“Let’s not ruin the mood.”
He huffed a breath of laughter, eyes on mine as I loosened my grip, lifting my hips just enough for a slow, incremental entry.
My body was relaxed, I wanted him. I hadn’t needed to stop to hunt down lubricant. Everything was as optimal as I could have asked for.
Andrei brushed his lips over mine, sliding in another centimeter. “Are you good?”
I nodded. He kissed me again and again, whispering in my ear as he responded to my cues to either stop, or to continue.
And when he slid home, stretching me wide, the discomfort was. . .manageable. Maybe even a value of normal considering his width and the length of time since my last lover.
I exhaled, releasing him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He hadn’t moved yet, simply rested inside me, seemingly content to join our bodies and. . .be.
“Thank you,” I said.
The expression in his eyes gentled. “I should be thanking you. For trusting me.” Another kiss. “Tell me what you want.”
In response, I curled my legs around his waist. “It’s better if you don’t withdraw all the way then shove back in. Shallow is best.”
It was difficult to speak matter-of-factly, rather than letting past bitterness and defensiveness creep into my tone. I forced my shoulders to relax.
Andrei watched me, eyes never leaving my face. “Hmm. Like this?”
I closed my eyes, gasping as he followed my guide, adjusting when I flinched or relaxed.
“I’d do anything to earn this peace, to take those shadows from your eyes,” he murmured in my ear, his hips setting an easy, liquid rhythm. His skin hot, his words scorching. “To have you come apart in my arms. To stop you from fearing what my body can give.”
“ Andrei. ”
I arched, taking him deeper, noting with distant relief that no matter how. . .well. . .I responded, he didn’t take that as implicit permission to start pounding away like a jackhammer.
He put fingers on my clit, adding stimulation.
“Shatter for me, darling,” he crooned. “I can make you come whether I give you slow and sweet, or fast and rough. And if you can’t take my cock, I’ll give you my tongue.”
Pressure built, my body writhing underneath him, having shoved my bruised mind to the side.
“And if you can’t take my tongue, then I’ll sate myself with your sweet kisses, Anah. Whatever you choose to give. Whatever you choose to receive.”
The dominance he exerted was subtle, a craftily fluctuating dance of mind and body. The deft speed and skill he used to manipulate my emotions and physical response should worry me, but intent mattered. For now. I’d remember though, to not forget that the man invading and taking over my life, for all his outward appearance of boyish charm and warm concern. . .was still a High Fae Lord. Still five centuries old, and would only strengthen with time.
He swelled inside until he locked, merged deep, and all I cared about was him; feeling him, holding him, tasting him. Never losing him.
I shattered, pain a distant twinge I brushed aside, cocooned in the heat of his body, the balm of his comfort.
The bud of hope I’d nursed deep inside unfurling, forming a tiny shoot. Maybe, maybe I could let the Phases go.
His mind thrust into mine, his body releasing a flood of seed after my orgasm triggered the relaxing of his knot—something else they’d left out of orientation.
Maybe I didn’t have to figure out how to walk away.
“Anah, my Anah,” Andrei breathed in my ear as he surged inside me. “I will never let you go. The continent will break in two before my love will wane, before my need is sated.”
Teeth sank into my neck as heat slammed into me, and I screamed.
I woke cradled in Andrei’s arms, rocking. “Anah. Darling, say something.”
The relentlessly level tone brought me back to myself. I blinked away fog, and with it euphoria that had shielded me from the low-level ache of my body. My breasts, my skin, my neck. Between my legs.
Everything hurt.
But it was good sex hurt.
For once. My mind felt as if it was wrapped in a warm, weighted comforter, shielding me from the ugly reality of what I’d endured tonight. I'd pay for the avoidance later.
“Something,” I croaked.
The rocking paused.
“You’re yourself.”
“Did I faint from orgasming?”
Another pause. “I’d like to claim that, and it was, in fact, the root cause. Which if you think about it, should please you.” I focused on his face, the thin line between his brows he smoothed as soon as he caught me noticing. “But I lost control. Somewhat.”
“What happened?”
“My. . .power tried to merge with yours.”
“I don’t have power.”
“We’ll address your power and its misuse soon.”
Boy, would I avoid that conversation. All nonverbal cues announced it would be an unpleasant address.
I tried to wriggle out of his arms. “I know about affinities, Andrei, and that other thing. . .ugh, I forgot.”
“Skills. The wild magic.”
“Yes, that. I don’t have any of that.”
Andrei carried me to the bathroom and set me on the toilet. “Relieve yourself. I’ll run us a hot bath.” He paused. “Is there anything you need for aftercare? We still haven’t had that discussion.”
“How much are you picking up from my mind?”
“Enough not to make a big enough mistake to send you howling into the forest.” His lips twisted wryly. “But I’ll need to know what we’re dealing with, Anah.”
“I know.” I smiled at him, then eyed the tub. “Why is your tub big enough for at least three?—”
Right. I could guess what it was big enough for, and my guess was probably several orgies short of the truth.
“And no particular aftercare,” I added. “I’m on meds and they control the worst of my symptoms. I should have taken a pain reliever first, though.”
Andrei, crouched at the sunken edge, messing with levers, glanced over his shoulder and smirked. “My cock isn’t a pain reliever?”
I rolled my eyes. “How can you be your age and have a twenty-something frat boy’s jokes?”
“I try to keep abreast of mortal humor so I can seem approachable.”
“The sad thing is, you actually believe that.”
He rose, unfurling those long, lean, exquisitely honed muscles and walked toward me. Or pranced, because he was showing off, his gait a little too graceful, a little too slinking. . .for a bathroom.
“You do realize I’m a dancer and there’s very little body language that escapes me. You’re so vain, Andrei. And so very satisfied with yourself.”
My bonded stretched in front of me to make my point. “You love my body. And yes, I’m very satisfied. One hand isn’t enough fingers to count how many times I brought you to your pleasure.”
To bring him back down to earth, I finished peeing. Loudly.
“Uh-huh. But you’re how many years old? Skill in the bed is a matter of course by now.”
Some of his smugness faded. “I’m not quite five hundred.”
“Why are you so fresty about your age?”
He narrowed his eyes, then steered me towards the bath and helped me in though I was neither ill nor decrepit.
“Most women prefer older lovers,” he said, a little stiff as he settled down and pulled me onto his lap. “But I assure you?—”
“Andrei. Please. This is a you issue.” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “You’re worried I think you’re too young for me? Okay, Edward.”
“Why are you calling me by another man’s name?”
“It’s a pop culture reference. You know what, never mind. I’ll have Theland hunt down the books.” I settled against him, closing my eyes. Andrei’s hands began to drift around to my core and I slapped them under the water. “No. I’m sore. I have to rehearse in the—in a few hours. Leave me alone.”
He obeyed, but his sigh drifted through the room.
When finally he pulled us out of the bath, drying me off because I was sleepy enough to forget drying and go straight to bed, he bundled me into his arms and his bed, pulling me back against his chest and draping a hard thigh across my legs.
“Anah?”
Half asleep, I made a noise.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
That woke me up enough to focus. I knew that tone. “What do you mean?”
He waited, saying nothing else, and I buried my face in the pillow, not wanting to have this conversation. But. . .not as afraid of it as I’d been before. “You want to have The Discussion.”
Andrei caressed my hip. “I hear capitals in your words. Don’t lie to me, darling. I feel your sorrow, your discontent. Not from tonight, but undergirding any thoughts you have of sex.” He paused. “You climaxed. I would have known that if you hadn’t.”
“It hurt a little. It usually does.” I blew out a breath. “It’s me, not you. My body. . .”
His fingers dug gently into my hip. “Your body is perfect. And if you need more foreplay to ready yourself, then we’ll work on it. It’s not uncommon with lovers under a great deal of pressure.”
I pursed my lips. “Phase One: Show Sympathy and Understanding.”
He paused, then rolled me onto my back so he could stare down at my face. “Excuse me?”
“They start out kind and reassuring until they realize how much work I am, and start taking it personally. Which is about when the verbal abuse or silent treatment or cheating or plain sexual callousness begins. . .and then when I walk away.”
Andrei’s eyes narrowed.
“I have a condition that makes sex and menstrual cycles very painful. I use birth control to control the symptoms, but it isn’t a panacea. Sex will always be difficult for me, and it has nothing to do with your. . .prowess.”
“The condition?”
Hesitating again, I finally said, “Endometriosis. It’s a mild case, but. . .” I blew out a breath. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not your problem. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”
I could endure some pain and discomfort, especially if I occasionally came to a peak. That had never happened before.
Steel entered his voice. “Your health isn’t my problem? If I wasn’t aware of how much damage I need to undo from the ones who came before me, I’d be insulted.”
“Please don’t do this, Andrei.”
He sat up, dragging me onto his lap. I closed my eyes, heart sinking. Forcing myself to relax, to trust him. Even if he was displaying classic Phase One signs.
“Don’t concern myself with my bonded’s health and pleasure? I’m not one of your former mortal lovers.”
Oh, boy.
Phase Two: Insist You Are Not Like All the Others.
I opened my eyes, placing my hand on his chest. “Yes. It doesn’t matter how good you are, my body is always going to experience resistance. I don’t want you to get hung up on it. What you did tonight was perfect. You followed my lead. It doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that.”
We’d save the low libido days discussion for waaay later.
“And if I get hung up on it?” he asked.
“I’ll leave you.”
He chuckled. “You can’t leave me, you know that’s an empty threat. What do you really fear will happen?”
I extricated myself from his arms and leaned back on the headboard. “You want to have this conversation, we’ll have this conversation. What happens the day I can’t have or don’t want sex? Can’t climax? Because it’s coming.”
Andrei lifted a skeptical brow, lips quirking, but he managed to behave his age. It was probably hard.
I waited until he sobered, then said, “Especially since you claim you won’t let me return to Earth realm. How am I supposed to get my medication? Without it I’ll suffer.”
All traces of juvenile humor vanquished. The High Lord watched me now. “If our healers can’t help you, then we’ll make arrangements for you to return to Earth for treatment as needed. Accompanied.”
I stared at his chin and crossed my arms over my chest. “Be that as it may, I’ll tell you how this will go. You’ll take my low libido, my pain, personally. Especially—” I waved a hand up and down his body “—being you. And when I can have sex if my body just doesn’t respond even after you spend plenty of time stimulating me, then I’ll have to tiptoe around your bad mood. Be extra affectionate and pretend like nothing is wrong and I’m normal—or not normal, depending on the best way to spin it—and you’re the manliest man in the world. . .when I should be thinking about my job, and my health, not worrying about your sense of inadequacy.”
“Are you done?”
I nodded, blinking back tears.
“I will never,” he said gently, “blame you for either my failings, or for the particular care your body requires. I’m not a boy who needs to be cosseted. If your lovers abused you, it was their failing, not yours. We will define what mutual pleasure and intimacy means for us.”
I still refused to look at him. “You say all the pretty words now.” I sighed, and gave up. I had to pick a side. Trust him, or don’t. Middle ground only led to drama. “I believe you.”
Andrei leaned forward and kissed my nose. “No, you don’t. That’s fine, darling. It will take time, and I’m up to the challenge of proving myself.” His mouth drifted across my cheek. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me your concerns. Now rest.”