Chapter Twenty Three #2
Brit clung to me, even whooping in delight at one point.
A voice nagged in the back of my head, forcing me to stay steady and careful.
I wanted to open my baby up, to push her so that I could push myself.
On her, I felt powerful again. My leg, although throbbing slightly, was holding up okay and that gave me the boost I needed.
“Faster!” Brit shouted, clearly enjoying her first taste of freedom.
I kept forgetting that she hadn't seen any of the world, hadn't experienced much. She was like a newborn baby, seeing everything with innocent new eyes. And that's why the need to protect her was so fucking strong.
Listening to her plea, I pulled on the accelerator and overtook a car, swerving around the bend as if I had no care in the world. It was exhilarating, for about one minute.
Her leg pressed against me and I glanced down to see her jeans. She wasn't fucking safe and I was risking her life.
Slowing, I indicated, turning onto a road that led to Moth's favorite place. The bridge. Once there, I pulled up onto the side, turning off the engine and waiting for the rumble to die away.
“See that bridge?” I said to her.
She hummed a reply, climbing off so I could get off behind her. I didn't say anything as I pulled my helmet off and balanced it on the seat of the bike. Brit put hers on the handlebar, smiling at me ecstatically.
“That was so much fun.” She put her hands in her jeans pocket, her face beaming all smiley and shit.
It cracked me, seeing the joy that I'd given her. Just a little though.
“Brit,” I said, closing my eyes briefly, only to see the happiness wash from her face when I opened them again. “Please, come over here.”
We walked to the bridge, looking through the metal railings to the train tracks below. It was a huge drop and the trees that rose up on either side were still shorter than us.
“As you know,” I started, keeping my gaze staring down. “We lost our brother, Jack, when we were thirteen. Alia was involved in starting the fire that trapped him-”
“What?” Brit's eyes widened and a hand came over her mouth. “It was Alia?”
Waving a hand in dismissal, I gripped the metal railings with one hand, trying to remember what my Moth’s twin had looked like.
We'd been friends our whole lives due to Chad’s cult, but when our parents had decided to move to the compound, we'd all run away together, determined not to be trapped there.
We'd never agreed with his teachings, even as young children.
And to survive on our own for two years, at the age of eleven, we'd grown even closer.
We were family. Losing Wasp had been like losing an arm.
“Moth has forgiven her, so we've had to accept that. It was a stupid accident.”
I glanced at Brit, who sobered, holding onto the metal railings near my hand as she faced me. “You were talking about Jack. Go on.”
My eyes traced over her, down her beautiful face, over her sexy body and landing on the ground at her feet… which many men would worship. Shit, I wanted to worship her, deep down. I couldn't be that vulnerable with her though, there was too much at stake.
“We made a pact to avenge Wasp.” I looked away from her, turning to lean against the bridge. “To kill everyone who had harmed us, and then, to join Wasp once it was done.”
Her gasp was expected. I refrained from looking in her direction, too wired to analyze the look in her eyes. Was she shocked? Horrified? Heartbroken, even?
“You're all going to kill yourselves?” she said, her voice high-pitched. “Does Alia know her boyfriend is going to die?”
I glanced at her then, almost smiling to myself when she put her hands on her hips. The defiance in her stance amused me. She wasn't any of the things I thought she'd be, she was fucked off.
“Alia knows.” Shrugging, I smirked. “I think the sex is just too good to worry about it.”
She slapped my arm furiously. “How can you be so flippant? How old are you, thirteen still?”
The darkness spread in my chest and I turned to face her, grabbing the tops of her arms harshly.
“You have no fucking idea what it was like for us. You might have been brainwashed growing up, but you were also protected. You were naive and had no idea of what we had to witness or experience, both on the compound and out of it. We’re so fucked up, we can't hold down regular jobs or have friends.
There's no chance of a normal relationship or kids for any of us.
The darkness eats at us because we were forced to watch your father do what he did.
Then we killed an innocent person for defying The Reason, despite hating the fucking place ourselves.
We're selfish hypocrites who have killed several people since leaving the place that destroyed us, to rid the earth of their evil.
You should run away, Brit. I don't deserve…”
“Deserve what?” she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper.
Her eyes were filled with tears. I pushed away the instinct that tried to claw its way up.
I shouldn't want to ease her sadness or her fear.
The protective streak in me had grown since knowing her in captivity.
The woman had kidnapped me, taken me away from my family and given me to her father.
I should hate her. I should despise her and want to slice her throat open.
Except, it was a pretty throat. One that looked good with my fingers wrapped around it.
Stepping forward, I played out my fantasy, putting my hand around her neck. She gasped as I turned her and pushed her against the brick bridge and the railings that topped it.
“Please stop looking at me as if I'm worthy of your…”
“Love?” She choked out.
My cock hardened and I leaned in close, inhaling her clean scent. My chest contracted and my breath caught in my throat.
“It's just infatuation,” I pushed out. “You don't know what love is.”
“Do you?” she retorted, squeaking when I pushed my palm onto her windpipe.
Her labored breathing fired me up and I adjusted myself with my spare hand. Her eyes glanced down from where she was trapped, her tongue flicking out to wet her dry lips. Just the movement boiled my blood and I stepped back, releasing the pressure on her throat.
“I don't know how to love.” I clenched my jaw tight. “And I don't want to hurt you, you know that.”
“How can you hurt me?” Her voice was small. “All you do is protect me.”
“Because if you love me,” I said my voice tight, “I can't love you back. I'm not capable.”
The tears that had been hovering started to fall and she reached up to grip my wrist. “I'm sorry, Fly, but I think it's too late. I fell for you the moment you refused to rape me at my father's demand. You are the strongest, most powerful, man I have ever known and I'm doomed.”
“Doomed?” I barked, wishing I had melted wax in my ear to unhear what she'd just told me.
“I love you, Fly,” she said, her sob catching in her throat. “And no matter where I go after this has ended, it won't change. So, you have a choice…”
She paused but I didn't say anything, too engrossed in my swirling emotions.
My body wanted to burrow inside her, to wrap her up and protect her at all costs.
My arms wanted to fend off anyone who wanted to hurt her.
My heart. My heart pleaded to push her away, to stay safe from losing someone it loved. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Releasing her throat, I dropped my head, pushing it into her chest. She clasped me to her as I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding tight. I couldn't find it in me to hurt her, to reject her, when deep down, I felt the same fucking way.
And yet the words wouldn't come. She didn't care, she was resting her head on mine, quietly crying. Her tears dropped onto my hair and I swallowed down the fear that erupted, urging me to push her away. No. I would stay for her, I would risk everything for her… even my heart.